Wednesday, April 14

Garbage day

The garbage and recycling bins are down by the street. It’s a very glaringly bright, crisp day. I’m finishing my coffee. I’m then taking Bitzi for a walk then practicing my sax for a bit. Today is the first in- person rehearsal for our community band. I haven’t played anything in months but I’m sure I’m not the only one. My poor vision will be my biggest obstacle, much more than having no embouchure muscles. I’ll do my best. 
I’m still somewhat congested although there is some improvement from a week ago. I’m sure at some point it will just dry up.
Yesterday was our first neighborhood 3 ladies monthly luncheon. Over 30 ladies came to the cafe and we had a great time. I’m so glad it was well received. I’m one of the neighborhood reps and organized it. 
















I ordered two pink climbing roses for my new trellises on the side of the house. I’ll put my four clematis vines by the patio trellis in back. In just a couple weeks it will be safe to plant!

I’m subbing at middle schools tomorrow and Friday.








Monday, April 12

Morning alone time

My phone started ringing around 5am today. It was district 300’s sub caller robo caller. No way am I subbing today. We’re still at the resort and going home later this morning. I went to bed early last night as I was mad and didn’t want to sit on the small uncomfortable couch with Mike watching him watch brainless TV shows. He told me his work friend Jim asked him to go to LasVegas the end of May and he said he’d talk to him Tuesday. I have been begging him for months to go to LasVegas or KeyWest or anywhere but he kept saying he didn’t feel safe to travel or fly. He only begrudgingly came up here with me to this resort ( only 30 miles away) this weekend. I am pissed off  he’s even considering going to LasVegas with Jim. That seems like a big fuck you to me. So I went to bed early. That’s the last straw. Let him stew in his juices. I’m not going to say a word about it to him. He can make his own decision but if he goes I will never forget it. 
2016,2017








My wheezing is less this morning and I feel pretty clear. I had a couple big coughing jags yesterday but that’s how you get rid of all that creepy junk. Mike is still in the bedroom sleeping and I have the doors shut.

I’m going to start cleaning up and packing up the room shortly. We’ll leave here around 9:30 or 10 and go pick up Bitzi from the kennel and then head home. Tomorrow I’m heading up our neighborhood ladies’ first monthly luncheon ( since Covid) at Brunch Cafe and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I’m subbing. I’m so wanting to be over this coughing shit completely. Yesterday I started watching this new series on Amazon Prime on my IPad called “ Them” but it turned out to be pretty creepy and disturbing. I don’t like scary shit. Life itself has been scary enough. I don’t need to add to it. I just finished rewatching all of HBOs VEEP. For the most part shockingly hilarious. 

It looks overcast and rainy again. I have things to do at home. I’m going to go in and quietly start packing my stuff up in the bedroom shortly. I’m going to plan something to go away and do next weekend for myself. I’m driving my own train. I have to worry about being healthy and happy. Fuck everyone else’s bullshit. 

Sunday, April 11

Looking forward

There’s a National Celtic Dance competition here at the resort this weekend. Every parking spot was taken when we arrived yesterday. Skinny people in funny outfits and hats were walking in and out of the lodge. It’s been rainy and shitty. We went out to eat yesterday and to a couple stores. I went for a short walk this morning of about a mile but the air was so damp and chilly and my nose was running and I was wheezing so I came back to our room. We’re going to the outlet mall shortly. There is no mask requirement in Wisconsin. I’m subbing Wednesday, Thursday and Friday this week and we have our first community band practice Wednesday afternoon. I’d better dust off my sax and test it out when I get home. 

Saturday, April 10

Clarity

I took a nice long nap yesterday afternoon, fell asleep on the couch watching TV last night, went to bed and slept all night with barely any coughing and draining. It’s a miracle! Yesterday morning I tried a Zyrtec, flushed my sinuses extra well and used Flonase. Something is finally helping, thank God.



I’m doing laundry and going to pack my bag for our weekend away. Mike has been up before me finishing some work stuff. Today is Hennessy’s 7th birthday. I sent her some birthday presents. I invited her and my oldest daughter Samantha to go to Springfield with us last week but Hennessy had school and had just returned to her in- person first grade class. 

Either today or tomorrow we’ll drive to the outlet mall in Pleasant Prairie Wisconsin and go to the big Columbia outlet store there. I’ve bought so many things there over the years. At the Grand Geneva Resort we’re going to they’re remodeling the front lobby and the Grand Cafe restaurant so I’m anxious to see what it looks like now and when it’s finished. The updates will be good.

Friday, April 9

One single bird singing

I’ve been up many times in the night coughing. I’m producing way way too much gunk. I thought it was getting better but now it’s worse. I’m coughing, wheezing and my nose is running constantly. It sure makes a lot of things unpleasant. On my walks the last few days I’ve felt fatigued and short of breath. I have to stop and blow out a ton of stuff. I tried an Allegra D yesterday. I know you need to start taking that stuff before the allergy season starts and it takes a few days to kick in. I always forget to start taking it before my symptoms start. I got up out of bed around 5 and just stayed up. Mike had escaped my hacking in the bedroom and bathroom and come out to the living room couch and fell asleep. Now that I’m up he’s gone back to bed and closed the door. So now I sit out here in the front room alone. It’s still dark outside at 5:57. There is a single bird singing away joyously outside in the dark. I now also hear Michael’s faint snore from the other room,

I have a dentist appointment this morning for a routine cleaning but she always finds some new problem. I’m hoping today I can just get by with a simple cleaning. I also have to give them my new insurance card. Michael swore we’d save more money by him putting me on his group insurance rather than me having the retired teachers’ insurance so I dropped mine but his isn’t as good. So whatever....For twenty-two years I covered him on my insurance and now it feels weird. Since I’ve had brain cancer twice he seems to always assume he knows best but that’s not always true. I’m much more intuitive and creative than he is. He’s more concrete thinking.

I used my nebulizer when I got up and am now sipping coffee. I read through my newspapers online. I declined the long term sub jobs that were offered as I have several other obligations that I don’t want to cancel ( or I’d feel like a shit) so now I’ve scheduled nine daily sub jobs in different buildings in different towns and various subjects and grades. I’ve kept all my already scheduled things that were on my calendar and left lots of days open. I just need to get over this sinus infection/ allergy/ hacking bullshit.

I haven’t been to the pool to exercise all week because of my coughing stuff. I may try to go today after the dentist. We no longer have to schedule pool and fitness appointments online. We just go in but I believe they’re still limiting capacity. I guess I’ll see when I go over there today. Mike and I are going to the resort in Lake Geneva this weekend for a brief getaway but the forecast is for dreary rain and I’m still hacking so I have no delusions of greatness. It will be a little change of scenery and he’s been working so many crazy hours the last couple months. 

My youngest daughter left her husband in November and moved in at the farm with her father, taking her three boys. She also was helping her father with his cancer treatment and care. She was put in charge of his estate and cattle business on his will. Then her older brother moved in there too. He’s been in big trouble for drugs before.

 After a time time Sarah discovered he was doing drugs again and told her father and that she couldn’t live there with her sons under those conditions. My younger son was involved too. My two sons called her a liar and made up a big story to their dad. There was a huge fight and she and her sons moved out. 

Her father ( my ex) believed her brothers lies and changed the will putting my oldest son in charge, my youngest son next, my oldest daughter third and my youngest daughter last. Then suddenly at the end of January her father died. It has been a huge, huge ugly mess since then. My daughters have their own lawyer trying to help them overturn the will - they will NOT be partners in the farm LLC with their brothers in charge for obvious reasons. It’s been very difficult and I can’t help fix it or repair the damage. Even in death my ex left a huge flaming pile of shit for his family. Unbelievable.......















Wednesday, April 7

Struggling

The sun is shining. It’s pretty humid outside. I walked the .8 miles around the block with Bitzi and felt weak and winded. I’m still coughing up and blowing out a ton of gunk. It’s aggravating and exhausting and I feel dizzy and off balance at times because of the junk in my head. This all started about twelve to fifteen years ago. I never had this stuff before.  I’ve been flushing my sinuses and using my nebulizer and trying to cough out as much as I can. If I don’t it will go into actual bronchitis then pneumonia. Due to my lymphoma and treatment I have a permanently weakened immune system and produce very few immunoglobulins so this is what I’m left with. I am trying NOT to go to the doctor and NOT to get antibiotics. I’ve had way way too much.

So now with the RoupUp Monsanto NHL lymphoma lawsuit I can choose to settle for Monsanto-Bayer’s meager offering, opt back in to a large group class action suit or go to trial but trial wouldn’t come for a couple years.......How long do I have?

Yesterday the landscape crew came and spent all day cleaning up the yard, re-edging out the beds, pulling weeds, planted a bush for me, spread out a ton of nice dark rich mulch and put down grass seed and fertilizer. It’s looking WAY nicer. In a few weeks I’ll plant my flowers. 




Monday, April 5

Battling the monster

Good morning. It’s the Monday after Easter. We stayed home for the most part yesterday because I’m sick with this cold/ allergy/ whatever junk and I’m wheezing and coughing up and blowing out a bunch of unpleasantness and have been running a low fever off and on since Friday. I made a big baked ham slice with brown sugar and pineapple, some mashed potatoes, corn, green beans and baked beans for us. I’m getting a bit better at cooking smaller quantities for just the two of us. We were invited to go to other people’s Easter but declined when I came home sick Friday. We did go for a short walk with Bitzi yesterday afternoon but I didn’t feel like it. We took a little drive last night. I started using my nebulizer yesterday with the albuterol vials to help break up my bronchial congestion and I’ve been using my sinus irrigator with salt solution to flush. It usually starts with spring and fall pollen triggering my sinuses to start going crazy, then turns into sinus infection, to bronchitis and sometimes pneumonia. Unfortunately I’ve had this cycle many times so trying REALLY hard to nip it in the bud now. Thankfully it’s been over a year since I’ve had this. It was beautiful outside yesterday but I felt shitty and didn’t want to be out there walking around wheezing dripping and hacking. When I get this I feel like some big hideous mucous monster. I am blessed that Mike is a wonderful caregiver. He doesn’t baby me but he’s very helpful and always has been through all the cancer bullshit and everything else. 
I don’t have too much scheduled this week. I’m a little leery to plant my plants yet for fear of late frost. I have the kitchen table full of live plants to be planted in the yard and a big pile of flower seed packets stacked on the counter. 
While I was in Springfield Thursday my old school district, U-46, called and offered me a couple different long term sub jobs ( first grade!) for the rest of the school year. I didn’t really care for either of the schools in question. Sarah, the HR lady, told me there would be more jobs coming available the next day on Friday so I said okay but they didn’t call me Friday. It’s just as well. It seems so ridiculously last minute of them to be plugging subs in to start April 6. I’m okay not working. Next week I’m heading our first neighborhood ladies’ luncheon ( since the pandemic started). Somehow I got talked into being a neighborhood rep.



















7:54am.   I took Bitzi for a walk around the block. I had a Capri jeggings and a hoodie. It’s already almost too warm for the hoodie. We stopped and talked to a neighbor for a few minutes. The daffodils are blooming in the park across the street and a couple in my yard. I’ll use my nebulizer a couple more times today. I can beat this. 

12:04 I ate leftover Chinese food for lunch, took another nebulizer treatment and took Bitzi for a walk around the lagoon up by Prairie Lodge. It’s very cool and damp out but it hasn’t rained yet. It’s overcast and the moisture is hanging in the air.
































Garbage day

The garbage and recycling bins are down by the street. It’s a very glaringly bright, crisp day. I’m finishing my coffee. I’m then taking Bit...