Showing posts with label aging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aging. Show all posts

Thursday, March 4

Hello darkness my old friend

It’s 5:55 and I’ve been up for forty minutes. I’ll leave here shortly to drive the mile to our lodge to use the pool and workout. I didn’t go yesterday as I was excruciatingly sore and feel a little creepy like I was getting a cold. 
 oday I’ll get back at it. Later this morning I have a Zoom meeting with my lawyers representing me in the mediation of the RoundUp lymphoma lawsuit. I don’t know if anything good will come of it but I’m going forward anyway. Monday afternoon is the actual mediation hearing ( via Zoom) with the famous mediator Kent Feinberg Kenneth Feinberg

Thursday, October 1

Won’t you take me to Funky Town?

6:59am Friday October 2
I’m chilly. We haven’t turned the heat on yet but I’m about ready. I’m sitting here with a hoodie over a cami, long pants, wool socks and Skechers on and I’m still chilly. I’m trying to drink my first cup of coffee. Mike came in to our bedroom an hour or more ago and woke me up saying Trump and Melania have tested positive for Covid-19 and how he’d been watching the news and it’s the story of the year. I thought he wanted / needed to talk about it so I got up and went in my bathroom and got dressed to find him buried down under the covers sound asleep and snoring. now I’m wide awake. Yes evidently POTUS and FLOTUS tested positive and they’re quarantining. Not much more to read. Is anyone surprised?  WhoopTfuckin doo 

I took Bitzi out for her morning walk and talked to Sue our neighbor with her little white Maltese Roxy. I came home and took a bunch of stuff out to the recycling bin in the garage and sorted laundry and made waffles and scrambled eggs. I defrosted some mixed berries for the waffles. It’s sunny damp and brisk out there. At 7am on the dot the landscapers came to mow and trim. There isn’t much to do now as everything’s going dormant. They were done and gone in ten minutes.

This is not our kitchen. Ours is much smaller but this is the look I’m going for with the kitchen makeover.

Thursday, September 10

Breathe deep the gathering gloom

8:40am I’ve been up about an hour. I slept like a slab of cement all night. When I woke up Mike was already up and had taken out the trash and recycling, cleaned up the kitchen,  taken Bitzi outside, fed and watered her and made my coffee. How sweet of him. I made pancakes for us For breakfast. He’s in the shower now getting ready to start work. Most mornings I get up, have my coffee and read his paper The Daily Herald Daily Herald and share a bunch of stories on social media. I try to share sports stories because that’s Mikes department he’s the head of. I try to promote his company in these trying times. 

I canceled my indoor pool slot again today. It’s too damned chilly. We sign up online for one of five daily time slots. There are only ten people allowed at a time. We have to come in wearing our suits and leave wearing our wet suits. We’re not allowed to use the locker rooms. We have to scan our Sun City residents card to be allowed into the lodge then walk a long way down the corridor to the pool / fitness area and then wait to be called up to the desk one at a time and get our forehead temperature scanned, then scan our member card again, then we have to leave our shoes on a tray and enter the pool area. There are no chairs in there to use at all nor are we allowed to use the house pool noodles or foam dumbbells. When we’re done we just towel off and leave. Now that it’s chilly out this is a bigger hassle. 

I’m going to run over to Aldi for a few things and then repot my crazy alien- looking weird overgrown cacti that Sallie gave me Saturday. 

Last night for dinner we had the pork roast from the crockpot, mashed potatoes, roasted vegetables, corn and dinner rolls. I thought the roast was fine but not great. It was a pre-seasoned roast when I bought it. I usually steer clear of those. 

Saturday, August 29


I know popcorn doesn’t like my gut but I occasionally eat it before bedtime anyway. This morning I feel like I have a big boulder in my gut. I need to stop this madness and quit eating stuff that’s not good for my body. I need to put better fuel in my body. I need to think of food as medicine and not treats. My gut needs more non-starchy vegetables and I need to back off gluten, sugar and carbs. I did a lot of exercise yesterday but ate too much of poor choice foods. I have been blessed to stay alive but I need to do better about eating healthier. I’ve been on a Klondike bar kick for way too long. During the first couple months of pandemic quarantine I was baking and eating breads, biscuits, cookies, brownies, cakes, etc....Neither Mike nor I need that stuff. He’s diabetic and I very much do not want to be diabetic. I need to stop blithering ranting about it and just do it. I also could pretty easily give up eating meat. I’ve had a couple periods in my life where I was a happy vegetarian. There are so many toxins and hormones and GMOs and pesticides in our food supplies. Annettes little dog had to be put down last week and end her suffering from kidney failure and bone loss mostly due to all the extra treats and meat she’d been giving her. Her kidneys failed and the calcium leeched out of her bones and jaw so she couldn’t eat or drink or pee. We are careful what we feed Bitzi. I need to be careful what I eat also. Those are my thought at 6:08 am on a Saturday as I sit one finger typing on my iPad in the front sitting room sipping my vita up coffee listening to Michael saw logs in the bedroom and the wall clock tick. I can see the glow of sunrise coming in the front window honeycomb blinds. 

Mike said he has about an hour of work to do this morning and then before noon we’re going to drive over to St.Charles ( about 30 miles southeast of Huntley where we live) and visit Annette. We’re takingBitzi with us. Annette is watching Bitzi for us next week Monday through Thursday while we’re in Lake Geneva. We’ll take Bitzi back down to her Monday morning. We were going to just put Bitzi in a kennel but Annette offered to watch her and since she just lost her little dog last week we said okay. Bitzi is five months old and is doing good but once in a while if I leave her roaming free in the house too long when she hasn’t been outside to pee she still will find a spot to pee on a rug so we’ve gone back to being more careful. She has a portable pen in the kitchen with her food, water, toys and a little dog bed teepee house. When I bring her inside after she’s gone pee I give her some free time to roam the house and play but I supervise her. Usually after 30 minutes or so I put her back in her pen and I take her outside to pee every hour or two. Maybe it’s me that’s trained! At night she sleeps in a smaller dog crate with a towel over it. She has never whined or whimpered at night. She almost never barks. She doesn’t shed. She’s easy to carry and give a bath. She’s pretty good mostly.

I don’t know if it’s ragweed pollen or what but I’ve been slightly wheeze-y the past week or so. I get this every year around this time. Generally when September gets here is when I come down with some full blown cold, sinus infection, bronchitis- BUT that’s usually after all the instrument testing at all the schools has begun so planning to avoid that this year. Yay! 

Now that it’s light out I’m going to go ride my bike around the lake path!

7:17 back from my ride. It’s much cooler out today. I had to stop and button my lightweight white short sleeved Columbia shirt over my sleeveless scoop neck yoga top so I wasn’t too uncomfortable. This was my first time riding around the lake path. It was very smooth and easy to ride on. There are benches every so often if you want to rest. I passed two old guys walking the path. It’s not a very big lake. 

8:18 I just took Bitzi for her first ride on the bike. I fastened her car seat in the back basket and clipped her leash to the car seat clip. She loved it! We rode around the neighborhood ringing the bike bell. Most everyone is still sleeping. 

Saturday, August 1

Making memories

10:01 pm

Hennessy just went to bed. Milo and Lola are in my bedroom watching TV. Mike is sitting on the living room couch watching TV. I’m sitting in the adjacent front room in my recliner. It’s been a long day. The kids and the dog and I went on many walks today. Overall it was a good day.

Saturday, July 11

Knee jerk

5:07pm.  It’s been a good day so far. I have my knee brace on- it’s been hurting again and feeling weird. Mike is off playing golf down by Henry, IL with men from his family.  I’ve been messing with the dog most of the day. I went out to the garden twice and used the hoe a bit. Using the hoe chopping the weeds wears me out so badly in the heat.
The last two days I went to our indoor pool and did a whole bunch of exercises and today I’m pretty tired, slow and sore. There are only so many time slots limited to ten people at a time that can use the indoor pool. One of the outdoor pools is open but I haven’t been yet. 

Monday, June 22

Easing into a new life phase

8:33am Monday June 22, 2020

It’s getting ready to rain and storm soon. The sky is overcast and the temperature is unusually cool. The birds are singing outside. I can hear them through the back screen door. It’s a very tranquil soothing sound. The puppy is passed out on the area rug at my feet here in the front sitting room, worn out from her morning of walks and play. She has a vet appointment tomorrow for puppy shots. Mike is at physical therapy and will be back shortly and get to work. I’m going to try to get him to move his laptop and work stuff to the kitchen table so I can get in that office and purge my school stuff I no longer need.

8:57.    I just took his laptop, papers, pens and stuff and put them on the kitchen table as we discussed yesterday. He just came through the garage door into the laundry room, glanced in the office and yelled “ Whoa! Where’d all my stuff go?” Uh, hello.....
All my crazy accumulated teaching stuff is going to take some time to sort through. Trying to move forward into my next chapter. I’ve applied for a few jobs but so far nothing is right yet. I want the job to be something here in Huntley that’s easy and no stress or drama. I’m either under or over qualified for most things that fit my criteria. I may just start my own fabulous little business. There are lots of options I’m exploring.
My ex starts his chemo tomorrow. From what my kids say his condition is really bad and the situation is grim, this is effecting my kids and the dynamic between them.

9:28 I just went out to the big side yard flower bed ( we just put in last year after we moved) and pulled a bunch of grass and weeds and I took my slippers and chopped out a bunch of tiny tree suckers coming up from the tree by the street. Since our house is on a corner the front ( East) and side ( north) are visible to everyone driving by. Many people have commented on my new flower bed. Everyone here in Sun City keeps their yards very nice. 

Saturday, June 20



I’ve been awake for a while so just got up. I took Bitzi out to pee and now I’m drinking my coffee while she chews her chicken chew ring on the floor. In a few minutes I’m going out to my garden plot to hoe weeds. The air is thick outside already and there was an air pollution warning for the Chicago area. Mike is still sleeping. I haven’t been sleeping as well the last few nights as I had been in previous weeks. 

Thursday, June 18

Rip snorting

7:14 am.  I’m awake and still foggy headed. I’m sitting here drinking my coffee. Mike is bustling around in the kitchen loading the dishwasher. The landscapers came today - normally they come on Friday. It took them under fifteen minutes to buzz the yard and vanish. I’m taking the boys back today - meeting Sarah in Lacon. They started getting homesick yesterday and asked if they could go home a day early. I’m tired. I got too much sun on my arms and back while working in the yard yesterday. I had put sunscreen on in the morning but didn’t reapply it in the afternoon. I’m planning to leave here with the boys by 8:30 and I’m taking the puppy along so I’ll have to stop to let her out to drink & play. 

Tuesday, June 16

Sitting by the lake with an ice pack on my left knee


This morning I took the boys fishing again. Due to my knee issue I didn’t climb down the rocky bank and cast a rod out. I sat in a chair on the hill above where they were fishing with an ice pack and ace bandage on my knee. Something inside my knee snapped with each step as I carried my folding chair to the shade. It’s better than it was two weeks ago with only occasional mild pain. I’m figuring it will heal itself like it always does. This all started in 82 just before I had Samantha. 

After fishing we came home and cleaned up and then went to Costco in Lake In The Hills. Then we came home and the boys helped me chop up stuff and peel shrimp for jambalaya. The base of it is simmering on the stove now. I didn’t make it as spicy as I normally do because of the boys. Tomorrow I’m teaching the boys to the Lake Geneva public beach when they first open at 9. OR maybe we’ll go to the beach, stake out a spot and put our stuff down and then go to my favorite nail place and I get a pedicure and then we go back  to the beach an hour or so later when the water is a little warmer. is warmer. We’ll stay for an hour or two unless it starts getting too crowded. They have been very good about wearing their masks, using hand sanitizer and keeping their distance from people. I’m taking them home Friday morning and meeting Sarah in Lacon. I’m tired. After dinner I have to go water the front, back and both sides of the yard then drive out to the garden and water. The boys want to go fishing again tonight. I’m tired. 

Sunday, June 14

Flowers in a vase

2:50pm Sunday 

Michael is watching golf / sleeping / snoring on the living room couch. He’s been back in the office most of the day paying bills and doing work stuff. Yesterday while I was gone he went over to his daughter Shannon’s in Arlington Heights to see the baby ( Jackson) who is 3 months old now. Mikes mother, son and daughter-in-law were there too. I missed it because I was driving the girls home and bringing the boys back.

I took the boys and the puppy to the garden this morning early then we went to Walmart and then fishing at the lake here in Sun City. We didn’t catch anything and are going back later switching worms for chicken liver as bait. Then we’re going to build a fire in the fire pit and make s’mores. It seems like Mike is too tired or too busy to do anything with me anymore but he has time for golf and his family. I’m pretty fed up and tired but it sure doesn’t do any good to say anything as he flies into a rage and gets all self defensive. He doesn’t ever want to do anything or plan anything. I just feel like I do everything myself. I’ve had a couple new neighbors asked me if I’m a widow as I’m the only one they ever see out in the yard or walking. I’m frustrated but there’s nothing I can do. There are too many other things and people to worry about. 

The boys are stashed away in the spare bedroom playing games on their tablets. Bitzi is sleeping in her crate, drying off after I gave her a bath and trimmed her face hair.
I went outside and pulled up a few perennials and transplanted them then picked flowers and brought them inside and put them in a vase of water. The two flower bouquets I got for retirement were drooping so I threw them away this morning. 

4:01pm. I went out back to water my flowers. My 7 year old grandson Oscar came out and asked me if he could take Bitzi outside on the leash. I said “okay be careful with her” and kept watering. About ten minutes later I came in and heard the laundry room door slam ( it happens all the times. There’s an air vacuum when you open the door going to the garage.) It was Oscar who accidentally did it. He’s seven. Mike, still comatose flopped on the couch yells “ GOD DAMN IT!” I said you’ve done that yourself many times. He said that’s third time he’s done it. I just went out in front to water grumbling to myself that he’s a fucking grouchass ogre. We’ll see when his daughters baby Jackson gets a little older and I yell and cuss at him. Jesus H. I do not need this shit. 

I’ve stopped reading / watching the news as much as I had been. I just can’t take it any more.I’ve gotten off Facebook and other social media for now.  ( I do like to watch animal videos on TikTok though) I’m tired of the bullshit and drama. I just want to tend my flowers and puppy, love my grandkids and avoid crap. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

6:46. Now Mike’s trying to be extra nice and play with the boys and took them to get McDonalds’. I’m still ticked about the way he’s acted all day and he knows it. Of course he’ll never admit he was wrong or apologize.Ever. 

8:18 Mike went out to the garden with the boys and me and helped fill up the ground and weeds ( for the first time ever) then helped the boys get their bath once we got home and then made us all a s’more. .......

Sarah said her dad is so weak now he’s using a walker. She said she feels like she’s watching him die. He’s got his port in but still not sure when the chemo is starting. I feel so sorry for what Sarah is going through with her father. I gave her chicken and dumplings and a crocheted blanket to give him. She said he barely eats. Despite everything that happened I never wished anything like this on him.

Thursday, June 11

Chicken and dumplings

3:15pm Thursday 

I'm making chicken and dumplings. The broth with the chicken and vegetables is boiling. The dumpling dough is mixed up in a bowl and waiting to go into the hot liquid. I haven't made dumplings from scratch in a long time. I usually just use Bisquick for quick and easy dumplings so we'll see how these turn out. I've been trying to cook smaller amounts of things the last few months.

I'm kind of tired from taking the dog out and pulling / digging weeds. I drove the girls and the puppy to St.Charles this morning to visit Annette, Mike's mom. She was delighted to see us. She's doing surprisingly well considering her lung cancer immune therapy treatments. She's 81 but looks to be in her early 70s. 

3:52  Lola has a headache and feels fishy. She was in the sun at Annette's and then got some coffee chocolate Oreo cookie shake at Starbucks with the $10 that Annette gave her then heated up a bunch of chicken fried rice when we got home. She's in my bedroom in the recliner with the lights off and the shades drawn. I gave her Excedrins and took her temp ( normal) . She can lay in there in the dark watching TV and hopefully she'll feel better after while. Hennessy is in the living room near me in the sitting room zoned out to SpongeBob Squarepants. The utsnerap  myn osrewlof tp is sleeping in her cage. 

When I was down in Lewistown last week I went to the Walmart in Canton with the boys and got a few things including a bunch of red, white and blue artificial flowers. We drove out to the country to the Bethel Cemetery south of Canton way out in the boonies where the old strip mines used to be. I put flowers on my parents', younger sister's and uncle's graves and pulled weeds from around the headstones and talked to my parents quickly and quietly after I sent the boys back to the car. I talk to them a couple times a year when I'm able. It's for me. It makes me feel better. It holds me over for a couple months until I can get back there. 
I hate missing people I love and not being able to talk to them. 

6:04 The dumplings turned out good. I'm happy. Hennessy, six, is a very picky eater and mostly just wants to eats sweets. I don't argue or force them to eat anything but she won't be getting ice cream later. The dog is sleeping in her crate. I'm going out to my garden plot early in the morning and not tonight. I'm too tired. If I was here alone I'd probably take a nice hot bath and lay down and cry. There are too many things going on that worry me. At some point I'm going to need to let it go and cry. I rarely ever allow myself to cry anymore. Crying is like a release and washing of the heart. 

Mikes shoulders are getting better. He's starting to be able to reach back again. Baby steps. 

The girls are quiet now for the time being. I wish I could just take a big sponge and wash everything down so the world would be okay. 

My roses, lilies and other flowers are blooming. 

Wednesday, June 10

Chew bone

Mike is getting ready to go to physical therapy for his shoulders. He goes at 7am every Wednesday and Friday. It must be helping as I don't hear him complain of pain or grimace as much. I gathered the trash for trash day and took the puppy out. She only peed and when we came back inside she wasn't concerned much with eating and drinking after being in her cage all night. She's more concerned with exploring, chewing and playing. Bitzi now has a crate, portable platpen, car carrier, chicken chew ring, knitted chew bandana, stuffed dog chew toy, squeaky ball, squeaky bone, collars and leashes. It's unbelievable how many dog accessories we've suddenly acquired now. After nearly five years of not having a pet you forget how it adds up. 

Lola and Henna are still asleep. That's good. They stayed up until almost ten which is late for Henna. Lola has two other sisters and a brother at her dad and stepmoms house. She's bombarded by little kids in both her houses and expected to help with the little ones. Lola is really sharp and more mature for her age. I really missed these girls for those months when their mom( my oldest daughter Samantha) wasn't talking to anyone. Her excuse was her fibromyalgia and nerves but I suspect marital problems were a lot of it. She's been married to Bob, Hennessy's dad, for eight years. Bob is a construction worker. For the last year or so he's been working at a job in Evansville Indiana and coming home for the weekend once a month. A difficult arrangement for a woman I am sure.

It rained and stormed pretty good last night. The grass was wet as I walked around the house with Bitzi. It's hot and humid and the air is thick. I'm having to douse every exposed inch of my skin with mosquito repellant now as I'm some big juicy magnet that attracts them. It's miserable with itchy bites.  

The girls have been taking baths in my jacuzzi tub every night. Last night I took one after they were finished. It's really been getting a work out. I'm going to scrub it out today which is a chore to stretch and reach and scrub. It's good having kids in the house. They eat almost constantly and drag lots of stuff out to the living room. They're pretty good about cleaning up when I ask them. Next week the boys will be here. I haven't informed Mike yet. He's working during the day ( in the little back office) anyway and I'll be tending them. 

7:19 Mike has gone to therapy. I made the bed and tidied up a bit. The puppy is sleeping again although I let her out of her cage. 

My younger daughter said today her dads oncologist is supposed to call to let her know what time to bring him in to get his chemo port surgically installed. Gary wanted to go ahead with the chemo although his diagnosis is pretty bleak. Sarah is the one helping take care of him ( along with her 3 boys at home). Samantha has a pretty shakey relationship with her dad and realizes what a slimy SOB he's been. No matter, I'm trying to help Sarah and take the boys for a while next week. 

Monday, February 10

Recliner girl

It’s 4:41 and I’ve been home for a while. I’ve been on the phone with TRS and AIG about retirement. My head is going to explode there’s so much stuff to process. I sort of felt yucky at work today so I got off the phone and took a nice leisurely warm shower and put on my pajamas. I have heard spring birds singing outside the last few days. I heard some as I walked to the mailbox earlier. Hearing them warms my heart and makes me feel better. There IS hope of better days ahead. I get so cranky, miserable and anxious this time of year. It will make me feel better to see the kids this weekend. I’m looking forward to that.
I think Mike just wants to have pulled pork for dinner tonight. That’s easy because it’s already made. I’ll just have a sweet potato. I’m sitting here sideways in my old brown leather recliner. I always sit here and read sideways with my legs draped over the arm. It serves its purpose and is still in okay shape. We’ve trying to save up and put a big chunk of money against the house. We’re going to pay it off completely this summer. That will make retirement a bit easier.

I need to start proofreading my damned posts. Sometimes I’ll go back and reread them and die of embarrassment at the typos and dumbass things that accidentally get in. Often I type posts on my IPad when I’m not quite yet awake and sipping my first coffee. The old one finger pecking on the IPad can also spell disaster. #makeamericasmartagain.

Wednesday, January 15

I’m feeling like an old crone

It’s evening now. The day was pretty foggy and misting but never turned to sleet as predicted. I’m getting more curmudgeonly the last few years. I notice it myself. I’ll admit it and I don’t care. I’m just no longer willing to put up with bullshit. My husbands family is always sending me invitations for showers - bridal or baby showers for nieces, or cousins or second cousins I don’t really know and am not around. I HATE those stupid-ass showers. I’ve always hated them. I hate feeling guilty that I ought to go but don’t want to. Men don’t have to deal with this bullshit. And now the person being “ showered” is always registered at several different online places, so you don’t even taking a fucking gift to the stupid shower, you don’t see what she gets, you don’t get thanked for your thoughtful gift that she picked out and told you to buy so you just sit through some horribly stupid “ games” and some awful food and have to put this plastic fake smile on and pretend to not be in absolute misery. I just got yet another invitation in the mail today so that’s what set off today’s rant.

Saturday, January 11

Puttering around is good for the soul

It’s the middle of the afternoon on Saturday and so far we’ve just had an overcast gloomy day and a little misting of sleet. The media always predicts some ginormous arctic ass kicking end of the world ice age and usually it ends up being hardly anything. My husband is always so much more worried about weather than I am. That’s just his nature. I however enjoy the snow and winter. True I do not like shoveling or dealing with assholes who don’t know how to drive carefully in the snow and ice.

We went out this morning to a couple stores. I wore my Ugg boots and my long quilted coat and gloves. I could have gone on an arctic expedition in that get up. I’ve been doing laundry and cleaning. I put some chili in the crockpot and mixed up a peach cobbler and put it in the oven. It’s good to stay home and putter around and get caught up on things.

I still haven’t heard from my oldest daughter. I guess she’ll contact me when she’s good and ready. My texts and calls have gone unanswered so I’ve given up. I can be a big bitch too. At least my granddaughter has texted me. Sometimes you just have to let things work themselves out an no amount of worry will help. You have to give it to the universe and hope it heals over.

My husband has two bad shoulders that have gradually been getting worse the last couple years. He won’t go see a doctor. He had me get orthopedic surgeon recommendations from two of my friends who’ve had shoulder replacement surgery but he hasn’t done anything about it but complain. I guess he must not feel that bad....🙄. You can only do so much.
My mother would have been 91 today. She died in 93 of malignant melanoma. 

Testing testing testing

I’m trying to figure out how to work this Amazon Affiliate business in a way that I can easily manage.  Discount birdbath!  I hope I’m doing...