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Showing posts with label Doom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Doom. Show all posts

Thursday, August 20

How do you keep going?

We are all just on our path of life. There will be obstacles along the way. Some of many, many big obstacles. Some have them more frequently than others. You can’t get too set on your path at a certain pace or intensity because sure enough something will come along and you’re going to have to jump, dodge, weave, duck down or stop for a while until it passes. That’s how life is. The better you get used to that the better able you’ll be. Some are really good at anticipating obstacles before they occur. That is ideal.But they are going to come, often at the most unexpected times.

I feel like I’m currently in a pretty good place on my path. I’ve been through many major shit storms though and I never forget it. I’m always on the lookout for the next tiger or monster or tidal wave or shit storm. Just figure they’re going to come. Try to put on the best helmet you can and hunker down. Walk cautiously but joyfully along your path. Oh and try not to be oblivious and fall down any holes or trip over a thorny log either.


Mike just left to play golf. I need to get a wedding card and some coleslaw today. I bought some babyback ribs and put rub on them last night and they’ve been marinating. I’m going to char them on the grill and then shove them in the oven to cook low and slow to tenderize them. I’m hoping they turn out good. I don’t have much experience in cooking ribs. We both like a more vinegar-y sauce. Mike’s favorite is Open Pit.

This morning I took Bitzi out for her walk and then I watered all my flowers outside and my new plantings from yesterday. I ordered two double knockout pink rose bushes so they’ll go in front as well. My goal is for the front flowerbed to eventually be gorgeous.

Arlo, my three year old grandson started preschool on Monday in the same school building where his older brothers go but after a couple days of his crying and screaming my daughter Sarah decided to just give up and wait until next fall. It’s normal for a kid his age. He’s really still in the terrible 2’s. He is pretty clingy to his mama and I can see her wanting for him to go for a couple hours and play with other kids and get used to it. But it was not meant to be. Usually Arlo wants to be like his older brothers and tries to be a big boy but not in this situation.

I have a bunch of aloe Vera plants on the back patio but they had been too near other plants that I needed to water so evidently they have been getting too much water or mist and looked pretty sickly and brown so I moved them to a couple small tables in full sun a couple days ago and already they’re starting to turn more green and plump up. I just hate when I kill a plant. They’re like my babies. I should repot one or two today.

In the past couple years I’ve gotten a lot more freckle-y on my arms and legs for some reason. I’m not thrilled but it is what it is. 

I’d better take Bitzi outside again and get on with my day.

More later. 

Thursday, April 30

Frogs in the distance

10:58am  I’ve been up since 6. I went for a long walk clear down Oak Grove to Cold Springs drive and back on the other side of the street then walked the winding path up the hill in the park across the street from our house. It was chilly, windy and damp out and I had the hood up on my hoodie and tied close around my face so the wind was tolerable. I didn’t see anyone at all out except for at the end when I was going up the steep incline of the hill this jock guy whizzed past me speed walking and then passed me again as he was coming back down. The path makes a loop at the top and there’s a nice sitting bench on the top, in the middle and at the bottom. Moving here to this house with a much smaller yard I’m glad for the park with all the beautiful mature oak trees, flowers and benches right across the street. I call it “goat mountain” and secretly consider it mine. I like to perch at the top on the bench looking down at my kingdom. I chuckle to myself every time I’m up there thinking that. Hey, whatever floats your boat. 

 ike had me cut his hair with his beard trimmer this morning. There isn’t much there to trim but the cuttings did make a little mess on his bathroom sink counter. He used to have thick bushy black hair. Now the hair he does have is mostly gray. I’ve encouraged him to shave it off for a long time but he won’t. 

I can hear the frogs from the marsh behind our yard down the hill chirping and whirring away through our back sliding door. They’re in frog heaven after that heavy rain. 

I


My youngest daughter Sarah texted me last night that her dad’s colonoscopy biopsy showed a cancerous mass. He’s got to go talk to the doctor Tuesday about surgery and chemo. I feel bad for our kids and grandkids mostly. Gary and I only really started speaking again after 24 years when he was very ill a year ago. He’s been going to some hick doctor in Havana so no wonder it’s taken so long to find out what was wrong. I just feel numb and bacd and it brings back memories of all the stuff from our turbulent 15- year marriage. All the blame was not on him but a lot of it was. I don’t profess to be an angel or without blame. Man, I feel like a car with 350,000 miles on the original engine. This just combines with all the other bad stuff to create the shitstorm tidal wave I felt was coming all through the month of December. I felt it in my gut and deep in my bones. 




12:25pm I just ate a spinach artichoke linguine Lean Cuisine for lunch. I stocked up on a bunch of Lean Cuisines to save cooking and going to the grocery store. Mike refuses to eat them. Yesterday I had a butternut squash and spring vegetables one. Pretty good.




I’m supposed to have three group 5th grade zoom meetings this afternoon. I do not feel at all like doing them. This is all so frustrating. Teaching beginning band students in groups online is like crawling naked over flaming porcupines. I’m sure it’s hard for the students as well. These last few weeks have drug on soooooo slowly like a stoned sloth. Unbearably slow. I HATE this f-Ing bullshit!!!!


I’ve stopped watching the Covid-19 daily press briefings. I’m trying to avoid social media for the most part due to all the batshit crazy things people are posting about politically-fueled conspiracy theories regarding the virus. Please God make it stop! 



The Zoom lessons went okay after all. We’re having meat-free tacos for dinner with yellow rice, refried black beans, diced onions and tomatoes, corn, verde sauce, Mexican cheese, sour cream and Franks hot sauce on flour tortillas. Really good! Tomorrow I’m making pot roast in the crockpot. Last night we got Chicago- style pizza and watched the next to the last episode of Ozark on Netflix. Tonight we’ll watch the last episode of season three. 

Sunday, April 19

Getting through it

9:52 am Sunday

It get occasional waves of anxiety about this pandemic situation. I try to not be a total swamp bitch to my husband but sometimes I daydream about punching him in the mouth. I don’t think I could run fast enough to realistically ever actually do that. Well, maybe if he was sleeping. It is nice to have someone to cuddle up with and rub my feet at night though. I’m on my fourth cup of coffee so that may be adding to my being a little more cranked up.

Mike is, of course, watching the news. I’m so sick of the news I want to smash them all in the teeth with a hammer too. Of course I never actually act on these violent thoughts but at least I can visualize it. It’s starting to get to me how insensate and oblivious my spouse is. Our twenty two years together have been sweetly seasoned with me going away for a few days at least once a month. It has given our marriage breathing room.i did actually get out alone and go grocery shopping alone the other day and I was gone a couple hours. I really like driving especially in my new car. It’s so nice. 







We’re going to go over and see Mike’s mom today. We haven’t been over to visit her in over a month. Mike has been taking her to her immune therapy infusion treatments and there’s one coming up Tuesday. We video chat with her and keep in touch that way.

I got pictures of my puppy’s parents yesterday. 







Wednesday, January 8

Funky town

I keep trying to avoid the news but you really can’t. I don’t know why more people aren’t going postal and over the edge batshit crazy given the current state of our country. There is no place to run and hide. It seems like a nightmare. Pray for peace people everywhere.

Back to work this week. I’m only starting to get out of my vacation brain fog head funk. Five more months.
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