3-2

It’s late afternoon. I just took the dog for another walk. I have low energy from all this coughing and my nose running.

I got my video made and sent off to the employer. I haven’t heard anything yet. I’m staying positive. At least I’m blessed to be alive. I’m blessed in so many ways. 

Saturday at sunrise

Good morning. I’ve been awake for around an hour. I’ve read the morning papers, emails and social media feeds. I’ve saved a couple goji berry recipes to try and I’m finishing my coffee. Last night was a really good long sleep. I went to bed early. Yesterday I worked out in the pool and then in the evening used my exercise ball for a long time. This morning my muscles are reminding me they weren’t used to working like that. 

This morning later I’m meeting a retired teacher friend for breakfast. We haven’t met to talk since November so there’ll be some good catching up. After that I have to walk my dog then go to the gym to work out. I have a new book I’ve started and I have music practice to do. Tomorrow we’re going to Aiden’s second birthday party in the afternoon so that should be nice. 

I need to get going and tidy up around here, get dressed and take Bitzi out to pee. She’s curled up next to me on the couch keeping me warm and seems content for now. I love the snowy views out the windows. I love when things get magically coated with white, especially the trees. There is something noble about winer to me. 

Yesterday in the pool I briefly floated on my back looking up at the skylights and it was wonderful and spiritual and I felt blessed to be alive. I had the tingly spiritual experience and a warm light washed over me. I hadn’t been to the pool in many weeks. I need to go more frequently. Obviously it has some intense recharging effect on me. Just keep swimming…

Last night I went to bed early because I was mad at Mike and thought he was being a mean grouch ass. It does me no good to try to challenge him or reason with him. He is always right. He always ping pongs my words back at me. The best strategy is always just to go silent and remove myself from the situation. I know he’s dealing with a lot with his mothers cancer now being untreatable. I get it. But I will not be talked to like that by anyone for any reason. What you allow will continue. Silence is often the best response. Silence says so much more than words most times. 

A new start

It’s a typical January day. We were coming home a while ago and the snow was coming down so hard we could barely see in front of us. We went to the lodge here  at Sun City earlier. I had intended to work out on the fitness machines but there was a whole bunch of people in there and the machines I had intended to use were already taken so I worked out in the pool then I went in the hot tub and sauna with Mike. It was nice. I haven’t been working out in the pool the last couple months ( due to rehab) and I can really feel it in my muscles now. I have to be dedicated to working out daily now that rehab is over. It’s a new start for my health.

I just played my clarinet for a bit but I’m really tired so didn’t play very long. In a little while I’ll start cooking dinner. I just ate a handful of walnuts to curb my hunger. I had a little bit of oatmeal for breakfast. I finally got Mike to agree to go on another cruise so we’re going next year in May. It’s a long way away but hopefully by then we’ll both be healthier and he’ll be over his germ phobia. He’s always afraid I’m going to catch something. I’m going to start subbing again next Monday now that rehab is over. Mike is nervous about that too- me being exposed to school germs again. I’m not subbing younger than 4th grade and no special ed- too much hands on with those kids. There’s so much going on from now until the end of May that I had to double check the dates before I accepted jobs. It’s good to be busy physically, cognitively, socially.

I may go downstate  to see and visit with an old friend next week - who I haven’t seen in years. I hope it works out. It will be kind of surreal and weird after all this time. We shall see. It’s good to reconnect. I tend to be very sensitive and emotional. I get drippy about things that most people don’t. 

6:56

The Sun is coming up. The quiet pastel display out of the front window is beautiful and awe inspiring. I love my mornings alone to read the newspapers on my iPad and sip my coffee. 

I have to go get dressed and take Bitzi out to pee in a few minutes. Mike is still sleeping. He had a rough day yesterday with his mother’s latest test results. He’s dreading talking to her about it, talking with his siblings about it, talking with his mom and her oncologist tomorrow. It’s a difficult situation. I’ll just try to be as helpful and supportive as I can.

6:34am

I’m sipping my coffee in the partial dark sitting on the couch in the living room. Mike and I both slept out here in recliners last night. I was coughing and draining really bad Saturday night and barely got any sleep. Mike has Covid and has bad coughing attacks too. Somehow my Covid tests have been negative. I have to go to another cardiac rehab session in a little over an hour. I have all this week and four days next week and then I’m done. I have to call and schedule an echocardiogram today to see if my heart squeezing capacity has improved. It was lowered due to my heart attack in September and I’m hoping it has recovered and improved. Fingers crossed. 

My little grandson Oliver ( 18 months old) is sick with a bad ear infection. Poor little kid. He’s on medicine now and I sure hope it clears him up quick and he feels better. It’s so hard on everyone in the house when a little one is sick. One of my other grandsons, Waylon, is twelve today. It’s crazy how these kids are growing so fast. At times it seems a little surreal that we have twelve grandchildren. Wait- how can I possibly be this old? How did this happen in the blink of an eye? 

Mike is sleeping siting up at the end of the couch. I can hear his relaxed breathing sounds and very faint snoring. The dog is sitting on my lap. I just fed her when I made my coffee. Her stomach is making loud squishy gurgling sounds. I’ll take her out to pee in a while before I leave for rehab. There are a couple patients a rehab who are younger than me. There is another woman but mos are older men. There are also pulmonary rehab patients there on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Those patients have portable oxygen tanks they pull around with them to the exercise machines. There are a couple twig people who are frighteningly emancipated who can only exercise for 8 minutes at a time and have to stop and check their blood sugars. I am certainly not the most I’ll person there. It’s been a learning, growing, useful experience, for sure. I’m going to actually miss it when I’m done and will have to continue the daily workouts on my own. That will be the challenge to keep it up. 

My resolution for the year is to be more positive in all things with all people. I have this snarky negative cynical critical defensive troll inside my brain that causes me anxiety and prevents me from finding joy. I’m trying to allow my positive self to simply step in front of her and quiet her down. I am moving toward being a more positive and confident woman - but not one of those dreadfully pushy broads that drive me crazy. I want to never stop improving and learning and trying. If you do you just dry up and die.

Gotta go. More later. 

Oneseventwentythree

The morning is a typical cloudy cold January day. I just opened all the window shades the reveal the bleak, milky sky. It’s the lack of Sun that gets me the most from January through March. I can take the cold and snow but I need sunshine. Mike and I are both sick although I’m at the end of my cold and he’s at the beginning. Both of us have sore noses and chapped faces from blowing our noses and wiping them so much. We both managed to get some sleep last night. We stayed up last night watching the clown show of electing a speaker of the house. When I finally went to bed they finally voted for the fifteenth time and elected Trump puppet McCarthy. I’m so disheartened at all the crazies in this world but then I guess I’m one too. It’s all a matter of your opinion and perspective.