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Showing posts with label persistence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label persistence. Show all posts

Thursday, February 4

Push through the pain


I’ve woken up several times the last few nights in pain from my exercising in the pool lately. I changed up my water exercises this week and my muscles are really feeling it. I woke up hours ago and was thinking I’d cancel my pool time today and rest but just now ultimately decided I’ll go ahead and go and stretch out my legs to ease the pain. I have to tell myself no pain no gain. 

I fell asleep early last night because I was so exhausted. Mikes mother is having bad sciatica pain. She’s 82 and lives alone and won’t listen to advice. We were going to go over there last night but she didn’t want company. I think she shouldn’t be living alone. I’ve said it many times but she’s not my mother so it is what it is. 

We’re supposed to get more sleet and snow this afternoon and a sharp drop in temperature. The snow isn’t bad it’s the dangerous ice. I just want winter to be over and for spring to get here. After the pool I’ll have to take Bitzi out as much as I can and run to the store before the bad weather starts.

Friday, September 25

How to make a real change in your life

In a little while I have to drive to Elgin to pick up my new employee ID in order to have the option to sub for my old school husband thinks it’s ridiculous that I don’t want to sub for the schools here in Huntley. Maybe I will. My former district and buildings are just familiar and much larger. There will be lots more sub jobs there. If I apply to sub for Huntley I’ll have to go through all their new employee hoops too. I interviewed for two other jobs yesterday, both were part time and okay. Neither pays very well. Is it worth it? Do I even want to work? We really don’t need the money. 
I watched a show on Netflix last night called The Social Dilemma about the effects of social media, email and screen addiction. It was pretty shocking and scary. I’m cutting way down. It’s horrible. I don’t want my brain sucked out or all my personal information tracked by giant corporations. I don’t want to be tracked and targeted by marketing companies. 
Last night we went to a store and looked at countertop samples. We’re looking for white quartz like we had at our old house. After that we stopped at our old Denny’s for dinner. We hadn’t been there in a long time. I had pumpkin pecan pancakes and eggs and it was great. Now I have an urge to make a pumpkin pecan crisp. 

I picked up my new ID. That felt good but I’m still not sure I even ever want to use it. I guess it’s just to have the option. I drove back to Huntley up State Street (31) in Elgin and got on I-90 west to Huntley. I stopped at Aldi to get some ingredients and then on the way home drove by and around the Deerpath  facility that one of my interviews yesterday was for. It was for a part time activity assistant. Most all the residents there are physically handicapped and many in motorized scooters. They all have their own little studio apartments there with shared dining and activity areas. It wouldn’t pay well but I like the idea of working there part time and helping those people. It’s about 7 blocks from my house. 
I’ve been feeling so good lately though, do I even want to work and expose myself to others germs? Should I? Or should I just stay home and keep walking my dog and exercising? I’m now a Sun City neighborhood rep and on two other committees and want to be in concert band and chorus when things open back up. Maybe I’ll just find some online job.


Mike is very stodgy and pragmatic and thinks I’m fickle and change my mind a lot. I like to explore all the possibilities and investigate, touch, feel, taste and think things over before I finally decide. I weigh the pros and cons and try to prepare for worse case scenario.
You have to entertain different ideas and scenarios before you decide. Then once you do you might still keep checking and second guessing yourself. Then once you set course you just keep pushing and working and trudging through the deepest snow to get there. Once you’re there you might find it wasn’t what you thought it would be and you move on again. I think the key is to remain flexible and open to change and new ideas. 

1:48pm. I made some goulash and it’s simmering on the stove. I also made some lemon loaf and I cut it up and covered it with foil. I’m crazy about that stuff.
I took Bitzi outside and we dug up and transplanted some more perennial flowers in the front area where we had the tree and bushes taken out. It’s a work in progress. Next year it should fill in better and actually look like something.  I like the assorted perennials “cottage garden” look. Let’s hope it turns out that way and not some hillbilly from hell look.’
I am getting a new IRA and have to move a bunch of stuff so just got an email from the secretary to sign stuff. There has been too much to take care of lately with TRS, job hunting and this stuff.Gaaaah
It’s a beautiful warm sunny day out today. I should go on another walk or bike ride.

Thursday, September 17

Costco coffee pods

I just ate the rest of my oatmeal that I made yesterday- old fashioned oats, crunchy peanut butter, mixed berries and cherries. Mike only likes plain oatmeal but I always doctor mine up, like I do with pancakes and waffles. I love crunchy peanut butter and drinking Costco Pacific Bold dark roast coffee pods. I get a big box once every couple months. It’s the most like Starbucks of the other pods I’ve tried. I go on phases where I prefer a milder roast coffee too but now I’m doing dark. I haven’t been drinking that much coffee lately. One or maybe two cups a day. It was at least double that when I was working. Now most days I can take my time getting up and around.

Now due to TRS being overloaded and incompetent working remotely ( and most of the help line people being rude-ass bitches) now they’ve lost a few of the forms I sent them so I had to resend them so now it could be ninety days before I see a dime and thirty days or more after that to receive my lump sum! AND “ Equitable” one of my previous 403B investment firms were absolute assholes on the phone yesterday when I called to receive a withdrawal of funds form. I had to jump through so many hoops and listen to some guy go on and on why I should leave my money with them. I was polite for a long time but then just tell him flat out NO I am positive I’m leaving your company. End of discussion. So now the form he took forever supposedly to produce won’t arrive for 7-10 days. This is all total bullshit. There’s no such thing as “ customer service” anymore.

It’s chilly out this morning. I’m sitting out on the back patio and the dog is clipped to her cable. The grass is wet. The breeze is chilly. I have a thin synthetic Columbia zip hood & shorts on and a white Columbia ball cap, I’m still chilly. In a little while I’m taking Bitzi for a walk around one of the lakes and around the main lodge. 
I’ve been preparing for winter and gathering flower seeds to spread to other flower beds. I put up a couple fall decorations.
Mike has meetings and endorsement interviews again all day today. They’re having some of his sports reporters and photographers doing local endorsement interviews too because their staff has gotten so low. A few of them have never done these before so Mike has had to coach them and go through things. His salary has been cut a combined total of 40% in the past eight years. He said when / if the next round of buyout offers comes around he may take it. So that’s where we are.

8:43 I brought Bitzi back inside because she’d been outside long enough and started digging in soft dirt. I just gave her a bath yesterday. Now she’s playing with her rechargeable wobbly ball. I can hear Mike’s  booming baritone voice in his Zoom meeting back in his office behind two doors. 

The sun is shining. It should warm up soon and dry out the grass and then I’ll take Bitzi for the walk around the lake. I’m hearing and seeing lots of flocks of geese flying lately telling me winter will be coming soon enough.

The Zoom new employee session I had to attend yesterday was pretty worthless. Not much applied to me ( sub) and the parts that did apply to me went way too fast to be useful. There’s stuff I’m supposed to do and take care of but I don’t have another district email or ID yet so I can’t. I wish they would have told me that I need to put in to sub within 30 days of retiring or have to go through the new employee BS . Damned Covid screwing everything up!!!!

Our children are all well into adulthood now. I try not to worry and fret. I give it to God to take over. I try to be at peace and have faith. I am grateful for each new day no matter what. I try to remind myself of my many blessings.

Morning around around our Sun City Huntley

After the walk this morning I rested up a bit and took a bike ride around Wildflower Lake with Bitzi hooked in her car seat in the back basket. Once we rode around the lake path we walked out on the docks and then met several other people walking with their dogs. 

Wednesday, June 10

Chew bone

Mike is getting ready to go to physical therapy for his shoulders. He goes at 7am every Wednesday and Friday. It must be helping as I don't hear him complain of pain or grimace as much. I gathered the trash for trash day and took the puppy out. She only peed and when we came back inside she wasn't concerned much with eating and drinking after being in her cage all night. She's more concerned with exploring, chewing and playing. Bitzi now has a crate, portable platpen, car carrier, chicken chew ring, knitted chew bandana, stuffed dog chew toy, squeaky ball, squeaky bone, collars and leashes. It's unbelievable how many dog accessories we've suddenly acquired now. After nearly five years of not having a pet you forget how it adds up. 

Lola and Henna are still asleep. That's good. They stayed up until almost ten which is late for Henna. Lola has two other sisters and a brother at her dad and stepmoms house. She's bombarded by little kids in both her houses and expected to help with the little ones. Lola is really sharp and more mature for her age. I really missed these girls for those months when their mom( my oldest daughter Samantha) wasn't talking to anyone. Her excuse was her fibromyalgia and nerves but I suspect marital problems were a lot of it. She's been married to Bob, Hennessy's dad, for eight years. Bob is a construction worker. For the last year or so he's been working at a job in Evansville Indiana and coming home for the weekend once a month. A difficult arrangement for a woman I am sure.

It rained and stormed pretty good last night. The grass was wet as I walked around the house with Bitzi. It's hot and humid and the air is thick. I'm having to douse every exposed inch of my skin with mosquito repellant now as I'm some big juicy magnet that attracts them. It's miserable with itchy bites.  

The girls have been taking baths in my jacuzzi tub every night. Last night I took one after they were finished. It's really been getting a work out. I'm going to scrub it out today which is a chore to stretch and reach and scrub. It's good having kids in the house. They eat almost constantly and drag lots of stuff out to the living room. They're pretty good about cleaning up when I ask them. Next week the boys will be here. I haven't informed Mike yet. He's working during the day ( in the little back office) anyway and I'll be tending them. 

7:19 Mike has gone to therapy. I made the bed and tidied up a bit. The puppy is sleeping again although I let her out of her cage. 

My younger daughter said today her dads oncologist is supposed to call to let her know what time to bring him in to get his chemo port surgically installed. Gary wanted to go ahead with the chemo although his diagnosis is pretty bleak. Sarah is the one helping take care of him ( along with her 3 boys at home). Samantha has a pretty shakey relationship with her dad and realizes what a slimy SOB he's been. No matter, I'm trying to help Sarah and take the boys for a while next week. 

Thursday, January 16

I have become comfortably numb

I'm feeling pretty glum tonight. I'm frustrated, sad and feel helpless. You can only do so much. 

Friday 4:98 am

I still haven’t really spoken to my oldest daughter in a few weeks but have got a couple quick dodging text responses. I’m pretty sure something awful has happened and she doesn’t want to tell anyone. I am vexed and can’t quit worrying.  I just have this suspicious feeling and it’s driving me crazy. I want to help. My protective mama bear alert has been going off. I’m afraid it’s her husband and she’s afraid or ashamed to tell. I have lived that situation and I know. I wish she would talk to me. I guess when she’s ready.She’s an adult and I can’t make her do anything #parentinggrownadults 

Pink Floyd  I Have Become Comfortably Numb 
Comfortably Numb

My ex father in law is supposed to be near death my younger daughter told me yesterday. He’s 90-some and has lived in Florida for many years. I can’t even remember the last time I saw him.  He and my ex husband had a very weird not close relationship.One reason my ex was messed up.  I did not like my ex father-in-law. He was a very harsh , brash know-it-all asshole in his younger days. I have actually been getting along with my ex husband the last year. Funny how times fixes things and you come to realize so much more and grow wiser. It took a long long time for all that anger and hurt to heal #timehealsallwounds 

 For a couple months I’ve had this sense, this funny feeling in my gut that something was coming, something big was going to happen or someone was going to die. I’ve felt it looming in the background, a premonition or whatever.I feel it hasn’t happened yet but it’s still unclear and I still feel it hanging in the air out there #premonition, #intuition

I’ve been fighting a sore throat and a wolf cough the last few days and it seems like maybe it’s not going to get so bad. I’ve been taking my Emergency C powder every morning, my vitamins, probiotic, kefir, flushes my sinuses, gargling with warm salt water, running the vaporizer beside the bed at night, washing my hands a lot and I take Advil Cold & Sinus gel capsules . 
Advil cold gel caps

The flu is going through the schools. My six year old grandson has been sick with a fever and cough all week but is feeling better now. If the weather isn’t bad I’m going to drive down to Lewistown in the morning m hopefully see my grandson Waylon who I haven’t seen in a long time and the other kids and come home Sunday afternoon. I have a dentist appointment for fillings Monday at 8am. I have 5 small cavities that developed while I had braces.  

I’ve been awake since about 2am. I tried to go back to sleep for a while. Mike was making his funny breathing snoring sounds, obviously asleep. I don’t want to wake him so I just got up and made coffee, put my socks on, grabbed my throw blanket and turned the thermostat up. Today should be an easy day. I’m only at one school.

Yesterday some mysterious yellow envelope was delivered to Mikes newspaper office with crazy 9-11 scrawlings all over the front so the police and EMS were contacted and eventually the FBI. The building was evacuated and the deemed the envelope safe for transport and took it to the lab. Mike was notified before he left the house in the morning so he just worked from home. After a few hours the staff was allowed back in the building to resume work.  They’ve received crazy threats many times. Some nut job gets pissed off about some story or editorial they read in the paper and decide to come down to the office and kick somebody’s ass or shoot up the building. One crank threaten to slash throats and rape all the women. Journalism can be a risky profession and it has only gotten worse in our current political climate and current administration. Mike has been confronted in the parking lot walking to his car in the past. He has fielded numerous threatening calls. They have a secure facility and security guards on hand but things still happen.
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