Friday, June 5


7:39pm Friday   I’m in Lewistown watching my grandsons. The three year old is pretty difficult. I’m exhausted. I have the puppy with me, trying desperately to continue her potty training. It’s hard with the kids, in strange surroundings for the puppy. I forgot to bring her bells she rings when she needs to go out. My daughter Sarah talked to her dads oncologist regarding his biopsy report and prognosis. It’s bad and very grave. His colon cancer has spread to the adrenal glands, lungs and other places. My sons, who work the farm, have been at bitter odds for some time which makes the situation much much worse. Sarah is trying to take care of her dad. He’s very sick and weak. He’s going to get worse quickly. My oldest daughter has been struggling for months. I think a lot of it is her marriage. I’m picking up her girls, my granddaughters, tomorrow and taking them home with me for a week so she can go to Evansville with her husband where he’s working a construction job. It’s a very difficult time for my family. Some of this stuff I can’t talk to my husband about. He tends to be too gruff and inflexible. Life  isn’t a straight line, plainly black and white, right or wrong. Shit happens. Sometimes really bad shit happens... My heart has so many many strings attached to it. Sarah has been sobbing a few times today. I am trying SO HARD to help but still feel helpless. 

Im still really sore from working in the garden. I feel as if I’ve been beaten with hammers. I took a shower but it didnt help. 

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