It’s Sunday and it snowed a bit. I’ve been out for a couple walks in the slush. I’m not feeling as angst filled today but I haven’t heard from my kids. I have a slight sinus headache and took two Advil cold and sinus tablets. I haven’t taken any of those for months. I flushed my sinuses and rubbed some Vics vaporub up in my nostrils. Hey, whatever it takes. I’ve been re-watching The Office on the Peacock app. Pretty good stuff.
Sunday, January 17
Friday, January 15
I’ve been up for a while and am now drinking my coffee with MCT oil. Mike just got up and is sitting on the couch in the living room with the morning news on. I’m wrapped up in a blanket typing with one finger on my iPad.
I've been cheating on my diet plan the past few weeks but am back on track and starting to lose again. Amazingly I didn’t gain any back despite the slip ups. I’m not trying to be all or nothing just trying to move more, eat low carb and healthy fresh vegetables. I tend to cheat and eat “ comfort foods” when I’m stressed or feeling ill. At least I’m aware now.......
I’ve been taking Bitzi on several walks a day and getting around 2 miles in most days which is more than I had been doing. Walking helps with anxiety too.
I took a nice hot bath last night in my jetted tub with my new eucalyptus- scented Epsom salts bath mixture. It was wonderful and relaxing.
Yesterday I cleaned out my two bedroom dressers and threw some stuff away and took some stuff to Goodwill and a bag of pictures to put up on a ceiling shelf in the garage. I moved one of the empty dressers to the spare bedroom and got rid of my flimsy laptop table that was in there and rearranged things.
I’m just in a really glum, shitty mood. I haven’t accomplished much today short of a couple walks, some laundry and a bit of house cleaning. We got Chinese takeout for dinner. It wasn’t that great tonight and now my stomach feels squishy. I got my shrimp and broccoli with no sauce, had no rice or egg roll.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. I am just sick and f- ing tired of all the shit going on. The sun has to come out at some point and things get better. Crying doesn’t help.
Thursday, January 14
It’s Thursday morning and I am trying to pick myself up and get going. I deactivated my Facebook account last night. My brother-in-law, who never communicates with me in any way, posted a smartassed, nasty comment to my FB page in support of Trump and all the ugliness with the Republican Party last night. He and his wife have been big pro-Trump supporters for years and I have managed to sidestep any arguments or ugliness until last night. Fuck him and all of them. I just deactivated my account and blocked him. I don’t care what he or the rest of his ilk say. The last several months I’ve been unfollowing and paring down my social media feeds anyway. I did continue to post relevant newspaper articles but that’s about it. I have had it and the gloves are off as far as that shit is concerned.
I’m also going through a lot o worry and emotional stress due to my kids and shit that’s going on, I can’t really tell my husband because he has blabbed to his asshole relatives in the past when I’ve confided in him. I don’t need that shit. So I don’t tell him much of what’s going on. I keep it to myself but it makes me on edge. Oh well I’ve fought tougher dragons than this. Bring it on...........
The sun is shining but the snow is still covering most things outside. Yesterday I went on four walks and noticed the ice was starting to melt a little. The days are starting to get longer and it’s no longer pitch dark at 4:30 now. There is hope. Just keep swimming. I have to watch my caffeine intake and try to stay busy and calm. I’m going to take the dog for another walk and then clean out my dressers and closet. I can’t let things eat at my brain and rattle me. That will never work. It never goes well when that happens.
Wednesday, January 13
Today President Trump was impeached for the second time. I don't give a shit about that I just want the SOB out and the never hold office again. His presidency has been a nightmarish train wreck clusterfuck. He made some bullshit speech this afternoon-too little too late. Didn't admit responsibility for anything.
He needs to be shut up and locked up and his cult followers too.
There's some upsetting family issues going on and I've been gone for a couple days. My heart is heavy and I feel vexed with worry but there's nothing I can do. Things need to fix themselves. I've been for several walks today. I made spaghetti sauce. I've fudged on my diet many days. I need to get my head out of my ass, snap out of it and get back on track.
Friday, January 8
I cannot wrap my head around what’s going on in the United States of America. I can’t remember a time of unrest and volatile political divisiveness as we have now. The current president is a monster with a cult. Despite his most recent announcement declaring he accepts the election results and wishes for a smooth transfer of power I absolutely know that’s a lie and he’s planning to incite more violence. He is a cult leader.
I’ve decided that I’m not working again until a couple weeks after I’ve taken both doses of the COVID-19 vaccine. Until then I’ll keep my ass at home and away from people. I’m an introvert and hermit anyway.
I took the dog up to the main lodge where it’s mostly shoveled and pretty cleared and we walked up and down the full length and back through the parking lots to my car. Yesterday I walked her around fountain view lake but the sidewalks aren’t very cleared and I slipped pretty bad once ( didn’t fall down) so mostly walked in the snow the rest of the time. Bitzi, at 6 pounds, mostly just skitters across the snow.
I have laundry going and I’m getting ready to go to SuperWalmart here in Huntley. I’m going to make split pea and ham soup. Mike asked for it.
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