Stay young!

Wednesday, September 30


I got up early this morning and left at 7 to go to the Elgin DMV to be there before they opened at 7:30 because I need to renew my drivers license, take the eye exam and get my real ID. I’ve been nervous for weeks since the renewal notice came stating I’d need an eye exam. When I arrived at the DMV there was already a huge line to get in winding all the way around the parking lot. I stood in line in the brisk windy morning air over two hours. Once I finally got inside the process went quickly and I didn’t even have to have an eye exam. I was so relieved!

We watched the first presidential debate last night. I already couldn’t hate Trump any more than I already do. He should be terminated. 

Tuesday, September 29

Coffee and morning news

I’m drinking my first cup of coffee. I’ve been drinking less coffee lately because I’ve been chugging water immediately after getting up in the morning. It helps me feel more awake and energized and it’s helping my gut work better.

I’m going to take Bitzi for a walk in a little while and then I’m driving to Aurora to the Premium outlet mall and going to the Columbia store to buy the boys jackets with a coupon before it expires. Then once I’m home I’m going over to Meadowview Lodge to work out on the weight machines. Then another walk.

Tonight is the first presidential debate. Last night and Sunday night we watched Comey Rule on Showtime and the latest episode of The Circus. 
Tomorrow morning I’m going to the Elgin DMV to renew my license and get a Real ID. I have to take a vision test so I’m a bit nervous. You only have to have one eye pass. I think my eyes are as good as five years ago when I passed the last test. Fingers crossed. 

We had another appointment yesterday afternoon to go through more of my stuff and sign more papers. It’s such a pain in the ass. Everything’s getting rolled into one IRA with conservative investments until after the election bullshit is over and then I’ll go more aggressive. 

I made potato soup yesterday and it turned out really good and hearty. I love soup. 

8:53 I just went on a fast 1.5 milk walk. It’s brisk out there! My fingers and face are cold now. I’ve been exercising a lot more since quarantine, getting a puppy and retiring. Hurray!

I’m reading Mary Trump’s Too Much and Never Enough.

Saturday, September 26

Three things to improve your day

Today is a coolish, damp, overcast day. We did some errands first thing this morning then came back home to put things in the freezer, tidy up, walk the dog and a few other things. We’re going back out after while to look at flooring, sinks, faucets and cabinet drawer pulls for the kitchen remodel. In a few weeks work should be well underway. We’re also having a bunch of other stuff done to the house. The thought of the house being torn up and under construction is exciting but dreadful too. When we remodeled at the old house I remember feeling really stressed out and anxious. There are fewer places to hide during construction in this house. I’ll just focus on the positive and how much our home will be improved and how happy I’ll be when it’s all done.

I need to stay positive.
I need to stay busy.
I need to keep moving.

If I keep that forward motion I don’t have time to screw around, get off task, think too much and get gloomy and negative. I need to keep water moving through my gills.

Friday, September 25

How to make a real change in your life

In a little while I have to drive to Elgin to pick up my new employee ID in order to have the option to sub for my old school husband thinks it’s ridiculous that I don’t want to sub for the schools here in Huntley. Maybe I will. My former district and buildings are just familiar and much larger. There will be lots more sub jobs there. If I apply to sub for Huntley I’ll have to go through all their new employee hoops too. I interviewed for two other jobs yesterday, both were part time and okay. Neither pays very well. Is it worth it? Do I even want to work? We really don’t need the money. 
I watched a show on Netflix last night called The Social Dilemma about the effects of social media, email and screen addiction. It was pretty shocking and scary. I’m cutting way down. It’s horrible. I don’t want my brain sucked out or all my personal information tracked by giant corporations. I don’t want to be tracked and targeted by marketing companies. 
Last night we went to a store and looked at countertop samples. We’re looking for white quartz like we had at our old house. After that we stopped at our old Denny’s for dinner. We hadn’t been there in a long time. I had pumpkin pecan pancakes and eggs and it was great. Now I have an urge to make a pumpkin pecan crisp. 

I picked up my new ID. That felt good but I’m still not sure I even ever want to use it. I guess it’s just to have the option. I drove back to Huntley up State Street (31) in Elgin and got on I-90 west to Huntley. I stopped at Aldi to get some ingredients and then on the way home drove by and around the Deerpath  facility that one of my interviews yesterday was for. It was for a part time activity assistant. Most all the residents there are physically handicapped and many in motorized scooters. They all have their own little studio apartments there with shared dining and activity areas. It wouldn’t pay well but I like the idea of working there part time and helping those people. It’s about 7 blocks from my house. 
I’ve been feeling so good lately though, do I even want to work and expose myself to others germs? Should I? Or should I just stay home and keep walking my dog and exercising? I’m now a Sun City neighborhood rep and on two other committees and want to be in concert band and chorus when things open back up. Maybe I’ll just find some online job.


Mike is very stodgy and pragmatic and thinks I’m fickle and change my mind a lot. I like to explore all the possibilities and investigate, touch, feel, taste and think things over before I finally decide. I weigh the pros and cons and try to prepare for worse case scenario.
You have to entertain different ideas and scenarios before you decide. Then once you do you might still keep checking and second guessing yourself. Then once you set course you just keep pushing and working and trudging through the deepest snow to get there. Once you’re there you might find it wasn’t what you thought it would be and you move on again. I think the key is to remain flexible and open to change and new ideas. 

1:48pm. I made some goulash and it’s simmering on the stove. I also made some lemon loaf and I cut it up and covered it with foil. I’m crazy about that stuff.
I took Bitzi outside and we dug up and transplanted some more perennial flowers in the front area where we had the tree and bushes taken out. It’s a work in progress. Next year it should fill in better and actually look like something.  I like the assorted perennials “cottage garden” look. Let’s hope it turns out that way and not some hillbilly from hell look.’
I am getting a new IRA and have to move a bunch of stuff so just got an email from the secretary to sign stuff. There has been too much to take care of lately with TRS, job hunting and this stuff.Gaaaah
It’s a beautiful warm sunny day out today. I should go on another walk or bike ride.

Wednesday, September 23

Things that bug me

I’m sitting at the kitchen table typing on my little keyboard that doesn’t fit my iPad quite right. It’s too big and loose to hold the iPad correctly so I have a piece of double-stick nano tape on the back to hold it in place but it’s not working very well and the iPad slides off the track every little while. I may have it stuck on there well enough now......we shall see. It’s the nit picky little annoying things that drive me crazy and there have been tons of those lately. The millisecond my retirement was final the district terminated my email, my ID, all my district accounts and all that crap. Fine. NO ONE told me that if I wanted to have the option to sub I needed to notify them within 30 days so much stuff would carry over. So a few weeks ago I decided I wanted to have the OPTION to perhaps sub if I wanted to. I had to APPLY to the district which was a pain in the ass bunch of bullshit on its own. THEN once I was hired I have had to go through an enormous bunch of bullshit. And since I no longer had my district email much of the stuff they were sending me got caught in my spam junk folders. Now I think I have most of my stuff restored BUT my ability to log in to sub finder still won’t work. I’ve reset my log on numerous times and it won’t work for some f-ing reason so I had to contact Human Resources and now they’re working on it.......PLUS there was some colossal f up with my forms I submitted to TRS so that’s been a huge Mongolian clusterfeck to correct and resubmit. Still that shit isn’t all done. So many stupid aggravating things. I am not a patient person. I want my stuff done right and I want it now. 

I took Bitzi for a long walk and then continued having to deal with tedious calls, being put on hold and nuisance business emails. Later I have to meet another neighborhood rep at our community restaurant about a possible neighborhood 3 Christmas party luncheon. It would be limited to only 50 people ( there are 278 people in neighborhood 3...) and I can’t really see it happening but oh well....

Tuesday, September 22

Taco Tuesday ?

Last week a carpenter came to our house to talk about our kitchen remodel. During the conversation he and Mike got to talking about area restaurants. He recommended an area Mexican restaurant in Crystal Lake called Antiqua. Mike and I went over and tried it the other day and it was good although they didn’t have anything very spicy at all. Mike is always looking for spicy foods. But they do have $1.00 taco Tuesdays so maybe we’re going to go over there today and give them a second try. They also have live music. I guess anything to get customers in.
Yesterday I got so busy completing my online training modules that I lost track of time and forgot my pool appointment. I got three letters from TRS yesterday- FINALLY getting some action from them!

I’m going to take Bitzi for a nice long walk around the lake and lodge.

There’s so much crazy crap to take care of getting retired and getting signed back on as a different type of employee. My brain is boggled. I have a lot of money coming in several different lumps to put into an IRA. I’ll be glad when all that shit is taken care of. 
Mike fixed my rubbing bike tire issue finally after three weeks of saying he would. 

Monday, September 21

How to keep swimming

Another week has started. It’s a chilly Monday morning. Overall this week is supposed to be warmer. It’s 8:33 and Mike hasn’t started working yet. I’ve been up for about an hour, got dressed, had my oatmeal and am working on my first cup of coffee. Mike already took the dog out. I’ll take her for a walk shortly. I have an indoor pool time scheduled for 3:45. I haven’t been for a couple weeks.

I’m hoping we can just completely forget about the trip to northern Wisconsin with Mikes mother. I can’t take it. He always wants me to go with him when he visits her and I guess I serve as the buffer but now I’m just plain tired of it and don’t want to. I suggested this morning that he takes time off from work and just he and I go somewhere. He seemed to like that idea. The second weekend in October I’m going to Lewistown to stay with my grandsons. I’ll probably take them to the Apple orchard, to Emiquon wildlife refuge near Havana and maybe other places. The foliage should be beautiful then. 
I keep trying to stay hopeful and think positive and count my blessings. I can feel myself struggling and trying to sink all the time. I have to grab desperately for emotional pool noodles to help keep me from drowning. You have to latch on to whatever you can. Sometimes you’re just barely floating with your head above water. 


A while ago I just discovered an email from the school district in my spam folder. I've been waiting on that email for days to get my district email & ID back so I could complete a bunch of stuff. Now I'm logged on and completing a bunch of mandatory training modules. 

Sunday, September 20

What’s it all about?


I’ve gone for two big walks today. It’s sunny, fresh and brisk. We’re going over to visit Annette and  may leave Bitzi to stay with her for a day or two. She’s been pretty depressed lately and missing her little dog that died. Mike and his siblings need to get their mom another dog. 

Later, in the evening
The visit to Annette’s was cut short and we left abruptly. Under normal circumstances she’s a very nit picky fussy bossy person. She just is and I can only take so much. Today she started getting nasty, defensive and insulting so Mike just stood up and said we were leaving. I’m wondering if she’s developing Alzheimer’s......We’re not helping her get another dog, evidently that’s already covered. We had talked about taking her to northern Wisconsin for a few days to visit relatives. On the way home yesterday I told Mike that’s too long of a ride up there trapped in the car with her and I’m not going. I can only be so nice for so long. She’s not my mother. My mother is long dead. 

Saturday, September 19

Patience and love

10:20am Saturday

I just came back from a long walk with the dog. Its very brisk but sunny out there. Mike and I have been discussing and confirming details of the proposed kitchen remodel and new flooring installation. 
Yesterday I had two accidents in the kitchen: first I dropped brownie batter everywhere and in trying to clean it up dropped and shattered a glass loaf pan. I was crying and cursing as Mike worked in his back office unaware of the catastrophe. I cleaned it up with paper towels, brooms and a hand rush. Then I vacuumed and Swiffered thinking Ig gotten it at. This morning in the bright light with better eyesight Mike has found several more shards of glass and is vacuuming thoroughly again. That Pyrex pan just shattered in a million pieces. We don't need to step on one or have the dog try to eat one. Metal pans from now on. I am Mr. Bean.

We're going to a flooring store in a little while then to St. Charles to visit Mikes mom Annette. 

I took Bitzi on a bike ride and I’ve been doing some work in the kitchen. I just got information in the mail to sign up for my retirement dental and vision insurance program. For some reason I thought it was a part of the medical insurance package but upon investigation it is not. This whole retiring during the pandemic sucks. No reception, dinner, party, celebration. Practically no help or assistance from HR or TRS. It’s sink or swim bitches....

Friday, September 18

Take it to the limit

I’ve made it to Friday without too much trouble. It’s noticeably chilly today and there’s a frost warning for tonight. I sprayed all my potted plants outside that I want to bring inside and washed off all my little folding patio tables with the hose and all the plant bottom trays and let them dry and then I brought them all inside. Two were beastly heavy. I set the tables up by my bedroom windows and put most of the plants in there. The biggest crazy heavy tree is still sitting in the kitchen by the sliding door. At least I got it in the door and on a rug so it’s slightly easier to move.i was puffing and panting so badly after that. Earlier this morning I took Bitzi on a nice long brisk walk. 

I just drug the big heavy tree pot into the living room by the window. I’m exhausted and panting like I just gave birth. 

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