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Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 23

Start each day as a new beginning

I have put my shield up to protect me from all the negativity and drama. I’m holding my blessings up to radiate and infiltrate others who are lacking. I feel strong, happy and alive.

I went for my pool exercise at 6:30 and then took Bitzi for a walk. I’m going to go to the store in a bit.

12:55 The snow mounds are melting and it’s very sunny outside. My kids are still arguing. There’s just a lot of bitterness, jealousy, betrayal, heartache between the four now. If their father had made the will out differently most of this could have been avoided. It’s a mess and I’m not legally involved but I am emotionally wound up in this, trying not to take sides.

I’ve had Bitzi outside for several walks 

Monday, February 22

Monday 4:56 am

It’s very early morning. I woke up due to Mike snoring and couldn’t get back to sleep. There are so many things to think and worry about. I just read that we’ve reached 500,000 Covid-19 deaths in the US ( Reuters)and Dr. Fauci said the pandemic may continue into 2022(People). Pretty depressing news. No wonder there are so many people with anxiety and depression. This is day two of me trying to snap out of it and get back on track with my eating and exercise. Due to what’s going on with the kids and the funeral Friday I’ll need to keep myself on a short leash emotionally and focus on positives. It may sound weird but that’s my plan. I’m going to the pool this morning early, have shopping to do and will take several walks. Mike is swamped with work and busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest so I can’t depend on him for comfort or to vent to. He’s not very warm and fuzzy like that anyway. He always insists I quit being a wuss. He’s right, of course. 

I’m drinking my coffee, trying to wake up. I’m only eating between noon and 6pm and then limited carbs. My gut feels better on this system. I have more energy and focus. I started getting off track in January a little here and there but then it snowballed and I was eating bullshit again so now am getting back on my better habits. Food is medicine to fuel and heal your body. I am lucky to still be alive. I have to take care of my body the best I can. I cannot let my emotions sabotage my health. I have a crazy amount of sub jobs available to me. Most of the area schools are back to in-person or hybrid learning. There were twenty-four available jobs for today. I’m not accepting any in person sub jobs until two weeks after I’ve had the second vaccine. March 9 would be the earliest date I could have it but I haven’t gotten an email yet to schedule it. Mike got his five days after me and they already set his second vaccine appointment. He got his here at Sun City and got the Pfizer. It got the Moderna through my school district, so still waiting to schedule my second dose. 

Besides the stage four colon cancer, my ex husband also had a couple serious blood clots the doctors were concerned about. One by his heart and one in his leg. Supposedly he’d been doing better with his chemo treatments, gained a bit of weight back, more energy and doing better. The night before he died he fell on the ice when he got home from the sale barn and told his mother and our son he was just tired and wanted to go to bed. The next morning he got up and got dressed to go to the sale barn and just fell over on his bed and died. My son found him a couple hours after he died. I bet one of those clots got him. My kids are all now dealing with all this stuff. He had cattle in Missouri and Nebraska and locally. What a huge mess. You just never know. Life is short and you should never assume you have another day. I need to be as loving, giving, joyful and grateful as I can be every single day for the rest of my life.



Tuesday, August 25

Blessings are always there for the taking

11:15 I went over to the lodge for my scheduled indoor pool time and just as I scanned my ID card and entered the fire alarm went off and everyone evacuated the building. I stood outside for a while. Police and fire responders came. I saw nor smelled any smoke so eventually I just got in my car and came home. Since the one- hour pool times and cleanings in between are scheduled all day my time was used up a lot so I just gave up. I’m still a bit tired from yesterday anyway. 

I have a phone interview later for a neurologist’s receptionist position. Sounds like it might be a good deal. As long as Mike is still working I might as well work too. We don’t know when the axe will fall on him.

1:57. I thought the interview went well and I’m excited about it. There are other candidates being interviewed though. I know the neurologist. This is a good company to work for. I am hopeful.

Mike has been worried about TRS screwing up my retirement stuff. All these years I have covered him with my school district insurance for everything and now he’s going on his own company’s  insurance. He’s had me go recheck everything again today. He’s being a worry wart but better safe than sorry.

We’re going to our resort in Lake Geneva next week and staying in a luxury condo. It’s a little weird because it’s only 30 miles away but hey, it’s going somewhere. Bitzi will be going to a kennel and making lots of new dog friends! 

Tuesday, August 18


7:25am. I’m drinking coffee 1. I got up, showered, cuddled up Bitzi and took her outside for a walk. I had to pull a leaf out of her mouth that she was trying to chew up. When we got back inside I put her in her little kitchen pen with fresh food and water and she started eating. I’ve been here in the sitting room about fifteen minutes reading the news. Mike just went out in the kitchen and said Bitzi had thrown up. I wonder if she managed to swallow something outside. She’s only about five pounds so I worry when she gets sick. Probably nothing. She seems okay now.

I have a 9:15 pool slot this morning so I can get my exercise in without screwing up my knee. Since it’s  cool I might start digging and planting later after the pool if I’m not too tired.

Wednesday, June 17

Early bird special

6:00 I woke up really early this morning for some reason and got a few things done. I took Bitzi out and now she’s having playtime with her squeaky bone and chew rag and chicken chew ring. She’s been getting pretty cranked up and wild lately. She gets really excited with the kids.Im taking the boys to Lake Geneva public beach later this morning. We’ll go for a while as long as it’s safe and they keep their distance. It’s a nice clean pretty big beach with lifeguard and ropes for the kids. My knee is still bothering me so I don’t know how fun I will be. I’ll probably just sit there watching and trying to not get sunburned. 

I have laundry in the dryer, put the dishwasher stuff away, reloaded it, gathered the trash and recycling. I’m going outside to water in a minute. The two old geezers who live in the house beside us have nothing to do but sit around looking for every tiny little thing they can find to complain to me about. Because they’re ancient dinosaurs I just clench my teeth and nod and walk away. They made some comment about my dropping hostas I transplanted by the mailbox. 

7:03 The boys are awake now. Mike just left for physical therapy. When he gets back he’s going to take my car and fill it with gas. I went out front and watered and transplanted some lilies to the mailbox. I’m hoping today goes smoothly. 
7:41 just discovered the boys didn’t bring swimming trunks. The said they can swim in their shorts but I don’t want to risk the shorts fall down or off in the water. We’ll be running in Walmart. I’ve got to beach bags packed and ready to go. 

1:55 We’re back home from the beach. I made quesadillas for lunch and am doing two loads of laundry. The boys are lying in their room playing on their tablets. We only stayed at the beach about ninety minutes but it was starting to get crowded so we left. I told the boys to keep their distance from people and we weren’t staying long.

Saturday, June 13


9:42pm Saturday   I drove the girls back home to Norris then picked up the boys in Lewistown then drove back home. I’m really tired from driving. 

10:49   The boys are in bed. I soaked in the hot tub and exfoliated and put Eucerin on my dry skin. My achiness is better. This week I'm going to take the boys fishing, to the garden, walking the paths of Sun City, to Lake Geneva and shopping. Boys have less drama than girls. 

Friday, May 29

Mi a more

10:51 am Friday 5/20/20

In a little while I’m leaving to drop two bags off at Goodwill and take the puppy for her first check up. I text them when I arrive and they come out and get her and I wait in the car. Then I’m bring the puppy home and going to Costco to buy some tomato plants for my garden plot. The garden just opened for use today so maybe I’ll go plant tomorrow. 

Monday, May 25

Remembering the fallen

8:23am It’s Memorial Day. It poured rain for a short times around 6:30 this morning. We’ve had SO much rain lately.

The puppy is sleeping on my lap. So far she’s doing very well. She wasn’t up crying all night. As far as I can tell she didn’t pee or poop in her training cage. She’s getting used to the collar and leash and starting to get the hang of walking with you. She has a long way to go with training but I’m encouraged. It was a long drive to the breeders place in Galena territory. The lady had a cabin set on a hill and the wooden stairs getting up to her front door were a bit scary going up. When we got inside we were “ greeted” ( attacked) by a herd of Shih Tzus- around 20 of them, many trying to climb up our legs and scratching us with their nails. The house had very rustic big log cabin decor and was pretty dimly lit so I had difficulty filling out the paperwork so Michael finished it for me. This puppy had either been inside in a pen with the pack or in a fenced in area in the back of the house that was entirely Astro turf. The dogs also had Astro turf pads inside the house to do their peeing and pooping on. Trying Bitzi to get used to doing her business outside on the grass is our first most important lesson. I’ve hung bells by the back door and every time I take her out we go over and ring the bells. I’m trying to train her to ring the bells to alert us when she needs to go out. I am handling her and touching her belly, legs and tail so she gets used to being handled and remains calm, gentle and submissive. Her mother, Buttercup, is pretty small for an adult Shih Tzu so I don’t expect Bitzi to get very big. 
Today is Memorial Day. My father served 2 terms in the Army. The first time he was stationed in Texas. He re-enlisted during the Korean War and was stationed at an artillery base in Fairbanks Alaska. He achieved the rank of Sergeant. My uncles all served in different branches of the military. 

4:14 pm 

Bitzi is worn out and passed out in her cage. Mike is back in his cage ( office) completing the dreadful online drivers’ safety course after having gotten a speeding ticket a couple months ago. I’ve done an in-person and an online class about fifteen or more years ago. I haven’t had any tickets or fender benders in over five years now. I’m uber careful. I enjoy driving but I’m the overly careful driver everybody honks at and passes. Fine by me. 

Ive been outside with the puppy several times. I talked to the neighbor guy for a long time. I transplanted some shoots from my snowball Bush ( it’s super easy to pull them since the ground is so saturated, and I swept off and sprayed off the back patio and front driveway and sidewalk. I sat outside with the puppy for a long time drinking iced tea, enjoying the breeze. I rolled out my big Bluetooth speaker and was singing away to some great tunes. I made some Purdue pankow crusted chicken nuggets in the oven for lunch. I have a couple windows open, the back screen door open and the ceiling fans on. I hear the tinkle of my wind chimes in the trees out back, the marsh birds singing and the fans whirring away. I’ve messed up my left knee from digging up and transplanting and pulling weeds. My knee is zinging me and my feet are aching the past few days.. I’m going to use my wooden roller on the bottoms of my feet then lie on the floor with my legs and feet up the wall. That should help. I have reserved a plot for planting in our community garden but it’s been closed due to covid but is set to open June first. I’m going to put some tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, peppers, sunflowers in. It’s a 10’ X30’ plot so I’ll see how much room I’ve got once I actually see it and get started. 

Wednesday, January 15

I’m feeling like an old crone

It’s evening now. The day was pretty foggy and misting but never turned to sleet as predicted. I’m getting more curmudgeonly the last few years. I notice it myself. I’ll admit it and I don’t care. I’m just no longer willing to put up with bullshit. My husbands family is always sending me invitations for showers - bridal or baby showers for nieces, or cousins or second cousins I don’t really know and am not around. I HATE those stupid-ass showers. I’ve always hated them. I hate feeling guilty that I ought to go but don’t want to. Men don’t have to deal with this bullshit. And now the person being “ showered” is always registered at several different online places, so you don’t even taking a fucking gift to the stupid shower, you don’t see what she gets, you don’t get thanked for your thoughtful gift that she picked out and told you to buy so you just sit through some horribly stupid “ games” and some awful food and have to put this plastic fake smile on and pretend to not be in absolute misery. I just got yet another invitation in the mail today so that’s what set off today’s rant.

Sunday, January 12

Full belly

This morning Mike and I went outside and shoveled the driveway and both sidewalks ( we live on a corner lot). We only got 2-3 inches of snow, not the 6-9 that was forecast. It was actually nice out there and not too cold. We went to the pool. I used the foam barbells and worked out in the pool then I sat in the hot tub with Mike then I sat in the sauna for a long time then back in the pool. Mike had a headache so we came home for a while then we went back to the lodge and paid our HOA fees for the year then had brunch at Jameson’s char house in the lodge. It wasn’t very good but I filled up on my omelet and a chocolate chip cookie. The restaurant is so nice with beautiful golf course views, lots of plants and a huge stone fireplace and conveniently located right here in our main lodge.  When we got home I sent an email to the Jamesons’ company. They need to do better for the residents here who patronize them.

I really enjoy the amenities and surroundings here #55+community. I didn’t really imagine how much I would like it before we moved here #DelWebbsSunCityHuntley but I’m very happy with our decision to sell our old house and move here. I have four more months until I retire and then I’ll have some other job but I don’t know what that will be yet. I just want to be healthy #cancersurvivor. 

Monday, December 30

I thought I had it all figured out

Just when you think you’ve come a long way, learned a lot, feel confident and secure some shit happens that makes you feel all bewildered, unprepared and clueless. Most of the time I don’t feel like this but life has to keep sending us unexpected zingers to keep us humble I guess.

I’m going to Costco in Lake in the Hills in a little bit to get a little seafood for New Years Eve. We never go out and party and drink. Sometimes we invite people over but this year, as far as I know, it’s just Mike & me. A couple king crab legs, shrimp and scallops for him will do. I don’t really like scallops. A salad and baked potato will be it. Nothing too fancy.
It’s supposed to snow shower this afternoon so I’m going to get my shopping done this morning. 

Mike’s mom and Casey came over to watch the Bears game yesterday. We went to look at this house that’s for sale here in Sun City about 3/4 of a mile from our house. We couldn’t go inside and look at it-no realtor or open house but checked out the neighborhood and looked at the interior online. His mother needs to not live alone so far from her kids. Mike is the closest and he’s 35 miles away from her house. More stuff keeps happening with her to show she should not be living alone but her kids keep ignoring it and she’s not my mom so I’m not in charge soooo.....

Something is up with my daughter and I’m not even sure but it’s driving me nuts with worry. No matter how old they get, they’ll always be your baby.

I’m going to go change and head to Costco. Stop worrying about crazy shit that’s probably my imagination.


2:10 I went to Huntley Aldi’s and got some stuff then over to Lake In The Hills Costco and then back home, unloaded my stuff and put it away, then unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and cleaned up the kitchen. It’s very gloomy out snow and was snowing and sleeting when I was out driving. I’m listening to an Al Jarreau mix playlist from Amazon Prime music via my Alexa through my Alesis transactive Bluetooth big bass speaker. Nice.
I did touch base with my daughter so at least she’s alive. I still don’t know what’s bothering her but she’s 37 and can call me when she’s ready to talk. I don’t chase anyone. I just tell them to let me know when they’re ready to talk or if they need anything. I’m easy. Things almost always work themselves out on their own. Worrying about shit doesn’t help, trust me.

Me on deck of the Pride of America cruise ship sailing between Hawaiian islands June 2018 ( feeling relaxed, grateful and happy)



I just went for a walk down own our block. It’s really cold out there now. I was pretty bundled up with my coat, gloves, hood and scarf around my face but still too cold.

I’m trying to use this old keyboard I had for my iPad. I have one for work that fits my work iPad much better and is a better keyboard to use. This one is kind of janky and doesn’t fit very well on the iPad itself. The keys feel like cheap plastic and don’t go up and down quietly or smoothly. Still, it works. I’m not a snob about stuff at all. Mike is the pick one about almost every little thing. He’s so much like his mother, although he strongly denies it. Hahaha....... His mother came in here yesterday and almost immediately demanded we pull up a couple throw rugs because she decided one of us was going to slip and fall to her death. Then she announced she had removed her shoes at the door ( we don’t give a shit if you wear your shoes in here) and ordered Mike to go find her a pair of my slippers. I didn’t heart that part but noticed later she was wearing my neon yellow water /beach shoes........ (I thought what the hell???) and then a short while later she started complaining really loudly she was freezing and told me to go get her a sweater or jacket. I just looked at her like one else was cold but it was the way she complained and ordered me like I should drop everything and run and get her a sweater. Jesus H Christ. He IS like his mother, Ridiculously fussy. Crazy shit.

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