Stay young!

Tuesday, December 31

Good old country comfort

It’s a hazy, overcast morning. There’s snow on the ground but the wind isn’t blowing like it was last night. Mike is getting ready to leave for work. He wakes up slowly. I stay out of his way and don’t mess around with him. Any other time I tease him and mess with him but not in the morning. It’s just not productive.

Something is going on with my left eye. Yesterday afternoon it started watering and itching and feeling funny. I thought the was a hair or lash in my eye. It hurt a little and the lower lid looked swollen. That’s the one that had the detached retina. Both eyes are damaged from the lymphoma tumors. During the night I woke up twice with the left eye matted shut with goo. This morning I washed it out and used some steroid eye drops I had. It feels better now but it’s still not back to normal. It’s always something. It’s like my body is a used car with 300,000 miles on all original equipment. Stuff is going to break down and need fixed or duct taped to hold it together. A lot of people around my age have been having joint replacement surgeries. Amazing what they can do now!

We have an inch or two of snow on the ground. Not a big deal. Mike has announced several times he’s going out to shovel in a few minutes. Okay....

My head feels kind of weird. I guess it’s my sinuses and the dry air from the heat being on. Who know? It’s not always the boogey man. I’m on coffee number two. 

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I just went out and helped Mike shovel. He’s still out there because he’s OCD. The driveway is clear, it’s all melting and we both have 4WD vehicles. Good enough is good enough. I just walk away when he starts getting OCD cranked up like his mother. And she drives him nuts with it!










Monday, December 30

I thought I had it all figured out

Just when you think you’ve come a long way, learned a lot, feel confident and secure some shit happens that makes you feel all bewildered, unprepared and clueless. Most of the time I don’t feel like this but life has to keep sending us unexpected zingers to keep us humble I guess.

I’m going to Costco in Lake in the Hills in a little bit to get a little seafood for New Years Eve. We never go out and party and drink. Sometimes we invite people over but this year, as far as I know, it’s just Mike & me. A couple king crab legs, shrimp and scallops for him will do. I don’t really like scallops. A salad and baked potato will be it. Nothing too fancy.
It’s supposed to snow shower this afternoon so I’m going to get my shopping done this morning. 

Mike’s mom and Casey came over to watch the Bears game yesterday. We went to look at this house that’s for sale here in Sun City about 3/4 of a mile from our house. We couldn’t go inside and look at it-no realtor or open house but checked out the neighborhood and looked at the interior online. His mother needs to not live alone so far from her kids. Mike is the closest and he’s 35 miles away from her house. More stuff keeps happening with her to show she should not be living alone but her kids keep ignoring it and she’s not my mom so I’m not in charge soooo.....

Something is up with my daughter and I’m not even sure but it’s driving me nuts with worry. No matter how old they get, they’ll always be your baby.

I’m going to go change and head to Costco. Stop worrying about crazy shit that’s probably my imagination.



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2:10 I went to Huntley Aldi’s and got some stuff then over to Lake In The Hills Costco and then back home, unloaded my stuff and put it away, then unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and cleaned up the kitchen. It’s very gloomy out snow and was snowing and sleeting when I was out driving. I’m listening to an Al Jarreau mix playlist from Amazon Prime music via my Alexa through my Alesis transactive Bluetooth big bass speaker. Nice.
I did touch base with my daughter so at least she’s alive. I still don’t know what’s bothering her but she’s 37 and can call me when she’s ready to talk. I don’t chase anyone. I just tell them to let me know when they’re ready to talk or if they need anything. I’m easy. Things almost always work themselves out on their own. Worrying about shit doesn’t help, trust me.



Me on deck of the Pride of America cruise ship sailing between Hawaiian islands June 2018 ( feeling relaxed, grateful and happy)



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3:27

I just went for a walk down own our block. It’s really cold out there now. I was pretty bundled up with my coat, gloves, hood and scarf around my face but still too cold.

I’m trying to use this old keyboard I had for my iPad. I have one for work that fits my work iPad much better and is a better keyboard to use. This one is kind of janky and doesn’t fit very well on the iPad itself. The keys feel like cheap plastic and don’t go up and down quietly or smoothly. Still, it works. I’m not a snob about stuff at all. Mike is the pick one about almost every little thing. He’s so much like his mother, although he strongly denies it. Hahaha....... His mother came in here yesterday and almost immediately demanded we pull up a couple throw rugs because she decided one of us was going to slip and fall to her death. Then she announced she had removed her shoes at the door ( we don’t give a shit if you wear your shoes in here) and ordered Mike to go find her a pair of my slippers. I didn’t heart that part but noticed later she was wearing my neon yellow water /beach shoes........ (I thought what the hell???) and then a short while later she started complaining really loudly she was freezing and told me to go get her a sweater or jacket. I just looked at her like seriously.....no one else was cold but it was the way she complained and ordered me like I should drop everything and run and get her a sweater. Jesus H Christ. He IS like his mother, Ridiculously fussy. Crazy shit.


Sunday, December 29

Staying on the right path

As you already know, I love my still morning times. I love the peacefulness and the slow sunrise. I get my best ideas in the morning perhaps because there are fewer distractions. I indulge in my silent alone time. I have been sleeping very well lately on my comfie gel-infused memory foam therapedic super squishy mattress topper, my foam wedge pillow with my dog-bone-shaped neck pillow and my vaporizer going misting eucalyptus essential oil and my Bill Maher Real Time podcasts playing on low. Good sleeping in that big super dark bedroom.
My nightly routine includes a whirlpool tub bath or warm steamy shower, exfoliating with a nubby washcloth, retinol & vitamin C facial cream rubbed in really well, flushing my sinuses with warm salt water with the water pik on gentle, using my Flonase spray, flossing my teeth, brushing with whitening tooth paste, rinsing my teeth with minty fluoride rinse, putting dry skin cream on my neck, chest, arms, legs, feet, putting on fluffy socks and soft stretchy pajamas, pulling my hair back in a big thick soft hair crunchy and lastly putting on a spritz or two of lemon balm essential oil. I’m pretty high maintenance but that all helps me sleep better. I also will use my nebulizer before bed if I remember. 

Today Casey is coming over to watch the last Bears game with Mike. We’re going to the store in a while to buy stuff to make sub sandwiches. I don’t think I’m going to hang around and watch it with them. The Bears suck and I can’t stand it. I’m thinking I’ll go to the lodge and work out and swim. That sounds good. 






Friday, December 27

Twenty-seventh of December


I’m really sore all over. Part of it is from trying to hoist Vicki after she slid off the shower bench, naked, wet, slick and shrieking her guts out like a banshee. It took a long time trying to lift by myself then Michael eventually came and helped me. She was fine. So that hurt my lower back but I hurt all over from all the water aerobics I did Monday and Tuesday. I feel like somebody beat me with a baseball bat.

The soup turned out well. Very hearty and tasty. I have 4 quart jars full left. I put all the Christmas sweets in the freezer. We don’t need them sitting around. We’re going out to run some errands in a little while. We’ve been doing some housework. Mike took today off as he had many vacation day left that needed to be used.

 Yesterday when I got back home from taking Vicki home to Peoria, I put the comforter from the spare room in the washer and didn’t think a thing of it. There was no unusual noise when it was running. A little while later I went in the laundry room to discover the floor was flooded. Two big rugs were sopping wet. I had to use about twelve big towels to clean it up but I didn’t do a very thorough job. I was too tired so we cleaned it up today and put things back in order. The washer is working okay today.




I am happy with our new smaller house and yard. It took some getting used to but I like it. As we get older we’ll be so happy with our move and very little yard work to do. There are tons of classes, events, shows, clubs and activities here. Everyone is so damned friendly. I feel lucky we live here in Huntley Sun City. The whole community is kept so beautifully decorated and pristine.






Wednesday, December 25

For this is Christmas

So it’s 6:02 on Christmas morning. Vicki is sleeping in the spare room. Mike is sawing logs like Paul Bunyan in our bedroom ( I can hear him through the closed door) all is quiet and peaceful just like I like it.

I was super tired last night after having stayed at the hotel with Samantha and five of the grandkids and swimming twice and then driving Vicki all the way here. I hadn’t slept much in two nights so after I got Vicki in her pajamas and put to bed and all her presents put out under the tree I took a melatonin to help me sleep. I slept very soundly.






I just tried  putting the spiral-sliced ham I bought in my big crockpot to cook and it’s too big to fit so I had to dig out this huge heavy duty deep-dish round pizza pan to put it in then I added the spice packet on top the ham with a little water for steam then tented it up with several layers of aluminum foil then pinched sealed all the edges tight in hopes on sealing in the moisture so it won’t be took dry. 

I’m having some left lung pain this morning (nothing new) so I just used my Symbicort inhaler and sat back down to finish my coffee. i was pleasantly surprised that Vicki is able to navigate in and out of all the rooms with her wheelchair. We’ve lived here since March but this is the first time Vicki has been here. I guess since this whole community of homes was built for people 55 and older they’d make the doorways wide enough for wheel chairs and all one level. We watched an Animal Planet show last night and Vicki was laughing out loud at the penguins and baby alligators. Mike went out shopping Monday night while I was gone and bought Vicki some presents- a Minnie and Mickey doll, a jewelry box and bead necklaces, a couple stuffed animals. I bought her a sweater and another outfit and a fluffy pouf pillow for her bed at her house. She’ll have a lot to open when she wakes up after while. We’ll go for a walk today and maybe go look around at Walgreens. Mike is going to his family Christmas gathering at his brother Stevens in Downers Grove. I told him Vicki and I are staying home. It doesn’t start until its getting dark and it would be too difficult with that many people. I feel like they always treat Vicki like some pitiful circus freak. They’ll look at her with an obvious level of discomfort, shove a $20 bill in my hand and tell me to buy something nice for her and then quickly move away. It’s just weird. I’d rather stay home than deal with it and Mike is fine with going by himself. I can’t stand his loud mouth obnoxious brother Steven anyway. Ugh.

I was raised a Methodist. My mother read the Bible to us every night before we went to sleep.I haven’t gone to a church service in a long long time. I have investigated many religions over my life and attended lots of different types of services and ceremonies. I align my beliefs and life outlook most closely to the teachings of Buddha, who was just a guy and didn’t proclaim to be a messiah or God. I just don’t believe all that other stuff. I respect other people’s beliefs as long as they don’t push their crazy shit on me or try to shame me. I like the season of Christmas but I don’t like the actual religious stuff or nut jobs who wave their crap about. Nope......


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Later- Vicki fell of the corner seat in the shower although I was there helping and holding on to her. She arched her back like a baby and slipped off on to the shower floor and started screaming like bloody murder. I tried and tried to get her up myself but she was naked and wet and slippery and wasn’t helping at all. Finally after a long time Mike came in and helped and the two of us finally got her up and into her wheelchair and dressed. She’s fine but we both hurt our backs. I’m taking her home tomorrow.


Saturday, December 21












Wild nights

7:28 pm

There is some movie on I’m not paying attention to. Mike likes me to watch movies with him but he always picks some crime, cop, detective, mafia violent macho testosterone bullshit. I’m just not into that shit. The world is harsh enough in reality. Why subject yourself to more violence in your leisure time for entertainment? ( F that )




We went to Mike’s ex mother-in-law’s funeral this morning. He got along well with her. She was a sweet lady. We get along fine with Mike’s ex wife. I went mainly for my step kids.  The funeral drug on and on. It was pretty drug out and awful. I sat there kicking myself for telling Mike I’d go but then I was trapped in the pew and couldn’t escape. After that we took Mike’s mom home to her townhome in St. Charles. Her younger sister has Alzheimer’s and fell and broke her hip a week ago and is in the hospital. Annette and her other sister have been going to the hospital every day sitting with Ceal and feeding her. Annette is 81 and was exhausted from a long week so we didn’t stay long after we took her home. Then Mike and I went to our old favorite Mexican restaurant in Bartlett for lunch but it’s changed owners and it wasn’t nearly as good so I was really disappointed. At least I was able to eat normally without feeling sick after my rough last week and my gut, so that was good.
Tomorrow morning I’m going over to Algonquin to pick up a Buddha head statue and then I’m going to the grocery store to get stuff to make some goodies. Then I’m going to pack and get the guest room ready. Monday I’m going to Peoria and having a swim party with the kids then I’m bringing Vicki here Tuesday. Mike is working from home Tuesday so he’ll be here to help me get Vicki in the house with her wheelchair when I get home. We don’t have any wheelchair ramps. I’m going to line up some toys and things for her to do.



My ex husband has been seriously ill and gotten a big jolting scare about dying. He’s changed. I rarely ever see him but my daughters keep me informed. He’s finally come around and realized a lot of stuff. We can actually talk in a civil manner now. His mother, 85, has also been ill. I get along with her too. Funny how time heals old wounds. I wish them both well.




I’ve been doing some more cleaning, purging, organizing, reorganizing, decorating. Our house is smaller than the old house, less storage space and no basement. I want to remodel the kitchen. I want new wood floors to replace the vinyl in the kitchen and carpet in living room. I want a recessed electric fireplace on the main living room wall and the TV mounted above it. I want permanent stairs built in the garage going to the finished attic. I want to pay the house off in two years. I want to carry zero debt. I may live a long time but I want all my ends tied up when I’m gone. I don’t want to leave any shit behind for my family to deal with. I’ve had to go through that and won’t do it to my survivors. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it.

















Thursday, December 19



I’m -peached

So the impeachment vote passed last night. Now what? It just threw gas on an already roaring fire of political unrest. Now will this impeachment make things even worse than before? Will it bolster trumps zombie brainless chanting minions? Is there any way out, over or around the state this country is in?
Can’t we just have Obama back?????







My gut still isn’t right. Maybe once the meds are done I’ll revert to normal. Today is my last work day before break and I’ll be done by 1:00. Sweet. I’m sure the kids will all be crazy anyway. Holiday parties are today. 
Mike & I are both off tomorrow. We’re planning to drive up to Lake Geneva Wisconsin. It takes about 40 minutes from here. Just a nice little drive to a pretty lake town.






Wednesday, December 18

Argh

I’ve been awake since about 2am. It’s these steroids. I have only one more day left and then my sleep cycle should normalize. My congestion is less and much more loose. Overall I’m much better than a week ago.

I don’t want to get my hopes up about the impeachment. Our country is so divided and polarized politically. I consider myself an independent left-leaning moderate. I’m certainly no radical far left or far right. Even if Trump is impeached he might not be removed. Even if he is removed he still has a long of brainless twit cult fundamentalist Christian hypocrite zombies and the KKK, NRA and toothless low-brow MFers are still out there and pissed off. Can’t win. This is how Hitler rose to power. 

I feel like baking and making goodies.




I’m looking forward to a couple weeks off to recharge and refresh. In a few weeks I have my first retirement meeting with HR and TRS. I’m not sure how many there are before the end of the year. I guess I’ll find out. I’m sort of ambivalent about subbing after retirement. I guess I could pick and choose only certain jobs at certain buildings. I’d really like something completely fresh and new. We shall see. The possibilities are endless. The world is my oyster. 



It’s now 4:29 am and Mike has gotten up to go to the bathroom and has discovered I’m up and started scolding me to go back to bed. I explained I’m wide awake from the steroids so he plopped down on the couch, turned the TV up too loud to disturb my peaceful quiet solitude morning time and now he’s fallen asleep sitting up with his head slumped over, mouth agape snoring / wheezing / gasping. He has sleep apnea but refuses to go get treated. He falls asleep sitting up in mid sentence all the time. He also has had a shoulder injury he’s been nursing for a couple years and he has pain, limited range of motion and also severe neck pain. He ignores his diabetes and eats whatever he pleases. He refuses to go get help but snarls at me. This week I’ve told him he’d better get his ass in gear and get this shit fixed while he’s still on my good school district insurance before I retire. I am tired of telling him and trying to help him! You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink! WTF???

I have traced some of my ancestors back to the early 1700s. My mother’s ancestors came from Gloucester and Derbyshire England. Some of my dads family came from Kentucky.






Tuesday, December 17

Before daybreak

I’ve been awake since three or earlier. It’s the steroids making me all jacked up. I only have a couple more days of a lower dose. I do some of my best thinking and get my best ideas early in the morning.

I’ve been doing a lot of family tree research and discovering a lot of things , facts, and old photos. Very fun and fascinating.

Today at school is a holiday sing then 6th grade band after school. Hopefully it will be  smooth, quick and painless. Everyone is so anxious for the end of the week.



I contacted Vicki’s house about picking her up Christmas Eve and bringing her back home for a couple nights. I have to drive from Huntley down to West Peoria and back but it will be a little vacation and change of scenery for her and she loves singing in the car. I’ve measured the doorways for her wheelchair but I also bought a walker to help so I’m hoping it will be okay. Besides not being able to walk and being in a wheelchair full time she also has put on a lot of weight the last few years so that makes everything more complicated- getting her up and in and out, her showers, her incontinence. A lot more issues. But bless her heart she’s happy and grateful for everything you do for her.

I still haven’t figured out when I’m getting the grandkids either.

Monday, December 16

12.16.19 home stretch

This is an early day starting a short crazy work week. My gut is better after suffering with viral gastroenteritis all week. My breathing is better with the Symbicort and breathing treatments. I’m relieved and grateful. The illness and medicines have forced me off my keto diet I’d been on for months. Once my gut is normal and my antibiotic finished I’ll steer back to reduced carbs. I’ve just been surviving the past few days.I did some more decorating and organizing and purging over the weekend. It feels good to have things nice and in order.












Sunday, December 15

6:02 am

It’s Sunday morning. I’ve been awake for about ninety minutes. I flushed my sinuses, used my nebulizer and Symbicort inhaler, toasted and ate a bagel and I’m getting ready to take my steroids and antibiotic. They upset my gut. It’s been six days now with this gut stuff. The dreadful respiratory issues I’m used to fighting. I haven’t felt like doing much, just barely functioning. We went out on errands a couple times yesterday but both short. We didn’t go to Annette’s family Christmas party last night. I told Mike to go without me but he wouldn’t. I did get the presents mailed off for the kids. I won’t see them until after Christmas. I plan to get Vicki and bring her here for a couple days over Christmas IF my gut settles down. I’ll be done with my medicine by then so it should be fine.i have four days of work this week - taking Friday off. Mike has been pretty great about helping take care of me and getting me things from the store. Two guys he works with have this same awful gut virus I’ve had. So far Mike hasn’t caught it... 











Mike with his dad and mom a few years ago...









Friday, December 13

Friday the 13th

I went to work yesterday and survived after school band with 118 fifth graders. The Augmentin and prednisone are not helping my gut issues. I was in the bathroom numerous times throughout the night. I’m going to work again today. It should be an easier day, only one building and no after school rehearsal.

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9:45 Now I'm at work but there's MAP testing that the teachers didn't tell me about so here I sit feeling like I should be home napping.......wtf 

Wednesday, December 11

And so it goes

Stayed home sick again today and went to the doctor. Hoping to resume work tomorrow. My stomach is still very touchy.

Tuesday, December 10

ICK

I got SUPER SICK at my stomach last night. I don’t know if it was food poisoning from the Lean Cuisine meal I had ( most likely) or some bug I picked up at school but I was in and out of the bathroom countless times and feeling like I was going to die. I got hot and was drenched in sweat and my stomach was cramping. I couldn’t sit or lie with any comfort so I could rest for hours. I’m feeling better but really weak. I had to take the day off. It’s hard for me to walk this morning.

Monday, December 9

I apologize!






I do apologize for all the typos and bizarre auto-correct screwed up words in my posts! I generally am typing quickly on my iPad with one finger trying to get done, distracted by other things and don’t proof read before I hit publish!
I just took the time to scan through some previous posts and was cringing. Again, I’m sorry. I will try to do better. I am of course a complete dork. You may already know this.

My granddaughter’s winter concert.


I bought a small tabletop humidifier and had it running next to my bed last night. I slept better and am actually breathing better this morning. It’s SUCH a relief!

Hello darkness my old friend

It’s 5:55 and I’ve been up for forty minutes. I’ll leave here shortly to drive the mile to our lodge to use the pool and workout. I didn’t g...