Wednesday’s child is full of woe

It’s 7:18am on Wednesday. Wednesday is trash day. We’ve gathered all the trash and recycling and taken the cans out to the curb. I’m drinking hot chocolate. Later today I’m supposed to go to a neighbor ladies lunch. I don’t feel like going.

The situation with Mike’s mother has gotten much worse. I don’t know how she is hanging on and still alive. When we went over there Monday the situation was so grim. She can’t use the left side of her body. She can’t lift her head. She can barely speak a whispery word or two. Her face is all sunken in. She looks way worse than my mother did when she died. It brings back all these horrible memories for me. Annette is in no pain at all. I couldn’t go over there yesterday. Mike went without me. I pray she passes over soon. It’s so terribly sad. It’s like some huge death cloud hanging over. 

Old Codgers

The wet fluffy snow looks beautiful and magical, clinging in to the tree branches I see through the window. . I had a wonderful sleep last night after getting up early all week. It’s nice to have a couple days now when I have nothing I have to do. Time to recharge. 

I was supposed to go to Lola’s soccer game in Canton this morning but the weather didn’t cooperate. The drive might have been okay but I didn’t want to chance it. They canceled this morning anyway. I’m going down there for a few days in two weeks. That will have to do for family visits. There are birthdays and Easter coming up. I have to go get cards today for those occasions. Milo is turning 13, Sarah 35, Hennessy 9 plus all 12 grandkids will get Easter cards with money. Money instead of candy or stuffed toys, of course. 

There are quite a few things to be tended to. I’ll get stared later. I need to return an email but I need to reread it a couple times and chew on it awhile before responding. I need to confirm some dates and update our neighborhood calendar. I’m involved in too many groups and am taking a break from one for a couple months. An introvert, I get overloaded and overly stimulated and have to slink back into my cave for a while and recharge. I’m 63 now and I get sick of peoples’ bullshit. Pretentious people and pushy control freaks are the worse for me. It’s hard to bite my tongue so I mostly tend to sidestep and avoid those types.

I had planned to paint my bathroom cabinet some new perky color when spring came but then decided to just clean it really well, get new hardware. Sand it really good and apply clear poly coat. . My bathroom has been cleared out and in limbo the last week as I’ve been going to work every day and couldn’t get to it. Finally this morning I sanded again for the third time, wiped everything down really well and applied the first clear coat. I’ll let it dry and apply another tomorrow. Hopefully by Monday I can put stuff back and have my bathroom back in order. 

I did two loads of laundry, cooked breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen, washed down all the plantation blinds in our bedroom and gave Bitzi her medicine. She’s having gut problems again for some reason. I thought she was better but during the night she had to go out a couple times and even had an accident in the laundry room on the rug.

Mike is spending more and more time helping and dealing with his mom as she struggles with depression, anxiety, her cancer and increasing dementia and forgetfulness. Now that Mike is retired that’s his job- trying to take care of her. At least he has his sister and two brothers and they all get along. That makes it a bit better. 

I’ve been subbing again the last couple weeks. I also am a neighborhood rep and schedule and organize frequent events. I’m also the vice chair of our lifelong learning lectures committee. I help locate and schedule the speakers our community hosts every Friday. I’m also in our community concert band, chorus and garden club and a couple sub committees too. Our community is a 55+ active adult community of around 10,000 with a larger community of approximately 35,000. I’m around a lot of old people these days in our community at the various functions. Most ,but not all, are older than me. Many are pretty conservative, religious and stodgy. I sometimes encounter residents who seem to think they are entitled to behave poorly and rudely due to their wealth, age or the number of years they’ve been living here. I’ve noticed a lot of the older people keep to the little cliches and aren’t very friendly. When the neighborhood women meet for lunch or dinner the topic is usually aches, pains, surgeries or medications. I try to avoid talking religion, politics are using my normal salty language. I’m not sure what the men talk about. It appears to me there’s a lot of rambling on and on. 

Good Day, Sunshine

Good day.  The sun is shining brightly on the frigid land outside. It’s much better than overcast gloom, even if it is terrible cold. Also, the wind isn’t blowing so that helps, too. I just did a nice water aerobics class at the lodge. It felt good. Afterward I showered and blew my hair dry. Mike took Bitzi to the groomer. She looks nice. She’s always really tired the rest of the day after grooming for some reason. In a couple hours I’m going to Culver’s because it’s neighbor ladies ice cream social day. We just meet up at 2 o’clock, order whatever we want, push tables together and sit and visit. It’s nice and casual. Some people stay a little while, some people stay a long time. Whatever works. I’m probably going back to the lodge to work out later. The pool class was fun but it wasn’t hard cardio like I’m supposed to be doing. I subbed yesterday and had to walk a lot so was too tired to go to the gym last night. Mike is going to the dentist in a while. He hasn’t been to a dentist in a long time and he’s going to a new dentist today. 

My body is starting to feel different with all this extra exercise the last few months. My legs, thighs, abs and back are starting to feel firmer and more solid. I know I’m building muscle. I’ve lost some weight but not a lot. All in good time. Baby steps………..If you build it, they will come…..I have much been endurance and strength than a couple months ago, that’s for sure. 

Saturday at sunrise

Good morning. I’ve been awake for around an hour. I’ve read the morning papers, emails and social media feeds. I’ve saved a couple goji berry recipes to try and I’m finishing my coffee. Last night was a really good long sleep. I went to bed early. Yesterday I worked out in the pool and then in the evening used my exercise ball for a long time. This morning my muscles are reminding me they weren’t used to working like that. 

This morning later I’m meeting a retired teacher friend for breakfast. We haven’t met to talk since November so there’ll be some good catching up. After that I have to walk my dog then go to the gym to work out. I have a new book I’ve started and I have music practice to do. Tomorrow we’re going to Aiden’s second birthday party in the afternoon so that should be nice. 

I need to get going and tidy up around here, get dressed and take Bitzi out to pee. She’s curled up next to me on the couch keeping me warm and seems content for now. I love the snowy views out the windows. I love when things get magically coated with white, especially the trees. There is something noble about winer to me. 

Yesterday in the pool I briefly floated on my back looking up at the skylights and it was wonderful and spiritual and I felt blessed to be alive. I had the tingly spiritual experience and a warm light washed over me. I hadn’t been to the pool in many weeks. I need to go more frequently. Obviously it has some intense recharging effect on me. Just keep swimming…

Last night I went to bed early because I was mad at Mike and thought he was being a mean grouch ass. It does me no good to try to challenge him or reason with him. He is always right. He always ping pongs my words back at me. The best strategy is always just to go silent and remove myself from the situation. I know he’s dealing with a lot with his mothers cancer now being untreatable. I get it. But I will not be talked to like that by anyone for any reason. What you allow will continue. Silence is often the best response. Silence says so much more than words most times. 

A new start

It’s a typical January day. We were coming home a while ago and the snow was coming down so hard we could barely see in front of us. We went to the lodge here  at Sun City earlier. I had intended to work out on the fitness machines but there was a whole bunch of people in there and the machines I had intended to use were already taken so I worked out in the pool then I went in the hot tub and sauna with Mike. It was nice. I haven’t been working out in the pool the last couple months ( due to rehab) and I can really feel it in my muscles now. I have to be dedicated to working out daily now that rehab is over. It’s a new start for my health.

I just played my clarinet for a bit but I’m really tired so didn’t play very long. In a little while I’ll start cooking dinner. I just ate a handful of walnuts to curb my hunger. I had a little bit of oatmeal for breakfast. I finally got Mike to agree to go on another cruise so we’re going next year in May. It’s a long way away but hopefully by then we’ll both be healthier and he’ll be over his germ phobia. He’s always afraid I’m going to catch something. I’m going to start subbing again next Monday now that rehab is over. Mike is nervous about that too- me being exposed to school germs again. I’m not subbing younger than 4th grade and no special ed- too much hands on with those kids. There’s so much going on from now until the end of May that I had to double check the dates before I accepted jobs. It’s good to be busy physically, cognitively, socially.

I may go downstate  to see and visit with an old friend next week - who I haven’t seen in years. I hope it works out. It will be kind of surreal and weird after all this time. We shall see. It’s good to reconnect. I tend to be very sensitive and emotional. I get drippy about things that most people don’t. 

Angels watching over me

It’s morning coffee time. In a few minutes I’ll go get dressed, take the dog out to pee and go to cardiac rehab at the hospital campus. I only have four days this week and I’m done completely on Thursday. Friday I’m subbing after having taken a break since early September. After I get back home from rehab I’m riding along with Michael to go to St.Charles and take his mom to Bloomingdale for her CT scan and brain MRI. The doctor had stopped her chemo weeks ago as her cancer had progressed.  The only option left is stronger chemo and she is already depressed, angry, exhausted and has increasing bouts of memory loss. Mike is her power of attorney and the situation has been really draining on him. He is just recently over Covid and I can tell he’s still very tired from it. So I’m going along to help support them both. I’d better get going. More later.

4:20. We’ve been home for a while and I took Bitzi for a brisk walk around the lagoon just now. We got the results of Mike’s mom’s scans she had this morning. The news isn’t good. The cancer in her lung and brain are growing. Mike and his mom have a phone appointment with her oncologist Wednesday morning to talk about it. Mike has been trying to reach his siblings to talk about this. I feel bad for all of them. I’ve been through it with my mom and myself and is just awful. I can’t even imagine how on earth I’m still alive. I’ve always known there are angels watching over and helping me. No kidding. I just hope there are angels for Annette too. 

I’m reading this book now. It’s pretty good. It actually makes a lot of sense if you can get past the adolescent humor and redundancy. Basically a good read.

After the scans and taking Annette home we stopped at Portillo in Elgin for lunch. I know I sound like some old dried up codger but I cannot believe how expensive everything is now. It’s crazy! I brought most of my Italian beef home. It will be good tomorrow.

Saturday

It’s morning on Saturday. Today is the third and last concert I’m in for the season. It’s all gloomy and overcast outside. I’m taking my time before I go get showered and get going. I think I’ll take the dog for a long walk to get exercise in. I’m still doing cardiac rehab. Gotta do it.  

Typing

I am trying to get used to typing on my new IPad’s new keyboard case. I gave my old one that still worked to my daughter. I’m sure that sure or the kids will find it useful enough. My hands feel awkward and unused to typing, especially on a smaller keyboard. I’m sure it will get better with practice and repetition. Right now it feel janky and my left inner wrist hurts. Oh well. Such is life.

I don’t have cardiac rehab today. I took the dog for a brisk walk around the lodge and lagoon. I’m going to the gym to use the resistance machines in a little while then go to the store and then come home and practice my choral music for rehearsal tonight. For the most part I’m enjoying the experience of singing in a choir again. Some things I don’t like. There are some bossy cranky nitpicks old ladies who think they can boss people around. Also there are some aging ladies with dreadful mile-wide forced vibrato that gags me. Also the director is about 80 and never warms the group up nor every touches on anything close to vocal pedagogy or sound production……. SO there are some things that bug me. I have never gone to the separate Monday night alto section practices. #1 I’m not supposed to drive at night, #2 I don’t need a bunch of old biddies trying to nitpick me to death about things I don’t agree with and #3 I don’t like enclosed spaces anyway. Going to full chorus rehearsal one evening a week is enough for me. And yes, I do sometimes even go over the music and practice at home. My biggest problem is my low vision and reading the actual music but I will admit I’m amazed that I’m able to as well as I am. 

Sunday night we went overt to Casey and Jacki’s house and watched Aiden and the baby for them for 6 hours. The baby is 4 months old now and very sweet. She doesn’t like to stay asleep though once you put her down. We tried twice and 30 minutes afterward she was screaming bloody murder so I just held her until they got home. Then she was out like a light they successfully put her in bed and she slept the I rest of the night. Aiden is going on 2 and very busy. 

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Later-

I went to our lodge here in Sun City and used several of the resistance machines. The cardio machines were all busy so I just came home. I already had my walk. I haven’t used the weight machines for a week so I know I’ll be sore tomorrow. Mike and I are running out to do errands. I’m loving my new car. It’s super cool. It’s a Honda passport built on a truck frame. It has loads of cargo space I the back and many safety features and sits up higher. I loved my Sorrento but I really love this one. I am so freakin blessed.