Deliver me

11:26am Saturday

It’s very chilly and windy outside. It’s supposed to get below freezing tonight so I brought a few potted geraniums and a mum in the garage to protect them. We’re starting to put the stuff back since the painting is done.

For some reason I overslept this morning and came out into the kitchen at 8:38, looked at the clock and realized I was late for the 8am feeding for the two Tibetan spaniels I’m caring for so hurried and threw some clothes on and zoomed the 11 blocks over there. When I went in the dogs came rushing to greet me with joy because they were hungry. I put their food down and they inhaled it and then ran to the door to be let out in the fenced back yard. It’s very briskly cold today so the dogs didn’t dawdle and came back in right away. 

Bitzi has puked a couple times today. I’m not sure what’s wrong or if she ate something she shouldn’t. She’s napping in her fluffy bed now.

Mike had some online work to do this morning and now he’s done and started to clear up junk that’s piled around and sort things to get rid of before we put the stuff back in to the rooms that have been painted. We got some new lights installed, a big framed mirror mounted, the TV mounted on a bracket on the wall and four rooms painted fresh. We’re going to go to the countertop store this afternoon and put the deposit down and they’ll come out and measure. We’ve been going to go all week but things kept coming up.

I went for my Huntley School district sub orientation yesterday. My criminal background check has to come back and my health form with the TB test and then I’m good. Their preK-5 starts back to in-school learning next week on a MTTHF schedule with Wednesdays off. Their 6-12 return Nov.2. Elgin SD U-46 returns their K-2 and sp ed students the 26th.

I have to go tend the spaniels again. 

1:16pm

We took a few things to Gooodwill as we’re sorting and putting stuff away. I stopped at Great Clips and got the back of my hair trimmed. It’s growing out from the short layered cut I got in March so I have to keep getting it trimmed so it doesn’t look like a mullet. I’m letting my hair color fade so I will soon have all natural color hair. It looks like a very pale reddish blonde now. I’m pretty over coloring and highlighting my hair. So expensive, so much upkeep and so many chemicals. I barely wear any makeup these days too. Just a little eyeliner maybe. That’s it.

It’s still super windy out. I attempted to help put stuff away but Mike is OCD and has to do things in a certain order so I just stopped and waiting for him to finish and move. Whatever.......

I‘M wondering if the dog puking could be after effects of her lepto vaccine she got the other day. Hmmmm either that or she ate something. She’s still acting pretty mopey. Shel’ll follow me around and wag her tail though.

I’m going to give Mike a while and then start sorting and moving things. It sounds like he’s using the vacuum now. It is HIS Shark vacuum, by the way.

Tuesday afternoon we’re going to Maywood for my check up with Dr. Stiff and bloodwork. I haven’t seen him since March and my 6-month appointment was postponed a month for some reason. I‘M sure all my tests will be fine. They’ll probably give me a flu shot This will be my first service with the new Aetna retired teachers group insurance. I have to pay the first $500 out of pockets before they start paying at 80%- not as good as my old school district insurance but it will have to do.

I’ve been reading more lately. Usually I just read news front online newspapers- The Daily Herald, The Washington Post, Huffington Post, The New York Times, Reuters........but I’ve started reading books on my IPad books app and Kindle app. I read the Comey book, the Mary Trump book and now I’m rereading and old favorite. It’s hard for me because of my vision. I have to adjust the font, the contrast, the lighting but I’m doing it. I have friends who read books for hours every day and are in book clubs. I used to be in book clubs before the eye cancer and detached retina and cataracts. Back in the day..........but hey, ya do what ya gotta do and do what you can do.

I’m getting a delivery of spoons today. We are short on eating spoons. I think it’s from me taking them in my lunch to school and them not getting back or something so I have a delivery of spoons coming today. I got my new 9X12 Wilton baking pans yesterday that I ordered. The thing about remodeling and purging your cabinets is that you see what crappy shit you’ve hung on to that needs replaced. OH and I got me a nice new iPad keyboard that actually FITS!  I‘M living high now!

Suds

Im up doing laundry, tidying up, reading, drinking coffee. When I got up a while ago I discovered Mike propped up on the living room couch in a stupor. Now he’s skulked off back to bed and closed the door. Our bedroom now in this house is bigger than any bedroom I’ve ever had- almost too big. There’s a huge walk-in closet and huge bathroom attached. In our bedroom we have our queen black metal frame bed, a 4- drawerblonde wood  IKEA dresser, a couple metal IKEA tables holding Walmart ceramic lamps serving as nightstands, a flat-screen TV on a stand ( we never turn on or use) and an old pinkish multicolor ugly recliner still in good shape that Mike bought for his divorced apartment in 1997. We are not fancy expensive furniture people. We are not make payments for five years for furniture kind of people. We are simple basic serves our needs folks.

Anyway the big ‘ master bathroom” in our bedroom suite is mine. It has a jacuzzi tub, separate shower area, separate toilet room, separate lighted makeup vanity. Mike uses the full guest bathroom on the other side of the house down the hall by the guest bedroom. His has a tub and shower and vanity and he’s perfectly happy. We have always had our own separate bathrooms and that’s fine. I have too much stuff on the counter and that drives him nuts. My bathroom is bigger than my old bathroom but has MUCH less storage space which can be a problem. I had to get rid of a whole bunch of stuff. Same with this new kitchen - WAY less cabinet and counter space. The first couple months I felt really frustrated, traumatized and heartbroken. We intended to do a kitchen update, change the counters and sink, add an additional cabinet or two but now with Mike’s job situation concerns we’ve put the brakes on that for now. We’re focusing on real needs right now instead of wants or desires or wild hairs up my ass frivolous spending ideas.

So the company buyouts / cuts/ downsizing process for Mike’s company is still going on and the full results and outcome are as of yet unknown and so I have stopped a lot of my normal spending. I have unsubscribed from numerous monthly things which just slowly leech money and suck you dry gently in the background. My current mission is to get creative and use up what ingredients we already have in the kitchen and cut way down on stores and restaurants. Kind of like the show Chopped- you create meals using ingredients you have on hand. Very thankfully I learned very well how to do that living on a farm out in the boonies with a bunch of kids. Use what you’ve got. Improvise, substitute.

In this life, where have you found refuge? Refuges include people, places, memories, ideas, and ideals—anyone or anything that provides reliable sanctuary and protection, so you can let down your guard and gather strength and wisdom.

- Buddha’s Brain 

In April 2015 I had a sudden major violent seizure out of the blue signaling my brain cancer had returned after 7 years. After 5 years, in 2013, top specialists proclaimed me cured and no longer needed routine brain MRIs.

You NEVER know what will happen or if you will be granted a tomorrow. What will be left behind when I’m gone? Who know if and or when my cancer will return? What lasting thing of value can I leave except for memories that I helped another in some small way? Things do not matter.

Do all that you can, with all that you have, in the time that you have, in the place where you are.