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Showing posts with label #begrateful. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #begrateful. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 17

Mittwoch

It’s a blah day today but at least it’s not as cold and the snow is melting. I’ve taken the dog for two walks. She was thrilled that it wasn’t horribly cold out.

I went to the grocery store and got a couple bags of food. I made a Bundt cake. We have two kinds of soup, salad and rice and sausage in the fridge so I’m not cooking dinner. I’m tired and my nose has been running. I took. Benadryl a while ago and turned up the heat. I watched both Grumpy Old Men movies today. I played with Bitzi on the floor and wrestled with her and played throw stuff for her to fetch. She’s so cute and feisty and funny. I laughed big belly laughs until my eyes water from her every day. 
Tomorrow I have a 6:30 am pool appointment and some Zoom sub training for D300 from 12-4. I’m not considering subbing until the end of March.






















Saturday, February 6

Armadillo

It’s Saturday afternoon. It’s overcast and treacherously icy outside. I’ve been outside four times today with Bitzi and slipped every time. Thank goodness I didn’t fall clear down and bash anything. It makes me not want to go out. But with a dog you have to. 

I made a vanilla Bundt cake to take over to Casey & Jackie’s tomorrow. We’re going to meet and watch the new baby for a bit to give them a break. We entered a Sun City contest for the Super Bowl winner and the point total. I picked Tampa Bay. 

I feel like an armadillo rolled up into my shell today. I’ve got stretchy yoga pants, a big Green Lake Wisconsin hoodie, alpaca socks and my fuzzy slippers on-super cozy and warm. 


It’s snowing again! Gaaah

I did get an appointment to get my first Moderna Covid vaccine this Tuesday morning in Elgin through my school district so I’m relieved by that. Onward and upward!

Sunday, January 17

Suck it up Buttercup

It’s Sunday and it snowed a bit. I’ve been out for a couple walks in the slush. I’m not feeling as angst filled today but I haven’t heard from my kids. I have a slight sinus headache and took two Advil cold and sinus tablets. I haven’t taken any of those for months. I flushed my sinuses and rubbed some Vics vaporub up in my nostrils. Hey, whatever it takes. I’ve been re-watching The Office on the Peacock app. Pretty good stuff. 

Monday, January 4

Hi Hi Hi Ho it’s back to work I go

It’s 6:42am Monday. I have two more weeks of my sub job. It was a bad decision to do this but I’m fulfilling my agreement. I’m teaching from home today but going in to the school Tuesday through Friday. This Thursday and Friday the students will be asynchronous while we teachers have training on how to teach in person while simultaneously teaching online the kids whose parents chose to keep them home. 

 Next week Monday through Thursday I’ll be teaching kids in person while also teaching kids online and going between ten classrooms in order to keep the kids inside all their classrooms. There is no time gap between scheduled classes so no clue how the fuck that will work..... On Friday they will be at home and asynchronous. I am NOT looking forward to going from classroom to classroom teaching in person and online at the same time. It sounds completely nuts to me. That’s only four days of it. I keep reminding myself.

I’ve felt unwell the last few days but my symptoms have been mild and I’ve had no fever. I’ll get mandatory Covid19 testing at school this and next Wednesday. My pay rate doesn’t bump up and double until I complete the day this Friday and then it will be retroactive to day 1. That will help make it worthwhile. 
I have to take Bitzi out for a walk in a few minutes so I can get back inside and prep to teach at 8:00. It’s still dark outside. 

**********************************

7:45 I took Bitzi out for a little walk and got my computer logged on and set up and my lessons laid out for the day. I’m not going to worry and move forward with calm confidence. Attitude is everything. Let’s do this. I’m wearing my tight yoga pants, tiger print top and fuzzy slippers. It’s going to be a good day. 














Friday, January 1

A new year with new hope

2:34 pm

It’s new year’s day. It snow-raining. I’ve had Bitzi out a couple time walking. You have to be really careful with the ice.

I’ve been putting stuff back in the kitchen drawers and cabinets, sorting, organizing and throwing things away. I’ve also been disco dancing and singing on the microphone with my big Bluetooth speaker. 

Now I’m resting a bit with Bitzi asleep on my nap. It’s quiet in here now except for the dishwasher whooshing and the faint window rain spatter. Mike has been in his office all day working. The windows are covered with icy drizzle. 












Last night I made king crab legs, garlic butter shrimp & cod, stuffed mushrooms, tossed salad, mashed potatoes, corn and lemon cheesecake. It was pretty good but too much for the two of us. We have leftovers from a couple different meals in the fridge. It’s hard to cook for two. If I lived alone I’d probably just make a big pot of oatmeal and live off it all week. I still feel like I have a bit of a cold or something. I haven’t had a Covid test. I have no fever just mild cold symptoms, faint wheezing.... probably nothing. It isn’t always the boogie man. 

Wednesday, December 30

Wednesday’s child is full of woe

Another morning in the construction zone. The cabinet guys just got here. They were supposed to be already finished but have had a couple hiccups and made some mistakes so it’s taking longer. The kitchen, of course, is the heart of the home so it’s very trying to give that space up most of the day for many days. The cabinets as they are now and unfinished do look a whole lot better. This is just part of a much bigger ongoing remodeling project but at least we’re getting chunks done and out of the way. 

I’m in the spare bedroom where all the boxes of kitchen cabinet junk are piled. It tends to be drafty in here. I think the front window needs replaced. I just went and put my slippers and an extra sweater over my turtleneck on. I have been sorting and arranging some school sub stuff. I am still feeling a bit in angst dreading the remaining two weeks in person. I keep feeling verklempt and have to reassure myself it will be okay. What you imagine and fear is always worse than it really is. The only thing you have to fear is fear itself. 

I’m going out shopping in a bit. It snowed and sleeted last night but now it’s a melting mess out there. Mike and I went out shoveled last night around ten. It was kind of fun actually and Bitzi loved the snow! I’m looking to buy a new comfy cozy recliner for the bedroom. I want another new one for the living room but want to wait until the new floors are installed. I got out my essential oil diffuser vaporizers today and put some eucalyptus and lemon oil in the water reservoir to scent the air. My head and breathing have been a bit troublesome the last few days and it must be in reaction to the heat being on all the time. I can’t imagine what else it could be.



Yesterday we went to Costco and got a couple big king crab legs for New Years Eve tomorrow. I have some shrimp in the freezer too. Neither Mike or I drink, so we do seafood. I got a nice new white parka too for a great price. I love it. My old white Columbia coat is wearing out and has been washed and bleached hundreds of times. 




I am starving (part of my daily fasting) and won’t eat until noon. I haven’t been very good about following my own rules lately and haven’t lost any more weight the past week. Just keep going......I can do this. I can treat my body better than I have been the last couple years. I’ve been really worried and upset about my oldest son the past week. He’s been in trouble for addiction before and now he’s drinking heavily and out of control. I had two uncles who ruined their lives from alcoholism. I hate it. No amount of begging or pleading or reasoning helps. He has to do it himself. I have been in angst over that. That is probably what’s causing my feelings of chest squeezing and breathing constriction. I have to just pray and hope things will work out. When your kids are adults you cannot fix things or make them do anything.

I have started a list of things I want to do or go when the pandemic ends. Driving the Florida Keys is on the list and tent camping/hiking is on it too. I want to go to LasVegas next December......and I want to go to Smoky Mountain National Park again and go hiking. An Alaskan cruise out of Seattle is also on the wish list..........I can always dream of things at least. 

I’m back from a couple stores. I did not find a recliner for the bedroom. The saga continues.....I did run in Aldi and get a few things. It’s very icy and slippery and slushy out there. I didn’t want to shop any more so came home and took Bitzi outside. She just wants to play in the snow and ice. She doesn’t care if she freezes to death. The cabinet guy is almost done. Yesterday he dropped a hammer on my new quartz counter and cracked it. WTF,,,,,so now we will have to investigate getting it fixed. He has offered to pay for the repair. I’m not sure it can be repaired. What in the flipping fuk......Oh well it will all be fine. It’s just a counter. No one got hurt. It is what it is. He’s a very polite guy but seems a bit ditzy and a space case (like I should talk, I know.....)

I’ve been doing some tidying up, well as much as is possible with guys still working in the kitchen with stuff all over. I watched a couple episodes of Hoarders Monday night.  There is nothing that puts me in the mood to clean and organize like watching Hoarders.....scary stuff! Bitzi is lying on the carpet at my feet here in the spare bedroom. I rearranged the desk and stuff. Sill not happy. Maybe when all this other crap is out of here it will feel like a real room and not a junk room. 

I am starving and it’s almost time for me to eat but they’re still in the kitchen. I had to move their step ladder to put the groceries in the fridge. The snow outside is pretty. Snow always looks pretty to me until February and then I want it to be over. I told Mike last night that after he retires I think we should go to the Florida keys for February from then on. He thought that was a good idea to just hang out and drive around to all the keys for a few weeks. Sounds good to me. We really like driving around and exploring places.

I was born on a Wednesday



I’m going to close this post out and go do something else productive so I have some feeling of accomplishment today.  Stay warm and stay well.

SS

Tuesday, December 22

You can’t please everyone so you’ve got to please yourself

 It’s 5:22 and I’ve been awake way over an hour. I just woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. I guess I have a lot of family issues on my mind. I try to tell myself that things will work out but that little troll inside my brain wants to worry about everyone. I can’t really even talk about it. Things will have to work out on their own. I have to give it to the universe and let it be. I am not the fixer of all things. 

The man fixing and painting our kitchen cabinets is coming to start this morning so I have to get things ready to facilitate his work and stay out of his way. Hennessy ( six) is here so we’ll go for a walk and shopping or something to stay out of the way.




Wednesday, December 16

The light at the end of a tunnel

5:58am I’m up early again because of work. I like to rise early, get myself dressed, drink my coffee, read my news and emails and get myself set. Before I start teaching at 8 I have to take the dog out for her walk and log on the my laptop and get everything set up. It’s still difficult for me with all these classes being back to back. You have to hustle. I use a kitchen timer to keep track of time. I have two more weeks in January for this job. The first week I have to go in to the school for meetings and to teach remotely, the second week to teach in person ( some students returning) while teaching online ( some students still from home). It’s going to be nuts but it will only be 5 days...... SO we shall see...I’m not going to worry about it now. I’ll do my best. Things always work out. 

Mike is still sound asleep in the bedroom. The door is open so I can hear his bear noises. The sunrise is an hour away. I like my morning time to myself. On mornings when Mike does get up early and comes out here and sits on the couch in the living room and falls back asleep with the morning news on I feel somewhat invaded. We have been cooped up in this house together for months now. Alone time is valuable. I’m going to take a drive next week.  And now I’ve jinxed myself and Mike is up watching news. Oh well.... today is garbage day and he has a mission 🤪.
We have nothing planned for Christmas- not going anywhere, not having anyone one, just staying home and safe. This is our cozy nest. Before long the world will open up and things will go back to some version of normal. We’ll have a new president and Vice President and new administration. More people will be getting vaccinated for the virus. Things will improve in 2021. I have faith.

I am continuing to slowly lose weight but I’m not walking as much now that I’m working online. I’m going to try to do two longer walks today. Bitzi loves her walks. They’re good for both of us.

 All four of my children have things going on that concern me but they’re adults and I can’t help. They have to do it themselves. Some times that can be the hardest thing for me to do- stay out of it. Mike’s son and his wife are having their first baby the end of January. The baby boy has some kind of congenital disorder called C-PAM and has a small mass in his chest near the heart and left lung. The mass is shrinking but the baby will need surgery some time soon after birth. It’s good that it’s shrinking and not hampering the baby’s growth. Still that’s a concerning situation until he’s here and gets it fixed. There’s always something going on with a big family.

I still don’t have the presents I’ve bought sorted and bagged. I need to do that. I also need to do an hour or more of school work tonight for Friday and over the break.

2:15pm I’m done with all my classes. I feel wrung out now like a used dish rag.

Tuesday, December 15

Navigating a turbulent world

8:15 pm
I’m lying on the couch in my pajamas. It’s been a pretty good day. I am sincerely grateful for my blessings. There are issues going on with family. I am trying to stay out of things and not worry. I’m trying to trust the universe to take care of things. I have to have faith. I am not the fixer for the world. Things will go as they’re supposed to go. I will take care of my own business. I have to trust. 

Monday, December 14

Electors’ voting day

I’ve been up for over an hour. It’s 6:46 now. In a few minutes I have to take Bitzi out for a walk so I can get ready to sign on the Zoom and start teaching. I have fourth graders this morning and ( I think) first graders after the brief break- fast and furious. I don’t like the limited hours of daylight in the winter but it is what it is.in another week the days will start getting a little longer so there’s that hope.

The electors cast their votes today. I hope and pray it goes smoothly and there’s no bullshit or violence. There’s no telling what shit the predator in chief and his cult of lunatics will try to pull off.

Yesterday I got all my Christmas cards made out and mailed. I got my mugs decorated and now the have to sit for a few days to allow the ink to soak in before I bake them to further seal the designs. They’re cute- just a little homemade something. I’m trying not to make sweets because I know I’ll eat them.

Saturday, December 12

Rain on the roof

It’s dark, chilly and rainy this morning. I’ve been awake for a while because Mike got up with his shoulder pain again and was sitting in the living room with the heating pad on it for a while so I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. Then he came back in to bed but I was awake so just got up. It’s noticeably chillier today and I can hear the splatter of the rain against the window and roof. I usually am out walking Bitzi by this time but she’s sleeping now so I’ll wait in hopes of the rain letting up. 
 
We’re going to St.Charles to see Annette later. I have things to get at the store and things to do at home. Mike has work to do first too.

9:33 I took Bitzi for a short walk with the umbrella. It’s icy rain and wind out there. Winter is here.
I cleaned up some stuff. I’m starving. No pain, no gain. At least my gut never feels bloated any more, so that’s a plus.

Friday, December 4

Five ways to cope with life

I’m sixty one and retired. For some odd reason I thought that substitute teaching might be a fun, easy thing to keep me busy, connected and earn some extra money ( we’re remodeling our house and things add up...) so I accepted a long term elementary music sub job in a new neighboring school district. I should have listened to my intuition when I was filling out the application-they asked a crazy amount of information, background, references, a Zoom interview with five administrators....Then I had to undergo an exceptionally thorough health exam, drug screening, fingerprinting and criminal background check. At this point I just want to flipping’ forget about it but figured I’d come that far but then it was the week of Thanksgiving and everything was shit down and I didn’t hear a peep from their HR. Then on Monday Nov.30 at 7am I got a call that all my forms had cleared and they wanted me to start right away. After that it was a crazy whirlwind getting me started. They use a completely different e-learning platform than I was used to. Their Zoom version is different and much more restrictive. Because I’m a sub I do not have access to a lot of the online staff resources. I was panicking very badly Tuesday morning not being able to access my classes until I had a Zoom meeting with a wonderful, patient tech who walked me through stuff to get me up and running. I am not all the caught up with all the latest music education technology and I am not going to attempt to learn a bunch of new programs badly to sub for a couple weeks. I am going to do my best. I actually had fun and enjoyed the five fourth grade classes I had yesterday. I was told that Fridays are asynchronous so I assumed I wouldn’t have classes. This district is also on a different kind of rotating alphabetical schedule I am not accustomed to so I didn’t even really know as this first Friday I’m doing counts toward that schedule (after calling the building secretary and being on hold for ten minutes while she found out what day it was) I learned that Fridays do not count and “specials teachers” do not have students on Fridays we just load stuff online for them to do (which I did manage to do last night.) I am more of a MAC person and not very fluent or comfortable using PCs but now I’m forced to use the building loaner PC which is an older thinkpad with a weird trackpad and clickers that is awkward to use. I had to screw around with it quite a while to adjust the display settings for my low vision. All of this causes me stress and anxiety. There’s so just so many stressful things happening in life now anyway and I have to just mentally slap myself and fix it and snap the hell out of it when I start feeling anxiety, my chest squeezing and my heart starting to feel a bit racy. Below are some things I’ve used successful to settle myself down.

  1. Take a slow deep breath. Oxygen always helps to calm me down. Go for a long walk and concentrate on your breath. Slow inhales, slow exhales are how you calm it down. Sometimes I also do alternate nostril breathing to calm down and sometimes to help me get to sleep at night.
  2. Try to think of the good parts of whatever is bothering you or making you verklempt. There are almost always SOME good parts of anything. Try to focus and lean on those for a while and less on the negative parts. When I was critically ill with my brain and eye cancer I tried to find good things to ponder on every day- whether it was the chocolate milk shakes at Rush hospital in Chicago or my fuzzy stuffed pig chemo buddy.
  3. Journal, blog or talk to a close friend or family member about whatever it is that’s causing your worry. Somehow getting it out, writing it, speaking it, processing it makes everything more manageable and gives the boogie man less power. Get it out and that will help.
  4. Look at the problem or issue from different angles. Try going at it from a different way. Explore all options. Sometimes things look completely different from another side. Take a break and come back at it later. Things may be much clearer later. 
  5. Ask for help from somebody who is informed and experienced with whatever the issue it is. It doesn’t hurt to ask for help. Everybody needs help at one time or another. Be open to advice. You can’t slay all the dragons in the world yourself. Send up a flag and ask for help when you need it.

Now it’s late morning and I’ve resolved to do some planning over the weekend to feel more prepared and confident in my sub job. I have resolved to stick it out until Jan. 15 when the teacher returns from maternity leave. When I agreed to do this job I was told I could work remotely from home. I went into the school two days last week and got my technology bugaboos worked and felt confident enough to work from home on Thursday but Wednesday evening, to cover me bases, I emailed the elementary school assistant principal that I would be working from home on Thursday just to let them know. Thursday morning then I had 5 Zoom classes all in a row and when I got a break from those and finally checked my email I read what seemed to me to be a bitchy snotty note from the principal saying that he had to have a form from their district signed from me to work at home and I should work from school until I’m confident with the technology and the music curriculum. NO ONE EVER told me there was some kind of contract I needed signed NOR did anyone mention I needed to follow their music curriculum specifically note have I been given it. I was pretty upset and sent the principal back a very polite short note saying I was told when I hired that I would be working remotely and no one ever mentioned a form nor any of the other things and he should find someone else to do the sub job.  He then sent me a note back later apologizing for not being clear. I was ready to quit. I still want to but I’m going to try my best to finish and go until Jan.15 but then I will never work for this particular district again. I get plenty of offers from my old district and my current town. I dont need the BS from this third school district. So that’s that!  PHEW!

I’m listening to Beethoven piano sonata #14.

The spare bedroom has now become my new office. I’m going to rearrange it. The laptop table I had been using doesn’t feel as stable and secure as this other table so now I’m just going to use it for the overflow of stuff.

ITS GONNA BE ALRIGHT. JUST KEEP SAYING IT. JUST KEEP SWIMMING. JUST KEEP BREATHING IN AND OUT.


Monday, November 30

Keeping the ties connected

I’m thinking about the way the world is now and how people come and go from your life. When you get close to someone you form a bound or ties with them. Sometimes those ties are sturdy and tight. Sometimes those ties are just flimsy threads like spider webs that fall apart at the slightest breeze or incident. Sometimes the ties you thought were the strongest and would forever hold fast don't. They either loosen on their own or something breaks them. Sometimes you want and need to tend and tighten the knots but sometimes you undo them on your own. Right now I can feel so many ties on my heart, many of them pulling and slipping away. Sometimes you simply can’t fix them. Sometimes you just have to let things be and give it to the universe to decide. 

It’s gloomy and overcast outside. I think it might snow today. I have a bunch of things to do but don’t feel like doing anything. I may go do a little shopping. A walk will help. Walks always help. Mike is off work again today because he gets two days off for working Thanksgiving. I’m sitting here drinking coffee in the front sitting room facing the window typing on my IPad with one finger, my soft throw blanket on my lap ,still in my soft pajamas and slippers. Mike just got up and turned the living room TV news on in the adjoining room. He doesn’t understand my quiet introvert ways. He’s not that kind of overly-sensitive person -a good thing for the most part. He’s pretty straight forward, even keeled and direct. He’s not overly sensitive and emotional like me. He doesn’t overthink and agonize things. It is what it is with him.

9:04am Bitzi and I just went for a .7 mile walk. It’s just beginning to dust snow out.Mike stayed home. He did actually go for part of a walk with me yesterday. 

Wednesday, November 25

Progress is finally being made!


It’s the day before Thanksgiving. I’m sitting in my chair in the front room sipping on my coffee. I’m wearing gray soft  yoga pants, wool socks, slippers, a white shirt and my old comfy favorite white sweater. It’s chilly in the house and still dark outside. Mike is snoring in the bedroom. I’m trying to not wake him. I cuddled him up a little before I got out of bed, careful not to wake him. He’s always felt warm and cuddly and safe to me. When I was on deaths door lying in the hospital bed he climbed in next to me and held me. I couldn’t even talk then but it helped comfort me so much. 



Yesterday we got our new kitchen counters installed. Immediately it was brighter in the kitchen with the new white quartz. I am overjoyed beyond words. Today the faucet is getting hooked up in the new sink and water turned back on. Next week Mark will start installing the crown molding, painting the cabinets, putting on new drawer pulls. After that’s done we’re getting engineered luxury vinyl flooring installed and redoing all the doors and trim. It’s gonna take a while but it will be worth it for the updated look. 

Yesterday I had some gut issues and felt tired. We had some snow and sleet and I only took Bitzi out for a couple short walks. I just didn’t feel like it.



So we’re finally making progress on our house. There is a corona virus vaccine on the horizon coming. The current president’s administration is starting to facilitate the transfer of power. Praise be! The sun is coming out. There is hope. Tomorrow is another day. 

I took Bitzi to the Tall Oaks park across the street just down. It’s misty damp and foggy but not freezing.it’s doable. We’ll go for longer walks later. We didn’t get much exercise yesterday. I’m lucky that the park is right across the street for us. 















Recently I have unfollowed, blocked, snoozed and unfriendly a whole bunch of people and groups on social media. I’m done with all the political angst and bullshit. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to get sucked in. I just plain don’t want the drama. I still have a few things I follow but I only want to intentionally consume good, positive, healthy things. I don’t want the other shit polluting my mind and emotions. I want to keep my mind sacred and calm. 

9:24am
Mark Aminsen is here now installing the faucet. Mike has an issue with the countertop installation and called the company. He has an issue with the seam not being smooth enough and a place in the caulking. Mark will be back next week for the cabinet work. It’s pouring rain now and getting noticeably colder. I just did some tidying up in my bathroom and bedroom. I’m constantly purging things. 
I’m starving. I didn’t fast correctly yesterday and went slightly over my low carb limit. I’m not a Nazi. I do my best. 



Sunday, November 22

My cozy nest

12:18 pm Sunday

The day is mild and overcast.I did a little housework and took the dog on two walks and had lunch. I’m not fasting today but I’m still restricting carbs. I’ll admit I am feeling kind of glum today just about a whole lot of things. The overcast sky doesn’t help but the walks and fresh air do help. We went out and ran a couple errands and then just came home and continued watching season 3 of The Crown. I was cuddled up on the couch under a soft blanket with my head on my neck pillow on Mike’s lap. It was cozy. I eventually fell asleep and so did he.
Mike’s mom was sick at her stomach yesterday and said she felt like she was getting the flu. I hope she hasn’t picked up anything. 

Monday 7:33 am 
Yesterday I wrote letters and made out Thanksgiving cards to send to the grandkids. I had two gallon- size ziplock bags full on misc. cards that I sorted through. I got rid of a bunch that didn’t have envelopes. I put them in 4 different labeled ziplock bags so it will be easier to find the correct card from now on. They had all been in two nice heavy decorator boxes on the shelf in the back office but I got rid of the boxes when I cleared out the office to paint. The sorting yesterday started with me searching for a sympathy card to send my friend whose mother died on my birthday. She had been suffering with Alzheimer’s for years and the situation had been very bleak for a long time.

Today I’m going to try to get out the Christmas stuff and the Christmas cards. We need to make lists of what’s stored upstairs in the attic and what’s store in the garage and where. I drives me nuts and gives me great angst to not be able to find stuff. 


At least the sun is shining. 

8:59 I just got back from a 1.3 mile walk around Wildflower Lake with Bitzi. Although I sometimes complain about all things, I really do meet some of the nicest folks while walking around here. When someone passes me or comes near I pull my mask up over my nose and mouth. When I’m off by myself I have it down so mu sunglasses don’t fog. I saw an bald eagle perched in a tree on the far side of the lake.I took that as a sign of hope.

Around noon Sallie is supposed to FaceTime call me when she’s at our other sister Vicki’s group home in Peoria. I had been going to meet her there today but decided not to travel.

After that call I’ll take Bitzi for a walk around the other lake. 


 

Tomorrow the new quartz kitchen counters, under mount sink and new faucet are getting installed. I just moved the front entryway table out of the way to clear the front door. I’m excited!

Saturday, November 21

The key to life

I am a big fan of Buddha’s teachings. I’m not really invested in any particular religion but I kind of like the things Buddha said. I do not like crazy religious fanatics who try to push their stuff on you and are all or nothing inflexible. I do believe in souls, spiritual energy and a higher power. I do believe in karma and that life is an echo and a mirror of what you put out into the universe. I have made countless mistakes and suffered unbelievable pain. This is the path each human has to walk. I think we all vibrate at different frequencies. I push to raise my vibration to the next higher level. I search for enlightenment. 

Yesterday Bitzi and I walked around Wildflower and Fountainview lakes. It was a nice sunny cool day and not many people were out. Lately I’ve been playing a disco hits radio station on my phone in my pocket when I walk. It keeps me moving. I don’t like wearing earbuds because then I can’t hear things around me. I got some new chunky Skechers walking shoes with thick soles to help with my knees, back and feet. I added a pair of squishy insoles inside them for added comfort. I’m still breaking them in and getting used to them. I think my knee-feet-back problems started in early summer when I went out walking a lot in thin flip flops. After the pain started I switched to regular thin light Skechers and a knee brace. Now I’m hoping these more supportive shoes will help even more. I’m in it for the long haul with my exercise and diet. I was to surprise Dr. Stiff with my efforts when I go back to see him in May.

 In the evenings after I stop eating ( my daily eating window is noon to 6 pm) he’ll sit next to me on the couch and have his snacks. My blood sugar is no longer spiking up and down in response to carbs so I’m okay and it doesn’t bother me. My husband is diabetic, has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, has gout, asthma , is severely allergic to cats and feathers and has shoulder joint problems. A lot of his medical issues could be helped by changing his diet and exercising. I worry about him but my comments and reminders only make it worse. I don’t know what it will take for him to change. I see so many couples here in Sun City out walking, riding bikes, swimming, playing pickle all or tennis but I’m always alone. I told him once that several people have asked if I’ve a widow, as they see me out alone so much. He uses his job as an excuse but I know once he retires it will be the same. I’ve heard him tell a couple people that at some point he’s going to join me on my low carb eating style but never any mention when. I’ve tried to help him. I’m not even diabetic or hypertensive. He could really benefit from it. Oh well I’ll just keep plugging along. Maybe my example and eventual results will sway him. I accept what I cannot change. I try to just take care of my own shit and stay in tune with the universe 🤪.

10:24 I’ve done some tidying up. I did the laundry yesterday. I’m taking Bitzi to the lake. Make hay while the sun shines. 











The key to life

I am a big fan of Buddha’s teachings. I’m not really invested in any particular religion but I kind of like the things Buddha said. I do not like crazy religious fanatics who try to push their stuff on you and are all or nothing inflexible. I do believe in souls, spiritual energy and a higher power. I do believe in karma and that life is an echo and a mirror of what you put out into the universe. I have made countless mistakes and suffered unbelievable pain. This is the path each human has to walk. I think we all vibrate at different frequencies. I push to raise my vibration to the next higher level. I search for enlightenment. 

Yesterday Bitzi and I walked around Wildflower and Fountainview lakes. It was a nice sunny cool day and not many people were out. Lately I’ve been playing a disco hits radio station on my phone in my pocket when I walk. It keeps me moving. I don’t like wearing earbuds because then I can’t hear things around me. I got some new chunky Skechers walking shoes with thick soles to help with my knees, back and feet. I added a pair of squishy insoles inside them for added comfort. I’m still breaking them in and getting used to them. I think my knee-feet-back problems started in early summer when I went out walking a lot in thin flip flops. After the pain started I switched to regular thin light Skechers and a knee brace. Now I’m hoping these more supportive shoes will help even more. I’m in it for the long haul with my exercise and diet. I was to surprise Dr. Stiff with my efforts when I go back to see him in May.

Mike says he has a bunch of stuff to do today so again I’m on my own. He refuses to go on walks with me and it’s anything everything to his hearts delight. In the evenings after I stop eating ( my daily eating window is noon to 6 pm) he’ll sit next to me on the couch and have his snacks. My blood sugar is no longer spiking up and down in response to carbs so I’m okay and it doesn’t bother me. He is diabetic, has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, has gout, asthma , is severely allergic to cats and feathers and has shoulder joint problems. A lot of his medical issues could be helped by changing his diet and exercising. I worry about him but my comments and reminders only make it worse. I don’t know what it will take for him to change. I see so many couples here in Sun City out walking, riding bikes, swimming, playing pickle all or tennis but I’m always alone. I told him once that several people have asked if I’ve a widow, as they see me out alone so much. He uses his job as an excuse but I know once he retires it will be the same. I’ve heard him tell a couple people that at some point he’s going to join me on my low carb eating style but never any mention when. I’ve tried to help him. I’m not even diabetic or hypertensive. He could really benefit from it. Oh well I’ll just keep plugging along. Maybe my example and eventual results will sway him. I accept what I cannot change. I try to just take care of my own shit and stay in tune with the universe 🤪.

10:24 I’ve done some tidying up. I did the laundry yesterday. I’m taking Bitzi to the lake. Make hay while the sun shines. 



Friday, November 20

Hunkering down

I’ve decided not to go downstate next week but just stay home and close. The reports of the virus spreading everywhere so fast are crazy. Better safe than sorry. I do not need to get sick or spread it to others. Michael has been through enough nightmarish he’ll with all my feckin cancer bullshit. I need to be smart and sensible.

I’ve lost two more pounds. I’m hungry at least two or three times every day but that’s okay. I’m helping make myself healthier and strengthening my immune system. No pain no gain,

I took Bitzi for a nice walk around Wildflower lake earlier. After lunch I may take her to walk around fountain view lake and behind the main lodge. We can both use more walking.

Tuesday, November 3

Some days you just float on your back and let the current take you.

It’s mid morning. I have to take Bitzi to the groomer in a little while. She’s shaggy and needs her nails and but hair trimmed. She’s had some loosey goosey stuff going on the last couple days so I’m feeding her a bland food from the vet ( very expensive). She’s pretty bad about eating anything she comes across inside and outside. I don’t know if she ate something bad or what. I’ll have to take her to the vet if it doesn’t clear up. 

I enjoyed subbing yesterday. I went in to the school but my only duties were overseeing kids completing assigned work via a 3- hour Zoom meeting. I have a 2-day similar job for PE that I’ll do from home Thursday and Friday. 
The estimate for the flooring came back really high so I’m not even sure I want to do it now. The floors we currently have are in good shape and fine for what we need. I’m more concerned with updating the kitchen. 

I’m feeling kind of emotionally numb today about various ongoing family issues. I’m trying not to worry. I’m trying to stay in the present and do what I can. I just kind of feel zoned out. I have to trust the universe that things will be okay. Worrying doesn’t help anything. 

############
5:55 pm. 

I talked to my daughter for a long time this morning. I feel better now. Praise be. 

Monday, October 26

Dodging the Covid-19 bullet

It’s early morning. I got my rooster crow alarm to finally work. Sub finder called me twice. I’m tending the spaniels this week so not taking any sub jobs. I may try taking my first one next week. I am done submitting all my stuff in order to sub for Huntley school district but the lady in charge of the subs who actually enters you in the system is now quarantined at home due to exposure to Covid. Bitzi’s pet groomer is closed down this week due to two of the groomers testing positive. Our mechanic and his daughter just had it. Annette’s sister and brother-in-law died from it. Restaurants & bars indoor seating is now shut down again because of the virus surge. I’m trying not to freak out but am trying extra hard to be careful when we do go out. Even though all my other blood tests are fine and normal I still produce hardly any immunoglobulins in my blood so I have almost no fighter guys to fight off viruses. So I need to be careful. 

I have four alarms set on my phone and IPad to remind me to go tend the spaniels. I’ve overslept or gone late a few times. Four more days to go and then the owners return from Myrtle Beach. 

My oldest daughter is 38 today. I’ll call her later. I emailed her an Amazon birthday card gift card but don’t know if she got it.I have a 10:45 pool time scheduled this morning. They are actually allowing us to change in the locker rooms now after the one hour time slot. All summer they didn’t allow us in the locker room and we had to just towel off and leave. I put a big beach towel on the seat of my car to drive home. They’re still not allowing us to use the showers though. They still have the big hot tub drained and won’t let us use the sauna. At least we can use the pool though. I bought my own foam dumbbells to use as they don’t allow us to use theirs anymore. I have to go to the store today to get some keto foods. 






















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