Waiting

Mike’s mom is being released from the hospital this afternoon and will be going home to a hospital bed, hospice care and a full-time caregiver. She’s 85 has stage 4 lung cancer and a brain tumor bleed that is inoperable. Mike has been at the hospital with her about 14 hours a day the last several days. It’s just a matter of time with her and the goal is to keep her as comfortable as possible. They have a very large family so Mike has a constant stream of calls and texts since he is the power of attorney. This has been going on for months but it’s ramped way up the last couple weeks since his mom has gotten so bad. 

Black Friday

Good morning. I’m sitting on the couch in the living room. I ate a little of my oatmeal- chia seeds- hemp hearts-peanut butter- mixed berries concoction. It exploded in the microwave while warming it up for the second day in a row. I usually make a big batch of it in a saucepan on the stove then store it in a container in the fridge so I can just scoop some out and warm it up quickly. I feed on it for days. Mike won’t come near it so it’s all mine. Yesterday ,being , Thanksgiving , I didn’t have to go to cardiac rehab so I walked a couple times. Mike and I stayed home and just made some nice pasta and a salad. That was fine. I did a lot of reflection and gave thanks for my blessings all day.

 Tomorrow we’re going to my sister’s for a big Thanksgiving get together. I have to make stuff today to bring tomorrow. I have to work out today. I have chorus and band rehearsals next week, I’m hosting ladies’ BUNCO night Thursday, Friday is the chorus dress rehearsal and Saturday is the concert. The next week is even busier. I don’t have any of the Christmas decorations down out of the garage ceiling shelf. There’s a lot to do and Mike helps very little. It’s like pushing a huge boulder up a steep hill. There are still 2 IKEA lamps sitting in boxes on the chair in the front room. He’s been going to put them together for weeks and there they sit but he’s dealing with bigger issues.  His mother continues to worsen with her health ( lung/ brain cancer),  memory and depression. She is dragging her feet more and more about treatment and wanting to isolate and talking about dying. Mike tries his best to communicate with her doctor and nurse and make sure she’s at her appointments. He and his siblings communicate and coordinate with their mothers needs and care but Mike does the most.

I’m considering auditioning for our community’s spring musical. I have never been on stage in a play or musical- only in the orchestra pit. I’m still waffling. I’m scared and my low vision, chronic respiratory congestion and weakened immune system are holding me back. Auditions are in January. A friend of mine from chorus was just in a production of “ Anything Goes” which inspired me to think about trying it. This whole heart attack / artery blockage thing has changed my outlook. I’m cutting out all the bullshit stuff and people and directing my energy to what brings me joy and lifts me up. I’m swimming toward the sunshine and happiness. 

I’m sick of the commercialism of everyday life. Now it’s way worse with the holidays! I feel like I’m constantly bombarded by ads and offers and schemes in my unending emails, calls and social media feeds. I have all that I need and I’m sick of companies trying to worm their way into my pockets! I’m holding up my minimalist shield to keep them back! 

I have to finish drinking my coffee then go get dressed and take Bitzi out for her morning walk. Then I’ll probably go to the lodge and use the weight machines and do my pool workout. I need to practice my band and chorus music for the upcoming concerts then get the Christmas stuff out and sorted. 

I got a new iPad on sale at Costco! It’s awesome and I just got it set up and just ordered a keyboard case. I’m giving Sarah my old one which is still in good working order but over five years old. I made some cookies to take tomorrow and am going to the gym and pool. 

My friend Marilyn has stage 4 liposarcoma. The chemo didn’t work. She was supposed to have surgery to try to buy her time but now she has the RSV virus and has the surgery postponed weeks. She has made all her funeral arrangements.