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Showing posts with label 2020. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2020. Show all posts

Friday, September 18

Take it to the limit

I’ve made it to Friday without too much trouble. It’s noticeably chilly today and there’s a frost warning for tonight. I sprayed all my potted plants outside that I want to bring inside and washed off all my little folding patio tables with the hose and all the plant bottom trays and let them dry and then I brought them all inside. Two were beastly heavy. I set the tables up by my bedroom windows and put most of the plants in there. The biggest crazy heavy tree is still sitting in the kitchen by the sliding door. At least I got it in the door and on a rug so it’s slightly easier to move.i was puffing and panting so badly after that. Earlier this morning I took Bitzi on a nice long brisk walk. 

I just drug the big heavy tree pot into the living room by the window. I’m exhausted and panting like I just gave birth. 

Friday, August 28


10:20 am. It’s Friday but no days seem like the day they are anymore. It’s weird but I’ve heard other people say that too. Things are different now. I went for a nice bike ride a while ago and went across the way to Wildflower Lake and rode through the parking lot. I’m not sure if bikes are allowed on the path that goes around the lake, I know golf carts and walkers are allowed. I then rode up past the main Prairieview Lodge and then back home. It was a long way for me just starting to ride a bike again. My bike doesn’t have any gears to shift to make the few small inclines easier.  After I got home I cooled off a bit and then took Bitzi for a walk up to the top of the hill at the park across the street. I’m still sweating but it’s a cool slow sweat now.  I hate when I have the big sweat going and my face sweats. I hate that!  It’s really thick and muggy out there lately. When we moved Mike gave his nice 10-speed bike to his son Casey. I wish he still had it so he could ride with me. Of course he’d be going a lot faster than me with the two very different bikes. Maybe he can borrow the bike back from Casey and if he likes riding can buy a new one.

Right now I’m waiting for a guy from TRS to call me back. I’ve received my last school pay check and now I want to know when my pension stuff kicks in. I’ve called TRS several times in the last few weeks and gotten random rude hags who tried to rush me and cut me off and we condescending. I don’t know whether they have a shitty work condition or what but I’ve gotten some real bitches lately. I just want a few important questions answered by somebody who in polite and knows what the hell they’re talking about. I don’t think that’s too much to ask, is it?

Mike has always wanted to handle the money and pay the bills. That has been fine for him to do that. Of course for almost 20 years I had $600 a month taken out of my paycheck and put in my own private account. I just needed to do that after what I’d been through in my first marriage. About a year ago I finally started having my full check amount deposited into our joint checking account. That was a HUGE deal to the other day Mike got a call from the Nicor gas company saying we hadn’t paid out bill in 18 months and they were shutting our gas service off on August 31. We ALWAYS pay out bills in advance ALWAYS so that seemed completely ridiculous. Still, I couldn’t recall seeing that bill come in the mail. I guess I figured he was paying it online. He looked through all our records, bank statements, credit card statements and found nothing. After  about 9 calls with Nicor we finally found that when we moved and called them to change the address they had written down the wrong address and had been sending the bill somewhere else for 18 months since we moved. But Mike, who pays the bills, never realized we weren’t getting the Nicor bill and we weren’t paying it. So there was a late penalty tacked on but he argued with them and got them to take it off plus a reduction for the mistake. So we just paid $700+ for 18 months of unpaid gas bills...........crazy shit........

It looks sunny outside now. It was overcast to the west and thunderstorms are predicted for late afternoon and evening. I may go to the outdoor pool later if the weather holds out. I really like my water exercise. I’ve been feeling a little drain-y in my sinuses the last couple days and wheezing a bit. Last night I was coughing a bunch at bedtime so I took a Benadryl but I woke up twice coughing with the drainage. I sleep on a wedge pillow for that draining problem but last night it wasn’t helping much. I’m sure it’s the pollen in the air-probably ragweed. I get this every year about this time. I don’t test as allergic to anything but I sure am sensitive at certain times of the year.

So we’re going to the resort in Lake Geneva Monday through Thursday next week. Annette, Mike’s mom, has offered to take care of Bitzi. I think it will be good for her , considering she just had to put down her own little dog last week. I’m sure she and Bitzi will have fun, plus it will save us some money. Mike gives Annette money all the time anyway. He paid her vet bill last week to have her dog put to sleep, a memory paw print plaque and her ashes in a urn........We spent almost a thousand dollars on his nephews wedding with the shower and wedding gift. Seems extravagant to me. My family are so much simpler folks. Oh well......and now Mike is freaking out to me to find out when my pension money will start......I know it will get here. He just frantically ordered me this morning to call and find out exact facts. Whatever.......

I finished the last episode of my rewatching of Hulu’s The Handmaid’s Tale last night. June IS Badass. I love rewatching old favorite movies and series. I’ve rewatched the Sopranos and VEEP and Deadwood many, many times. 

Next week on Saturday I’m going to my daughter Sarah’s in Lewistown and watching the boys. whe I go home I’ll stop in Peoria and see my sister Vicki. I may just come back home on Sunday or stay a day or two depending on how it goes. I should go see my other kids, other sister and some friends too while I’m down there. 

Monday, August 17


I’m drinking my second cup of coffee for the morning. I’ve taken Bitzi out once. I’ve done a few household chores, ate some Raisin Bran, threatened to discipline Mike for his harsh smart-ass comments - a typical day. Now he’s back in his hole starting to work. He has Zoom meetings to attend today and all sorts of BS. I am way past sick of this whole pandemic business. I wish it were over. I wish it was safe. I wish it could go back to the way it was. It will never be the same again.

I’m signed up for Music & Moves class at 11 and light yoga at 12, both at the pavilion. I’m not feeling it this morning but intend to go. I’m sure it will get better as I get started. It’s a nice calm sunny day. I need to move my body as much as I can. I need to quit eating Klondike bars. I’ve had some reconsidering thoughts about the old friends. Maybe I’ll reach out but let them know how I feel. People aren’t mind readers and I will say that over the years I’ve always had a crazy amount of super busy and drama going on in my life. I can’t deny that fact. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to reach out. AGAIN......

We have tentatively decided to have a neighborhood block party in late September or early October. Not as hot or as many bugs out then.  People usually bring their own lawn chairs and drinks and set up on peoples’ driveways in Sun City. I’ll have beverages and snacks on hand.

My grandsons start in-person school in Lewistown today. My granddaughters in Canton start e-learning school Wednesday. It’s kind of weird to not be going back but I am not regretful at all. I believe my former colleagues have a whole week this week of e-learning training in preparation for the 8/24 student start. I thank my lucky stars I am not in that mess.

Once again I’m typing on my janky keyboard with the little piece of nano tape stuck to the back of my iPad to keep it from slipping off the holder that doesn’t fit. I’m more used to the key action now at least. It works . No sense in buying a new one. I’ve pretty much stopped looking for jobs. I’m gong to wait until after my retirement checks and lump sum payment and new insurance and all the jazz is done to see how things actually shake out. I may not need or want a job. I have plenty to do. Also whenever Sun City really opens up there are lots of clubs, activities, classes and trips to take advantage of that I couldn’t do when I was working. I have a friend who works from home doing medical coding but I’d have to have training to do that. Or transcription work but that mostly takes training classes too.

I’d like a job petting animals or tending plants and flowers. I don’t have any people beating my door down to hire me for those things. I’m just going to be me and freestyle it for a while.

The lady who came to look at our kitchen cabinets about painting them still hasn’t gotten back to us with an estimate. I like to just get shit done. I hate the dicking around waiting bullshit. With anything anytime. I hate it. If she doesn’t get back with us this week screw her we’ll get somebody else. There are a whole lot of things I want to get done and Mike always wants to be late and drag his feet and take forever on everything anyway. I need my cabinets painted, new hardware and under cabinet lighting installed, the new pantry cabinet, new sink and countertop, the flooring, the tv mounted and hardware installed in the old pantry. I need shit to start moving. I am not always a patient person. I agreed to this house that Mike wanted and loved with the stipulation we would redo the kitchen. The kitchen is old and dated and depressing to me. I hate it. It embarrasses me. I want it frickin fixed and I’m tired of waiting. I hate the cabinets, I hate the flooring, I hate the counters and the sink, the dim lighting.BUT IT IS FUNCTIONAL.  I’ll just make do until I can do better. I am grateful and have more than I deserve. I don’t mean to sound like a greedy ungrateful bitch. I forget myself sometimes. I do have my dreams though..........

I still haven’t done my digging and transplanting. I’ll have to look at the weather forecast and see if there’s a cooler day after it rains. That would be ideal, otherwise I’ll just do it. I have a couple bushes to dig up and move and a bunch of perennials to move, fertilize and water the hell out of. I guess there’s no time like the present . I’ll get it done this week, I promise. I also have to rip out all the garden stuff and throw in the compost barrel to clean it up so they can till it under this fall. I’ll have to make a list so I don’t leave anything off. That should keep me moving and out of trouble.

I’m trying not to read the news as much -too disturbing with all the rising Covid-19 numbers and all the racial and political furor. I am going to watch some of the Democratic convention tonight. I believe next week is the Republican convention. Gotta watch some of both of those.

I’m continuing to have some diverticulitis swelling, warmth and mild pain in my lower left abdomen. It has never been acute, just annoying and bothersome. I know if I eat popcorn and junk food it’s worse and I’ve eaten that this past week. My left knee is still not right but not acute. I haven’t been wearing my knee brace for a few weeks now but it still reminds me every day to be careful. I have some lower back funk and my left wrist has something wrong. All signs of aging. All signs of the high miles that are on this old jalopy. I’ll just keep doing the best I can with what I have. 

Bitzi is staring a hole through me from her kitchen pen so that must mean she needs to go out. 

2:14 I’m home again. At the first exercise/dance class this morning I got overheated and started feeling pukey and my knee was hurting bad and snapping so I left and came home. I’m aggravated with myself. Such a puss to whimp out on a dumb class. I skipped the yoga class too. I like the pool exercise better and I can do my own stretches at home.I just took a typing test for an online transcription job for the hell of it. It was not good. This keyboard doesn’t help, but to be honest I’m just not that good even if it was a great keyboard. I am rusty. Oh well. I suck.......

I cooked a few chicken breast pieces that were in the freezer with garlic, pepper, red pepper flakes and sesame oil. I’ll dice that up and add it to the pho noodles for dinner.Use it up. I spent so much money on groceries and eating out when the kids were here and trying to use things up that we have at home.

It looks a bit overcast but I don’t think it’s supposed to rain. I think my best bet weather-wise for the digging and transplanting is Wednesday. It’s supposed to be cooler. I’ll water extra good tomorrow night to make the digging easier. 

Little Arlo who is three started going to preschool today so he feels like a big boy like his brothers. They’re all three so cute. 
Mike was just out here in the kitchen. He has a zoom meeting now and went back to his office hole. I’m taking Bitzi out again and also to get the mail.

Bitzi still doesn’t get freedom to roam the entire house. I let her have “free time” in the house several times a day but we watch her. She is not allowed to go in the bedrooms by herself and isn’t supposed to be on the living room carpet although that’s where she heads every time we look the other way. She is still a mischievous puppy who is looking for stuff to attack and chew up.

3:28 I just gave Bitzi a bath in the utility sink and now she’s zooming through the house like a jackrabbit.

Thursday, August 13

The last rose of summer

I really love listening to nature and bird sounds. I’m sitting at the kitchen table typing away on my less than spectacular iPad Bluetooth keyboard. It’s getting a little better. I put a little piece of nano tape on the back of the iPad to keep it in place in the holder propping it up to the keyboard. As I mentioned yesterday it didn't’fit right when I bought it. It’s obviously made for a wider device but it works so we make do with what we’ve got. Whatever.

I took Bitzi for a walk up the hill at the park across the street. She absolutely loves going for walks and smelling all the smells and meeting people and dogs. At five months she still gets way too excited when we meet someone and want to go batshit crazy and jump on them. We’re working on her staying calm and minding her manners.

Before the park I ran over to the Aldi store (conveniently only a mile from my house) because we were out of milk. I also got some salad stuff and coffee. I try to be quick. Mask up, in and out. I prefer Aldi because it’s small compared to the other stores. There’s a SuperWalmart on the other side of Rt 47 from Aldi and that probably only a mile and a half or two from my house. There are lots of things close by for convenience. Huntley is a smallish town (compared to other Chicago suburbs) and our community, Sun City, is a subset within Huntley. We have about 10,000 residents in Sun City, all over 55 years of age. 

I need to wash the kitchen floor as there seems to be something sticky over by the sink. I also need to pull nails out of the walls in the spare bedroom and do some digging and transplanting outside. I’ll need to take Bitzi on a couple more walks today. I took some leftover pasta and sauce from the freezer to thaw for dinner. Last night I doctored up frozen pizzas and we watched Castaway with Tom Hanks and Helen Hunt. I forgot that I don’t like the way they ended it. Really great special effects during the plane wreck though. Tonight we’re going to rewatch The Irishman. I got bored and fell asleep the first time a couple years ago. I resubscribed to Hulu to rewatch The Handmaid’s Tale. I’ll probably cancel when I’m done unless the new season drops. I’m also waiting for the new season of Harlots and on Amazon Prime The Amazing Mrs. Maizel.

Mike’s  newspaper company recently had several people accept the buyout offer, a few were just laid off and some of the remaining staff had to be reassigned. There were several very unhappy people but I believe that’s kind of settled down now and today they’re having a company-wide Zoom meeting to big farewell to those leaving and thank them for their service and to thank those taking job reassignments. Mike is supposed to speak at the beginning to salute one of his former reporters who is going. He’s been going over his speech and bouncing ideas off me. 
His paper sold their big corporate headquarters building in Arlington Heights a couple years ago and then rented two floors in a nearby office building to save money. Now after months of everybody working remotely they’re realizing they don’t even need that so are going to sublease it and move any needed office space at all into spare rooms on their big print facility building on the Elgin-OHare expressway. The individual  bureau buildings in Elgin, St. Charles, Aurora, etc...were closed several years ago. The company continues to downscale and condense operations as the world and media coverage changes. They still have a brisk online newspaper presence but the print newspaper produc is dwindling fast. The world is always changing and your have to adapt or die. Simple. 

There is a sweet sadness in seeing my last roses of the season knowing they’re in for a winter’s sleep and hoping they survive to bloom next spring. I have a pink knockout rose blooming now on the south side of the house and two pink tea roses on the north side and three red knockout rose bushes blooming but dropping petals and fading. Last winter I covered the roses up really well so they all survived.

11:43. I took Bitzi out for another walk and then brought her inside and let her have some free time running around in the house before she went back in her portable pen in the kitchen to start eating her egg. She gets free time a few times a day but only while we’re watching her. There have been a couple pees and one poop on rugs or a carpet. That was a few weeks back but we still are not giving her free run of the house. I have a couple belts on a strap hanging from the back door to ring when I take her out. I did have her pen over by the door with the bells but then she was bumping in to them and ringing them all the time. Hopefully once she earns free run of the house she’ll know to ring the bells to go outside to do her business. That is my hope. She may be old enough next month and come in heat. I’ll have to get some little doggie diapers I guess. The vet said she shouldn’t be spayed until she’s at least a year old or 18 months or older if I decide to breed her. I’m not sure yet. If I breed her I’m considering another ShihTzus or a toy poodle but it needs to be no bigger than 10 pounds. I don’t want any chance of complications giving birth. These dogs typically only have three pups per littler. I’m sure if she did have some I’d just want to keep them all.

I’m not getting my to-do list done. It’s getting kind of hot and humid outside which is why I’m not out there digging and transplanting. I should have done it this morning but I was feeling kind of dizzy and foggy the first hour after I got up. I stayed up later than normal last night watching the end of The Firm and then Castaway with Mike and then an episode of The Profit and then I went to bed but watched 2 episodes of the the Handmaid’s Tale before falling asleep and then I woke up for a while after Mike came to bed after having taken Bitzi not sure how much sleep I actually got.

I’m okay that Biden chose Kamala Harris for his running mate.I liked her during the primaries in the beginning until she got nasty with Joe and that soured me on her. Hopefully they can make a winning team. I just wish it was all over, he won and it was February already and the pandemic was over. Normally I hate February and all those weeks of dreary overcast bullshit. I guess we’ll have to wait another year or two to be snowbirds since Mike is still working. He has a bunch of accrued vacation time but cannot ever spare the time to take off.......because they have SO FEW people now.

Yes I should be doing something more productive right now but I’m not feeling like it. Is this what retirement feels like?  I don’t want to wither away and curl up in a dusty ball and not do anything. I guess I’m now in my introductory / exploratory phase of retirement. I shouldn’t feel guilty.

Lola and Milo stayed at their grandpa’s house ( my ex) and were riding the horse following the donkey this morning and were going to the sale barn with him this afternoon. The girls said he’s doing better and feeling stronger and eating again. I saw him last week when he and Sarah met me in Mendota to drop off Oscar so he could come stay for a couple days with the other kids. I hadn’t seen my ex in at least a year and half and he was huge then. the other day he look gaunt and had flesh hanging from his face. I guess the colon cancer was so far progressed and he wasn’t eating and lost a ton of weight fast. When he was doing bad I know it was hard on my younger daughter because she lives in Lewistown closer to him and was taking care of him. He’s a very demanding, nit picky narcissist and now all four of my kids realize how he is. I guess it’s better for Sarah now as he’s able to take care of more of his needs. He obviously feels good enough to have the kids stay there.



After lunch I started getting sick at my stomach. I felt hot and broke into a sweat but didn't have a fever. I threw up several times until empty, waited a bit, took an alka seltzer, fell asleep in bed for a while. Feeling better now. I don't know what hit me. When I got up I had a couple of swigs of Diet Pepsi and took the dog out and picked a last of the season bouquet. The flowers are all getting dried out & crunchy. No transplanting flower roots for me today. Maybe tomorrow.

Saturday, August 8

I have become comfortably numb

8:39am I’ve been up for a couple hours. I’m waiting for the UPS store and Kohl’s to open so I can take in some Amazon returns. I started feeling a little creepy with a sore throat last night. I gargled with salt water, flushed my sinuses and took a Benadryl. I slept pretty well but I still feel a bit of a sore throat and a little feverish but my temperature is normal.

2:36pm we went to a couple stores to return a few of my Amazon things and came back home and cleaned up some kid messes and put bedding away and ran the vacuum.
Our next door neighbor, John, is 100 years old today and some of the neighbors put together a parade for him and some military guys came dressed in uniforms and gave him military salutes and medals. I took a bunch of pictures and Mike is getting a story in tomorrow’s paper ( I’ll get credit for photos!). At five the neighbors on the other side of John and his wife Fran, Steve & Marcia are holding a birthday party on their driveway so I’m taking down my rolling Bluetooth speak and have created a playlist of 40s and 50s and military music for the party. I have a big insulated thermos I filled with ice and sugar-free lemonade & vodka to take. I’m already buzzed from tasting it while I was mixing it up.

Thursday, July 9

The heat is on

I haven’t really posted or written much in a while. I want to say there’s been too much going on but I’m not sure that is quite accurate. I haven’t been sure what to say. Through this whole pandemic clusterf*ck I feel like I’ve been under water holding my breath waiting for it to be over so I could come to the surface sunlight and all would be well. The boogie man would be gone. Donald Trump would be gone. The corona virus would be gone. The political unrest would be gone. Cancer would be gone.

But no.

 Here I am and the shit’s still the same. You can’t be too tired. You can’t deny it or ignore it. You can assume somebody else is going to fix it. You have to take a deep breath, pull up yer britches and keep trudging on through the everyday muck and bile of living in this world. You have to pause and revel in the few and far between sweet spots but don’t ever let yourself expect the sweet spots or take them for granted. Oh no. Because karma is always watching your ungrateful ass and will jump up and kick you in the teeth when you least expect it. 

Be constantly grateful  for every sunrise, every rain drop, every morsel of food. Tomorrow it could all be gone.

This is for you.

Saturday, July 4

Independence Day

5:30am Saturday, July 4

Mike just left to play an early golf game with a couple friends. They went last week and are trying to make this a weekly early morning thing.I woke up soon after he got out of bed. This morning I’m going to take the dog out for a walk, go out to the garden to water and come home and watch Hamilton on my iPad on Disney +. Mike doesn’t care for musicals so it’s better for me to watch it without him. He mostly likes to watch cop, detective shows, the food network and Shark Tank. We both like Jeopardy and Real Time with Bill Maher and Anderson Cooper 360.Ive been doing a lot of gardening and my flower beds we created last summer are starting to fill in and look more mature. It takes a lot of watering, weeding, fertilizing, deadheading and transplanting but I get such joy and satisfaction from it. I love picking bouquets from my own garden to give as gifts. 
I’m drinking my first coffee now. Bitzi is still sleeping in her crate and the blinds are drawn. All is quiet aside from gentle bird noises outside. I love the stillness and soft glow of mornings. The news reports are saying the COVID-19 virus numbers are rapidly rising again. It’s seems that this awful plague will never end. 

I have volunteered to be one of three reps from my Sun City neighborhood (#3). I’ve talked to the two outgoing lady reps about it. Mostly my rep slot would include setting up two yearly parties / get together events. It doesn’t seem that it would be difficult, so I said I’d do it. I thought it would be a good way to get more involved in my neighborhood and meet more wouldn’t officially start until October. 

I’m trying to protect myself from getting too overwhelmed and freaked out by life these days. I’m watching less news and unfollowing unfriending people and groups on social media. I don’t want to hear / see / read a bunch of negative ridiculous conservative pro- trump swill. I’m just so tired of it. I’m now living in this 55+ community and there are lots of older ignorant brainless conservative pro-Trump stick up their asses types around here. I have to tread lightly and be good at changing the subject quickly. The zombies walk among us! 

Tuesday, June 30

Goodbye, June

I’ve been up since around 2am. For some reason I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. I’m sure I’ll hate myself later and need a nap. I’m in a weird frame of mind lately. There’s so much going on and so much to process. Things are starting to open up now and we need to still remain careful and safe. The virus isn’t over yet but a lot of people are acting like it’s gone. 
Mike got up to go to the bathroom a couple hours ago and was stunned to see me out here drinking coffee before sunrise. He’s back in bed asleep now. I fell asleep on the couch pretty early last night and stumbled to bed around nine. 

I hear a train whistle in the distance and birds singing in back of our yard through the screen door. It rained and stormed quite a bit last night. The grass is pretty wet this morning. I’m having my third cup of coffee. Lately I’ve only been having one or two. The puppy is sitting on my lap and her stomach keeps making squishy gurgling noises. I sure hope she doesn’t have an upset stomach. She never seems to want to eat in the morning and feeds later in the day. 

I’ve been kind of looking for a new job but kind of not. I’m not sure. I think I’ll put that off for another month or ten. I just feel kind of empty right now, like I don’t have the motivation for anything new. I need to float in a sensory deprivation pool. I’m kind of hurting but not sure why. Weird.

Thursday, June 25

Chewing the bone

6:48 am The puppy is fourteen weeks old now and consumed with chewing. She pulled the bath towel off the top of her crate that we use to cover it at night. Now she’s in delight chewing and tugging the thick towel. She has a rawhide teething ring and several other things to chew on but she wants to always find something new to chew on. She doesn’t really like to eat when she first gets up. The vet still thinks she’s too skinny. I just gave her a chopped up hard boiled egg in her dry food.

I need to go out to the garden and use the hoe to weed more and plant two cucumber plants and an eggplant. The longer I wait the hotter it gets. I’m lazy....

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