Showing posts with label #primarycnslymphoma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #primarycnslymphoma. Show all posts

Saturday, July 24

The waiting is the hardest part

It’s Saturday. I just got up, opened the window shades, made myself a cup of bold-roast coffee with French vanilla cream, sat down and Bitzi came over for her morning cuddles and massage. Now she’s curled up on my lap. Mike has his ongoing shoulder pain happening and he’s sitting on the living room couch with the electric massager on his shoulder.massager Yesterday I went to the first meeting of our garden club smaller buddy group. The Sun City garden club has about 325 members so there are smaller subgroups ( buddy groups) within. The new members formed a buddy group and yesterday was our first meeting at the organizer’s house. The house was surprisingly beautiful and professionally done. It was SO nice I was kind of uncomfortable but the meeting went fine and we planned some things for the next few months.

This morning we’re going over to Glen Ellyn for a little birthday celebration for my daughter-in-law. We have to go pick up my mother-in-law in St.Charles and take her home. Her behavior, mood swings and inappropriate outbursts are escalating…..She regularly mentions dying now, although all her recent medical tests were perfect.

I haven’t heard a peep from my lawyers regarding the RoundUp mediation / settlement in nearly 8 weeks now. The two emails I have sent have gone unanswered. I don’t know what is going on but I’m assuming my case died on the vine. Whatever. 

Sarah is supposed to drive up here with the boys tomorrow afternoon or early Monday. Since she has to work tomorrow 6-2 I’m hoping she comes Monday morning after she’s slept and rested. That’s a long drive with three boys when you’re already tired. 


I just took Bitzi for a short walk to pee. The air is thick and very humid already. Ugh I hate when my face sweats! None of the neighbors are out stirring. Not many are early risers around here, just the way I like it.

Wednesday, July 21

Delta Dawn

5:48 7/21

I’m awake and sipping coffee in the morning silence I love. There’s a pure, serene freshness about early morning. We’ve had a good time here the last couple days but I’m ready to go home and get my little Bitzi back in my arms. 

Tomorrow I’ll pack up Hennessy’s stuff and clean up the bedroom for Sarah and the boys when they arrive on Sunday. The three boys together are way more to manage than Hennessy has been but their mama is coming. God help her driving up with them. Milo is 11 so he should be a help. Sarah is expecting another baby. The baby planned itself (like all my babies did.) Sometimes life gives you unexpected blessings. We’ll go swimming at the Sun City pool, to the water park in Huntley, fishing, to the new library, maybe to the trampoline park….

3:03pm We’ve been home since about 10:30. Bitzi was so happy to see us! We unpacked, I did three loads of laundry, watered my flowers outside, planted two hostas from Lake Geneva, inflated my new purple exercise ball. I’m going to the chiropractor in a little while then we’re going to the Chinese buffet / hibachi/ sushi place in DeKalb. I’m tired.
China House

Friday, July 9

Good sleep

7:46 I’m leaving to drive to Lewistown shortly. It’s another hazy gloomy day. We got the big heavy dresser from Annette’s house loaded in my car and then unloaded here at home and brought in our bedroom. Earlier yesterday afternoon while I went for my massage and chiro appointment, Mike drove over there and got the 2 nightstands and all the dresser drawers so last night we were just hauling the dresser frame. It still was super heavy. When I was younger and my kids were little I used to have to lift, carry and mover everything myself so I’m used to it. I got used to manipulating heavy items by myself. Mikes mother insisted on getting in the way last night and trying to help. She is and always has been a very bossy woman and won’t listen to anyone. She will never change. Her family is so used to her browbeating and mostly just let her have her way. It’s pretty ridiculous coming from that tiny shriveled up old lady. Jesus just step back and let us do it. She was making things WAY worse. Sometimes the past many months her bossiness and craziness is just too much for me. It’s getting worse. For some reason she went out and bought a bunch of new furniture so now she’s getting rid of a bunch of good stuff. We are paying her for the things we’re getting. She claims she won’t take the money but we know she will. She always does. She’s always been a big spender and a gambler.

Friday, December 11

Merrily down the stream....

Good morning. And I’m using my headset microphone and dictation and trying to get used to it. The sun has not come up yet. I’m simmering cloves,lemon slices and cinnamon sticks in a little pan on the stove. The aroma is scenting  the house in a wonderful way that smells like Christmas. I love doing that in December. It makes me happy. I still feel a little sad that the kids are grown but now we have the grandkids. Due to the pandemic we don’t see them much. My sense of taste and smell never fully returned after the stem cell transplant. There was some wicked chemo that was used to penetrate the blood- brain barrier. It took me about seven months after that to be able to taste or smell anything at all and even now five years later I’m still not normal. I can smell the simmering Christmas concoction a bit. I can sometimes smell my own armpits. Some perfumes I’m unable to smell nor natural gas from the stove. It is what it is. I’ve stopped dictating. It seems weird to be speaking out loud while I’m sitting here alone. To me it’s somewhat cathartic to type. 

This is Friday and the students I’m subbing for are asynchronous. I have put activities in their online folders. It just seems weird. So I have three more weeks of this gig- two after Christmas break and the last week of it, on Jan.11 is supposed to be in person with kids. I’m a bit ambivalent but keeping an open mind. It would only be five days. 

The sun is coming up now. I just went out to the kitchen and made another cup of coffee and opened the blinds on the back windows and sliding glass doors and Bitzi didn’t wake up or come out of her igloo so I just let her sleep. On days when I’ve been starting work online at eight I take her out for her first walk at seven but today she can sleep. Mike still takes her out to pee in the middle of the night but she surely doesn’t need it. She usually just wanders back in to her igloo by nine every night and puts herself to bed. She’s very well tempered and behaved.

After this sub job is done I’m not sure if I want to take more especially as schools are talking about returning students before the pandemic is over and vaccines have been given widely. Maybe my immune system is strong enough now but I still don’t produce immunoglobulins like normal humans so it’s a bit tricky....

Saturday, December 5

Know thyself

It’s 8:41am Saturday morning. It’s bright and nippy outside. I took Bitzi for a walk around Wildflower Lake earlier. There was frost on the ground and ice on the water. We’ll go for another walk later. Today I’m going to devote several hours creating sub plans and practicing with the new technology so I don’t feel frustrated and panicked like I did Wednesday and Thursday. I want to put my full attention to the kids and teaching and not worry about all the other shit. Before long this temporary job will be done. I’ve lost eighteen pounds since October 21 when I started keto and fasting. I’ve had a few blips on the radar when I’ve had too many carbs but overall I’m good. This is a lifestyle change. I’m walking more. My gut and my breathing are much improved. I’m no longer having knee and back pain. It’s going well. I’ve made out a schedule for myself today so I’m going to go get to work. I have a tendency to procrastinate and put off doing things.....I always feel so much better after I get my stuff done ( aka know yourself.)I believe Mike has some work to do today

I am feeling very happy and blessed today. The sun shining helps greatly. I can’t believe how far my health has come since the return of my brain cancer and stem cell transplant in spring of 2015. I thank God for my blessings every day ( even though I complain and gripe some times, know I have won the ultimate lotto of life!)

2:38pm. I’ve gotten a whole bunch of school stuff done today and taken two long walks with the dog. I’m not 100% finished yet but I’ve made really good progress. Tomorrow I’ll be testing my media and setting my timing and plans. 

Friday, October 23

Stormy morning


My rooster alarm went off at 6:45. It hadn’t been working right but it did today. It’s raining and thundering outside. I’m going to take Bitzi out with the umbrella then drive over and tend the spaniels. I hope it’s not rainy and overcast all day.

Monday, October 19

Who wants to be a millionaire?

2:55pm Monday

This day has been weird from the start. I intentionally downloaded an alarm clock app and set it for a rooster crow for 5:45 am this morning so I could make my 6:15 indoor pool slot but I woke up by myself at almost 7 and was horrified. WTF happened with my alarm?  Damn it! I’ve reset it and I have Wednesday and Friday 6:15 slots scheduled. So after I got up I took Bitzi outside to pee and then fed her and then went over and fed the spaniels and let them out. I came back home and took Bitzi for another walk. Then I did some stuff at home and then went over and took the spaniels for walk. Then once I got home I got a call from an attorney with the Miller firm in Virginia. I’m a plaintiff in a class action lawsuit against Roundup (Bayer-Monsato) for my non-Hodgkins lymphoma brain & eye cancer  and this class action lawsuit has been dragging on quite a while. They’re getting close to the final settlement but ( the lawyer Jeff) said that in reviewing my and a couple other peoples’ cases ( medical records), they suggest I opt our of the class action and instead go for individual mediation because they’re thinking we few (and the firm) will get a whole lot more than the average share. He said the other lawyers and he have discussed my case and medical records and they plan to ask for 5 million on my behalf.I’m not paying a dime out of pocket and really have nothing to lose so I told him okay, I’d sign the document to opt out. The hearing for these individual mediated cases will be probably next summer in NewYork. I’d either have to attend in person or via Zoom. Hey whatever. It all seems so crazy far fetched anyway, so whatever. I was exposed to RoundUp for years on the farm spraying weeds around the barns and fence lines. We’ll just wait and see. Surely something good will come out of all my horrible suffering.
I don’t really even want to think about it at all or get my hopes up. Mike has always assumed I was being scammed but I’ve investigated them pretty thoroughly. I dunno. Whatever.

We had to go back down to South Elgin to our attorney after lunch for Mike to sign a document for my IRA and drop off some forms. I now have a nice lump sum nest egg in my IRA after transferring funds from several places. Supposedly I should get a minimum of 8% gain on it each year (fingers crossed.)

Mike’s in the other room working and struggling with technology. He will never ask me for help. I’m Certainly no Steve Jobs but I am way better than he is with technology and apps. He is kind of dinosaur-y, He barely uses his cell phone and doesn’t have any apps on his phone or utilize a lot of tools that he could benefit from. He has a brand new IPad and keyboard he never uses and keeps it in the original box in the closet!

When I took the spaniels for their walk around 12:30 the sun was shining brightly. Now the sky is overcast and milky and looks like snow is coming. I don’t think it is but it looks that way.

I have some more cleaning organizing to do but have been avoiding it so far today. Ugh....I’ll feel a lot better when it’s done. A smaller house shows more clutter than a bigger house because everything is condensed down.

We’re having leftover chili for supper tonight. I made the Chili on Friday and used some tomatoes and jalapeΓ±os Sallie gave me from her garden and some hamburger I thawed out from the freezer. It was really really good!

My sister Sallie and her husband Pete (66&70) are now at Mayo Clinic in Rochester MN for Pete’s kidney biopsies. He has had some kidney disease and had been in remission for years but last year started having troubles and they’ve been trying to deal with it but it’s gotten worse. I saw him last week when I was in Canton and he look much older than he had-very thin, pale and his hair and beard have turned from gray to white. His legs were showing (wearing shorts) and they looked like really old man scrawny white chicken legs.  I hope things go okay and Mayo can help.

OMG I just overheard Mike talking on the phone to somebody about us taking his mother up to Mennomonie WI to visit his cousin the weekend after Halloween. I thought this trip was canned. He hasn’t talked to me about it. His mother has been a problem lately and has mean rude crazy stuff to me. Now I’m filled with angst and dread...... that’s a long drive all the way up there and back!

Tomorrow I have my labs and check up at Loyola with my oncologist Dr. Patrick Stiff.  Stiff

Wednesday, October 14

Remodeling angst

7:44am I have to take Bitzi over to the vet in a few minutes to get her leptospirosis vaccine. I have some stuff to get done around here later. Our house is all piled up with stuff out of the rooms and closets we’re having painted and worked on. The remodeling hell has officially begun. It will be worth it in the long run. 

I have brownies baking and I’m sitting at the kitchen table with my iPad and keyboard directly across from my husband doing work on his MacBook Pro. The workmen are hear painting the office, laundry room and closet, spare bedroom and closet. They’ve painted all the ceilings first. There are drop cloths  and paint cans and supplies all over. Combine that with our junk piled around (from the rooms being worked on) and it makes for a very hectic environment. 
It’s chilly and very windy outside. I’ve been for two walks with Bitzi. I’m feeling very good lately aside from the bug bites I got last week and my occasional left knee pain. I think I aggravated my knee by walking around a bunch in flip flops at the beginning of summer. I believe that’s what started it. I has felt much better since I got the Dr Scholl’s inserts designed for knee pain and put them in my Skechers. Mike thinks I need walking shoes with a thicker sole and better support. I hate heave clunky shoes though. I like my Skechers because they’re so light and flexible. Anyway I’m feeling good, exercising and sleeping well. 
Next Tuesday I got to Loyola for my check up with Dr. Stiff my oncologist who did my stem cell transplant. It will be five years on November 23. 
The brownies are out of the oven. I’m letting them cool before they’re frosted. They’re made with duck eggs Sallie gave me. I’m not telling the guys......

The brownies are a hit!  Really good.

The wind is super strong and nasty outside. After her lepto vaccine, Bitzi is pretty slow and lethargic. She’s walking like she’s a bit sore. They gave her a steroid pain killer and Benadryl. Poor little fluffkin.  

I’m reading Lee Smith’s Oral History again for the third time but I haven’t read it in a long time now. I love to reread and rewatch my old favorites. That’s just the way I am. 

4:37 after much research and thinking and pricing and investigating I decided not to buy a new laptop and I just bought a new nice higher quality keyboard for my existing iPad. I think it will suffice for my needs. Actually it isn’t even a new nicer keyboard it’s a refurbished nicer higher quality keyboard at half the price of new. I’m using now and it’s like driving a Cadillac compared to my old broken down jalopy keyboard. SO smooth......and nice and it actually FITS my IPad instead of slipping and being stuck on there with nano tape. So I’m happy for now. I feel fancy. I’m happy. The guys are still here painting and Mike is on a work call across the table from me. After while we’re going to the countertop place to finalize our selection and put down half on the quartz so they can come out and laser measure to cut the stone. I‘M SO excited!!!!!!

Saturday, October 10


It’s Sunday mid morning. Mike just got up. He never sleeps that late. I was pretty exhausted when I got back home yesterday around 4. I got bitten by a bunch of mosquitoes and gnats at the Norris park Thursday. I had tiny bites all over. Last night I took a hot bath and scrubbed myself all over and then I put on anti itch cream and took a Benadryl. I went to bed around 10 but was watching Greys Anatomy on my IPad for a long time. I hadn’t watched it in a couple years so started watching it from the beginning a couple weeks ago on Netflix. I don’t know what season I’m on now.

I had a good time this week in central Illinois. Good to visit, spend time with family and drive around in the beautiful fall scenery but I was ready to come home. 

My keurig has been messed up for a while. It’s super slow and will only give me the smallest, strongest cup. Just now I tried cleaning the coffee hole under the pod with a paper clip, turn it upside down and patted it on the bottom to loosen any coffee jam, ran white vinegar through the reservoire and it still sucks. Figures. This pisses me off. It’s less than a year old. WTF?

Tomorrow I have to go over and meet with the lady whose Tibetan spaniels I’ll be tending the next two weeks four times a day. She wants to show me how she feeds them and lets them out to pee and poop in her fenced back yard. I’m meeting a friend for lunch Tuesday and I have to get some stuff taken care of to be on the sub list for Huntley.

I think Mike managed to get the Keurig running better. I’m done with coffee for today anyway. I took Bitzi to the park, put in two loads of laundry, cleaned  up the kitchen and put peanut butter cookies and pumpkin bread in the freezer, cleaned up my bedroom, cleaned out dresser drawers, changed to cooler clothes ( getting warmer out now), gave Bitzi a bath in the utility sink ( badly needed) and now she’s hiding in her little gray fabric dog teepee glaring out the opening at me. 
My ex is dealing with stage four colon cancer and doing outpatient chemo but he’s lost a ton of weight and is very weak. My youngest daughter Sarah has been put in charge of his accounts and holdings. She’s 32 and has a husband and three little boys. She’s handling it okay and learning the ropes but the hardest part is dealing with my two sons. It’s a mess but they’re adults. I try to help her with the boys but I can’t get in the middle of it. All too hairy....I’m proud of how she’s managing. 

Wednesday, September 30


I got up early this morning and left at 7 to go to the Elgin DMV to be there before they opened at 7:30 because I need to renew my drivers license, take the eye exam and get my real ID. I’ve been nervous for weeks since the renewal notice came stating I’d need an eye exam. When I arrived at the DMV there was already a huge line to get in winding all the way around the parking lot. I stood in line in the brisk windy morning air over two hours. Once I finally got inside the process went quickly and I didn’t even have to have an eye exam. I was so relieved!

We watched the first presidential debate last night. I already couldn’t hate Trump any more than I already do. He should be terminated. 

The waiting is the hardest part

It’s Saturday. I just got up, opened the window shades, made myself a cup of bold-roast coffee with French vanilla cream, sat down and Bitzi...