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Showing posts with label muted motivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label muted motivation. Show all posts

Friday, May 1

Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea. Joy to you and me.

8:48 am Friday
I’m moving pretty slowly today. I just feel kind of muddy in my head. It’s always a bit worrisome for me if I feel any changes to my head/ brain/ thinking/ speech/ swallowing. I’ve been down that road before and always dreading going back. I’m sure taking a walk in a little while will help me snap out of if. I’m supposed to attend some online training session at 10 about using some new software platform the district is rolling out in August. It will not apply to me at all. I’ll probably log on but leave early so at least there’s some record I was there. Pretty much I now feel like a dog running wild without a leash. Nothing matters and the district can’t really do anything about it. I’m trying to reign in my attitude but it’s not working, I do care about my students but that’s all. 

It’s super bright and sunny. Our landscapers come around 7am every Friday throughout the spring and summer. It takes them only 15-20 minutes to whiz through our yard. Today they dug out a bunch of dandelions with their cool long-handled fork tool and sprayed stuff in the dandelion hole so they won’t come back. The 90-some year old nextdoor neighbor lady, Fran, has made several snarky remarks to me about our dandelions hoping they didn’t spread to her yard. Her husband John is 99 and a WWII navy veteran. I’m nice to them but Fran is pretty sharp tongued and snarky when I talk to her alone. She never says anything bitchy to Mike. Every time she says something snarky to me I just think to myself “ you old dried up old c—t” and smile politely and walk away. Be kind to old people. Even if they’re cranky. Most all of the residents here in our Sun City community is very friendly, helpful and kind. A few of them are funny. 
In Kane County we currently have 1667 positive Covid-19 cases and 52 deaths. 








                        May 1, 2015.                                                       May 1, 2016

9:31 Michael is working quietly in the back office. No meetings going on yet. Sports is starting to pick up a little now with golf courses opening today and talk of MLB starting up with limitations. He seems a bit recharged today. We decided we’re having the leftover Chicago pan pizza slices from Wednesday for dinner tonight and I’ll cook the pot roast tomorrow. We’re trying really hard to use things up and not waste anything ( kinda going Amish or pre- depression mode.) 
Tightwad Gazette

I think I’m going to make a sourdough starter today. It will be like my little lab experiment plus it will creep Mike out sitting on the kitchen countertop in a bowl smelling for weeks. Win-win. I have some seeds growing in trays by the back sliding door. That stuff bugs him too. 

10:33. I logged on to the meeting and sat there for a while. There were 178 people in that Zoom. Everybody had their audio and video muted except the presenter. I followed along for a while scrolling down this list of participants- some I knew. Eventually I just clicked out because nothing applies to me. It’s stuff that will be used in August. Now I’m feeling kind of weird. I’m happy to retire. It’s the right thing to do. I’m alive and astonished and truly grateful. This just feels a little weird. You’d think by now I’d be easily able to navigate weird. Aside from a volcanic eruption most horrible things that can happen ( short of actually being dead) have already happened. I still haven’t gone for my walk. That will help snap me out of this funk. 





6:01pm

I went to the store, sent out several student/ parent emails, planted some seeds, tried unsuccessfully to fix the solar fountain in my bird bath, made some hummingbird nectar, went for another walk, talked to a couple friends and my daughter, signed up for Instacart and ordered a few things for tomorrow,  tended my plants, talked to my sister and now back to boredom and scowling. The frogs chirping away in the swamp behind us do help my mood though.


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