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Showing posts with label isolation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label isolation. Show all posts

Sunday, February 7

The world getting vaccinated

It’s daybreak and I’m facing the East window in the front room watching the soft blurred pink and blue muted colors of dawn breaking. I love this special silent fresh time. I made a pot of too-strong coffee. I grabbed a new kind at Aldi the other day. It’s even a bit strong for me. Mike won’t drink it. It’s too strong and bitter for him. The past couple bags have been milder Dunkin Donuts blend for him. 
My braided trunk money tree is dying. Most of the leaves turned yellow brown and fell off. It was doing fine on the porch all summer. Things got bad when I brought it inside at the end of summer and put it in the bedroom by the window. I don’t know if it got drafts from the window, too much heat from the vent, too much water. I pulled the roots out of the soil yesterday to see if they were rotting but I couldn’t tell. It’s just too cold in the garage right now to do a messy repotting. I put some baking soda in the pot soil and mixed it around and cut off all the dead parts. I moved it out to the front entry area where it was when I first bought it. That’s all I can do so now it’s swim or sink bitch. I hate when my plants die. 



I kept waking up in the night thinking about this possible sub job I’m considering taking at an elementary school in Elgin. It’s a cross categorical resource teacher for 58 days from March 1 until June 3. I like getting used to a place and having time to get comfortable. I don’t like not being home for the puppy or being able to do my swim appointments. I do like making money, feeling productive, having something to do. On the other hand I don’t like having something to do. If I took it I’d have one vaccine in me and get the second one the week I’d start so I’d feel more protected. Mike said I could just sub here for Huntley district but I’m not familiar with any of their schools. I have worked in most all of the U-46 schools over the years. I’m still not sure and still mulling it over. Plus Huntley wasn’t giving vaccines to the subs and district 300 that I’ve also subbed for put the subs behind everyone else and will only vaccinate subs if there are any leftovers. My old school district contacted me right away about getting my vaccine along with everyone else. I feel more loyal to them. I know that’s probably silly but that’s how I feel.



I have a bunch of Amazon returns to drop off at Kohl’s this morning. I need to quit shopping and doing “ retail therapy” - another reason to take the long sub job! Keep me off the Amazon app....
So I drove the five miles to Algonquin Kohl’s and returned my eight Amazon items for refund. Good to get that done. Bitzi has been outside several times this morning and WILL NOT PEE. It IS super freezing cold. I’m going to go try again.
Okay we walked about a block and she peed but was shivering so I started to walk back but she wouldn’t move and just stood there shivering like she was freezing to death so I scooped her up and wrapped my arms around her and carried her back inside. Poor little thing.




Friday, May 8

Shit’s getting real

5:04 pm   It’s been an okay day. My patience for this distance learning Zoom stuff is wearing thin. I just don’t want to do it anymore with the distorted delayed audio and video, some kids who are just unbearably awful and lazy with all sorts of noise and distractions in the background. For the last couple weeks I’m going to combine them so I’m not facing the daily torture. Not all of them but more than two are just awful, dumb as stumps and never bother to practice. I can only be so patient with people.Seriously. 

I saw an opening for activity director at this new senior living all- inclusive resort facility that’s being built about 1 1/2 miles from my house. It looks really nice online so I filled out an application and they must have liked it because the lady in charge of hiring at their main office emailed me Tuesday and then called me for a phone interview this morning but I didn’t catch the call. My ringer must have been off. I called her back and got her voicemail. Hmmm.

I got a retirement checklist from HR today. My email will be turned off on the 28. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out! I heard other teachers who retired say the district cuts off the email account on the last day. It all feels a little weird now. 

Sunday, May 3

Sunday ( I think)

10:35. It’s another beautiful sunny day. I was just outside looking at my plants. I put some oranges on a wire and hooked it in a tree for birds. There are lots of birds around here.
I put some pot roast and beef juice, potatoes and carrots on a plate and wrapped it up with foil. I put some of my pasta salad in a container. I cut three big slices of my home made bread and put them in a ziplock bag. I put all this stuff in a plastic Walmart bag plus three halo oranges to take over to Mike’s mom. We’re going over there to her house in St. Charles and bringing her patio furniture up out of her basement. Mikes brother Steven is helping. 









Thursday, April 30

Frogs in the distance

10:58am  I’ve been up since 6. I went for a long walk clear down Oak Grove to Cold Springs drive and back on the other side of the street then walked the winding path up the hill in the park across the street from our house. It was chilly, windy and damp out and I had the hood up on my hoodie and tied close around my face so the wind was tolerable. I didn’t see anyone at all out except for at the end when I was going up the steep incline of the hill this jock guy whizzed past me speed walking and then passed me again as he was coming back down. The path makes a loop at the top and there’s a nice sitting bench on the top, in the middle and at the bottom. Moving here to this house with a much smaller yard I’m glad for the park with all the beautiful mature oak trees, flowers and benches right across the street. I call it “goat mountain” and secretly consider it mine. I like to perch at the top on the bench looking down at my kingdom. I chuckle to myself every time I’m up there thinking that. Hey, whatever floats your boat. 

 ike had me cut his hair with his beard trimmer this morning. There isn’t much there to trim but the cuttings did make a little mess on his bathroom sink counter. He used to have thick bushy black hair. Now the hair he does have is mostly gray. I’ve encouraged him to shave it off for a long time but he won’t. 

I can hear the frogs from the marsh behind our yard down the hill chirping and whirring away through our back sliding door. They’re in frog heaven after that heavy rain. 

I


My youngest daughter Sarah texted me last night that her dad’s colonoscopy biopsy showed a cancerous mass. He’s got to go talk to the doctor Tuesday about surgery and chemo. I feel bad for our kids and grandkids mostly. Gary and I only really started speaking again after 24 years when he was very ill a year ago. He’s been going to some hick doctor in Havana so no wonder it’s taken so long to find out what was wrong. I just feel numb and bacd and it brings back memories of all the stuff from our turbulent 15- year marriage. All the blame was not on him but a lot of it was. I don’t profess to be an angel or without blame. Man, I feel like a car with 350,000 miles on the original engine. This just combines with all the other bad stuff to create the shitstorm tidal wave I felt was coming all through the month of December. I felt it in my gut and deep in my bones. 




12:25pm I just ate a spinach artichoke linguine Lean Cuisine for lunch. I stocked up on a bunch of Lean Cuisines to save cooking and going to the grocery store. Mike refuses to eat them. Yesterday I had a butternut squash and spring vegetables one. Pretty good.




I’m supposed to have three group 5th grade zoom meetings this afternoon. I do not feel at all like doing them. This is all so frustrating. Teaching beginning band students in groups online is like crawling naked over flaming porcupines. I’m sure it’s hard for the students as well. These last few weeks have drug on soooooo slowly like a stoned sloth. Unbearably slow. I HATE this f-Ing bullshit!!!!


I’ve stopped watching the Covid-19 daily press briefings. I’m trying to avoid social media for the most part due to all the batshit crazy things people are posting about politically-fueled conspiracy theories regarding the virus. Please God make it stop! 



The Zoom lessons went okay after all. We’re having meat-free tacos for dinner with yellow rice, refried black beans, diced onions and tomatoes, corn, verde sauce, Mexican cheese, sour cream and Franks hot sauce on flour tortillas. Really good! Tomorrow I’m making pot roast in the crockpot. Last night we got Chicago- style pizza and watched the next to the last episode of Ozark on Netflix. Tonight we’ll watch the last episode of season three. 

Wednesday, April 22

Back on the wagon again

4:19 pm

I’m mentally unwinding from eight back to back Zoom lessons. The last boy, a fifth grade trumpet, is REALLY bad. Painfully bad. Plus the audio / video delay and distortion make it even worse to bear. It’s been raining and gloomy all day and it just started pelting down on the roof again. The weather in Lewistown looked warm and sunny today in the videos my daughter from Lewistown sent me of her and the boys out walking and playing in the yard.

Today is my first day back on keto and intermittent fasting. When I was so badly sick with what I thought was flu in mid January into February I lost a bunch of weight and didn’t feel like eating. But once I came out of that I’ve been eating poorly and my gut doesn’t feel right. Ugh! It’s hell to get old. 

At the Wynn a few years back.

I didn’t mean to sound like a bitch earlier. Most of my students are very good. I’m just frazzled right now. This too shall pass. I had some celery with cream cheese, some spinach and black coffee today. I have my “ big meal” with a few carbs and be finished eating by 6pm. The I’ll fast until 10 am tomorrow. After a few days it’s not so bad. I’m only on my one a day thyroid pill. No other medicines. No blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol medicines at all. I don’t want to screw that up by eating poorly and packing on the pounds. I have had enough drugs ( chemo) to last a life time. I very seldom ever drink alcohol at all - maybe 2 beers in a year. Life has been exciting enough.

I try not to even think of politics anymore. It’s too upset. I seriously won’t be able to bear it or function if Trump gets re-elected. I will totally lose my shit and go postal. If you know me you know it’s very likely. Is Biden going to be tough enough to swing this? Or is Russian and the toxic Trump cult going to bring him down?  

Arlo is going to be 3 next week. How did he get that big? I miss those kids SO much. I can’t wait for this bullshit to be over so I can hug my grandkids!

I have a Parmesan crusted fish Lean Cuisine in the microwave. yum.

Our last staff day of this suck-y school year is May 28. A year to remember in your nightmares. Almost over. This ain’t my first rodeo. Just keep swimming. 



We’re doing the best we can with the circumstances. We keep getting up in the morning. We keep breathing in and out. We keep telling ourselves things will work out. Everything will be alright. We keep seeing the suffering and watching people die. We try to move on carrying all the pain, hurt, loss, disappointment, failure, loss betrayal. We keep patching bandages on our torn bleeding aching souls. We just keep trudging through the ever deeper snow with miles to go before we sleep. 



Friday, March 27

Zoomin in pajamas

7:49
This morning I have three Zoom video conferencing meeting training sessions starting at 8 am. I haven’t been getting up this early the last couple weeks. Everything now is weird. I still have my pajamas on and no makeup. I did wash my face and put on moisturizer. It will have to be good enough. I’m on coffee #2 so far. I’m typing on my IPad with my headphones on. Mike has the TV news on chattering away. He’s oblivious to the fact I’m going to have to go in to my meeting in a minute. When he takes his work meetings at home he goes back to my office and closes the door for privacy. He has completely taken over my office for his work from home. He used to work at the kitchen table until I offered my office. Now I’m SOL. I’m going to re-do the spare bedroom into another office area. 

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

9:27
I finished my first Zoom class session. Pretty cool. I have another one on how to use Zoom with students at 10. 

Thursday, March 26

The days are a blurry haze

12:00pm 

I’ve been up since around 8. I’ve been sleeping later lately because I have nowhere to be. I’ve been riding along to stores with Mike but staying in the car while he goes inside to shop.

I went to Loyola Tuesday for a check up with my oncologist / transplant doctor. My labs were all really good. He said my immune system is now like a 6 year olds. Still not normal but improving a bit each time I go. I go back in another six months.

I went for a walk but it started raining after a little while so I came back. It’s pretty hazy and damp-ish out there.

1:51 









2:53

It’s doesn’t even feel like a Thursday. Every day just melts into the next like a slow thick blanket of fog. Mike is still working in my little back office. It would be nice to be able to use it next week when I’m supposed to start distance teaching but I’ll have to make do and figure something else out. He does have to take work group video meetings several times a day so that little office space would be the most sound and distraction proof area. I put a bunch of my instruments in my car to give him a little more space. Now due to this world situation his paper is going to start cutting more people. No shock there. 


Saturday, March 21

Saturday surreal feel

7:54am 

I am up and awake alone. The sun is bright and cheery and the house is silent except for the furnace noises. Mike was up during the night ( I’m not sure why) but he came back to bed as I was getting up so I’m not bothering him. Our bedroom is huge and when we close the blinds it’s like a big dark cave. I only sleep late a couple times a year if I’m sick. I am morning girl.
So now I’m starting to panic over our school district’s requirements for distance learning. There are all these apps and software colleagues are utilizing that I don’t know how to use and I only have a few weeks left before retirement ( supposedly unless this pandemic quarantine bullshit lasts all summer) so I’m not really motivated at this point to learn a bunch of new bells and whistles. I’ll just try to do my best. That’s all I can do. 

My stepdaughter Shannon, her husband Justin and their new son Jackson 



I’m trying really hard to stay grateful and positive in these very trying times. Mike’s mom went for her tests to map the exact pinpoint location of her tiny brain tumor so they can zap it with one blast of radiation. After that she’ll be getting immune therapy for her lung cancer. Mike’s sister took her for the tests yesterday.
I am still getting no communication from my oldest daughter. I have talked on the phone and texted my granddaughter. I pray everything will resolve. I still don’t know what happened to cause her to shut everyone out.

It’s been so weird this week with us both being home. It’s weird when we go out to the stores as many of the shelves or entire aisles are bare. And no one strikes up a conversation. I guess everyone suspects everyone else of being contagious. When I go for a walk in our neighborhood no one is out and it looks like a ghost town. The Tv is all news about the latest deaths or which celebrity has tested positive. I feel like we’re sliding into a Great Depression, so many out of work now. These are trying times. If it weren’t for Michael I would have jumped off the deep end.

Thursday, March 19

Stir Crazy

As I’ve mentioned before , all through the month of December I kept having this feeling that something BIG was coming. That feeling just kept bugging me. It felt like it was something that would be at least partly bad. And now here we are in the world’s current situation.....

I got to talk to my granddaughter yesterday so that makes me feel better.

My stepdaughter is having her baby tomorrow morning. A boy named Jackson, at least 10 pounds.

I went for a walk in the park across the street this morning before it started raining. Now it’s raining, chilly and foggy.














3:04pm    It’s still raining and chilly outside. Mike is hold up in the office working away. 


Ten tricks to stay positive

Now in February 2021 the world has been living with, fighting, learning about and worrying over Covid-19. I keep reading all the stories of ...