Showing posts with label ageism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ageism. Show all posts

Thursday, July 15

Owl

5:37 am

I’ve been up for a couple hours. I can’t shut my brain down and go back to sleep. Mike and Hennessy and Bitzi are sleeping. 



Mike’s mom is home from the hospital and Mike’s sister Nancy stayed with her last night and the night before. All her hospital tests came back normal. Her vitals were fine. I don’t know if her symptoms were brought on by acute depression and anxiety or what. In the last couple days she has told people “ I think I’m going to die today.” Everyone is worried and frustrated. We were going to go see her last night but there were other relatives there and she was exhausted. I think she’s starved for attention and shouldn’t be living alone but she’s not my mother. One of the two neighbor ladies who rode with me and Hennessy Tuesday to Lake Geneva has memory loss and seemingly beginning dementia. I didn’t really know her very well when she asked if she could ride with me. I’ve chatted very briefly with her at our monthly neighbor ladies lunches. But her sitting next to me in the front seat for 30 minutes up there and back made it clear she has significant memory issues. She kept asking me the same questions over and over and saying other oddball things. Then we walked around to a couple stores together before the lunch cruise. I’ve had significant brain issues in the past due to my brain lymphoma. This stuff lately is just scary and has stirred up a bunch of anxiety and fear in me. I tell myself everything happens for a reason. It’s supposed to thunderstorm all day today.






In a few weeks Mike and I will have been married 22 years and together for 24 years. We’ve gone through a lot of hard times and stress, illness and drama. He says I’m grouchy all the time and never smile. I think exactly the same about him. I guess I’ve allowed life to grind me down. I feel ground down. This last year has been awful with all the family drama and worry. I feel like Mike and I never have any fun anymore. We’re just tending our duties and going through the motions like coworkers. 



My daughter Sarah left her husband last October. Good riddance - never liked him anyway. Her ex is being a real total asshole and isn’t giving her any child support. It’s been enough of a heartache for her losing her dad and the screwed up will and LLC. Will all this crap EVER end?



Tomorrow morning at 8:30 neighbors ( about 8 of them) are coming here to meet for the third time planning our annual neighborhood picnic in August. We have 114 people coming to the picnic. People have been dropping checks in a box on my front porch for a month. Next summer when my 2 years are up being a neighborhood rep I’m not doing it again. Too much bullshit to put up with for no pay. 


Wednesday, June 2

Achey achey achey



 8:21pm

It was a trying last day of school. The little autistic girl had a huge hysterical shrieking meltdown. I genuinely believe a lot of it is manipulation. I am so happy to be done with that kid. I feel a small level of accomplishment in completing that job. 

Tomorrow I start the June job in a special Ed preschool classroom of 7 kids. I am not the lead teacher. It’s only 4 hours a day, 4 days a week during June. How bad can it be? ( I probably just jinxed myself!) I’m super tired and my feet ache. I have to go to bed early. Tomorrow I have to go for breakfast and a Zoom orientation at the elementary school north of Huntley where I’ll be working this month.

I had a 2- hour band rehearsal after school here in Sun City. There are a lot of old men corny jokes. Kinda like the old farts in the balcony on The Muppet Show. 




The waiting is the hardest part

It’s Saturday. I just got up, opened the window shades, made myself a cup of bold-roast coffee with French vanilla cream, sat down and Bitzi...