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Showing posts with label #alive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #alive. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 16

Snow and more snow

We got another 4-6” of snow last night on top of the piles that were already out there. In our small yard some of the drifts are more than 18” high. I went out with Mike and helped clear the driveway and walks. Thankfully I have my super warm long quilted coat and tall fur-lined boots for times like this. It’s actually not as wickedly cold out today as it has been recently so at least that’s good. I don’t think I’m going out anywhere today. After Mike gets done with work tonight we’ll drive the one mile to Beef Shack for their $1.00 hot dogs Tuesday special. They’re pretty good fully-loaded Chicago style dogs. 

Wednesday, December 30

Wednesday’s child is full of woe

Another morning in the construction zone. The cabinet guys just got here. They were supposed to be already finished but have had a couple hiccups and made some mistakes so it’s taking longer. The kitchen, of course, is the heart of the home so it’s very trying to give that space up most of the day for many days. The cabinets as they are now and unfinished do look a whole lot better. This is just part of a much bigger ongoing remodeling project but at least we’re getting chunks done and out of the way. 

I’m in the spare bedroom where all the boxes of kitchen cabinet junk are piled. It tends to be drafty in here. I think the front window needs replaced. I just went and put my slippers and an extra sweater over my turtleneck on. I have been sorting and arranging some school sub stuff. I am still feeling a bit in angst dreading the remaining two weeks in person. I keep feeling verklempt and have to reassure myself it will be okay. What you imagine and fear is always worse than it really is. The only thing you have to fear is fear itself. 

I’m going out shopping in a bit. It snowed and sleeted last night but now it’s a melting mess out there. Mike and I went out shoveled last night around ten. It was kind of fun actually and Bitzi loved the snow! I’m looking to buy a new comfy cozy recliner for the bedroom. I want another new one for the living room but want to wait until the new floors are installed. I got out my essential oil diffuser vaporizers today and put some eucalyptus and lemon oil in the water reservoir to scent the air. My head and breathing have been a bit troublesome the last few days and it must be in reaction to the heat being on all the time. I can’t imagine what else it could be.

Yesterday we went to Costco and got a couple big king crab legs for New Years Eve tomorrow. I have some shrimp in the freezer too. Neither Mike or I drink, so we do seafood. I got a nice new white parka too for a great price. I love it. My old white Columbia coat is wearing out and has been washed and bleached hundreds of times. 

I am starving (part of my daily fasting) and won’t eat until noon. I haven’t been very good about following my own rules lately and haven’t lost any more weight the past week. Just keep going......I can do this. I can treat my body better than I have been the last couple years. I’ve been really worried and upset about my oldest son the past week. He’s been in trouble for addiction before and now he’s drinking heavily and out of control. I had two uncles who ruined their lives from alcoholism. I hate it. No amount of begging or pleading or reasoning helps. He has to do it himself. I have been in angst over that. That is probably what’s causing my feelings of chest squeezing and breathing constriction. I have to just pray and hope things will work out. When your kids are adults you cannot fix things or make them do anything.

I have started a list of things I want to do or go when the pandemic ends. Driving the Florida Keys is on the list and tent camping/hiking is on it too. I want to go to LasVegas next December......and I want to go to Smoky Mountain National Park again and go hiking. An Alaskan cruise out of Seattle is also on the wish list..........I can always dream of things at least. 

I’m back from a couple stores. I did not find a recliner for the bedroom. The saga continues.....I did run in Aldi and get a few things. It’s very icy and slippery and slushy out there. I didn’t want to shop any more so came home and took Bitzi outside. She just wants to play in the snow and ice. She doesn’t care if she freezes to death. The cabinet guy is almost done. Yesterday he dropped a hammer on my new quartz counter and cracked it. WTF,,,,,so now we will have to investigate getting it fixed. He has offered to pay for the repair. I’m not sure it can be repaired. What in the flipping fuk......Oh well it will all be fine. It’s just a counter. No one got hurt. It is what it is. He’s a very polite guy but seems a bit ditzy and a space case (like I should talk, I know.....)

I’ve been doing some tidying up, well as much as is possible with guys still working in the kitchen with stuff all over. I watched a couple episodes of Hoarders Monday night.  There is nothing that puts me in the mood to clean and organize like watching Hoarders.....scary stuff! Bitzi is lying on the carpet at my feet here in the spare bedroom. I rearranged the desk and stuff. Sill not happy. Maybe when all this other crap is out of here it will feel like a real room and not a junk room. 

I am starving and it’s almost time for me to eat but they’re still in the kitchen. I had to move their step ladder to put the groceries in the fridge. The snow outside is pretty. Snow always looks pretty to me until February and then I want it to be over. I told Mike last night that after he retires I think we should go to the Florida keys for February from then on. He thought that was a good idea to just hang out and drive around to all the keys for a few weeks. Sounds good to me. We really like driving around and exploring places.

I was born on a Wednesday

I’m going to close this post out and go do something else productive so I have some feeling of accomplishment today.  Stay warm and stay well.


Tuesday, December 15

Navigating a turbulent world

8:15 pm
I’m lying on the couch in my pajamas. It’s been a pretty good day. I am sincerely grateful for my blessings. There are issues going on with family. I am trying to stay out of things and not worry. I’m trying to trust the universe to take care of things. I have to have faith. I am not the fixer for the world. Things will go as they’re supposed to go. I will take care of my own business. I have to trust. 

Saturday, December 12

Rain on the roof

It’s dark, chilly and rainy this morning. I’ve been awake for a while because Mike got up with his shoulder pain again and was sitting in the living room with the heating pad on it for a while so I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. Then he came back in to bed but I was awake so just got up. It’s noticeably chillier today and I can hear the splatter of the rain against the window and roof. I usually am out walking Bitzi by this time but she’s sleeping now so I’ll wait in hopes of the rain letting up. 
We’re going to St.Charles to see Annette later. I have things to get at the store and things to do at home. Mike has work to do first too.

9:33 I took Bitzi for a short walk with the umbrella. It’s icy rain and wind out there. Winter is here.
I cleaned up some stuff. I’m starving. No pain, no gain. At least my gut never feels bloated any more, so that’s a plus.

Friday, November 20

Hunkering down

I’ve decided not to go downstate next week but just stay home and close. The reports of the virus spreading everywhere so fast are crazy. Better safe than sorry. I do not need to get sick or spread it to others. Michael has been through enough nightmarish he’ll with all my feckin cancer bullshit. I need to be smart and sensible.

I’ve lost two more pounds. I’m hungry at least two or three times every day but that’s okay. I’m helping make myself healthier and strengthening my immune system. No pain no gain,

I took Bitzi for a nice walk around Wildflower lake earlier. After lunch I may take her to walk around fountain view lake and behind the main lodge. We can both use more walking.

Saturday, October 10


It’s Sunday mid morning. Mike just got up. He never sleeps that late. I was pretty exhausted when I got back home yesterday around 4. I got bitten by a bunch of mosquitoes and gnats at the Norris park Thursday. I had tiny bites all over. Last night I took a hot bath and scrubbed myself all over and then I put on anti itch cream and took a Benadryl. I went to bed around 10 but was watching Greys Anatomy on my IPad for a long time. I hadn’t watched it in a couple years so started watching it from the beginning a couple weeks ago on Netflix. I don’t know what season I’m on now.

I had a good time this week in central Illinois. Good to visit, spend time with family and drive around in the beautiful fall scenery but I was ready to come home. 

My keurig has been messed up for a while. It’s super slow and will only give me the smallest, strongest cup. Just now I tried cleaning the coffee hole under the pod with a paper clip, turn it upside down and patted it on the bottom to loosen any coffee jam, ran white vinegar through the reservoire and it still sucks. Figures. This pisses me off. It’s less than a year old. WTF?

Tomorrow I have to go over and meet with the lady whose Tibetan spaniels I’ll be tending the next two weeks four times a day. She wants to show me how she feeds them and lets them out to pee and poop in her fenced back yard. I’m meeting a friend for lunch Tuesday and I have to get some stuff taken care of to be on the sub list for Huntley.

I think Mike managed to get the Keurig running better. I’m done with coffee for today anyway. I took Bitzi to the park, put in two loads of laundry, cleaned  up the kitchen and put peanut butter cookies and pumpkin bread in the freezer, cleaned up my bedroom, cleaned out dresser drawers, changed to cooler clothes ( getting warmer out now), gave Bitzi a bath in the utility sink ( badly needed) and now she’s hiding in her little gray fabric dog teepee glaring out the opening at me. 
My ex is dealing with stage four colon cancer and doing outpatient chemo but he’s lost a ton of weight and is very weak. My youngest daughter Sarah has been put in charge of his accounts and holdings. She’s 32 and has a husband and three little boys. She’s handling it okay and learning the ropes but the hardest part is dealing with my two sons. It’s a mess but they’re adults. I try to help her with the boys but I can’t get in the middle of it. All too hairy....I’m proud of how she’s managing. 

Monday, October 5

Missing you

The sun is splaying golden laser beams through the East sitting room windows. I’m weird and sometimes take nature  things ( clouds, beams of light, flowers, birds, animals) I see as possible signs to direct me. The light rays are speaking to me this morning but their message isn’t clearly understood, maybe they’re saying something like straighten the hell up, quit being so indecisive and DO something. I still have this feeling of being in limbo waiting for something not yet revealed, 

I’m going down to Lewistown this week Wednesday through Sunday to visit my family. I’m looking forward to going and spending time with my tribe. I like driving and seeing the fall scenery. I’m going to the orchard, a winery, the Amish bakery over by Cuba. 

Yesterday I applied to sub at a couple more nearby school districts and applied for a long term maternity leave sub job for a middle school band director in my old district. We’ll see if that happens. I’m not even sure I should be going out places with my immune system and the recent surge of this pandemic. The neighboring county has shut down all their restaurants and bars again for indoor seating due to the sharp increase of people infected with Covid-19. I want to do stuff but I don’t want to do stuff.
The automatic sub caller robot has called a couple times today. Since I decided to apply to sub after school had already started I missed some important information. I don’t know if I accept a job on sub finder ( even though it’s for an online virtual class) if I still have to report to that school and punch the time clock. Also I turned in my district laptop when I retired so do I need to get a new one? I don’t have one of my own. Mike is using his MacBook Pro for his work. I think the woman from HR I dealt with to get hired as a sub isn’t very good. She’s missed a lot of stuff. I’ll worry about that bs another day.

I drove to Kohl’s in Algonquin then back to Aldis in Huntley. They were mobbed. I have some acute pain in the top of my right foot and not sure what happened but it’s more than mild occasional pain.

I just took the dog out for a walk of about 6 blocks. It’s very windy out but much warmer than earlier.

I can hear Mike chattering always on a work call back in his office. He’s talking about retirement now too and suggesting he might take the buyout if they’re still offering good deals if the paper finds it still has to make even more cuts. We’re trying to get the new roof, kitchen, floors and other stuff done now so we don’t have to worry about it in a few years. 

I’ve been feeling more tired the last two weeks. I don’t know if it’s the change in weather or what. 

Sunday, October 4

Country comfort

I’m feeling very content and grateful this morning. I’m feeling better than the last few days. I’m truly grateful for my health and my life, sitting here in my cozy home in super soft lounge pants and shirt with my warm Sherpa slippers on. A few years ago I would never have guessed I’d still be alive or able to retire. Miracles do happen.

Friday, September 11

Soggy Bottom Boys

9:40M.  I’ve been on the phone trying to use my leftover flex spending account money on a bill. I should have had the brains to pay it before my insurance terminated with the school district. Now I have to fight to get it. I called HR but of course got a voicemail. I hate this bullshit!

I took Bitzi outside this morning and the ground is SO wet and soggy and squishy. It must have rained all night.

I have to go get my drivers license renewed AND take a vision test so I’m nervous about that. I’m positive my left eye won’t pass but you only need ONE to pass. On a good day my right eye might pass. Once I do that successfully I’ll have a big feeling of relief.

I’m going to try on all my clothes and clean out my closets and drawers, bring out my fall& winter stuff, put away summer stuff, clean up my bathroom and take stuff to Goodwill.

I split and repotted my new cacti yesterday. 


2:42pm. I’ve taken Bitzi Lu on two big walks today in this overcast wet gloom. I went through all my drawers and the big master closet and put my spring summer stuff away and brought out the fall winter stuff and organized the monster closet. I took 2 trash bags of clothes to Goodwill earlier but now have two more bags of old bedding stuff that also needs to go. In our two bedroom house without a basement I need to keep up on things and continually purge and reorganize things. I’m sweating a cold pasty sweat from all that work and stepping up and down off the step stool and reaching and carrying.

Tuesday, September 8

Roasted vegetables

2:11 pm when I went down to Canton and Lewistown Saturday I stopped at Sallie’s and she gave me a bunch of vegetables so I decided I’d better use them up today. I made some “ Dago salad” with sliced tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, vinegar, olive oil and seasonings. ( I hate that shit but Mike loves it. I haven’t made it in years.) He flipped over it and ate a huge anoint for lunch. I also cut up zucchini and yellow squash and added ones, baby carrots and mushrooms. I drizzled it with olive oil, seasonings and Parmesan and put it in the oven to roast. It smells good. I also have a couple big weird overgrown alien looking cacti Sallie gave me that I have to repot. Sarah and the boys took some of those too. It’s been raining and storming since last night. I took Bitzi to the groomer at 8 this morning. Her shorter cut is really cute. Her hair grows fast.

Wednesday, September 2

Meteorlogical fall

10:01am Wednesday

This is our third day staying here at the resort in a timeshare condo in Lake Geneva. Mike is in the shower. We're going over to Burlington in a little while, then I'm going shopping in downtown Lake Geneva. After that we're going to the spa and then to the fish boil and home in the morning. Mike is going to go pick up the dog from his mom's and I have a noon interview tomorrow for a dental office job a mile from our house.
Mikes mom Annette's sisters husband just died of Covid-19 last night. Annette played bingo with her sisters Sunday night. We were around Annette Monday morning. That's some scary shit to think about!

I'm going down to Lewistown Friday

Sunday, February 9

Sunday snow’s a-comin

I made some cinnamon rolls this morning and now I’m finishing my second cup of coffee. It’s supposed to start snowing soon up to three inches and then start raining. I just don’t like the sleet and ice so maybe the rain will just melt all the snow. My friend who lives in Denver just got slammed with a crazy amount of snow so this stuff won’t seems like much compared to that. 

Mike and I didn’t do too much yesterday. We took his car ( black Chevy Tahoe) to Fast Eddies here in Huntley for an exterior wash and interior cleaning. I took my Kia Sorrento there Friday afternoon but just got the exterior wash as it was full of my instruments and school stuff. After the car wash yesterday we went to a couple stores then came home and stayed home. Neither of us are feeling very good or frisky. We’re both tired.  

Mike’s mom had a lung biopsy Thursday of a spot that showed up on a CT scan and she should get the pathology report back tomorrow or Tuesday. It’s the left lung. She had breast cancer on the left about fifteen years ago and was treated with a simple lumpectomy and a little radiation. She’s been pretty depressed since her husband Jerry died three years ago. She’s stopped going to mass, bingo and doesn’t want to go anywhere or take a shower or get dressed. We’ve all tried and tried.      

At some Point we’re going to go away to somewhere warm and sunny during February. We both like the thought of the Florida keys. Neither of us like crowds or touristy bullshit places. We really love nature and water.

11:16 It’s snowing very heavily now - crazy heavy but it’s not supposed to last that long or accumulate to much.     We’re cleaning the house, doing laundry and preparing for the coming work week. I think we’ll run out briefly and drop a couple things off at Goodwill. Since our house is smaller than the old one we need to continually thin things down. I guess I’m now used to not having a basement but we need to redo the attic stairs so I can go up and down more easily and safely to store and retrieve things. The aluminum pull-down stairs are hard to pull down and just scary for me#seniorcitizen, #aginggracefully, #retire2020, #chicagowinters.

So after cooking a bunch this week we now have in the fridge vegetable beef soup, pulled pork, meatballs and cheesecake  I should put some in the freezer today.
cheesecake mix

2:30 It's STILL snowing! I just made chocolate chip cookies and will put a bunch of stuff in the freezer ( the squirrel in me!)

3:27   I did some school work in my little back office. After I retire I can get rid of a lot more stuff. I bought Milo a trombone and a different mouthpiece and a padded strap for his case and a beginner book to start. I’ll also give him a folding music stand to go with it.

I put the chocolate chip cookies and cinnamon rolls I baked today in smaller bags in the freezer. I don’t need them sitting out on the counter tempting me. Mike and I are going to go out and shovel before the sleet starts and it gets dark. We have a lawn maintenance company mow and trim all summer. I just tend my flowers. Lots of residents here in Sun City have snow removal service but we shovel our own. Both of Mike’s shoulders are starting to go bad. I’m sure he’ll get them fixed at some point. We’ll probably have the snow removal service at some point too.

5:19 I know today is an unusually long post for me. Sometimes I get on a roll. Also being stuck inside with the snow gave me ample time to blabber on more than usual.

We went out and shoveled then went to the store and ran a couple errands. It’s misting rain now. There’s probably 2-3 inches of snow on the ground but it’s pretty wet and melting and slides easily. Since I’m so congested I got about a third of the driveway cleared and had to stop for a huge hacking attack before I continued. I had a couple of those before we were finished. Got a lot of gunk out from all the hacking though.
We just got home from errands and the neighbor lady kitty corner across the street from us with the loud vicious dog who always barks it’s fucking head off was out shoveling ( and of course, you could hear her fucking dog barking inside the house) so Mike gave me the bags to bring inside and said he was going to go help her shovel. I would have gone to help too if it weren’t for her having that loud fucking dog barking ALL THE TIME. Uh no....

I’m making a little fettuccine after while. I got a new seed starter kit and some zinnia flower seeds!!! The snow plow just went by. We live on a corner lot. Every time the snowplow goes by they pile our driveway closed! Damn it! I think they do it on purpose.

Friday, November 29


It’s now 4:36. I’ve been up about 90 minutes. I woke up coughing, needing to take my thyroid pill and pee. Since I was up I put my Eucerin dry skin cream on my face and neck and one my arms and legs. I get so dry in the winter. I brushed my hair and looked at in the mirror. I keep considering a short pixie cut but have let it grow down past my shoulders. I don’t want to be one of those eccentric old ladies who let their hair grow long and thin and scraggly and unkempt. I’m still considering it and have left it long at least for the winter. I am not someone to keep the exact same hairstyle all the time. At least with long hair you have options of doing it many ways. I like options and not to be stuck with just one look.

Yesterday I left the house before 7. I took 64 East to 39 by Rockford and went to Peoria that way. I got to Vicki’s house about 20 minutes early. Vicki has increasing bathroom control issues so I had her use the restroom right before we left and put on an additional absorbent pad so she had double protection. I also put a waterproof pad on the beautiful perforated leather front passenger seat on my new Kia Sorrento AWD SXL. Vicki can barely stand up to help herself from the wheelchair in and out of the car so you have to give her a lot of physical assistance. Her group home corporation transports her and other disabled residents with a big specially designed van with a wheel chair lift. Her wheelchair is fairly heavy fold me to fold up and hoist in and out of the back of my SUV. But once we got her in we were off and she was in a happy cheerful mood and was singing and seat dancing along to the radio.
At the restaurant was my younger daughter Sarah and her husband Keith and their three boys Milo, Oscar, Arlington and his mother Carol and her husband Joe and my ex mother in law Betty and my sons Alex and Brian and his girlfriend Jaime. Everyone was so happy to see Vicki and there were lots of hugs. I had to keep careful watch of what Vicki was drinking and eating so there wasn’t an unpleasant incident. It was a very nice get together. Then Vicki and I stopped at my daughter Samanthas in Norris to drop something off. They all had been sick and Samantha had a swollen infected tonsil so we didn’t stay long. Then I took Vicki back to her house and drove back home. I got to my house at about five and the last half hour driving at dusk dark was difficult for me but I made it. Mike got home from work about 6:30. It was a long good day. It’s a bit weird with combined families and divorces and exes but you do what you gotta do. Mikes daughter and her husband live a few blocks from Mike’s office. She cooked a big dinner yesterday and hosted her husband’s family but brought Mike 2 big containers of food to bring home so we had some of that.
It’s weird how the stages of your life and your role and obligations change as time passes. I’m no longer the one organizing, cooking and hosting things. That’s okay. It’s a little weird but okay.
I have another student band concert Tuesday night. I told the other two lady teachers I’d prefer not to lead the rehearsals and conduct this year. My vision and balance were a problem at times last year. It’s a little weird this year but it’s okay. I am teaching the lessons at five schools but just helping at rehearsals. The other teachers haven’t been much help the past couple years so I felt they could take it this year. I’m slowly exiting mentally and emotionally. So be it. Life moves on.

Mike went to work. I have some errands to run in a while. 

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