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Showing posts with label complicated. Show all posts
Showing posts with label complicated. Show all posts

Thursday, January 16

I have become comfortably numb

I'm feeling pretty glum tonight. I'm frustrated, sad and feel helpless. You can only do so much. 


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Friday 4:98 am

I still haven’t really spoken to my oldest daughter in a few weeks but have got a couple quick dodging text responses. I’m pretty sure something awful has happened and she doesn’t want to tell anyone. I am vexed and can’t quit worrying.  I just have this suspicious feeling and it’s driving me crazy. I want to help. My protective mama bear alert has been going off. I’m afraid it’s her husband and she’s afraid or ashamed to tell. I have lived that situation and I know. I wish she would talk to me. I guess when she’s ready.She’s an adult and I can’t make her do anything #parentinggrownadults 

Pink Floyd  I Have Become Comfortably Numb 
Comfortably Numb

My ex father in law is supposed to be near death my younger daughter told me yesterday. He’s 90-some and has lived in Florida for many years. I can’t even remember the last time I saw him.  He and my ex husband had a very weird not close relationship.One reason my ex was messed up.  I did not like my ex father-in-law. He was a very harsh , brash know-it-all asshole in his younger days. I have actually been getting along with my ex husband the last year. Funny how times fixes things and you come to realize so much more and grow wiser. It took a long long time for all that anger and hurt to heal #timehealsallwounds 

 For a couple months I’ve had this sense, this funny feeling in my gut that something was coming, something big was going to happen or someone was going to die. I’ve felt it looming in the background, a premonition or whatever.I feel it hasn’t happened yet but it’s still unclear and I still feel it hanging in the air out there #premonition, #intuition

I’ve been fighting a sore throat and a wolf cough the last few days and it seems like maybe it’s not going to get so bad. I’ve been taking my Emergency C powder every morning, my vitamins, probiotic, kefir, flushes my sinuses, gargling with warm salt water, running the vaporizer beside the bed at night, washing my hands a lot and I take Advil Cold & Sinus gel capsules . 
Advil cold gel caps

The flu is going through the schools. My six year old grandson has been sick with a fever and cough all week but is feeling better now. If the weather isn’t bad I’m going to drive down to Lewistown in the morning m hopefully see my grandson Waylon who I haven’t seen in a long time and the other kids and come home Sunday afternoon. I have a dentist appointment for fillings Monday at 8am. I have 5 small cavities that developed while I had braces.  

I’ve been awake since about 2am. I tried to go back to sleep for a while. Mike was making his funny breathing snoring sounds, obviously asleep. I don’t want to wake him so I just got up and made coffee, put my socks on, grabbed my throw blanket and turned the thermostat up. Today should be an easy day. I’m only at one school.

Yesterday some mysterious yellow envelope was delivered to Mikes newspaper office with crazy 9-11 scrawlings all over the front so the police and EMS were contacted and eventually the FBI. The building was evacuated and the deemed the envelope safe for transport and took it to the lab. Mike was notified before he left the house in the morning so he just worked from home. After a few hours the staff was allowed back in the building to resume work.  They’ve received crazy threats many times. Some nut job gets pissed off about some story or editorial they read in the paper and decide to come down to the office and kick somebody’s ass or shoot up the building. One crank threaten to slash throats and rape all the women. Journalism can be a risky profession and it has only gotten worse in our current political climate and current administration. Mike has been confronted in the parking lot walking to his car in the past. He has fielded numerous threatening calls. They have a secure facility and security guards on hand but things still happen.
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