Saturday, February 17

Fuggetaboudit

I haven’t posted in a while. There is some family drama going on I’m trying to ignore and let the universe work it out. I am not in charge of worrying about and fixing every thing and every one. Just let it be, stay in your lane and focus on your own path. If someone calls for help so be it but otherwise don’t stick your nose in. Leave it be. Yes I have a burr under my saddle blanket but I’m going to ignore it and let it go away on its own.

I took Bitzi for a nice brisk walk this morning. It was pretty chilly in the wind on the park trail. I had my puffer winter coat on, gloves, stretchy ear flap hat with my coat hood up and it was still abrasively cold out there. But we survived! 



Thursday, February 8

Comfort and joy

The dog is curled up on the soft, cozy Bears blanket on my lap. She feels like a gentle little heating pad. I can hear the high- pitched jingle of the metal wind chime hung outside the front door stoop along with the background hum and whoosh of the furnace blowing. I have my little cup of coffee with sugar-free chocolate macaroon flavor syrup added to it. Not bad. I got a bunch of flavored syrups for my new coffee bar on top the new cabinets we had put in a few weeks ago. It makes things a little more interesting in the mornings.




We did a lot of errands yesterday so I didn’t get all of my to-do list tasks accomplished but today is a new day. I did manage to get my old ratty sewing basket sorted and cleaned out and my crochet bag too. I need a new container for those. It sounds pretty gusty / windy outside. I haven’t read the weather forecast. 

My intention was to take Bitzi somewhere different for our big walk today. I like walking. It always makes me feel better. I like the fresh air. Going to the gyn or walking the inside track will do if you have to but I’d rather be outside. I usually walk to fast-paced music and March in place while Bitzi is sniffing stuff. I’m supposed to keep an elevated heart rate for 40 minutes or so a day. 

Today I’m going to the grocery store to stock up on healthy foods. Then I’m going to prepare a big bowl of mixed greens salad to keep in the fridge along with diced up proteins to add in. I need to avoid junk and refined carbs and red meat, fried stuff and fatty foods. 

Wednesday, February 7

Garbage Day

Good morning. I’ve been awake a couple hours. It’s 4:56 am now. I couldn’t sleep. I go up so as not to disturb Michael. It’s not uncommon for me to wake up like this. I’m an early to bed early to rise person. I like the stillness of the house in these early mornings. I relish my alone time. It’s strange being at this stage of life, knowing so many people who have died now, so many others struggling with health and cognitive issues, so many joint replacements and transplants. It feels like I’ve arrived on a new level, a new planet where there are all these different issues with aging and mortality. On our little street here this year a couple neighbors died, one is moving to an extended care facility, two others have been in the hospital, another has a full-time caregiver. All the other neighbors have cleaning services that come in. We’re still doing our own house cleaning and snow removal. 

Today is garbage day. We already got stuff gathered up yesterday. There were boxes and papers from the new TV soundbar and fireplace mantel that had to be thrown away, stuff from the fridge and a bunch of other stuff. It’s always good to get rid of stuff and clear out the clutter. We have been sorting through so much stuff at Mike’s mom’s house and there still are a few things remaining although the whole team of his family have been working at it for six weeks now. Mike is still dealing with the bills and tax issues of it. Life is about constant tending and shedding things you no longer need. That’s just the way it is.

I have things of my own I need to shed. Excess baggage weighs you down. I’ve been walking quite a bit the last couple days but I need to ramp it up with weights and some exercises. I need to be leaner and stronger. I feel like a big pillowy dumpling. I need to be smarter about being healthier. I’m having some heart / lung issues.  Soon I’ll be out working in the yard again so that’s good. At least the weather has cooperated the last few days and I’ve been able to walk comfortably. Thank goodness for 



1874 –

1963

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep.



It always seems to me this time of year is moody, sullen and gloomy. We have days on end of overcast skies. There is always a lot of sickness going around. People with SAD are hold up in their houses being pissy. No wonder so many people leave this climate during these months. NEXT year I will be one of them! Until then I just have to make my own sunshine and rainbows!🌈 


I need to clean out my horrible messy old sewing basket today and also sort through my crochet bag. I need to get my instruments out and play them. I’m absolutely positive they’re pissed off at me for being stored on the shelf in the closet. I need to book the Tampa flights. Mike has been going to do it for weeks and I’m sick of him forgetting. I’ll just do it. I need to start planning out my yard plantings for spring. Things to keep me busy as idle hands are the devil’s playthings! 














Sunday, February 4

Saturday morning

It’s Saturday morning. I’m having decaf coffee. Shortly I’ll get dressed and take Bitzi for a walk. Around 9 Mike and I are driving down to Utica to meet my sister and brother-in-law for brunch. I haven’t seen them for a while so it will be good to catch up. My brother-in- law has been doing home dialysis for a couple months. He’s on the list for a kidney transplant. My niece has been going through the testing to get approved to donate one of her kidneys but it’s a long process.

Tuesday, January 30

Just breathe

My goals today are to keep moving, keep positive and be happy. I was supposed to go to central Illinois yesterday for a few days but didn’t end up going due to my daughter. I was really aggravated at her yesterday but I’ll just move on and let it go. I don’t need to brood and fester about stuff. Life is short. You cannot control the behavior of others. I need to take care of my own business and stay in my own lane. I am not on of those meddling mothers or mother-in-laws. I mind my own business. I really hate pushy people. 

Whatever is going on in the atmosphere is making my nose run and causing me post-nasal drip that makes me cough. That’s what woke me up this morning and then I couldn’t get back to sleep. The damp foggy weather always triggers it. My wheezing has been worse. I took a nice long walk with Bitzi yesterday but didn’t make it to the lodge for my heavy workout. I’ll do that today. I need 40 minutes of cardio a day for my heart. Gotta keep all the body mechanics working. I am sick of this chronic bronchial congestion and wheezing. What a blessing it would be to consistently breathe free and clear! 

We got four new cabinets put in the kitchen a few weeks ago and created a coffee bar on top of the two bottom ones. I have my Keurig there with three different flavor pumps and mugs, sugar, creamer and pods in the cabinet above. It’s very handy. Also all the cabinets were repainted- the base cabinets are a nice dark green, the wall cabinets white, the walls are pale faint green and we have a new vent hood, new relocated microwave and new white and green backsplash. I really like it a lot. In a month or so we’ll replace the stove and fridge and dishwasher.
















Friday, January 26

Mortality

I’m alone in the living room on the couch with a blanket and Bitzi, my dog, on my lap. I still have my pajamas and wool socks on. I’m waiting about 20 minutes more before I make my coffee. I’m supposed to wait an hour after taking my thyroid pill before having anything except water. My thyroid needs all the help it can get so I try to take my pill as directed. 
One of the guys I was in band, chorus and swing choir with in high school died suddenly 2 days ago. I hadn’t seen him in years and years but had kept up on his life through Facebook and other friends. What a sweet, kind, faithful, talented guy. I’m so sorry to hear the sad news, sorry for his family and close friends. It makes me think about life and how in an instant your life can be over. We just spent months dealing with Mike’s mom’s physical and cognitive decline. The last 2 weeks were just awful and ever since December 4 when she died all the aftermath stuff of the services, going through all her stuff and bills, etc….. We’re still doing it and taking care of things. And now we’ve entered the gloomy overcast bucket of suck season so that all adds to my gloom and despair.😩 







Thursday, January 18

Pushing onward

It’s mid morning. I’ve been reading the news, took the dog out to pee, made coffee and oatmeal and got dressed. Mike is in the office on the phone with his brother talking about things to settle their mother’s estate. In an hour we have to stop by a neighbor’s house and then go out to the hospital lab to get my blood drawn to check my immunoglobulin levels. I’m due to get another infusion and Aetna is strongly pushing for me to start getting them at home rather than travel to Loyola in Maywood. I guess it will be scheduled for next week but the nurse hasn’t called yet to set up the appointment. It’s a hassle but I’ll do whatever I have to do. 

Wednesday, January 17

Mittwoch

Good morning universe. It’s still unpleasantly cold outside. Shortly I’ll go to the lodge and do my exercise routine. I’ve been going every day lately. I need the cardio for my heart health. I’ve been slacking off the past few months so trying to get back at it. I’m so grateful to still be alive and need to do all I can to be healthier. God has given me this enormous blessing and I need to cherish it. 







Friday, January 12

Snowmagedon, snowpocalypse

It started snowing a lot during the night. Right now we have around 8 inches of snow. It’s still snowing pretty hard with big fluffy flakes. It supposed to stop for a while and then snow again and the temperature will drop. I was outside a little while ago with Bitzi and shoveled for a while. Mike is still out there using the snow blower. At least the snow isn’t as wet and heavy as the other day. 





Wednesday, January 10

The sound of silence

It’s 3:48 in the morning. I’ve been awake for a while so I finally go up, came out to the kitchen and made me a coffee and now and sitting on the couch in the living room with with Bears blanket and Bitzi warming my lap. I had some weird dream that I was at some seminar a few hours away and I lost my car keys during the activities and had no way home. I don’t know what a shrink would say about that. Sometimes I have dreams I’m lost in a big deserted mall or warehouse and I’m frantically trying to find my way out. Hmmmm there may be some connection or pattern here. Do I feel trapped or lost in some way? Hmmm….

As usual, when I couldn’t get back to sleep I was tossing and turning, draping my legs over Michael, rubbing his back, etc….. so I just got up so I wouldn’t disturb him any more. Pretty much he sleeps like a rock though. I fell asleep on the couch last night with my head on Michael’s lap pretty early after my hot bath and after we watched Jeopardy. I woke up at some point and staggered in to bed and it was 9:30 then because I put a podcast on for background noise. 


I dread the coming presidential election. I am so sick of the divisiveness and name calling. I do like Meaghan McCain and Chris Christie but in general I think most republicans are deplorables. I also don’t like some democrats. If Trump gets re-elected it’s all over. I’ll just give up. Peace out nutjobs.