Awesome spa products!

Thursday, April 30

Frogs in the distance

10:58am  I’ve been up since 6. I went for a long walk clear down Oak Grove to Cold Springs drive and back on the other side of the street then walked the winding path up the hill in the park across the street from our house. It was chilly, windy and damp out and I had the hood up on my hoodie and tied close around my face so the wind was tolerable. I didn’t see anyone at all out except for at the end when I was going up the steep incline of the hill this jock guy whizzed past me speed walking and then passed me again as he was coming back down. The path makes a loop at the top and there’s a nice sitting bench on the top, in the middle and at the bottom. Moving here to this house with a much smaller yard I’m glad for the park with all the beautiful mature oak trees, flowers and benches right across the street. I call it “goat mountain” and secretly consider it mine. I like to perch at the top on the bench looking down at my kingdom. I chuckle to myself every time I’m up there thinking that. Hey, whatever floats your boat. 

 ike had me cut his hair with his beard trimmer this morning. There isn’t much there to trim but the cuttings did make a little mess on his bathroom sink counter. He used to have thick bushy black hair. Now the hair he does have is mostly gray. I’ve encouraged him to shave it off for a long time but he won’t. 

I can hear the frogs from the marsh behind our yard down the hill chirping and whirring away through our back sliding door. They’re in frog heaven after that heavy rain. 

I


My youngest daughter Sarah texted me last night that her dad’s colonoscopy biopsy showed a cancerous mass. He’s got to go talk to the doctor Tuesday about surgery and chemo. I feel bad for our kids and grandkids mostly. Gary and I only really started speaking again after 24 years when he was very ill a year ago. He’s been going to some hick doctor in Havana so no wonder it’s taken so long to find out what was wrong. I just feel numb and bacd and it brings back memories of all the stuff from our turbulent 15- year marriage. All the blame was not on him but a lot of it was. I don’t profess to be an angel or without blame. Man, I feel like a car with 350,000 miles on the original engine. This just combines with all the other bad stuff to create the shitstorm tidal wave I felt was coming all through the month of December. I felt it in my gut and deep in my bones. 




12:25pm I just ate a spinach artichoke linguine Lean Cuisine for lunch. I stocked up on a bunch of Lean Cuisines to save cooking and going to the grocery store. Mike refuses to eat them. Yesterday I had a butternut squash and spring vegetables one. Pretty good.




I’m supposed to have three group 5th grade zoom meetings this afternoon. I do not feel at all like doing them. This is all so frustrating. Teaching beginning band students in groups online is like crawling naked over flaming porcupines. I’m sure it’s hard for the students as well. These last few weeks have drug on soooooo slowly like a stoned sloth. Unbearably slow. I HATE this f-Ing bullshit!!!!


I’ve stopped watching the Covid-19 daily press briefings. I’m trying to avoid social media for the most part due to all the batshit crazy things people are posting about politically-fueled conspiracy theories regarding the virus. Please God make it stop! 



The Zoom lessons went okay after all. We’re having meat-free tacos for dinner with yellow rice, refried black beans, diced onions and tomatoes, corn, verde sauce, Mexican cheese, sour cream and Franks hot sauce on flour tortillas. Really good! Tomorrow I’m making pot roast in the crockpot. Last night we got Chicago- style pizza and watched the next to the last episode of Ozark on Netflix. Tonight we’ll watch the last episode of season three. 

Tuesday, April 28

Schwetty

10:40am. I just went for a big long walk. I wore Capri leggings, a yoga top and a hoodie over it. TOO HOT! I didn’t realize it was that warm but I just kept on walking and sweating. It’s supposed to storm later but I may go for another walk. It’s helping my lungs and ability to breathe more freely. 

The verde sauce I made with the roasted tomatillos yesterday ( first time making it) was a bit too citrus-y but I ate it. I may have put too much lime juice in it. I’ve read some recipes but yesterday I was just free styling.  I have three group 6th Zoom lessons today this afternoon. Thursday afternoons are 5th grade sectionals Zooms. Mondays,  Wednesdays, and Fridays are private Zoom lessons. This is going to drag on four more weeks and probably in to fall. This does suck. 



Arlo will be four years old tomorrow!!!














1:15pm I’ve been outside tending my plants trying to see which of tons of perennial flowers I put in this new yard last year $$$ survived the winter. Then I found my stash of plant food concentrate in my cabinet in the garage and mixed and filled a 2-gallon jug with the mix in the utility sink in the laundry room and filled and lugged it out about 20 times. I worked up a good sweat! It’s really warm today and I have the back screen door open listening to all the birds and neighborhood sounds. I may do my 6th grade band sectional Zoom classes from the patio. I’d better go get ready then . They’re supposed to start in a little while. 

Monday, April 27

Sleep drunk

8:13am

I fell asleep on the couch last night and slept for hours. When I woke I was uncomfortable and felt groggy as I staggered to the bathroom then climbed in bed then cuddled up to soundly sleeping Michael. We’ve been watching the TV series Ozark on Netflix. It’s kind of dark, funny, creepy. There are three seasons and we fell asleep on the first episode. I have five Zoom lessons this afternoon if they show up and remember. 

8:49 pm

I went to two stores and the post office today. It felt good to get out and drive. I had five Zoom private lessons.I made salsa verde.




Sunday, April 26

Sky fall

10:55 Sunday

We went for a walk on the Whisper Creek golf course path here in our Sun City community. We didn’t walk the full length just part of it. It’s a nice sunny day today. I just made a pot of old fashioned oats, chia seeds, ground flax seeds, mixed frozen berries, honey,cinnamon and peanut butter. I let it cook and stir to blend then I put it in a container to store in the fridge. I’ll eat on that all week. 

Now that it’s starting to get warmer neighbors will start taking lawn chairs out on their driveways to chat with people. That’s how it is here. Mostly everybody is friendly, helpful and neighborly. There are 41 different neighborhoods in our Sun City community. There are approximately 5400 homes with    Around a thousand residents living here.



Thursday, April 23

Thursday

9:10 am 

It’s a misty hazy day. I went for a brisk walk early this morning in the damp air. It felt good to be out there alone. There are great walking paths here. I’m feeling good. I started my keto / intermittent fasting yesterday. Already I’m feeling better and my gut feels way better. I haven’t eaten anything since 6pm yesterday. I’m a little hungry and a bit lightheaded but nothing major. I am having black coffee ( normally I would add milk to it.) My goal is to fast 20 hours and eat one meal / snacks over four hours. Since I’m not going out for work or appointments this is the ideal time to do it.

My ex was supposed to have a CT scan yesterday but my daughter hasn’t gotten any news of results. I would think a biopsy would be in order to accurately diagnose the suspected lymphoma but I believe he’s going to some doctor in Havana which I’m guessing won’t exactly be top notch. Not my monkeys, not my circus..... but, still.

It’s very hazy outside as I look out the front window facing East. A lot of daffodils are up and tulips are just starting to bloom. 

Mike was just out here ( came out of the office hole) obsessing and semi ranting about money and said I’m going to learn about spending once my ( lower than my current salary) retirement checks kick in. I just looked at him like he’s an anteater and didn’t say anything. Uh, hello...I’m the one paying the house and car off, let’s not fucking forget that. I fully intend to get another job when this pandemic clusterfuck is over. He’s the one with the 35% salary cut who hasn’t bothered considering finding another job. I told him to shut up and walk away or I’d kick him in the balls. He laughed and went back to his office. Of all the fucking nerve. Kiss my ass. I’ve got skills and smarts and I’ll do just fine. 









Mike is in his office on a phone meeting with his high school sports editor on speaker phone. They’re both very loud and I can hear everything although I’m two rooms and a hall away. They’re talking about Trubisky. We’re going to order fish fry take out meals for dinner from Sammy’s Bar & Grill here in town. I’ll have the broiled cod, a salad and cole slaw to avoid carbs but I’m still looking forward to it. Mike should be doing keto too. He’s diabetic for heavens sake and starting to have problems ( pain and numbness) with his feet. No amount of nudging, reminding or nagging from me makes any difference. Every day I ask him to go walk with me and he will not so I just go alone. You can drag a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.

I’ve been getting some occasional phishing scam emails in my comcast account the last month which I’ve just deleted and ignored. Yesterday and today I got two scary ones with some personal information and threats. Serious shit. WTF? I took the time and changed all my passwords. This is bullshit.

11:48am

I’m doing laundry-2loads of colors, 2 loads of whites. I made some hard-boiled eggs, answered a couple school emails, took the recycling out, took my nail polish off. I just found out that Sammy’s only has their fish special on Friday’s ( Catholic crap) so will have to move that to tomorrow’s agenda🤗. It appears the sun is trying to come out now. I’m going to go practice for a while before the afternoon Zooms. 

Wednesday, April 22

Back on the wagon again

4:19 pm

I’m mentally unwinding from eight back to back Zoom lessons. The last boy, a fifth grade trumpet, is REALLY bad. Painfully bad. Plus the audio / video delay and distortion make it even worse to bear. It’s been raining and gloomy all day and it just started pelting down on the roof again. The weather in Lewistown looked warm and sunny today in the videos my daughter from Lewistown sent me of her and the boys out walking and playing in the yard.

Today is my first day back on keto and intermittent fasting. When I was so badly sick with what I thought was flu in mid January into February I lost a bunch of weight and didn’t feel like eating. But once I came out of that I’ve been eating poorly and my gut doesn’t feel right. Ugh! It’s hell to get old. 

At the Wynn a few years back.

I didn’t mean to sound like a bitch earlier. Most of my students are very good. I’m just frazzled right now. This too shall pass. I had some celery with cream cheese, some spinach and black coffee today. I have my “ big meal” with a few carbs and be finished eating by 6pm. The I’ll fast until 10 am tomorrow. After a few days it’s not so bad. I’m only on my one a day thyroid pill. No other medicines. No blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol medicines at all. I don’t want to screw that up by eating poorly and packing on the pounds. I have had enough drugs ( chemo) to last a life time. I very seldom ever drink alcohol at all - maybe 2 beers in a year. Life has been exciting enough.

I try not to even think of politics anymore. It’s too upset. I seriously won’t be able to bear it or function if Trump gets re-elected. I will totally lose my shit and go postal. If you know me you know it’s very likely. Is Biden going to be tough enough to swing this? Or is Russian and the toxic Trump cult going to bring him down?  

Arlo is going to be 3 next week. How did he get that big? I miss those kids SO much. I can’t wait for this bullshit to be over so I can hug my grandkids!

I have a Parmesan crusted fish Lean Cuisine in the microwave. yum.

Our last staff day of this suck-y school year is May 28. A year to remember in your nightmares. Almost over. This ain’t my first rodeo. Just keep swimming. 



We’re doing the best we can with the circumstances. We keep getting up in the morning. We keep breathing in and out. We keep telling ourselves things will work out. Everything will be alright. We keep seeing the suffering and watching people die. We try to move on carrying all the pain, hurt, loss, disappointment, failure, loss betrayal. We keep patching bandages on our torn bleeding aching souls. We just keep trudging through the ever deeper snow with miles to go before we sleep. 



Tuesday, April 21

I felt it coming

8:29 am

It’s chilly. It got colder and windy and rained heavily last night. I’ve got on a pair of leggings, gym shoes, a stretchy black yoga top and a lightweight white Columbia shirt on top and I’m still chilly. I don’t have any school Zoom lessons until 2pm today. Mike is in the back office. He has a Zoom Tuesday morning group meeting in a few minutes. He just asked me to come in there so he could ask me a question about Zoom ( I only know the basics) but it was easy to answer. I miss my cozy little cluttered office. He’s already well rooted in there now with his work set up. My junk is in the spare bedroom. I have a little old table for my laptop, an extra chair and a music stand for my holding things station and the spare bed in there holding my assembled instruments as I switch off between different lessons. It’s a bit unhandy  but it’s only for a few more weeks.

Mike is leaving around noon to drive to St. Charles ( from Huntley it’s about 32 miles) to pick up his mom and then take her to Central DuPage hospital in Winfield for her immune therapy infusion treatment, then get her some lunch somewhere, take her back home to St. Charles and then drive back home to Huntley and resume work and be working much later because he missed hours away. His mothers younger sister Dot just died of Covid-19 ( and complications from falls from Alzheimer’s). Last night my youngest daughter Sarah texted me her dad is very badly ill and most likely has lymphoma in his intestines but hasn’t yet had it confirmed. She said he’s lost a shocking amount of weight, is exhausted and can’t eat. He was attacked by a mad cow several months ago and almost died then. He has a cracked vetebra.  I only actually started talking to him again last year after all those years. It’s weird how things go. 

In November and December I kept having this uncomfortable feeling and awareness that some big looming tidal wave of shit was coming. That inner feeling kept surging up inside me. I didn’t know what it was just that it was monumental and now all these bad things are happening. I still feel it inside. It’s not done yet. 

I just texted my ex and told him if he has any questions about doctors or treatment I’ll try to help. I’ve got this lymphoma shit down. He is, after all, the father and grandfather to our kids. It’s funny how things change. 

I’ve been making a lot of homemade bread and other things. Yesterday I made bread, chocolate chip brownies, a bowl of turkey salad from leftover turkey breast and a healthy parfait for myself in a Mason jar made with chia seeds, flax seeds, frozen mixed berries and strawberry kefir. I think I’m going to make chicken enchiladas with verde sauce sometime this week whenever I go to the store and get the ingredients.


5:42pm

It’s quiet. Mike got home from taking his mom to the hospital and went right in to the office and went back to work. Now he’s in there talking to me from across the house about stupid stuff from the people he works with that I don’t know. I’m not really paying attention because it’s not important. I’ve kind had my fill of being cooped up. He’s reading someone’s column and readers’ responses to me. He HATES when I read things to him. I’m going to go take a nice hot bath and wash all my anxieties down the drain. It might help and it sure won’t hurt. I do wish I had something funny and or brilliant to say but I don’t. 

Sunday, April 19

Getting through it

9:52 am Sunday

It get occasional waves of anxiety about this pandemic situation. I try to not be a total swamp bitch to my husband but sometimes I daydream about punching him in the mouth. I don’t think I could run fast enough to realistically ever actually do that. Well, maybe if he was sleeping. It is nice to have someone to cuddle up with and rub my feet at night though. I’m on my fourth cup of coffee so that may be adding to my being a little more cranked up.

Mike is, of course, watching the news. I’m so sick of the news I want to smash them all in the teeth with a hammer too. Of course I never actually act on these violent thoughts but at least I can visualize it. It’s starting to get to me how insensate and oblivious my spouse is. Our twenty two years together have been sweetly seasoned with me going away for a few days at least once a month. It has given our marriage breathing room.i did actually get out alone and go grocery shopping alone the other day and I was gone a couple hours. I really like driving especially in my new car. It’s so nice. 







We’re going to go over and see Mike’s mom today. We haven’t been over to visit her in over a month. Mike has been taking her to her immune therapy infusion treatments and there’s one coming up Tuesday. We video chat with her and keep in touch that way.

I got pictures of my puppy’s parents yesterday. 







Saturday, April 18

Simply irresistible

7:30am

I’ve been up for about ninety minutes. The sun is shining. I feel good. I’m continuing to have nightly odd dreams. I watched Phantom of the Opera’s 25th anniversary performance on YouTube last night before I fell asleep. The set and costuming were fabulous but the voices will never compare, to me, to Sarah Brightman and Michael Crawford.


Lyrics
Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness wakes and stirs imagination
Silently, the senses abandon their defenses
Helpless to resist the notes I write
For I compose the music of the night
Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendor
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Hearing is believing, music is deceiving
Hard as lightening, soft as candlelight
Dare you trust the music of the night?
Close your eyes for your eyes will only tell the truth
And the truth isn't what you want to see
In the dark it is easy to pretend
That the truth is what it ought to be
Softly, deftly, music shall caress you
Hear it, feel it secretly possess you
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight
The darkness of the music of the night
Close your eyes
Start a journey to a strange new world
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
Close your eyes and let music set you free
Only then can you belong to me
Floating, falling, sweet intoxication
Touch me, trust me, savor each sensation
Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in
To the power of the music that I write
The power of the music of the night
You alone can make my song take flight
Help me make the music of the night


12:17pm 

Mike is in the office working again. He spends more time working now ( with no sports going on and a 15% pay cut) than he did before. His Aunt Lu called earlier and said his Aunt Dot ( who had Alzheimer’s and was in a nursing home had died. She was crying and upset and hesitant to call and tell Mike’s mom ( her sister). Mike video called his mom and told her and she seemed okay with the news. The family has been expecting it. I think we’re going to go over and see his mother later. I’ve been outside some today but it’s nasty windy ( not just regular windy) so I’ve only been out puttering in the yard a bit. The yard is pretty soft and muddy from all the melted snow. I tracked mud globs in earlier by accident. 

Friday, April 17

Nothing to do Friday Fluff














































Corona virus IL

I’m not sure why I’ve been recording this.

3/17    Tested positive   115           1 death 

3/18       228                  1 death 

3/19        422.                  4 dead 

3/20.                                7 dead 

3/22.      753.                    14  dead

3/30.   4596.                      65deaths 

3/31.  9000.                        105 deaths 

4/6    12263                         307deaths 

4/8     13,549.                        389 deaths

4/9    15,  078.                      462 deaths

4/10.  17887                         596 

4/11    19,180.                      677 

4/12.  20,852.                       720

4/13.   22, 025.                    794 

4/15.   24,594.                      948 

4/16.     25,773.                  1,072 

4/17.     27,575.                  1,134

Thursday, April 16

These are trying times

9:49am

Mike is on a phone meeting with the high school sports editor in the back office behind two doors across the room and down the hall from me and I can still hear every word he says. He has a big boomy resonant voice- not as deep as Darth Vader but in the team picture.

The landscape crew has been working away in our yard for a couple hours this morning. They removed this odd dirt hump berm that had held these skinny evergreen carrot-shaped trees we had removed when we moved in last March. They also got up on the roof and cleaned all the gutters, re-edged the flower beds, mulched and put sod down. We used Renee Alvarez’s Greenside Up company at the old house for years. They’re such nice guys and do great work for reasonable prices. Our old house yard was MUCH bigger than this current one. 

It’s supposed to snow again today.

I couldn’t go to sleep last night for a long time. I don’t know what the deal was. I’ve been sleeping so good. Maybe my sleep tank was full.

Wednesday, April 15

Mittwoch

8:29am W

I’ve just gotten washed and dressed and starting to blow the cobwebs out of my mind. This period of sheltering at home is just weird. I’ve never experienced anything like this aside from recovering from chemo and the stem cell transplant. I am very grateful my family and close friends are all healthy, we have a bountiful supply of food, a nice cozy little house in a nice community, very good health insurance, a comfy bed to sleep in each night. I should never want for anything or complain.






I was reading an article this morning that the Covid-19 virus doesn’t go away but stays in your system and can keep coming back ( that may be bullshit but it’s still scary) and also there supposedly is some coverup that this virus was actually created as a biological weapon by the Chinese and an accident occurred where it somehow got released and started spreading rapidly ( probably also bullshit but again scary). There are too many things out there to read now and too many people, like me, with the time to read them.  



BEST EYE CREAM





I have three Zoom first private lessons this afternoon starting at 1:30 and going until 3:00, all good kids I normally had in weekly group lessons at school. 



The ground is covered with snow this morning. It snowed hard a couple times yesterday but then melted. Evidently it snowed a bunch during the night and it didn’t melt. I brought in all my potted plants yesterday. They’re probably going to wither and try to die on me now from the cold exposure. SOB. It just figures. I always get excited about spring coming and put my plants out too soon. 



Ten tricks to stay positive

Now in February 2021 the world has been living with, fighting, learning about and worrying over Covid-19. I keep reading all the stories of ...