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Showing posts with label #dumptrump. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #dumptrump. Show all posts

Friday, January 15

Breathe deep, blow it out.......

6:40am Friday

I’ve been up for a while and am now drinking my coffee with MCT oil. Mike just got up and is sitting on the couch in the living room with the morning news on. I’m wrapped up in a blanket typing with one finger on my iPad. 

I've been cheating on my diet plan the past few weeks but am back on track and starting to lose again. Amazingly I didn’t gain any back despite the slip ups. I’m not trying to be all or nothing just trying to move more, eat low carb and healthy fresh vegetables. I tend to cheat and eat “ comfort foods” when I’m stressed or feeling ill. At least I’m aware now.......

 I’ve been taking Bitzi on several walks a day and getting around 2 miles in most days which is more than I had been doing. Walking helps with anxiety too.

I took a nice hot bath last night in my jetted tub with my new eucalyptus- scented Epsom salts bath mixture. It was wonderful and relaxing. 

Yesterday I cleaned out my two bedroom dressers and threw some stuff away and took some stuff to Goodwill and a bag of pictures to put up on a ceiling shelf in the garage. I moved one of the empty dressers to the spare bedroom and got rid of my flimsy laptop table that was in there and rearranged things.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

7:53 pm
I’m just in a really glum, shitty mood. I haven’t accomplished much today short of a couple walks, some laundry and a bit of house cleaning. We got Chinese takeout for dinner. It wasn’t that great tonight and now my stomach feels squishy. I got my shrimp and broccoli with no sauce, had no rice or egg roll.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. I am just sick and f- ing  tired of all the shit going on. The sun has to come out at some point and things get better. Crying doesn’t help.


Thursday, January 14

Hunkered down in the bunker

It’s Thursday morning and I am trying to pick myself up and get going. I deactivated my Facebook account last night. My brother-in-law, who never communicates with me in any way, posted a smartassed, nasty comment to my FB page in support of Trump and all the ugliness with the Republican Party last night. He and his wife have been big pro-Trump supporters for years and I have managed to sidestep any arguments or ugliness until last night. Fuck him and all of them. I just deactivated my account and blocked him. I don’t care what he or the rest of his ilk say. The last several months I’ve been unfollowing and paring down my social media feeds anyway. I did continue to post relevant newspaper articles but that’s about it. I have had it and the gloves are off as far as that shit is concerned.

I’m also going through a lot o worry and emotional stress due to my kids and shit that’s going on, I can’t really tell my husband because he has blabbed to his asshole relatives in the past when I’ve confided in him. I don’t need that shit. So I don’t tell him much of what’s going on. I keep it to myself but it makes me on edge. Oh well I’ve fought tougher dragons than this. Bring it on...........

The sun is shining but the snow is still covering most things outside. Yesterday I went on four walks and noticed the ice was starting to melt a little. The days are starting to get longer and it’s no longer pitch dark at 4:30 now. There is hope. Just keep swimming. I have to watch my caffeine intake and try to stay busy and calm. I’m going to take the dog for another walk and then clean out my dressers and closet. I can’t let things eat at my brain and rattle me. That will never work. It never goes well when that happens.







Thursday, January 7

Impeach Trump again!

6:16 am. I have to leave for work around 7. Today and tomorrow we have training on how to teach classes in person while teaching kids at home online at the same time. Next week I have four days of doing that with ten classes a day and traveling between each classroom with no time gap allotted in between. I will make my own time gaps. This is bullshit. I accepted this long term sub job because it was described by HR as all online but then the district decided to bring kids back Jan. 11 and I am trying my best to fulfill my agreement but I’m disgruntled.....
 I got ready to leave, loaded my car and then just finally decided I cannot do this- I cannot go into all those classrooms during the height of the pandemic without a vaccine with my low immune system. I came back in the house and emailed the principal that I quit. I’m not going to risk it. I already have all the classes set up online for three days. When they offered me the job they told me it was all online. I’m protecting my own health and my husband’s health.  

Friday, December 4

Five ways to cope with life

I’m sixty one and retired. For some odd reason I thought that substitute teaching might be a fun, easy thing to keep me busy, connected and earn some extra money ( we’re remodeling our house and things add up...) so I accepted a long term elementary music sub job in a new neighboring school district. I should have listened to my intuition when I was filling out the application-they asked a crazy amount of information, background, references, a Zoom interview with five administrators....Then I had to undergo an exceptionally thorough health exam, drug screening, fingerprinting and criminal background check. At this point I just want to flipping’ forget about it but figured I’d come that far but then it was the week of Thanksgiving and everything was shit down and I didn’t hear a peep from their HR. Then on Monday Nov.30 at 7am I got a call that all my forms had cleared and they wanted me to start right away. After that it was a crazy whirlwind getting me started. They use a completely different e-learning platform than I was used to. Their Zoom version is different and much more restrictive. Because I’m a sub I do not have access to a lot of the online staff resources. I was panicking very badly Tuesday morning not being able to access my classes until I had a Zoom meeting with a wonderful, patient tech who walked me through stuff to get me up and running. I am not all the caught up with all the latest music education technology and I am not going to attempt to learn a bunch of new programs badly to sub for a couple weeks. I am going to do my best. I actually had fun and enjoyed the five fourth grade classes I had yesterday. I was told that Fridays are asynchronous so I assumed I wouldn’t have classes. This district is also on a different kind of rotating alphabetical schedule I am not accustomed to so I didn’t even really know as this first Friday I’m doing counts toward that schedule (after calling the building secretary and being on hold for ten minutes while she found out what day it was) I learned that Fridays do not count and “specials teachers” do not have students on Fridays we just load stuff online for them to do (which I did manage to do last night.) I am more of a MAC person and not very fluent or comfortable using PCs but now I’m forced to use the building loaner PC which is an older thinkpad with a weird trackpad and clickers that is awkward to use. I had to screw around with it quite a while to adjust the display settings for my low vision. All of this causes me stress and anxiety. There’s so just so many stressful things happening in life now anyway and I have to just mentally slap myself and fix it and snap the hell out of it when I start feeling anxiety, my chest squeezing and my heart starting to feel a bit racy. Below are some things I’ve used successful to settle myself down.

  1. Take a slow deep breath. Oxygen always helps to calm me down. Go for a long walk and concentrate on your breath. Slow inhales, slow exhales are how you calm it down. Sometimes I also do alternate nostril breathing to calm down and sometimes to help me get to sleep at night.
  2. Try to think of the good parts of whatever is bothering you or making you verklempt. There are almost always SOME good parts of anything. Try to focus and lean on those for a while and less on the negative parts. When I was critically ill with my brain and eye cancer I tried to find good things to ponder on every day- whether it was the chocolate milk shakes at Rush hospital in Chicago or my fuzzy stuffed pig chemo buddy.
  3. Journal, blog or talk to a close friend or family member about whatever it is that’s causing your worry. Somehow getting it out, writing it, speaking it, processing it makes everything more manageable and gives the boogie man less power. Get it out and that will help.
  4. Look at the problem or issue from different angles. Try going at it from a different way. Explore all options. Sometimes things look completely different from another side. Take a break and come back at it later. Things may be much clearer later. 
  5. Ask for help from somebody who is informed and experienced with whatever the issue it is. It doesn’t hurt to ask for help. Everybody needs help at one time or another. Be open to advice. You can’t slay all the dragons in the world yourself. Send up a flag and ask for help when you need it.

Now it’s late morning and I’ve resolved to do some planning over the weekend to feel more prepared and confident in my sub job. I have resolved to stick it out until Jan. 15 when the teacher returns from maternity leave. When I agreed to do this job I was told I could work remotely from home. I went into the school two days last week and got my technology bugaboos worked and felt confident enough to work from home on Thursday but Wednesday evening, to cover me bases, I emailed the elementary school assistant principal that I would be working from home on Thursday just to let them know. Thursday morning then I had 5 Zoom classes all in a row and when I got a break from those and finally checked my email I read what seemed to me to be a bitchy snotty note from the principal saying that he had to have a form from their district signed from me to work at home and I should work from school until I’m confident with the technology and the music curriculum. NO ONE EVER told me there was some kind of contract I needed signed NOR did anyone mention I needed to follow their music curriculum specifically note have I been given it. I was pretty upset and sent the principal back a very polite short note saying I was told when I hired that I would be working remotely and no one ever mentioned a form nor any of the other things and he should find someone else to do the sub job.  He then sent me a note back later apologizing for not being clear. I was ready to quit. I still want to but I’m going to try my best to finish and go until Jan.15 but then I will never work for this particular district again. I get plenty of offers from my old district and my current town. I dont need the BS from this third school district. So that’s that!  PHEW!

I’m listening to Beethoven piano sonata #14.

The spare bedroom has now become my new office. I’m going to rearrange it. The laptop table I had been using doesn’t feel as stable and secure as this other table so now I’m just going to use it for the overflow of stuff.

ITS GONNA BE ALRIGHT. JUST KEEP SAYING IT. JUST KEEP SWIMMING. JUST KEEP BREATHING IN AND OUT.


Saturday, November 21

The key to life

I am a big fan of Buddha’s teachings. I’m not really invested in any particular religion but I kind of like the things Buddha said. I do not like crazy religious fanatics who try to push their stuff on you and are all or nothing inflexible. I do believe in souls, spiritual energy and a higher power. I do believe in karma and that life is an echo and a mirror of what you put out into the universe. I have made countless mistakes and suffered unbelievable pain. This is the path each human has to walk. I think we all vibrate at different frequencies. I push to raise my vibration to the next higher level. I search for enlightenment. 

Yesterday Bitzi and I walked around Wildflower and Fountainview lakes. It was a nice sunny cool day and not many people were out. Lately I’ve been playing a disco hits radio station on my phone in my pocket when I walk. It keeps me moving. I don’t like wearing earbuds because then I can’t hear things around me. I got some new chunky Skechers walking shoes with thick soles to help with my knees, back and feet. I added a pair of squishy insoles inside them for added comfort. I’m still breaking them in and getting used to them. I think my knee-feet-back problems started in early summer when I went out walking a lot in thin flip flops. After the pain started I switched to regular thin light Skechers and a knee brace. Now I’m hoping these more supportive shoes will help even more. I’m in it for the long haul with my exercise and diet. I was to surprise Dr. Stiff with my efforts when I go back to see him in May.

 In the evenings after I stop eating ( my daily eating window is noon to 6 pm) he’ll sit next to me on the couch and have his snacks. My blood sugar is no longer spiking up and down in response to carbs so I’m okay and it doesn’t bother me. My husband is diabetic, has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, has gout, asthma , is severely allergic to cats and feathers and has shoulder joint problems. A lot of his medical issues could be helped by changing his diet and exercising. I worry about him but my comments and reminders only make it worse. I don’t know what it will take for him to change. I see so many couples here in Sun City out walking, riding bikes, swimming, playing pickle all or tennis but I’m always alone. I told him once that several people have asked if I’ve a widow, as they see me out alone so much. He uses his job as an excuse but I know once he retires it will be the same. I’ve heard him tell a couple people that at some point he’s going to join me on my low carb eating style but never any mention when. I’ve tried to help him. I’m not even diabetic or hypertensive. He could really benefit from it. Oh well I’ll just keep plugging along. Maybe my example and eventual results will sway him. I accept what I cannot change. I try to just take care of my own shit and stay in tune with the universe 🤪.

10:24 I’ve done some tidying up. I did the laundry yesterday. I’m taking Bitzi to the lake. Make hay while the sun shines. 











The key to life

I am a big fan of Buddha’s teachings. I’m not really invested in any particular religion but I kind of like the things Buddha said. I do not like crazy religious fanatics who try to push their stuff on you and are all or nothing inflexible. I do believe in souls, spiritual energy and a higher power. I do believe in karma and that life is an echo and a mirror of what you put out into the universe. I have made countless mistakes and suffered unbelievable pain. This is the path each human has to walk. I think we all vibrate at different frequencies. I push to raise my vibration to the next higher level. I search for enlightenment. 

Yesterday Bitzi and I walked around Wildflower and Fountainview lakes. It was a nice sunny cool day and not many people were out. Lately I’ve been playing a disco hits radio station on my phone in my pocket when I walk. It keeps me moving. I don’t like wearing earbuds because then I can’t hear things around me. I got some new chunky Skechers walking shoes with thick soles to help with my knees, back and feet. I added a pair of squishy insoles inside them for added comfort. I’m still breaking them in and getting used to them. I think my knee-feet-back problems started in early summer when I went out walking a lot in thin flip flops. After the pain started I switched to regular thin light Skechers and a knee brace. Now I’m hoping these more supportive shoes will help even more. I’m in it for the long haul with my exercise and diet. I was to surprise Dr. Stiff with my efforts when I go back to see him in May.

Mike says he has a bunch of stuff to do today so again I’m on my own. He refuses to go on walks with me and it’s anything everything to his hearts delight. In the evenings after I stop eating ( my daily eating window is noon to 6 pm) he’ll sit next to me on the couch and have his snacks. My blood sugar is no longer spiking up and down in response to carbs so I’m okay and it doesn’t bother me. He is diabetic, has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, has gout, asthma , is severely allergic to cats and feathers and has shoulder joint problems. A lot of his medical issues could be helped by changing his diet and exercising. I worry about him but my comments and reminders only make it worse. I don’t know what it will take for him to change. I see so many couples here in Sun City out walking, riding bikes, swimming, playing pickle all or tennis but I’m always alone. I told him once that several people have asked if I’ve a widow, as they see me out alone so much. He uses his job as an excuse but I know once he retires it will be the same. I’ve heard him tell a couple people that at some point he’s going to join me on my low carb eating style but never any mention when. I’ve tried to help him. I’m not even diabetic or hypertensive. He could really benefit from it. Oh well I’ll just keep plugging along. Maybe my example and eventual results will sway him. I accept what I cannot change. I try to just take care of my own shit and stay in tune with the universe 🤪.

10:24 I’ve done some tidying up. I did the laundry yesterday. I’m taking Bitzi to the lake. Make hay while the sun shines. 



Sunday, November 15

Just concede you orange orangutan

It’s a gloomy Sunday morning. I’m drinking coffee with MCT oil looking out the front window at the overcast scene. I’m taking Bitzi for a walk when I finish my coffee. I am trying to say positive things in my head and not succumb to the swelling anxiety and depression over the state of the world, country, my family. “ This too shall pass” over and over. Counting my blessings. I need to get out and walk. 






Tuesday, November 10

You’re not getting older, you’re getting better.

It’s late afternoon on Tuesday. The sky is getting dark and a storm is coming. I had a 3:45 pool time scheduled but I canceled it. I’m not feeling too great and my leg muscles are burning. I’ve taken Bitzi on a couple good walks today and my body says that’s enough for today.

Tomorrow morning I’m driving to Bartlett and subbing for an elementary autism classroom. There are just three kids and two para professionals so it should be okay. I’ll have to get up early to get ready to go ( which I haven’t been doing lately). 

I put a hot oil treatment on my hair and am just letting it soak in. I’ll wash it out after while.

Tomorrow is my 61st and my granddaughter Lola’s 14th birthday. I feel good at my age but it sounds as if Lola is struggling being a teenager in these unusually difficult times. I have tried to reach out and help but teenagers are slippery unpredictable salamanders. Sometimes people need to figure things out for themselves. I sure did. 




Mike is still in the back room working. The wind is starting to pick up and become wilder.I talked to my old retired teacher friend Marilyn today. No matter how long it’s been we can always talk pretty easily just like always. She’s coming over Thursday morning and we’re going walking around fountain view lake and behind our main lodge. I think she’s at least eight years older than me but I’m not exactly sure. 

Saturday we’re supposed to go to Casey & Jackie’s drive- by baby shower. COVID-19 ruins everything.

I lost track of the Show Grey’s Anatomy and what was going on a couple years ago so now being home more with retirement and quarantine I’ve started binge watching the whole series from the beginning on Netflix on my IPad with earbuds in. I usually get in a couple episodes every day or at bedtime. I like all the medical, relationship, romance stuff. I’m now on Season seven episode eleven. Watching it has renewed my desire to go to Seattle some day.



Monday, November 9

Trump refuses to concede: Didn’t we all know this would happen?


9:23 am

I just got back from a walk with Bitzi. It’s sunny, warm with a mild breeze. In a bit I will sign in to a Zoom meeting to sub for a friend of mine who teaches elementary PE in one of my old schools. There will only be four forty-minute classes- 2 third and 2 fourth but I still get paid for a full day. Sweet. Plus the lessons are already loaded online for the kids. Double sweet. I got my first sub offer from Huntley school district this morning for preschool but it started at 7:25 and by the time I got up and saw it it was too late. I’m not familiar with the Huntley schools at all but I’m sure I will be in time. 

I knew this bullshit was going to happen with Trump and I knew that he and his cult would promote and encourage his deplorable to protest and riot and be assholes. I knew it a long time ago. Just AWFUL.













10:52am So NOW I'm waiting to log in to the Zoom class but the principal can't let me in because the absent PE teacher didn't add her correctly so she can't get in to let me in and make me teacher so I can take over so just sitting here now.....no matter whether I get logged in or not I'll still get paid!

11:56 the building secretary called and told me I didn’t have to do any zooms for them today. The absent teacher sent the principal a new Zoom link that the students didn’t have and didn’t work anyway. Still get paid though. Really crazy.....

Thursday, November 5

2020 United States Presidential Election

It’s morning and I’m having my black coffee with MCT oil in it. I’m fasting until noon. Today and tomorrow I’m subbing for an elementary PE teacher ( from home via Zoom). Today I have 3 2nd grade classes in the morning and 3 kindergarten in the afternoon. They just access Canvas ( an online teaching learning app) and log in there to do today’s activities. I pretty much just greet them and tell them to go do their assignments. Tomorrow I have first and fourth grade classes. We’ll see how it goes. Hopefully the building principal will remember to put me in the Zoom meeting both days as I’m unable to access it without that.


I’ve been in angst over the election. I knew it would be like this. Now Trump is suing the states, demanding they stop counting the mail-in ballots and wanting recounts. Just like the whiney little bitch that he is.

Wednesday, October 21

Tuesday, October 13

Rise up


I met an old friend for lunch today. It had been over a year since I’d seen her. It was good to catch up. I also stopped to see another old friend in Peoria on my way home Sunday. I had never seen her new
house. I felt sweaty and cruddy from traveling and driving that day. It was good to catch up.

I have to go meet with the lady about tending her two Tibetan spaniels for the next two weeks starting Thursday. I’ll have to go over to her house four times a day and let them out and tend them.
Thursday I also have to go to the McHenry county ROE in Woodstock and get fingerprinted for my criminal background check so I can be on the sub list for McHenry County and Friday I have to attend a 2-3 hour orientation to sub for Huntley school district. I’m not still even sure I want to but I do want to have options and keep contributing to my IRA so......

Tomorrow we’re having some rooms painted and the bedroom closet attic fixed so we can put luggage up there and the living room TV mounted on a wall bracket and some garage lights added. 

Saturday, October 10

Sunday

It’s Sunday mid morning. Mike just got up. He never sleeps that late. I was pretty exhausted when I got back home yesterday around 4. I got bitten by a bunch of mosquitoes and gnats at the Norris park Thursday. I had tiny bites all over. Last night I took a hot bath and scrubbed myself all over and then I put on anti itch cream and took a Benadryl. I went to bed around 10 but was watching Greys Anatomy on my IPad for a long time. I hadn’t watched it in a couple years so started watching it from the beginning a couple weeks ago on Netflix. I don’t know what season I’m on now.

I had a good time this week in central Illinois. Good to visit, spend time with family and drive around in the beautiful fall scenery but I was ready to come home. 

My keurig has been messed up for a while. It’s super slow and will only give me the smallest, strongest cup. Just now I tried cleaning the coffee hole under the pod with a paper clip, turn it upside down and patted it on the bottom to loosen any coffee jam, ran white vinegar through the reservoire and it still sucks. Figures. This pisses me off. It’s less than a year old. WTF?

Tomorrow I have to go over and meet with the lady whose Tibetan spaniels I’ll be tending the next two weeks four times a day. She wants to show me how she feeds them and lets them out to pee and poop in her fenced back yard. I’m meeting a friend for lunch Tuesday and I have to get some stuff taken care of to be on the sub list for Huntley.





















I think Mike managed to get the Keurig running better. I’m done with coffee for today anyway. I took Bitzi to the park, put in two loads of laundry, cleaned  up the kitchen and put peanut butter cookies and pumpkin bread in the freezer, cleaned up my bedroom, cleaned out dresser drawers, changed to cooler clothes ( getting warmer out now), gave Bitzi a bath in the utility sink ( badly needed) and now she’s hiding in her little gray fabric dog teepee glaring out the opening at me. 
My ex is dealing with stage four colon cancer and doing outpatient chemo but he’s lost a ton of weight and is very weak. My youngest daughter Sarah has been put in charge of his accounts and holdings. She’s 32 and has a husband and three little boys. She’s handling it okay and learning the ropes but the hardest part is dealing with my two sons. It’s a mess but they’re adults. I try to help her with the boys but I can’t get in the middle of it. All too hairy....I’m proud of how she’s managing. 

Monday, October 5

Missing you

The sun is splaying golden laser beams through the East sitting room windows. I’m weird and sometimes take nature  things ( clouds, beams of light, flowers, birds, animals) I see as possible signs to direct me. The light rays are speaking to me this morning but their message isn’t clearly understood, maybe they’re saying something like straighten the hell up, quit being so indecisive and DO something. I still have this feeling of being in limbo waiting for something not yet revealed, 

I’m going down to Lewistown this week Wednesday through Sunday to visit my family. I’m looking forward to going and spending time with my tribe. I like driving and seeing the fall scenery. I’m going to the orchard, a winery, the Amish bakery over by Cuba. 

Yesterday I applied to sub at a couple more nearby school districts and applied for a long term maternity leave sub job for a middle school band director in my old district. We’ll see if that happens. I’m not even sure I should be going out places with my immune system and the recent surge of this pandemic. The neighboring county has shut down all their restaurants and bars again for indoor seating due to the sharp increase of people infected with Covid-19. I want to do stuff but I don’t want to do stuff.
The automatic sub caller robot has called a couple times today. Since I decided to apply to sub after school had already started I missed some important information. I don’t know if I accept a job on sub finder ( even though it’s for an online virtual class) if I still have to report to that school and punch the time clock. Also I turned in my district laptop when I retired so do I need to get a new one? I don’t have one of my own. Mike is using his MacBook Pro for his work. I think the woman from HR I dealt with to get hired as a sub isn’t very good. She’s missed a lot of stuff. I’ll worry about that bs another day.

I drove to Kohl’s in Algonquin then back to Aldis in Huntley. They were mobbed. I have some acute pain in the top of my right foot and not sure what happened but it’s more than mild occasional pain.

I just took the dog out for a walk of about 6 blocks. It’s very windy out but much warmer than earlier.

I can hear Mike chattering always on a work call back in his office. He’s talking about retirement now too and suggesting he might take the buyout if they’re still offering good deals if the paper finds it still has to make even more cuts. We’re trying to get the new roof, kitchen, floors and other stuff done now so we don’t have to worry about it in a few years. 

I’ve been feeling more tired the last two weeks. I don’t know if it’s the change in weather or what. 


Wednesday, September 16

Mittwoch

8:34am I have a 9-12 Zoom new employee orientation meeting to allow me the option to sub in the school district I just retired from. ( Silly) but since it was more than 30 days after I retired when I inquired about subbing I have to jump through a bunch of stupid hoops. 

Yesterday we met with a financial consultant about rolling my two 403Bs and my pension lump sum into a single aggressive IRA. I feel better now. It’s gonna be okay.

Hello darkness my old friend

It’s 5:55 and I’ve been up for forty minutes. I’ll leave here shortly to drive the mile to our lodge to use the pool and workout. I didn’t g...