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Showing posts with label fatigue. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fatigue. Show all posts

Monday, September 21

How to keep swimming

Another week has started. It’s a chilly Monday morning. Overall this week is supposed to be warmer. It’s 8:33 and Mike hasn’t started working yet. I’ve been up for about an hour, got dressed, had my oatmeal and am working on my first cup of coffee. Mike already took the dog out. I’ll take her for a walk shortly. I have an indoor pool time scheduled for 3:45. I haven’t been for a couple weeks.

I’m hoping we can just completely forget about the trip to northern Wisconsin with Mikes mother. I can’t take it. He always wants me to go with him when he visits her and I guess I serve as the buffer but now I’m just plain tired of it and don’t want to. I suggested this morning that he takes time off from work and just he and I go somewhere. He seemed to like that idea. The second weekend in October I’m going to Lewistown to stay with my grandsons. I’ll probably take them to the Apple orchard, to Emiquon wildlife refuge near Havana and maybe other places. The foliage should be beautiful then. 
I keep trying to stay hopeful and think positive and count my blessings. I can feel myself struggling and trying to sink all the time. I have to grab desperately for emotional pool noodles to help keep me from drowning. You have to latch on to whatever you can. Sometimes you’re just barely floating with your head above water. 


A while ago I just discovered an email from the school district in my spam folder. I've been waiting on that email for days to get my district email & ID back so I could complete a bunch of stuff. Now I'm logged on and completing a bunch of mandatory training modules. 

Wednesday, August 5


It’s sunrise and the house is still asleep. Just the way I like it. I woke up a while ago and couldn’t go back to sleep. I kept turning from one side to another, draping my legs and arm over Michael, hugging him, adjusted the covers, massaging his scalp gently while he slept so finally I just got up so I wouldn’t wake him.
The kids are sleeping. Mike got after Milo pretty bad last night for his mouthing off and disrespecting me. Mike has a very big boomy baritone voice. I’m sure it scared Milo. I know I’ve seen his mom get after him for acting that way too. You have to nip it in the bud now because soon enough he’ll be a teenager. My oldest son was physically and verbally abusive to me when he was in 8th grade when his dad and I were going through the divorce. He was treating me like he saw his dad treat me. At that point he was already considerably bigger than me and his father was encouraging and rewarding him for acting out against me.We certainly don’t want Milo getting that way.

I took the kids to Kohl’s in Algonquin this morning ( just 5 miles east of here) and bought them each three clothing items for back to school. Even with the “sales” going on I walked out stunned with how much kids’ clothes cost these days. They really didn’t even get much but with four kids it’s a lot. 

After that we came home, grabbed some lunch and I took them and the puppy to the park. The boys caught several small bass in the park pond. The girls played on the swings and weren’t interested in fish.

We’re having ( leftover) mashed potatoes and shredded chicken tacos and chili dogs. Several things to choose for picky eaters.

6:54 The dermatologists’ offoce called at 5:53 while I was outside walking the dog. The lady said to call her back but then no one answered. The pathology reports probably came back. If they were all clear she probably would have said so in her message.....

Now I’m feeling a bit uneasy and worried. Probably nothing big.

Thursday, May 21

Feelin’ fishy

7:03am Thursday

Mike left a few minutes ago to go play nine holes of golf with his work friend Jim at a course in Streamwood. It’s very overcast out and in the low 60s so that doesn’t sound pleasant to me but I hope they have a really good time. I started feeling bad yesterday afternoon when we were over at Mike’s moms in St. Charles. We stopped at Kabobs restaurant and picked up food before we got there. I had a tiny hint of a sore throat when we got there. His mom and I both love Kabobs seasoned roasted vegetable so I sat at the table and ate my container of vegetables. I also had a piece of meat. A piece of roasted potato and a couple forks of rice.After we sat there for a bit my stomach felt a little funny and I also felt a little hot. I went to the restroom nut nothing unusual happened. We sat there for another 45 minutes and then drove home. I started feeling a little worse. Once we got home I had a couple pretty awful bathroom attacks and my stomach felt queasy. I took 2 alkaline shelter. When I went to bed I just didn’t feel very good and my head was draining and I was coughing a bit. I couldn’t sleep very well wondering if I’d picked up a bug somewhere. ( I just watched the movie Contagion a couple days ago.) I still don’t feel very good this morning.

Yesterday morning early I drove to my school district central office to return my school district equipment; my laptop and charger, my school iPad and keyboard case, a few other electronics, a French Horn, my ID, lockdown key and key fob. Two masked women in gloves brought me in to the front lobby and had me stand behind a table and hold up and show them every item I removed from my bag. I was wearing a mask and gloves too. Every item I showed them I then put in a big clear plastic bag. When all my items were in the clear bag they had me seal it shut then put it in a rectangular plastic container, secure the lid, then I had to put that container on a big flat cart and then I was done. Then I went to an elementary school in South Elgin to get a bag of my belongings and leave keys and it was a similar process. Everyone in masks and gloves standing six or more feet away. Pretty weirdly sad. Happy retirement! Now get the fuck out. 

I’m going to take a nice long warm shower and flush my sinuses out really well. I’m sure that will help. I’m sure my ick feeling is just the Kabobs food, the weather, the pollen and the news. This too shall pass.

5:27pm    It’s clouding up like it’s going to rain now. It was pretty warm and sunny earlier. I did a lot of work outside planting my seedlings into bigger pots and thinning out, digging up and transplanting lots of perennials. I spent several hundreds of dollars last year planting perennials in our new yard. There weren’t very many here when we bought the place. I tried very hard to tend and fertilize my new plants so they’d get established. I covered my new rose bushes and heavily mulched the rest for the winter. This spring I initially thought a few were dead but now everything’s showing signs of life. My new little rhododendron Bush is even blooming! My rhubarb I started from seed came up and looks pretty big and healthy. I see a couple of my asparagus plants survived. I paid for a 10’X 30’ garden plot in our community garden but due to coved it’s not open. I have lettuce, radishes, zucchini and tomatoes started in pots on the patio. I have zinnias and morning glories started in pots. I sat in the grass in the backyard listening to the Doobie Brothers on my big rolling Bluetooth speaker. I haven’t sat down in grass for a long time. I love tending my plants.  My daughters both are plant crazy too. I drove to Bartlett to my primary care doctor’s office this afternoon and got a coved-19 antibody test. I’ll have results tomorrow or Monday. Mike is being kind of snappy and pissy. I’m used to it and ignore him. Whatever. 

He has taken a couple days off and doesn’t start back to work until Tuesday. I’ve got to get him to take his stuff out of the back office so I can start the big purge. 

Thursday, January 30

Switch day

Today is Thursday but at school a switch day Friday schedule and there is after school fifth grade band rehearsal. I’m still not feeling right, very exhausted and still coughing a lot. I’m taking tomorrow’s SIP day off. I need more rest.

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