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Showing posts with label abyss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abyss. Show all posts

Monday, August 17


I’m drinking my second cup of coffee for the morning. I’ve taken Bitzi out once. I’ve done a few household chores, ate some Raisin Bran, threatened to discipline Mike for his harsh smart-ass comments - a typical day. Now he’s back in his hole starting to work. He has Zoom meetings to attend today and all sorts of BS. I am way past sick of this whole pandemic business. I wish it were over. I wish it was safe. I wish it could go back to the way it was. It will never be the same again.

I’m signed up for Music & Moves class at 11 and light yoga at 12, both at the pavilion. I’m not feeling it this morning but intend to go. I’m sure it will get better as I get started. It’s a nice calm sunny day. I need to move my body as much as I can. I need to quit eating Klondike bars. I’ve had some reconsidering thoughts about the old friends. Maybe I’ll reach out but let them know how I feel. People aren’t mind readers and I will say that over the years I’ve always had a crazy amount of super busy and drama going on in my life. I can’t deny that fact. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to reach out. AGAIN......

We have tentatively decided to have a neighborhood block party in late September or early October. Not as hot or as many bugs out then.  People usually bring their own lawn chairs and drinks and set up on peoples’ driveways in Sun City. I’ll have beverages and snacks on hand.

My grandsons start in-person school in Lewistown today. My granddaughters in Canton start e-learning school Wednesday. It’s kind of weird to not be going back but I am not regretful at all. I believe my former colleagues have a whole week this week of e-learning training in preparation for the 8/24 student start. I thank my lucky stars I am not in that mess.

Once again I’m typing on my janky keyboard with the little piece of nano tape stuck to the back of my iPad to keep it from slipping off the holder that doesn’t fit. I’m more used to the key action now at least. It works . No sense in buying a new one. I’ve pretty much stopped looking for jobs. I’m gong to wait until after my retirement checks and lump sum payment and new insurance and all the jazz is done to see how things actually shake out. I may not need or want a job. I have plenty to do. Also whenever Sun City really opens up there are lots of clubs, activities, classes and trips to take advantage of that I couldn’t do when I was working. I have a friend who works from home doing medical coding but I’d have to have training to do that. Or transcription work but that mostly takes training classes too.

I’d like a job petting animals or tending plants and flowers. I don’t have any people beating my door down to hire me for those things. I’m just going to be me and freestyle it for a while.

The lady who came to look at our kitchen cabinets about painting them still hasn’t gotten back to us with an estimate. I like to just get shit done. I hate the dicking around waiting bullshit. With anything anytime. I hate it. If she doesn’t get back with us this week screw her we’ll get somebody else. There are a whole lot of things I want to get done and Mike always wants to be late and drag his feet and take forever on everything anyway. I need my cabinets painted, new hardware and under cabinet lighting installed, the new pantry cabinet, new sink and countertop, the flooring, the tv mounted and hardware installed in the old pantry. I need shit to start moving. I am not always a patient person. I agreed to this house that Mike wanted and loved with the stipulation we would redo the kitchen. The kitchen is old and dated and depressing to me. I hate it. It embarrasses me. I want it frickin fixed and I’m tired of waiting. I hate the cabinets, I hate the flooring, I hate the counters and the sink, the dim lighting.BUT IT IS FUNCTIONAL.  I’ll just make do until I can do better. I am grateful and have more than I deserve. I don’t mean to sound like a greedy ungrateful bitch. I forget myself sometimes. I do have my dreams though..........

I still haven’t done my digging and transplanting. I’ll have to look at the weather forecast and see if there’s a cooler day after it rains. That would be ideal, otherwise I’ll just do it. I have a couple bushes to dig up and move and a bunch of perennials to move, fertilize and water the hell out of. I guess there’s no time like the present . I’ll get it done this week, I promise. I also have to rip out all the garden stuff and throw in the compost barrel to clean it up so they can till it under this fall. I’ll have to make a list so I don’t leave anything off. That should keep me moving and out of trouble.

I’m trying not to read the news as much -too disturbing with all the rising Covid-19 numbers and all the racial and political furor. I am going to watch some of the Democratic convention tonight. I believe next week is the Republican convention. Gotta watch some of both of those.

I’m continuing to have some diverticulitis swelling, warmth and mild pain in my lower left abdomen. It has never been acute, just annoying and bothersome. I know if I eat popcorn and junk food it’s worse and I’ve eaten that this past week. My left knee is still not right but not acute. I haven’t been wearing my knee brace for a few weeks now but it still reminds me every day to be careful. I have some lower back funk and my left wrist has something wrong. All signs of aging. All signs of the high miles that are on this old jalopy. I’ll just keep doing the best I can with what I have. 

Bitzi is staring a hole through me from her kitchen pen so that must mean she needs to go out. 

2:14 I’m home again. At the first exercise/dance class this morning I got overheated and started feeling pukey and my knee was hurting bad and snapping so I left and came home. I’m aggravated with myself. Such a puss to whimp out on a dumb class. I skipped the yoga class too. I like the pool exercise better and I can do my own stretches at home.I just took a typing test for an online transcription job for the hell of it. It was not good. This keyboard doesn’t help, but to be honest I’m just not that good even if it was a great keyboard. I am rusty. Oh well. I suck.......

I cooked a few chicken breast pieces that were in the freezer with garlic, pepper, red pepper flakes and sesame oil. I’ll dice that up and add it to the pho noodles for dinner.Use it up. I spent so much money on groceries and eating out when the kids were here and trying to use things up that we have at home.

It looks a bit overcast but I don’t think it’s supposed to rain. I think my best bet weather-wise for the digging and transplanting is Wednesday. It’s supposed to be cooler. I’ll water extra good tomorrow night to make the digging easier. 

Little Arlo who is three started going to preschool today so he feels like a big boy like his brothers. They’re all three so cute. 
Mike was just out here in the kitchen. He has a zoom meeting now and went back to his office hole. I’m taking Bitzi out again and also to get the mail.

Bitzi still doesn’t get freedom to roam the entire house. I let her have “free time” in the house several times a day but we watch her. She is not allowed to go in the bedrooms by herself and isn’t supposed to be on the living room carpet although that’s where she heads every time we look the other way. She is still a mischievous puppy who is looking for stuff to attack and chew up.

3:28 I just gave Bitzi a bath in the utility sink and now she’s zooming through the house like a jackrabbit.

Friday, June 12

Days of the week confusion


Mike is getting ready to leave for physical therapy. He'll be back in a half hour. The office is close and their exercise routine is quick. 

I'm having to check and remind myself what day it is nearly every day now with neither of us @ going" to work. Mike is still working but he's here at home. It still seems strange after three months of it. 

I just gave the puppy a good scrubbing bath in the utility sink in the laundry room. I havent given her a bath all week since the girls have been here. Mike is going to take care of her this weekend when I leave tomorrow to take the girls home to Norris and then go to Lewistown to get the boys and bring them back home for next week. It was a bit too wearing for me last weekend trying to manage the puppy while away. Since then she has stopped going to the back door to ring the bells when she needs to go out.

The landscapers are here. I just went out there and gave Rene his payment for May and checked to make sure they'll trim the bushes in front of the house that have grown up taller than the windows. The tree service is coming in a week or two when the get caught up to remove a couple big overgrown bushes and a tree or two. There are a lot of things that haven't been touched in twenty years since this house was built. The trees and those monster lilacs have never been trimmed. The roof needs replaced and we're waiting on insurance to approve it. It's sustained storm damage several times and needs replaced. 

I just got back from the community garden for the second time today. I bought two jalapeƱo plants at Walmart earlier today so went back out to the garden. My sweet corn is coming up. I have four tomato plants, 6 yellow squash plants, radishes, sweet corn and now the peppers.

Lola doesn't have a headache today but has mostly been camped in the recliner in my bedroom watching TV and eating junk all day. Hennessy went to the garden with me both times. I guess Lola is being a teenager. I took the girls to the Rookies restaurant here in town for lunch. They had outside dining on patio tables with umbrellas. Of course there was WAY too much food. Hennessy just nibbles a little bit frequently like a mouse. Lola just wants expensive sweet Starbucks stuff most of the time. I'll leave here around 10-11 tomorrow to take them home. It bugs me my car is dirty but realistically it won't do me any good to clean it until I take the boys home next week because it's just going to get messy again with them. I'm tired. 
In trimming the front bushes this morning the landscapers chopped off my foxglove that's was getting ready to bloom!!! I said a lot of bad words when I discovered that. I knew I should have cut the bushes myself. Mike insisted on having the landscapers do it. Damn it! 

Thursday, May 21

Feelin’ fishy

7:03am Thursday

Mike left a few minutes ago to go play nine holes of golf with his work friend Jim at a course in Streamwood. It’s very overcast out and in the low 60s so that doesn’t sound pleasant to me but I hope they have a really good time. I started feeling bad yesterday afternoon when we were over at Mike’s moms in St. Charles. We stopped at Kabobs restaurant and picked up food before we got there. I had a tiny hint of a sore throat when we got there. His mom and I both love Kabobs seasoned roasted vegetable so I sat at the table and ate my container of vegetables. I also had a piece of meat. A piece of roasted potato and a couple forks of rice.After we sat there for a bit my stomach felt a little funny and I also felt a little hot. I went to the restroom nut nothing unusual happened. We sat there for another 45 minutes and then drove home. I started feeling a little worse. Once we got home I had a couple pretty awful bathroom attacks and my stomach felt queasy. I took 2 alkaline shelter. When I went to bed I just didn’t feel very good and my head was draining and I was coughing a bit. I couldn’t sleep very well wondering if I’d picked up a bug somewhere. ( I just watched the movie Contagion a couple days ago.) I still don’t feel very good this morning.

Yesterday morning early I drove to my school district central office to return my school district equipment; my laptop and charger, my school iPad and keyboard case, a few other electronics, a French Horn, my ID, lockdown key and key fob. Two masked women in gloves brought me in to the front lobby and had me stand behind a table and hold up and show them every item I removed from my bag. I was wearing a mask and gloves too. Every item I showed them I then put in a big clear plastic bag. When all my items were in the clear bag they had me seal it shut then put it in a rectangular plastic container, secure the lid, then I had to put that container on a big flat cart and then I was done. Then I went to an elementary school in South Elgin to get a bag of my belongings and leave keys and it was a similar process. Everyone in masks and gloves standing six or more feet away. Pretty weirdly sad. Happy retirement! Now get the fuck out. 

I’m going to take a nice long warm shower and flush my sinuses out really well. I’m sure that will help. I’m sure my ick feeling is just the Kabobs food, the weather, the pollen and the news. This too shall pass.

5:27pm    It’s clouding up like it’s going to rain now. It was pretty warm and sunny earlier. I did a lot of work outside planting my seedlings into bigger pots and thinning out, digging up and transplanting lots of perennials. I spent several hundreds of dollars last year planting perennials in our new yard. There weren’t very many here when we bought the place. I tried very hard to tend and fertilize my new plants so they’d get established. I covered my new rose bushes and heavily mulched the rest for the winter. This spring I initially thought a few were dead but now everything’s showing signs of life. My new little rhododendron Bush is even blooming! My rhubarb I started from seed came up and looks pretty big and healthy. I see a couple of my asparagus plants survived. I paid for a 10’X 30’ garden plot in our community garden but due to coved it’s not open. I have lettuce, radishes, zucchini and tomatoes started in pots on the patio. I have zinnias and morning glories started in pots. I sat in the grass in the backyard listening to the Doobie Brothers on my big rolling Bluetooth speaker. I haven’t sat down in grass for a long time. I love tending my plants.  My daughters both are plant crazy too. I drove to Bartlett to my primary care doctor’s office this afternoon and got a coved-19 antibody test. I’ll have results tomorrow or Monday. Mike is being kind of snappy and pissy. I’m used to it and ignore him. Whatever. 

He has taken a couple days off and doesn’t start back to work until Tuesday. I’ve got to get him to take his stuff out of the back office so I can start the big purge. 

Thursday, May 14

Sheets of rain

It’s pouring rain really hard, hitting the roof, windows and siding. It was storming earlier so I just got up out of bed. I was rereading some of my previous posts and was horrified by some awful glaring typos! OMG I’m usually posting quickly here and there in the mornings and in spare minutes throughout the day on my IPad with one finger without proofreading before hitting publish. Gaaaaah! I’ve got to quit doing that. My apologies. 

A couple weeks ago  my daughter invited me to join a Facebook group “ Wine Fairies of Central Illinois” so out of curiosity I joined to discover thousands of women across central Illinois are members and they anonymously deliver presents of wine and other treats to members in the group. It’s sort of like secret Santa to bring cheer and fun during these troubling pandemic times when we’re all stuck at home. So I watched the group , saw the great posts and pictures and comments from people delighted by their surprise gifts and treats so I decided on Monday to start one here. On Facebook it’s called Wine Fairies of Sun City Huntley. I invited one neighbor friend but now there are 20 new ladies. It’s a good way to get to know other women, make friends and spread a little cheer. When this is all over we’re going to meet in person for a wine party. So far everyone’s liking it and telling their friends. I went out and made two deliveries Tuesday. 

7:24am The rain has settled down to a drizzle and I heard faint thunder in the distance and the dripping from the roof and gutters. The sky is bleak and now I hear another wave of rain again.

Sarah told me her dad finally saw an oncologist for the first time. He said the nodules showing up in his lungs aren’t cancer but typical farmer lungs ( caused from inhaling grain dust, livestock dander, etc. for years.) They are getting a PET scan done ( should have seen an oncologist long ago and had one) but he has to be off his blood thinner for a couple days prior to scan ( he has a blood clot in his leg) and then depending on results will surgically remove his colon cancer. Sarah has really been the only one helping her dad and she has three little boys and just finished a couple college courses online. I’m going to go see her Friday for a bit. I worry about her. I’ve been talking to my oldest daughter for a few weeks now ( after months of her not communicating with anyone) but she is not helping with her dad much at all. There is a big swirling turbulent ocean of memories and feelings mixed up in that situation. 
Mike is up now and staggered out of the bedroom and groaned walking in to the kitchen for a drink. I’m chilly and have a blanket on my legs and lap here in the recliner in the front sitting room. The rain is beating down hard again with increasing thunder. The ground is going to be soaked. 


5 years ago. Chemo at Rush University hospital in Chicago before going to Loyola for my stem cell transplant. This was my chemo buddy pig. 

I’m getting better at practicing more seriously. My chops are improving. Need different strength reading glasses. 

This is a Snapchat filter of me as a guy!

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