Enough

I no longer have time for anyone or anything that does not uplift me and bring me joy. Goodbye users and fake people. 

Overcast morning

It’s early morning and I’m drinking coffee with the dog on my lap typing with my index finger on my IPad. It’s garbage day. I got up first, gathered up and took some of the garbage out, fed the dog, opened the blinds, tidied up the house and now am in my news reading / listening to time and my IPad tapping. 

I overdid it yesterday with the weed pulling. I was sitting / laying in the grass several times with exhaustion. The nice warm shower last night felt especially delicious washing away all the little itchy bits of weeds that had made themselves under my clothes as I carried so many armloads of folded up broken branches and dried flowers and weeds to my garden wagon. I got a LOT done and the yard looks so much better. My legs, feet, glutes and back are pretty grouchy today.

I need to do laundry today, walk the dog and do chores I didn’t get done yesterday. I got too involved doing the weed removal yesterday so paused some things I intended to do. In a couple weeks we’re going to our nephew’s wedding then going to the airport early the next morning to fly to Seattle and going on an Alaskan cruise for a week. We’re both excited about it. I’m kind of avoiding my husband the last few days. It’s a self protection mode so I don’t go completely crazy. I just need space. I always have. Us both being retired created a situation I have never before encountered. Being with anyone 24/7 for a long time day after day can have some problems for humans.

7-23

Today is Tuesday. I don’t have much scheduled this week. I’m still congested and had a horrible coughing attack last night. I got up several times and eventually slept on the love seat in the front sitting room with the dog. I used my nose spray, inhaler and took two Advil cold and sinus capsules. I’m not sure why it’s worse at night. God only knows why this is going on. 

I ordered a new patio umbrella and it was delivered yesterday. I need to put it together today. I still haven’t bought my flowerbed stepping stones which I need to get.

Good morning y’all. I’m having my coffee before I get ready to go to my 8am water aerobics class. I did a lot more exercise than usual yesterday so slept pretty well. Today I’m going to go to a sporting goods store and get my feet accurately measured and possibly buy a new pricier pair of athletic shoes. It’s all about the fit, support and balance. I’m also intending to buy some stepping stones to place in my flower beds. That’s been on my to-do list for weeks.

I’m intending to go to central Illinois next week for a few days and spend time with family. I need to make a point to be with them. Who knows what the future will bring?

Good morning universe. I’m getting ready to go change to go to my water aerobics class. I took Bitzi for a 1.5 mile walk a while ago. I’m trying harder to be healthier. Move it or lose it.

7:18 a.m. Monday

Good morning universe. I’m having coffee with my little dog Bitzi curled up on my lap. I have a little bit of a cold or something. It rained and stormed hard again last night. I slept pretty well and it was the second night of taking NyQuil so I could sleep and not be up coughing and draining all night. 

I need to go out and buy some more walkway stepping stones today.We bought some before we left for Gatlinburg and the landscapers placed them in front of the house below the living room window like I wanted. Now I need to add some more pathway  stones to make a path in to my flower beds in the front,  on the side and in back. It takes so long to get things just right. I think it will look very charming once I’m done. I love the “cottage garden” look. 

Mike has his physical with our family doctor in Bartlett this morning. We’ve been going to him for many years. I’m anxious to hear the results of his bloodwork. He hasn’t been able to access it online. I’m thinking his A1C is going to be bad. We shall see. He always insists on going with me to my doctor’s appointments. I’ll ask him when he gets up if he wants to go alone. Sometimes you want your privacy. 

I’m tidying up the house then taking Bitzi for a walk. 

Rainy Sunday

I like animals much better than people most of the time.

I don’t like crowds and don’t like making small talk. I am not a clique woman. I never have been. Once in a great while I meet someone who seems to be on my same frequency but those are few and very rare. In general I don’t trust people and don’t dare get too close. I’ve been hurt so badly before and won’t risk it again. Float like a butterfly but don’t get too close. 

There are lots of emotional vampires out there disguised as normal people. I’ve made a lot of really really stupid foolish mistakes in my past that I will never be able to fix. You just do your best and try to go on until you can’t. I don’t know how much longer I have. I feel a heightened urgency about life these days. I guess being retired allows you more time to contemplate the meaning and purpose of your life and your legacy. You’re not in the rush to go to work and earn your paycheck. Maybe I have too much time to think now. I have a weakened immune system, damaged brain and eyes from the cancer, random neurological pain and weakness from the cancer and two blocked heart arteries so there are a lot of strikes against me in this stage of the game. I just need to suck out all the sweet juice of life while I can.

After I retired I had it in my head that I had to be really busy and productive. I joined a bunch of clubs and committees. I found that I was too busy, stressed and didn’t have time for family and other important things. I’ve spent the last year slowly bowing out of a number of things that were more of a chore than bringing me peace and joy. I’m okay with not being super busy. I’m traveling more and working on a few projects at my own pace. 

7-11

July road trip to Kentucky, Tennessee, North Carolina