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Monday, November 30

Keeping the ties connected

I’m thinking about the way the world is now and how people come and go from your life. When you get close to someone you form a bound or ties with them. Sometimes those ties are sturdy and tight. Sometimes those ties are just flimsy threads like spider webs that fall apart at the slightest breeze or incident. Sometimes the ties you thought were the strongest and would forever hold fast don't. They either loosen on their own or something breaks them. Sometimes you want and need to tend and tighten the knots but sometimes you undo them on your own. Right now I can feel so many ties on my heart, many of them pulling and slipping away. Sometimes you simply can’t fix them. Sometimes you just have to let things be and give it to the universe to decide. 

It’s gloomy and overcast outside. I think it might snow today. I have a bunch of things to do but don’t feel like doing anything. I may go do a little shopping. A walk will help. Walks always help. Mike is off work again today because he gets two days off for working Thanksgiving. I’m sitting here drinking coffee in the front sitting room facing the window typing on my IPad with one finger, my soft throw blanket on my lap ,still in my soft pajamas and slippers. Mike just got up and turned the living room TV news on in the adjoining room. He doesn’t understand my quiet introvert ways. He’s not that kind of overly-sensitive person -a good thing for the most part. He’s pretty straight forward, even keeled and direct. He’s not overly sensitive and emotional like me. He doesn’t overthink and agonize things. It is what it is with him.

9:04am Bitzi and I just went for a .7 mile walk. It’s just beginning to dust snow out.Mike stayed home. He did actually go for part of a walk with me yesterday. 

Saturday, November 28

Unpacking Christmas





8:07 am Saturday

The sun is shining but it’s still brisk out there. I just took Bitzi for a walk to the top of the hill park across the street. Mikes Tahoe on our driveway was covered in frost. I wore my Willy pile jacket, gloves, furry hat and neck warmer. Bitzi wore her pink sparkle sweater. Bitzi has a grooming appointment at 12:30 and then we’re going over to my MIL’s in St. Charles.



We had a simple quiet Thanksgiving. The roasted chicken was good. I boiled the chicken carcass yesterday and deboned it and put the broth and meat in two containers for the freezer. We cleaned up the garage yesterday and got out the Christmas decorations. I decided we would just go with our little tabletop tree this year. We gave our bigger tree and a bunch of stuff to Goodwill. We’re getting the kitchen cabinets painted this week and other work done in the kitchen. Then we’re getting new floors put in so didn’t want a bunch of Christmas stuff put up to have to move. We just have a small house now. Today I need to go through two more bags of Christmas lights and see which ones work and put them up outside. I LOVE my new white quartz kitchen counters! It makes a huge difference for my low vision. I know it sounds silly but I’m filled with such joy getting that done. 

There are two new grand babies on the way. That will make nine. Life has a way of going forward despite pandemics and political unrest and an overall shitty year. I guess there is always hope and beauty in life if you notice it. I’m supposed to sub for a music teacher on maternity leave in D300 but their HR has not gotten back to me after I went in to fingerprint. I’m sure it’s the Covid and Thanksgiving delay. I don’t really even want to do it now. I’m that apathetic. I’m enjoying staying home and numerous daily walks. 




Wednesday, November 25

Progress is finally being made!


It’s the day before Thanksgiving. I’m sitting in my chair in the front room sipping on my coffee. I’m wearing gray soft  yoga pants, wool socks, slippers, a white shirt and my old comfy favorite white sweater. It’s chilly in the house and still dark outside. Mike is snoring in the bedroom. I’m trying to not wake him. I cuddled him up a little before I got out of bed, careful not to wake him. He’s always felt warm and cuddly and safe to me. When I was on deaths door lying in the hospital bed he climbed in next to me and held me. I couldn’t even talk then but it helped comfort me so much. 



Yesterday we got our new kitchen counters installed. Immediately it was brighter in the kitchen with the new white quartz. I am overjoyed beyond words. Today the faucet is getting hooked up in the new sink and water turned back on. Next week Mark will start installing the crown molding, painting the cabinets, putting on new drawer pulls. After that’s done we’re getting engineered luxury vinyl flooring installed and redoing all the doors and trim. It’s gonna take a while but it will be worth it for the updated look. 

Yesterday I had some gut issues and felt tired. We had some snow and sleet and I only took Bitzi out for a couple short walks. I just didn’t feel like it.



So we’re finally making progress on our house. There is a corona virus vaccine on the horizon coming. The current president’s administration is starting to facilitate the transfer of power. Praise be! The sun is coming out. There is hope. Tomorrow is another day. 

I took Bitzi to the Tall Oaks park across the street just down. It’s misty damp and foggy but not freezing.it’s doable. We’ll go for longer walks later. We didn’t get much exercise yesterday. I’m lucky that the park is right across the street for us. 















Recently I have unfollowed, blocked, snoozed and unfriendly a whole bunch of people and groups on social media. I’m done with all the political angst and bullshit. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to get sucked in. I just plain don’t want the drama. I still have a few things I follow but I only want to intentionally consume good, positive, healthy things. I don’t want the other shit polluting my mind and emotions. I want to keep my mind sacred and calm. 

9:24am
Mark Aminsen is here now installing the faucet. Mike has an issue with the countertop installation and called the company. He has an issue with the seam not being smooth enough and a place in the caulking. Mark will be back next week for the cabinet work. It’s pouring rain now and getting noticeably colder. I just did some tidying up in my bathroom and bedroom. I’m constantly purging things. 
I’m starving. I didn’t fast correctly yesterday and went slightly over my low carb limit. I’m not a Nazi. I do my best. 



Sunday, November 22

My cozy nest

12:18 pm Sunday

The day is mild and overcast.I did a little housework and took the dog on two walks and had lunch. I’m not fasting today but I’m still restricting carbs. I’ll admit I am feeling kind of glum today just about a whole lot of things. The overcast sky doesn’t help but the walks and fresh air do help. We went out and ran a couple errands and then just came home and continued watching season 3 of The Crown. I was cuddled up on the couch under a soft blanket with my head on my neck pillow on Mike’s lap. It was cozy. I eventually fell asleep and so did he.
Mike’s mom was sick at her stomach yesterday and said she felt like she was getting the flu. I hope she hasn’t picked up anything. 

Monday 7:33 am 
Yesterday I wrote letters and made out Thanksgiving cards to send to the grandkids. I had two gallon- size ziplock bags full on misc. cards that I sorted through. I got rid of a bunch that didn’t have envelopes. I put them in 4 different labeled ziplock bags so it will be easier to find the correct card from now on. They had all been in two nice heavy decorator boxes on the shelf in the back office but I got rid of the boxes when I cleared out the office to paint. The sorting yesterday started with me searching for a sympathy card to send my friend whose mother died on my birthday. She had been suffering with Alzheimer’s for years and the situation had been very bleak for a long time.

Today I’m going to try to get out the Christmas stuff and the Christmas cards. We need to make lists of what’s stored upstairs in the attic and what’s store in the garage and where. I drives me nuts and gives me great angst to not be able to find stuff. 


At least the sun is shining. 

8:59 I just got back from a 1.3 mile walk around Wildflower Lake with Bitzi. Although I sometimes complain about all things, I really do meet some of the nicest folks while walking around here. When someone passes me or comes near I pull my mask up over my nose and mouth. When I’m off by myself I have it down so mu sunglasses don’t fog. I saw an bald eagle perched in a tree on the far side of the lake.I took that as a sign of hope.

Around noon Sallie is supposed to FaceTime call me when she’s at our other sister Vicki’s group home in Peoria. I had been going to meet her there today but decided not to travel.

After that call I’ll take Bitzi for a walk around the other lake. 


 

Tomorrow the new quartz kitchen counters, under mount sink and new faucet are getting installed. I just moved the front entryway table out of the way to clear the front door. I’m excited!

Saturday, November 21

The key to life

I am a big fan of Buddha’s teachings. I’m not really invested in any particular religion but I kind of like the things Buddha said. I do not like crazy religious fanatics who try to push their stuff on you and are all or nothing inflexible. I do believe in souls, spiritual energy and a higher power. I do believe in karma and that life is an echo and a mirror of what you put out into the universe. I have made countless mistakes and suffered unbelievable pain. This is the path each human has to walk. I think we all vibrate at different frequencies. I push to raise my vibration to the next higher level. I search for enlightenment. 

Yesterday Bitzi and I walked around Wildflower and Fountainview lakes. It was a nice sunny cool day and not many people were out. Lately I’ve been playing a disco hits radio station on my phone in my pocket when I walk. It keeps me moving. I don’t like wearing earbuds because then I can’t hear things around me. I got some new chunky Skechers walking shoes with thick soles to help with my knees, back and feet. I added a pair of squishy insoles inside them for added comfort. I’m still breaking them in and getting used to them. I think my knee-feet-back problems started in early summer when I went out walking a lot in thin flip flops. After the pain started I switched to regular thin light Skechers and a knee brace. Now I’m hoping these more supportive shoes will help even more. I’m in it for the long haul with my exercise and diet. I was to surprise Dr. Stiff with my efforts when I go back to see him in May.

 In the evenings after I stop eating ( my daily eating window is noon to 6 pm) he’ll sit next to me on the couch and have his snacks. My blood sugar is no longer spiking up and down in response to carbs so I’m okay and it doesn’t bother me. My husband is diabetic, has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, has gout, asthma , is severely allergic to cats and feathers and has shoulder joint problems. A lot of his medical issues could be helped by changing his diet and exercising. I worry about him but my comments and reminders only make it worse. I don’t know what it will take for him to change. I see so many couples here in Sun City out walking, riding bikes, swimming, playing pickle all or tennis but I’m always alone. I told him once that several people have asked if I’ve a widow, as they see me out alone so much. He uses his job as an excuse but I know once he retires it will be the same. I’ve heard him tell a couple people that at some point he’s going to join me on my low carb eating style but never any mention when. I’ve tried to help him. I’m not even diabetic or hypertensive. He could really benefit from it. Oh well I’ll just keep plugging along. Maybe my example and eventual results will sway him. I accept what I cannot change. I try to just take care of my own shit and stay in tune with the universe 🤪.

10:24 I’ve done some tidying up. I did the laundry yesterday. I’m taking Bitzi to the lake. Make hay while the sun shines. 











The key to life

I am a big fan of Buddha’s teachings. I’m not really invested in any particular religion but I kind of like the things Buddha said. I do not like crazy religious fanatics who try to push their stuff on you and are all or nothing inflexible. I do believe in souls, spiritual energy and a higher power. I do believe in karma and that life is an echo and a mirror of what you put out into the universe. I have made countless mistakes and suffered unbelievable pain. This is the path each human has to walk. I think we all vibrate at different frequencies. I push to raise my vibration to the next higher level. I search for enlightenment. 

Yesterday Bitzi and I walked around Wildflower and Fountainview lakes. It was a nice sunny cool day and not many people were out. Lately I’ve been playing a disco hits radio station on my phone in my pocket when I walk. It keeps me moving. I don’t like wearing earbuds because then I can’t hear things around me. I got some new chunky Skechers walking shoes with thick soles to help with my knees, back and feet. I added a pair of squishy insoles inside them for added comfort. I’m still breaking them in and getting used to them. I think my knee-feet-back problems started in early summer when I went out walking a lot in thin flip flops. After the pain started I switched to regular thin light Skechers and a knee brace. Now I’m hoping these more supportive shoes will help even more. I’m in it for the long haul with my exercise and diet. I was to surprise Dr. Stiff with my efforts when I go back to see him in May.

Mike says he has a bunch of stuff to do today so again I’m on my own. He refuses to go on walks with me and it’s anything everything to his hearts delight. In the evenings after I stop eating ( my daily eating window is noon to 6 pm) he’ll sit next to me on the couch and have his snacks. My blood sugar is no longer spiking up and down in response to carbs so I’m okay and it doesn’t bother me. He is diabetic, has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, has gout, asthma , is severely allergic to cats and feathers and has shoulder joint problems. A lot of his medical issues could be helped by changing his diet and exercising. I worry about him but my comments and reminders only make it worse. I don’t know what it will take for him to change. I see so many couples here in Sun City out walking, riding bikes, swimming, playing pickle all or tennis but I’m always alone. I told him once that several people have asked if I’ve a widow, as they see me out alone so much. He uses his job as an excuse but I know once he retires it will be the same. I’ve heard him tell a couple people that at some point he’s going to join me on my low carb eating style but never any mention when. I’ve tried to help him. I’m not even diabetic or hypertensive. He could really benefit from it. Oh well I’ll just keep plugging along. Maybe my example and eventual results will sway him. I accept what I cannot change. I try to just take care of my own shit and stay in tune with the universe 🤪.

10:24 I’ve done some tidying up. I did the laundry yesterday. I’m taking Bitzi to the lake. Make hay while the sun shines. 



Friday, November 20

Hunkering down

I’ve decided not to go downstate next week but just stay home and close. The reports of the virus spreading everywhere so fast are crazy. Better safe than sorry. I do not need to get sick or spread it to others. Michael has been through enough nightmarish he’ll with all my feckin cancer bullshit. I need to be smart and sensible.

I’ve lost two more pounds. I’m hungry at least two or three times every day but that’s okay. I’m helping make myself healthier and strengthening my immune system. No pain no gain,

I took Bitzi for a nice walk around Wildflower lake earlier. After lunch I may take her to walk around fountain view lake and behind the main lodge. We can both use more walking.

Thursday, November 19

In bed

5:50am

I’ve had a good night’s sleep but I woke up early and can’t go back to sleep. It’s chilly in the bedroom but I’m cozy under the covers so don’t want to get up. I grabbed my iPad and reading glasses off the bed table and put my ear buds in and watched another episode of Greys Anatomy. Mike is laying next to me snoring gently. The wind is whooshing fiercely outside. It doesn’t seem like Thursday but then it doesn’t seem like any day in particular to me these days now with my retirement and the quarantine stuff. Such a strange unfortunate time our world is going through.



I have no plans for today which is a bit weird but nice. I should make a to-do list but haven’t.

The new kitchen counters, sink and faucet are being installed next Tuesday morning but I won’t be here. I’ll have to remove stuff from cabinets and take out a couple drawers. Bitzi is staying home with Mike next Monday and Tuesday.

6:42 I’m up and dressed now. I opened the blinds in the sitting room and kitchen. I fed and watered the dog in her pen in the kitchen.I’m drinking my coffee and I’ll take Bitzi out to pee shortly. I’m wearing my new navy blue shapermint leggings and new black Skechers thick-soled walking shoes. I have my pink Lake Geneva Bob’s Beach Shack hoodie over a gray cuddle duds shirt. The sun is coming out in front of me in the east sitting room window. The sky is gray blue white with a touch of pink swirled in, subtle pastel colors. 




I’ve got to hang on and get through this pandemic/election/family troubles/emotional sand trap period. I wish I could wash all my brain gloom. I’ll make my shopping and to-do list. That will keep me occupied I hope.



Wednesday, November 18

How to keep going

7:59 am

I’m drinking my morning coffee. I have brain fog from the Benadryl I took last night. So far it looks overcast. Mike is watching the morning news. I’m so exhausted with the constant Covid-19 coverage and whatever the latest atrocity is with out demented fucknut president and his cult of deplorables. I wish I could wash my ears and brain out with hot water and bleach to make no trace of bullshit linger. I’m worried / upset with a couple of my family members. I’ve experienced this before. There’s nothing that I can do so I’ll leave it alone and stay silent. I’ll pack up my feelings and push myself forward through the emotional storm. I HAVE to keep moving forward. I HAVE to stay positive. Mike says I’m not tough enough. I’m tough in my own way. I just care and worry deeply. I have to put Sensitive Suzy back in the box and move on. Today I’ll be rereading positive affirmations, counting my blessings, walking and swimming. As of this Friday our lodge pool will be closed due to Covid phase 3 being enforced. I’m getting my pool time in today and tomorrow.

This morning I have to drive over to my doctor’s office in Bartlett to pick up my health / drug screening form for district 300 and then I have to go to the D300 central office to turn in my forms and get fingerprinted to get cleared for the long term music sub job. It’s kind of a pain in the ass to go through but it will add some money to the coffers.

8:57am I took Bitzi up to the top of the steep hill in the park across the street. Although I wore a pretty warm jacket I was still uncomfortable with the biting wind. I came back home, decided not to change clothes, fixed my hair and actually took time to apply makeup ( I rarely wear any these days. Now I’m waiting around a bit to leave for Bartlett and Carpentersville.

I made a reservation at Stoney Creek for next Monday night so I can spend time with Sarah and the boys. Normally I stay with her and Keith but now she’s left him and they’re staying at the farm with her dad ( my ex).I try to stay out of it but I know it’s hard for her. The rest of her family and I have been wishing she’d leave him for a long time. He is angst filled and oppressive and extremely needy. She’s taking control of her dads farm now since he is bad off with stage four colon cancer. It’s a very bad situation. 

 I haven’t told Mike I’m going yet. He’ll have a total FIT about me staying in a hotel during the pandemic. You do what you gotta do. We’ll be very careful and we’ll be fine. Mike always has to work on Thanksgiving. He doesn’t like turkey so I think I’m going to stuff and roast a chicken and make a couple special side dishes and a nice dessert. I told him to invite his mother but I don’t know if he did yet.

I’m leaving in a few minutes and spending my driving time thinking positive thoughts and being grateful for my life.

. Live on the good parts. Live for the good parts. 

12:36pm
The fingerprinting took way too long. Very tedious. Their district office was surprisingly small and plain. The lady who did my fingerprinting wasn’t friendly or cordial at all bordering on a rip. Perhaps she’s suffering with a nasty yeast infection or something.

I took Bitzi for another walk once I got home. The wind is still pretty cutting. I made myself a grilled chicken low- carb burrito for lunch ( very good). Mike came out of his office and made himself a grilled cheese. I can hear him crunching all the way in the sitting room. He sounds like a horse when he chews. It must be the big back molars and the resonance of his big skull and neck. He eats his lunch every day leaning over the kitchen island while reading the paper. Never sits down. 

Tuesday, November 17

Just be safe and smart. Stay the course.

I’m feeling better today. I’m not sure what was wrong yesterday and the night before last other than taking that really long walk out in the brutally cold wind Sunday morning. Because I felt so shitty yesterday I went off my diet and fasting a bit. Nothing too radical but now I’m back on track. There are a whole bunch of sub jobs available but all are in person in schools and I’m not doing that. The virus numbers are just rising too rapidly and I certainly don’t want to chance it. Next week my former district is shutting in- person classes down again and going back to e- learning for all until Dec.4 when they’ll reassess. I feel like I should drive down and see my kids but I’m even hesitant to do that.
I’ve come to far to be stupid and get the virus and risk having it take me out. And it might only be the sniffles but my immune system still isn’t mature and that strong. My common sense says I should stay home as much as I am able. 
Cancel Thanksgiving

Yesterday I drove to Bartlett to my family doctor’s office to do the urine drug screening test to be approved to sub for D300 but I don’t really even want to now. It’s just that I had sent a my chart request to him last week. That district isn’t very friendly or welcoming as my other two and they have a lot more hoops to jump through for a lower daily sub pay rate so I’m now not enthused about working for them. Life is too short to deal with things that don’t give you joy.

7:46am now. I have taken Bitzi for a walk to the park. Mike is awake now. I made him a pepper and egg sandwich. Yesterday was his birthday (62). He had to work and I didn’t feel well. He doesn’t like holidays or birthdays and doesn’t do gifts. He got me a card for my birthday and that was it. I bought myself two bouquets of flowers. I might as well do it for myself. 

For his birthday yesterday I made tilapia, shrimp, scallops, corn and mashed potatoes for his dinner and gave him a card I had in my card box. He enjoyed it. I didn’t feel well. 

Monday, November 16

Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re still not out to get you

7:14am

I’ve been up for several hours. I started sneezing last night before bed. During the night I felt cold and uncomfortable. I kept draining and had a tickle-y cough and my chest felt weird and a little heavy. I finally got up to stay around 4. My temperature is low which is normal. I don’t know if it’s a cold or what. I don’t feel like doing anything. I just took Bitzi to the park across the street. I don’t think I’ll feel like any long walks today. I hope this is nothing and just passes.

Sunday, November 15

Just concede you orange orangutan

It’s a gloomy Sunday morning. I’m drinking coffee with MCT oil looking out the front window at the overcast scene. I’m taking Bitzi for a walk when I finish my coffee. I am trying to say positive things in my head and not succumb to the swelling anxiety and depression over the state of the world, country, my family. “ This too shall pass” over and over. Counting my blessings. I need to get out and walk. 






Saturday, November 14

Chilly in da house

6:17am
For some reason I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. It’s chilly in the house and I have a blanket on my lap. Still cold.
I just got up and got my coffee that just finished brewing and put on my long pink fuzzy robe. That should help. Mike just got up and turned the heat on.unless I have my reading glasses and a flashlight I can’t read the controls on the thermostat.

I’ve been offered the long term elementary music sub job for D300 that lasts from as soon as I can get my forms in until Jan.15. It would be all online. They don’t pay as well as U-46 though. I told the lady from HR I’d tell her yes or no by noon Monday. 
Mike is putting me on his group insurance Jan.1 to save money but I verified I can go back on the teachers’ retirement insurance if he retires or gets laid off. He’ll be 62 on Monday.
We have to stop at the bank this morning and get cash for the gift card and for my fingerprinting at the Kane ROE ( for D300) and go to St.Charles and pick up Annette then go to GlenEllyn and drive by Casey & Jackie’s house for the “ drive by baby shower” and quickly drop off the gifts. This is the weird way things are done during a pandemic. Annette has stopped taking her antidepressants again so probably before too long there will be issues again. She’ll be 82 in January. Jerry passed away 5 years ago in March. They were married 52 years.
With my family there’s a bunch of drama going on as usual. My youngest daughter has left her husband. My older daughter’s oldest daughter has been having a lot of depression and anger, rebellion,problems. There’s always something of concern happening. I haven’t seen my family since early October. Due to the surge of the pandemic I’ve been trying to stay home and be more careful.
I’m still doing keto and fasting. I’ve been at a plateau the last couple days and feeling pretty draggy and low energy ( it may be my worries about the kids too).I manage to get Bitzi out for walks a couple times a day but no pool time or very long walks. My middle is feeling a bit smaller which is good. I have a long way to go. This snowball has been rolling downhill getting bigger since the transplant. It’s a lot harder and slower to push it back up the hill and lose a little at a time. The top of the hill is months away. 
We started watching season one of The Crown on Netflix last night. It was very good. I love all the historical epochs with the awesome sets, costuming, makeup, locations to create the time period. We stopped on the second episode to watch Real Time with Bill Maher. I fell asleep soon after it started though. We’ll watch it tonight. He’s only on for one more week then he’s done until January. He does that every year.
6:52 It’s starting to get fully light out now. Mike is sitting in the adjoining living room on the couch watching The Masters. I haven’t taken Bitzi out to pee yet. He took her out at 2:30am. I bet she’d be fine going all night without going out to pee but he sits up every night watching TV after I go to bed and he always takes her out. Although he grouches and grumped about getting her and said he didn’t like little dogs and I was crazy to pay $1800 for a 2-lb puppy she has melted his heart and he genuinely loves her. He gets down on the floor and rolls around and pretends to wrestle with her. He takes her back to his office when I’m gone. She’s brought us a lot of joy. 





Thursday, November 12

Returning to lock down

1:33pm Thursday

Sitting here in my chair in the front sitting room typing with my right index finger. The dishwasher is whooshing softly in the kitchen. After lunch I gave Bitzi a bath in the utility sink, toweled her off and let her run around. Then she rang her bells hanging from the back door so I took her out for a little walk across the street. She did her duty and dried off a little more then we came back. She’s still damp and napping on the rug by the back door in the sun. Mike is sealed off back in his office. I took Bitzi for two other walks this morning and had an 11:00 Zoom interview for a long term music sub job in D300. I thought it went well but I’m not sure I’d want it if they offer it. We’ll see. I interviewed with a principal, asst.principle and head of the district fine arts and none of them knew what the pay rate would be and said I’d need to speak with HR if an offer was submitted. Whatever.....  I’m not in the mood to chase anything these days. 
Lots of things are closing down, canceling or rolling backwards now with the second surge of the virus. Lots of people I know have had it or had to quarantine due to exposure. Pretty scary. Things are messed up and shitty. I’m tired of trying to make lemonade with these shitty lemons. 

I have a 4:00 Zoom meeting with Lola. There’s some drama going on between her and her mom and I want to try to help any way I can. 



Tuesday, November 10

You’re not getting older, you’re getting better.

It’s late afternoon on Tuesday. The sky is getting dark and a storm is coming. I had a 3:45 pool time scheduled but I canceled it. I’m not feeling too great and my leg muscles are burning. I’ve taken Bitzi on a couple good walks today and my body says that’s enough for today.

Tomorrow morning I’m driving to Bartlett and subbing for an elementary autism classroom. There are just three kids and two para professionals so it should be okay. I’ll have to get up early to get ready to go ( which I haven’t been doing lately). 

I put a hot oil treatment on my hair and am just letting it soak in. I’ll wash it out after while.

Tomorrow is my 61st and my granddaughter Lola’s 14th birthday. I feel good at my age but it sounds as if Lola is struggling being a teenager in these unusually difficult times. I have tried to reach out and help but teenagers are slippery unpredictable salamanders. Sometimes people need to figure things out for themselves. I sure did. 




Mike is still in the back room working. The wind is starting to pick up and become wilder.I talked to my old retired teacher friend Marilyn today. No matter how long it’s been we can always talk pretty easily just like always. She’s coming over Thursday morning and we’re going walking around fountain view lake and behind our main lodge. I think she’s at least eight years older than me but I’m not exactly sure. 

Saturday we’re supposed to go to Casey & Jackie’s drive- by baby shower. COVID-19 ruins everything.

I lost track of the Show Grey’s Anatomy and what was going on a couple years ago so now being home more with retirement and quarantine I’ve started binge watching the whole series from the beginning on Netflix on my IPad with earbuds in. I usually get in a couple episodes every day or at bedtime. I like all the medical, relationship, romance stuff. I’m now on Season seven episode eleven. Watching it has renewed my desire to go to Seattle some day.



Monday, November 9

Trump refuses to concede: Didn’t we all know this would happen?


9:23 am

I just got back from a walk with Bitzi. It’s sunny, warm with a mild breeze. In a bit I will sign in to a Zoom meeting to sub for a friend of mine who teaches elementary PE in one of my old schools. There will only be four forty-minute classes- 2 third and 2 fourth but I still get paid for a full day. Sweet. Plus the lessons are already loaded online for the kids. Double sweet. I got my first sub offer from Huntley school district this morning for preschool but it started at 7:25 and by the time I got up and saw it it was too late. I’m not familiar with the Huntley schools at all but I’m sure I will be in time. 

I knew this bullshit was going to happen with Trump and I knew that he and his cult would promote and encourage his deplorable to protest and riot and be assholes. I knew it a long time ago. Just AWFUL.













10:52am So NOW I'm waiting to log in to the Zoom class but the principal can't let me in because the absent PE teacher didn't add her correctly so she can't get in to let me in and make me teacher so I can take over so just sitting here now.....no matter whether I get logged in or not I'll still get paid!

11:56 the building secretary called and told me I didn’t have to do any zooms for them today. The absent teacher sent the principal a new Zoom link that the students didn’t have and didn’t work anyway. Still get paid though. Really crazy.....

Saturday, November 7

Update

Cautiously optimistic.


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Sunday Nov.8 9:17am

We're out getting deli stuff for the Bears game but I still am sticking to keto.


Thursday, November 5

2020 United States Presidential Election

It’s morning and I’m having my black coffee with MCT oil in it. I’m fasting until noon. Today and tomorrow I’m subbing for an elementary PE teacher ( from home via Zoom). Today I have 3 2nd grade classes in the morning and 3 kindergarten in the afternoon. They just access Canvas ( an online teaching learning app) and log in there to do today’s activities. I pretty much just greet them and tell them to go do their assignments. Tomorrow I have first and fourth grade classes. We’ll see how it goes. Hopefully the building principal will remember to put me in the Zoom meeting both days as I’m unable to access it without that.


I’ve been in angst over the election. I knew it would be like this. Now Trump is suing the states, demanding they stop counting the mail-in ballots and wanting recounts. Just like the whiney little bitch that he is.

Tuesday, November 3

Some days you just float on your back and let the current take you.

It’s mid morning. I have to take Bitzi to the groomer in a little while. She’s shaggy and needs her nails and but hair trimmed. She’s had some loosey goosey stuff going on the last couple days so I’m feeding her a bland food from the vet ( very expensive). She’s pretty bad about eating anything she comes across inside and outside. I don’t know if she ate something bad or what. I’ll have to take her to the vet if it doesn’t clear up. 

I enjoyed subbing yesterday. I went in to the school but my only duties were overseeing kids completing assigned work via a 3- hour Zoom meeting. I have a 2-day similar job for PE that I’ll do from home Thursday and Friday. 
The estimate for the flooring came back really high so I’m not even sure I want to do it now. The floors we currently have are in good shape and fine for what we need. I’m more concerned with updating the kitchen. 

I’m feeling kind of emotionally numb today about various ongoing family issues. I’m trying not to worry. I’m trying to stay in the present and do what I can. I just kind of feel zoned out. I have to trust the universe that things will be okay. Worrying doesn’t help anything. 

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5:55 pm. 

I talked to my daughter for a long time this morning. I feel better now. Praise be. 

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