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Showing posts with label sorrow. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sorrow. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 12

Trudging through the snow and fog like a zombie

I need to get my gluteus maximus out of the recliner and start getting my hot mess self ready to go to school. It’s supposed to snow again this afternoon. My throat is still sore and hoarse ( third day). Last night I put Vic’s vaporub on my throat with a towel. I’ll gargle with warm salt water before I leave.
     I still feel very low and glum with thoughts of my daughter’s bullshit and Annettes biopsy results. It’s like someone dropped a load of bricks on me. I kept tearing up last night thinking about Mike and his siblings going over to Annette’s this morning to tell her about her biopsy results. It’s got to be difficult. Mike is pretty tough. He just comes out and says things and tells the truth no matter what.
     Okay getting up and getting ready for work. I’ll probably add more later. I will need to vent to you. I am not one who can hold things inside. 

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11:43 I have a pretty generous time gap between schools on Wednesday. I finished up at my first school and then went to the gas station and filled up. Now I'm killing time before I go in to my next school. I've caught up with emails. I texted Mike and he said his mother took the cancer new surprisingly well. It will probably take a while to sink in. I think they're trying to her scheduled with an oncologist appointment now.  I tried calling my daughter again and left a message. 

It's getting colder now and getting ready to start snowing. 








Tuesday, February 11

Intuition or something else?

I remember before Christmas I kept having this feeling something big was coming, that something major was going to happen, some significant life- changing thing. I wasn’t really sure but I could feel it coming in my bones. Now for some unknown reason my daughter has cut me, her father, her siblings and who knows who else out of her life and won’t talk or communicate. Out of the blue. We have no idea what on earth is going on. Also my ex father-in-law died and now my mother-in-law has just been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer today via results from a lung biopsy. She doesn’t know yet. Mike and his brothers and sister are going over there tomorrow to tell her. She had breast cancer on the same side about fifteen years ago treated with a lumpectomy and radiation. All her checkups and mammograms have been clear. I am just sick over this. She’s been sad, irritable and depressed for four years since her husband , Jerry, died of liver cancer. They’re going to get her a PET scan and battery of tests to find out just how progressed it is. I wish there was something I could do. 
I feel SO SAD and awful.




Monday, December 30

I thought I had it all figured out

Just when you think you’ve come a long way, learned a lot, feel confident and secure some shit happens that makes you feel all bewildered, unprepared and clueless. Most of the time I don’t feel like this but life has to keep sending us unexpected zingers to keep us humble I guess.

I’m going to Costco in Lake in the Hills in a little bit to get a little seafood for New Years Eve. We never go out and party and drink. Sometimes we invite people over but this year, as far as I know, it’s just Mike & me. A couple king crab legs, shrimp and scallops for him will do. I don’t really like scallops. A salad and baked potato will be it. Nothing too fancy.
It’s supposed to snow shower this afternoon so I’m going to get my shopping done this morning. 

Mike’s mom and Casey came over to watch the Bears game yesterday. We went to look at this house that’s for sale here in Sun City about 3/4 of a mile from our house. We couldn’t go inside and look at it-no realtor or open house but checked out the neighborhood and looked at the interior online. His mother needs to not live alone so far from her kids. Mike is the closest and he’s 35 miles away from her house. More stuff keeps happening with her to show she should not be living alone but her kids keep ignoring it and she’s not my mom so I’m not in charge soooo.....

Something is up with my daughter and I’m not even sure but it’s driving me nuts with worry. No matter how old they get, they’ll always be your baby.

I’m going to go change and head to Costco. Stop worrying about crazy shit that’s probably my imagination.



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2:10 I went to Huntley Aldi’s and got some stuff then over to Lake In The Hills Costco and then back home, unloaded my stuff and put it away, then unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and cleaned up the kitchen. It’s very gloomy out snow and was snowing and sleeting when I was out driving. I’m listening to an Al Jarreau mix playlist from Amazon Prime music via my Alexa through my Alesis transactive Bluetooth big bass speaker. Nice.
I did touch base with my daughter so at least she’s alive. I still don’t know what’s bothering her but she’s 37 and can call me when she’s ready to talk. I don’t chase anyone. I just tell them to let me know when they’re ready to talk or if they need anything. I’m easy. Things almost always work themselves out on their own. Worrying about shit doesn’t help, trust me.



Me on deck of the Pride of America cruise ship sailing between Hawaiian islands June 2018 ( feeling relaxed, grateful and happy)



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3:27

I just went for a walk down own our block. It’s really cold out there now. I was pretty bundled up with my coat, gloves, hood and scarf around my face but still too cold.

I’m trying to use this old keyboard I had for my iPad. I have one for work that fits my work iPad much better and is a better keyboard to use. This one is kind of janky and doesn’t fit very well on the iPad itself. The keys feel like cheap plastic and don’t go up and down quietly or smoothly. Still, it works. I’m not a snob about stuff at all. Mike is the pick one about almost every little thing. He’s so much like his mother, although he strongly denies it. Hahaha....... His mother came in here yesterday and almost immediately demanded we pull up a couple throw rugs because she decided one of us was going to slip and fall to her death. Then she announced she had removed her shoes at the door ( we don’t give a shit if you wear your shoes in here) and ordered Mike to go find her a pair of my slippers. I didn’t heart that part but noticed later she was wearing my neon yellow water /beach shoes........ (I thought what the hell???) and then a short while later she started complaining really loudly she was freezing and told me to go get her a sweater or jacket. I just looked at her like seriously.....no one else was cold but it was the way she complained and ordered me like I should drop everything and run and get her a sweater. Jesus H Christ. He IS like his mother, Ridiculously fussy. Crazy shit.


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