Showing posts from January, 2020

You just gotta keep swimming no matter what

So I’m feeling pretty heart sick and angst filled. My oldest daughter hasn’t been talking to any of us since Christmas. It seemed like one day things were okay and the next day she completely cut everybody off so finally yesterday I kept texting her and calling her and texted her husband. Later in the afternoon she sent me an angry hateful cussing rant text. She has gone completely off her rocker. I’ve also been worried for her two young daughters. She evidently has started on some new strong dose of Cymbalta for her fibromyalgia and is trying to cut out all stress and anxiety but it’s obviously making her a crazy bitch. I’ve read up on it and adverse side effects can be anger, hostility, aggression and increased depression.  I’m just going to leave her alone and not contact her anymore. I will never forgive her for what she said. Karma is a bitch. She’ll wake up and realize at some point but I’m done and I’m really hurting. She’s thirty seven and I have to trust things will eventually

Switch day

Today is Thursday but at school a switch day Friday schedule and there is after school fifth grade band rehearsal. I’m still not feeling right, very exhausted and still coughing a lot. I’m taking tomorrow’s SIP day off. I need more rest.

Crawl back into bed

I’m getting better. I’ve gone to work the past two days. I’m still having some occasional coughing attacks but mostly I’m SO tired. I feel like I could just sleep all day and night. I have no energy. Friday is an SIP day and I’m taking it off to rest.


I’m going back to work today. I still feel weak, pasty clammy and squishy at my stomach. I’m only taking my flute in my rolling bag in and not lugging the other instruments. Too much.

I will survive

Good morning. It’s 8:06 Saturday and I just woke up a while ago and am drinking my first coffee since last Saturday. I’ve been so sick all week I could barely eat or drink anything. I am sipping today’s coffee slowly. My gut has been very unhappy. I did manage to get up and take a shower, wash my hair, style it and put some lotion on my face and put on real clothes yesterday so I didn’t feel like such a troll. I   spent the week in pajamas or lounge pants, my hair up in a haggard bun and no makeup or moisturizer. I got pretty dehydrated and was startled Thursday when I was sitting at my bathroom vanity mirror and noticed how drawn and wrinkled and haggard I looked. My arms and hands were all dry and scaled and shriveled looking. I couldn’t sleep for about three days or keep my food or drink in that didn’t go straight through me. No wonder I’ve been so weak and unstable on my feet. Mike stayed home with me several days. So I’m feeling better but not 100%. I plan to go back to work Monda

Thursday sick day

I have been really sick with this awful flu that’s going around. 

Tuesday sick day

I've been sick since Sunday night with fever, chills, sore throat, cough and weakness. I'm hoping to feel better and return to work tomorrow. This has been pretty awful.

Winter in Chicago far west suburbs

Well I’m not driving down to Lewistown. It started snow sleeting yesterday afternoon and continued most of the night.   t’s supposed to be warmer for a while this morning then later the temperature drops and it gets windy and flash freezes all the melted stuff. I made poached eggs  egg poacher  and toast for breakfast then put on my insulated leggings, thermal Columbia top  winter thermal top  and my Ugg furry boots  Winter boots   and put my hair in braids to control it.  We’re going out to shovel and scrape ice in a few minutes. My throat is sore and my cough is getting worse. I’m going to the pool later and steaming myself in the sauna to open up my breathing.  nebulizer   Now it’s snowing hard again! Gotta get our asses out there #midwestwinter, #chicagowinter and get to shoveling and using the snowblower.

I have become comfortably numb

I'm feeling pretty glum tonight. I'm frustrated, sad and feel helpless. You can only do so much.  @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Friday 4:98 am I still haven’t really spoken to my oldest daughter in a few weeks but have got a couple quick dodging text responses. I’m pretty sure something awful has happened and she doesn’t want to tell anyone. I am vexed and can’t quit worrying.  I just have this suspicious feeling and it’s driving me crazy. I want to help. My protective mama bear alert has been going off. I’m afraid it’s her husband and she’s afraid or ashamed to tell. I have lived that situation and I know. I wish she would talk to me. I guess when she’s ready.She’s an adult and I can’t make her do anything #parentinggrownadults  Pink Floyd  I Have Become Comfortably Numb  Comfortably Numb My ex father in law is supposed to be near death my younger daughter told me yesterday. He’s 90-some and has lived in Florida for many years. I can’t even remember the last time I saw him.  He and

I’m feeling like an old crone

It’s evening now. The day was pretty foggy and misting but never turned to sleet as predicted. I’m getting more curmudgeonly the last few years. I notice it myself. I’ll admit it and I don’t care. I’m just no longer willing to put up with bullshit. My husbands family is always sending me invitations for showers - bridal or baby showers for nieces, or cousins or second cousins I don’t really know and am not around. I HATE those stupid-ass showers. I’ve always hated them. I hate feeling guilty that I ought to go but don’t want to. Men don’t have to deal with this bullshit. And now the person being “ showered” is always registered at several different online places, so you don’t even taking a fucking gift to the stupid shower, you don’t see what she gets, you don’t get thanked for your thoughtful gift that she picked out and told you to buy so you just sit through some horribly stupid “ games” and some awful food and have to put this plastic fake smile on and pretend to not be in absolute

New baby!

There’s a new grand baby boy on the way in March!  I’m am so excited #grandkids   cute!  Right now I have six grandchildren so far, four boys and two girls. Soon it will be five boys. I bought a bunch of baby shower items on amazon and had them delivered to my stepdaughter’s house. So easy. She created a wishlist and we just clicked and had them delivered. Since I had brain and eye cancer it’s just easier for me to shop on Amazon rather than try to fight suburban traffic and crowds. While I was just sitting here typing the doorbell rang and Amazon delivered some iron-on fusible hem tape for my too- long pants and some teacher incentive stickers. I love Amazon! What would I do without it?  amazon gift cards! Today was a pretty good day. I went to work and then went to the doctor. I am so thankful my health is as good as it is #cancersurvivor, #cancersucks, #alive, #lifeisgood. I take vitamins for mature women  and probiotics and drink kefir.  women’s mature formula vitamins

Full belly

This morning Mike and I went outside and shoveled the driveway and both sidewalks ( we live on a corner lot). We only got 2-3 inches of snow, not the 6-9 that was forecast. It was actually nice out there and not too cold. We went to the pool. I used the foam barbells and worked out in the pool then I sat in the hot tub with Mike then I sat in the sauna for a long time then back in the pool. Mike had a headache so we came home for a while then we went back to the lodge and paid our HOA fees for the year then had brunch at Jameson’s char house in the lodge. It wasn’t very good but I filled up on my omelet and a chocolate chip cookie. The restaurant is so nice with beautiful golf course views, lots of plants and a huge stone fireplace and conveniently located right here in our main lodge.  When we got home I sent an email to the Jamesons’ company. They need to do better for the residents here who patronize them. I really enjoy the amenities and surroundings here #55+community. I didn’t re

Puttering around is good for the soul

It’s the middle of the afternoon on Saturday and so far we’ve just had an overcast gloomy day and a little misting of sleet. The media always predicts some ginormous arctic ass kicking end of the world ice age and usually it ends up being hardly anything. My husband is always so much more worried about weather than I am. That’s just his nature. I however enjoy the snow and winter. True I do not like shoveling or dealing with assholes who don’t know how to drive carefully in the snow and ice. We went out this morning to a couple stores. I wore my Ugg boots and my long quilted coat and gloves. I could have gone on an arctic expedition in that get up. I’ve been doing laundry and cleaning. I put some chili in the crockpot and mixed up a peach cobbler and put it in the oven. It’s good to stay home and putter around and get caught up on things. I still haven’t heard from my oldest daughter. I guess she’ll contact me when she’s good and ready. My texts and calls have gone unanswered so I’ve g

The storm approaches

5:38pm Friday. I’ve been home for a while. I have spaghetti sauce with meatballs simmering on the stove. The furnace just kicked in -nice since I just got out of the shower and am sitting here in my pajamas with wet hair. Mike isn’t home from work yet so I haven’t boiled the spaghetti noodles yet. This is leftover sauce from several days ago. I doctored it up and added meatballs I made last night.

Almost Friday

Thursday’s are usually ny busiest work days. It goes fast mostly though. Better than sitting around I guess. My blood pressure has been too high lately and I keep getting pink eye or some eye irritation. I just made an appointment to see my doctor Monday after school. It’s always something......

Funky town

I keep trying to avoid the news but you really can’t. I don’t know why more people aren’t going postal and over the edge batshit crazy given the current state of our country. There is no place to run and hide. It seems like a nightmare. Pray for peace people everywhere. Back to work this week. I’m only starting to get out of my vacation brain fog head funk. Five more months. Still havent heard from Samantha.....


I’m feeling really worried about the whole Trump bombing Iran and our country so deeply divided. Seriously.

It’s always some thing

So we took Mike’s 2010 Chevy Tahoe in this morning to a different mechanic place here in Huntley for an oil change and a quick once over check. We have used one other mechanic place since we moved here last March. Fine. We planned to pick it up in an hour or so then take it to Lake Geneva for our little two-night holiday  treat getaway. The mechanic just called saying it’s unsafe to drive and the ball joints, bearings and tires all desperately need replaced. We’ve been hearing some strange friction grinding sound for a while. The other mechanic who checked it said it was fine. What the hell? SO we’re leaving it to get the repairs ($$$$$) and taking my new Kia Sorento that now has 32,000 miles on it. I love my car.  But now, of course, we take the hit with this friggin Tahoe expense.  Like Rosanne Rosannadanna said “ It’s always something....”. It’s very hazy and overcast out today and there’s an icy mist in the air. I always feel better when the sun is out. I’m fussy that way.  I’ve de

Rolling in the deep abyss

So now it;s Thursday. Mike just left for work finally. It’s 9:53. He starts late. This is my last vacation day to myself. I’m going to the pool / spa in a little while. I scrubbed the stove down this morning with an SOS pad. Mike said it still smelled like fish in the kitchen after the New Years Eve seafood cooking on top of the stove. I didn’t smell it but my sense of smell hasn’t returned to normal since the stem cell transplant four years ago. I can smell some things but not like other normal people. Whatever... I have lost all sense of days of the week over Christmas break and feel completely disoriented like I’m floating in some foggy abyss. It’s bright and sunny but colder today. I have decided not to worry about my kids. They’re all adults. I’ve spend enough time worrying about them. Things always turn out okay.  So push that aside. My pink eye shit is better but not gone completely. Yesterday and last night I rubbed fresh aloe juice on and in them and put a wet washcloth over m

The fun never ends

So this is the first day of 2020. We are sitting around like bumps on a log. I finished the laundry, tidied up the house, made poached eggs and toast. In continuing to try to check on my oldest daughter yesterday she lashed out at me pretty bad in an overly harsh way. I’m leaving her alone to stew in her own miserable juices but now I’m even more worried. I have no idea but obviously whatever is wrong she doesn’t want to talk about it. She’s 37 and can take care of herself. Happy f-ing  new year. The fun just never ends.... 6:05 pm We went to mike’s mother Annette’s this afternoon and then to a couple stores and then had a late lunch at Portillo’s. We’re trying to set up an appointment to take her to look at another Sun City house Sunday afternoon. She’s turned up her nose at all the others we’ve taken her to look at. Oh well, one more house to look at.  Mike and I are going to Lake Geneva Friday for two nights and coming home Sunday morning. Tomorrow I’m going back to our Sun City lod