It’s Sunday and it snowed a bit. I’ve been out for a couple walks in the slush. I’m not feeling as angst filled today but I haven’t heard from my kids. I have a slight sinus headache and took two Advil cold and sinus tablets. I haven’t taken any of those for months. I flushed my sinuses and rubbed some Vics vaporub up in my nostrils. Hey, whatever it takes. I’ve been re-watching The Office on the Peacock app. Pretty good stuff.
Sunday, January 17
Friday, January 15
I’ve been up for a while and am now drinking my coffee with MCT oil. Mike just got up and is sitting on the couch in the living room with the morning news on. I’m wrapped up in a blanket typing with one finger on my iPad.
I've been cheating on my diet plan the past few weeks but am back on track and starting to lose again. Amazingly I didn’t gain any back despite the slip ups. I’m not trying to be all or nothing just trying to move more, eat low carb and healthy fresh vegetables. I tend to cheat and eat “ comfort foods” when I’m stressed or feeling ill. At least I’m aware now.......
I’ve been taking Bitzi on several walks a day and getting around 2 miles in most days which is more than I had been doing. Walking helps with anxiety too.
I took a nice hot bath last night in my jetted tub with my new eucalyptus- scented Epsom salts bath mixture. It was wonderful and relaxing.
Yesterday I cleaned out my two bedroom dressers and threw some stuff away and took some stuff to Goodwill and a bag of pictures to put up on a ceiling shelf in the garage. I moved one of the empty dressers to the spare bedroom and got rid of my flimsy laptop table that was in there and rearranged things.
I’m just in a really glum, shitty mood. I haven’t accomplished much today short of a couple walks, some laundry and a bit of house cleaning. We got Chinese takeout for dinner. It wasn’t that great tonight and now my stomach feels squishy. I got my shrimp and broccoli with no sauce, had no rice or egg roll.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. I am just sick and f- ing tired of all the shit going on. The sun has to come out at some point and things get better. Crying doesn’t help.
Thursday, January 14
It’s Thursday morning and I am trying to pick myself up and get going. I deactivated my Facebook account last night. My brother-in-law, who never communicates with me in any way, posted a smartassed, nasty comment to my FB page in support of Trump and all the ugliness with the Republican Party last night. He and his wife have been big pro-Trump supporters for years and I have managed to sidestep any arguments or ugliness until last night. Fuck him and all of them. I just deactivated my account and blocked him. I don’t care what he or the rest of his ilk say. The last several months I’ve been unfollowing and paring down my social media feeds anyway. I did continue to post relevant newspaper articles but that’s about it. I have had it and the gloves are off as far as that shit is concerned.
I’m also going through a lot o worry and emotional stress due to my kids and shit that’s going on, I can’t really tell my husband because he has blabbed to his asshole relatives in the past when I’ve confided in him. I don’t need that shit. So I don’t tell him much of what’s going on. I keep it to myself but it makes me on edge. Oh well I’ve fought tougher dragons than this. Bring it on...........
The sun is shining but the snow is still covering most things outside. Yesterday I went on four walks and noticed the ice was starting to melt a little. The days are starting to get longer and it’s no longer pitch dark at 4:30 now. There is hope. Just keep swimming. I have to watch my caffeine intake and try to stay busy and calm. I’m going to take the dog for another walk and then clean out my dressers and closet. I can’t let things eat at my brain and rattle me. That will never work. It never goes well when that happens.
Wednesday, January 13
Today President Trump was impeached for the second time. I don't give a shit about that I just want the SOB out and the never hold office again. His presidency has been a nightmarish train wreck clusterfuck. He made some bullshit speech this afternoon-too little too late. Didn't admit responsibility for anything.
He needs to be shut up and locked up and his cult followers too.
There's some upsetting family issues going on and I've been gone for a couple days. My heart is heavy and I feel vexed with worry but there's nothing I can do. Things need to fix themselves. I've been for several walks today. I made spaghetti sauce. I've fudged on my diet many days. I need to get my head out of my ass, snap out of it and get back on track.
Thursday, January 7
6:16 am. I have to leave for work around 7. Today and tomorrow we have training on how to teach classes in person while teaching kids at home online at the same time. Next week I have four days of doing that with ten classes a day and traveling between each classroom with no time gap allotted in between. I will make my own time gaps. This is bullshit. I accepted this long term sub job because it was described by HR as all online but then the district decided to bring kids back Jan. 11 and I am trying my best to fulfill my agreement but I’m disgruntled.....
I got ready to leave, loaded my car and then just finally decided I cannot do this- I cannot go into all those classrooms during the height of the pandemic without a vaccine with my low immune system. I came back in the house and emailed the principal that I quit. I’m not going to risk it. I already have all the classes set up online for three days. When they offered me the job they told me it was all online. I’m protecting my own health and my husband’s health.
Tuesday, January 5
So I’m up early and dressed, trying to read the news and wake up. At 7:00 I have to drive over to the elementary school in Carpentersville to work online teaching to get the staff used to coming back in to work. Next week the students will be back so we’ll be teaching kids in person while also teaching the kids at home online. I will only have four days of that luckily. I’m not going to worry about it. It’s only a few days. It is what it is. I just have to get it done.
Mike will have to be tending the dog until I get home this week and next week. He isn’t as good about walking her as I am. I’ll walk her when I get home. I’ve been offered a building sub position at my old school district and could work every day of the rest of the school year but what’s the point in being retired if I do that? Plus it will be in person assigned to various classes around a middle school. I’m sure a lot of retirees don’t want to sub during the pandemic. I’m sure subs are in short supply.
Wednesday, December 16
5:58am I’m up early again because of work. I like to rise early, get myself dressed, drink my coffee, read my news and emails and get myself set. Before I start teaching at 8 I have to take the dog out for her walk and log on the my laptop and get everything set up. It’s still difficult for me with all these classes being back to back. You have to hustle. I use a kitchen timer to keep track of time. I have two more weeks in January for this job. The first week I have to go in to the school for meetings and to teach remotely, the second week to teach in person ( some students returning) while teaching online ( some students still from home). It’s going to be nuts but it will only be 5 days...... SO we shall see...I’m not going to worry about it now. I’ll do my best. Things always work out.
Mike is still sound asleep in the bedroom. The door is open so I can hear his bear noises. The sunrise is an hour away. I like my morning time to myself. On mornings when Mike does get up early and comes out here and sits on the couch in the living room and falls back asleep with the morning news on I feel somewhat invaded. We have been cooped up in this house together for months now. Alone time is valuable. I’m going to take a drive next week. And now I’ve jinxed myself and Mike is up watching news. Oh well.... today is garbage day and he has a mission 🤪.
We have nothing planned for Christmas- not going anywhere, not having anyone one, just staying home and safe. This is our cozy nest. Before long the world will open up and things will go back to some version of normal. We’ll have a new president and Vice President and new administration. More people will be getting vaccinated for the virus. Things will improve in 2021. I have faith.
I am continuing to slowly lose weight but I’m not walking as much now that I’m working online. I’m going to try to do two longer walks today. Bitzi loves her walks. They’re good for both of us.
All four of my children have things going on that concern me but they’re adults and I can’t help. They have to do it themselves. Some times that can be the hardest thing for me to do- stay out of it. Mike’s son and his wife are having their first baby the end of January. The baby boy has some kind of congenital disorder called C-PAM and has a small mass in his chest near the heart and left lung. The mass is shrinking but the baby will need surgery some time soon after birth. It’s good that it’s shrinking and not hampering the baby’s growth. Still that’s a concerning situation until he’s here and gets it fixed. There’s always something going on with a big family.
I still don’t have the presents I’ve bought sorted and bagged. I need to do that. I also need to do an hour or more of school work tonight for Friday and over the break.
2:15pm I’m done with all my classes. I feel wrung out now like a used dish rag.
Saturday, November 14
For some reason I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. It’s chilly in the house and I have a blanket on my lap. Still cold.
I just got up and got my coffee that just finished brewing and put on my long pink fuzzy robe. That should help. Mike just got up and turned the heat on.unless I have my reading glasses and a flashlight I can’t read the controls on the thermostat.
I’ve been offered the long term elementary music sub job for D300 that lasts from as soon as I can get my forms in until Jan.15. It would be all online. They don’t pay as well as U-46 though. I told the lady from HR I’d tell her yes or no by noon Monday.
Mike is putting me on his group insurance Jan.1 to save money but I verified I can go back on the teachers’ retirement insurance if he retires or gets laid off. He’ll be 62 on Monday.
We have to stop at the bank this morning and get cash for the gift card and for my fingerprinting at the Kane ROE ( for D300) and go to St.Charles and pick up Annette then go to GlenEllyn and drive by Casey & Jackie’s house for the “ drive by baby shower” and quickly drop off the gifts. This is the weird way things are done during a pandemic. Annette has stopped taking her antidepressants again so probably before too long there will be issues again. She’ll be 82 in January. Jerry passed away 5 years ago in March. They were married 52 years.
With my family there’s a bunch of drama going on as usual. My youngest daughter has left her husband. My older daughter’s oldest daughter has been having a lot of depression and anger, rebellion,problems. There’s always something of concern happening. I haven’t seen my family since early October. Due to the surge of the pandemic I’ve been trying to stay home and be more careful.
I’m still doing keto and fasting. I’ve been at a plateau the last couple days and feeling pretty draggy and low energy ( it may be my worries about the kids too).I manage to get Bitzi out for walks a couple times a day but no pool time or very long walks. My middle is feeling a bit smaller which is good. I have a long way to go. This snowball has been rolling downhill getting bigger since the transplant. It’s a lot harder and slower to push it back up the hill and lose a little at a time. The top of the hill is months away.
We started watching season one of The Crown on Netflix last night. It was very good. I love all the historical epochs with the awesome sets, costuming, makeup, locations to create the time period. We stopped on the second episode to watch Real Time with Bill Maher. I fell asleep soon after it started though. We’ll watch it tonight. He’s only on for one more week then he’s done until January. He does that every year.
6:52 It’s starting to get fully light out now. Mike is sitting in the adjoining living room on the couch watching The Masters. I haven’t taken Bitzi out to pee yet. He took her out at 2:30am. I bet she’d be fine going all night without going out to pee but he sits up every night watching TV after I go to bed and he always takes her out. Although he grouches and grumped about getting her and said he didn’t like little dogs and I was crazy to pay $1800 for a 2-lb puppy she has melted his heart and he genuinely loves her. He gets down on the floor and rolls around and pretends to wrestle with her. He takes her back to his office when I’m gone. She’s brought us a lot of joy.
Monday, November 9
I just got back from a walk with Bitzi. It’s sunny, warm with a mild breeze. In a bit I will sign in to a Zoom meeting to sub for a friend of mine who teaches elementary PE in one of my old schools. There will only be four forty-minute classes- 2 third and 2 fourth but I still get paid for a full day. Sweet. Plus the lessons are already loaded online for the kids. Double sweet. I got my first sub offer from Huntley school district this morning for preschool but it started at 7:25 and by the time I got up and saw it it was too late. I’m not familiar with the Huntley schools at all but I’m sure I will be in time.
I knew this bullshit was going to happen with Trump and I knew that he and his cult would promote and encourage his deplorable to protest and riot and be assholes. I knew it a long time ago. Just AWFUL.
10:52am So NOW I'm waiting to log in to the Zoom class but the principal can't let me in because the absent PE teacher didn't add her correctly so she can't get in to let me in and make me teacher so I can take over so just sitting here now.....no matter whether I get logged in or not I'll still get paid!
11:56 the building secretary called and told me I didn’t have to do any zooms for them today. The absent teacher sent the principal a new Zoom link that the students didn’t have and didn’t work anyway. Still get paid though. Really crazy.....
Saturday, October 24
7:40am I’m the only one who’s awake. I left Mike to sleep. It’s weird being empty nesters but for sure it’s more calm and peaceful. I love to go visit my kids and grandkids but after a couple days I’m physically and emotionally worn out. Sleeping on a bunk bed with a bad mattress doesn’t help. It’s good to spend time with them though. It feeds my soul and restores me. I’ll go see them again in a couple weeks.
The two landscapers are here. I can hear them using a weed eater out back. It’s extra brisk out there this morning. I took Bitzi out to pee about a half hour ago. I have on long pants, wool knee socks and two hoodies and I was still cold.
I’m finishing my black coffee and have to run over to the Griffins’ house and take care of the Tibetan spaniels Holly and Divot. They’re nice old gentle dogs. I feed them and let them out in the small fenced yard. I take them for a walk at noon if the weather is okay. Holly pulls at the leash but Divot lags behind and struggles. I think he has some hip problems and doesn’t see well.
Yesterday morning I dropped off some clarinet books & music to another music teacher in Elgin and then drove to St. Charles to my mother-in-law Annette’s house. She has recently got a 2 year old female Yorkie. Her old Yorkie died a few weeks ago. The new dog is much healthier and prettier but has ear mites and Annette couldn’t get the ear drops in so I went over and chatted a bit and showed her how I put ear drops in. I let the dog smell me, then I petted her and rubbed her ears. Then I put her on my lap and petted her and massaged her ears. Then I wrapped a towel around her to swaddle her and calm her down and put the ear drops in with no trouble at all. Annette said the dog fought her and absolutely would not allow her to put them in. You have to warm them up first so they’re not afraid.
I’ve been afraid for a while that if Trump loses he will tweet out rage to his evil horde of followers and there will be a shitstorm of violence across the country. I seriously am dreading it. I WANT HIM OUT but feel like we need to prepare for a political explosion from his deplorable.
8:29 I just took Bitzi over to the spaniels’ house, fed them, let them out to potty then let them sniff Bitzi for a bit before leaving. I’m getting Bitzi socialized with all sorts of animals and people. She’s doing really well, gets along with everything and is not fearful or aggressive at all. I’m still leaning toward having a litter of puppies with her once she hits 18 months but Mike wants to get her fixed. She should know motherhood. She’d be a great mama.
Im still on my first cup of black coffee. I’m still doing keto and intermittent fasting. It’s good for your immune system and longevity. I have a terrible sweet tooth. Keto kills off my sweet / carb cravings by lowering my blood glucose. I ate dinner a little late yesterday so now I can’t eat until 12:30.
It’s 5:55 and I’ve been up for forty minutes. I’ll leave here shortly to drive the mile to our lodge to use the pool and workout. I didn’t g...
6:17am For some reason I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. It’s chilly in the house and I have a blanket on my lap. Still cold. I just ...
It’s the day before Thanksgiving. I’m sitting in my chair in the front room sipping on my coffee. I’m wearing gray soft yoga pants, wool so...