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Showing posts with label surreal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label surreal. Show all posts

Sunday, February 7

The world getting vaccinated

It’s daybreak and I’m facing the East window in the front room watching the soft blurred pink and blue muted colors of dawn breaking. I love this special silent fresh time. I made a pot of too-strong coffee. I grabbed a new kind at Aldi the other day. It’s even a bit strong for me. Mike won’t drink it. It’s too strong and bitter for him. The past couple bags have been milder Dunkin Donuts blend for him. 
My braided trunk money tree is dying. Most of the leaves turned yellow brown and fell off. It was doing fine on the porch all summer. Things got bad when I brought it inside at the end of summer and put it in the bedroom by the window. I don’t know if it got drafts from the window, too much heat from the vent, too much water. I pulled the roots out of the soil yesterday to see if they were rotting but I couldn’t tell. It’s just too cold in the garage right now to do a messy repotting. I put some baking soda in the pot soil and mixed it around and cut off all the dead parts. I moved it out to the front entry area where it was when I first bought it. That’s all I can do so now it’s swim or sink bitch. I hate when my plants die. 



I kept waking up in the night thinking about this possible sub job I’m considering taking at an elementary school in Elgin. It’s a cross categorical resource teacher for 58 days from March 1 until June 3. I like getting used to a place and having time to get comfortable. I don’t like not being home for the puppy or being able to do my swim appointments. I do like making money, feeling productive, having something to do. On the other hand I don’t like having something to do. If I took it I’d have one vaccine in me and get the second one the week I’d start so I’d feel more protected. Mike said I could just sub here for Huntley district but I’m not familiar with any of their schools. I have worked in most all of the U-46 schools over the years. I’m still not sure and still mulling it over. Plus Huntley wasn’t giving vaccines to the subs and district 300 that I’ve also subbed for put the subs behind everyone else and will only vaccinate subs if there are any leftovers. My old school district contacted me right away about getting my vaccine along with everyone else. I feel more loyal to them. I know that’s probably silly but that’s how I feel.



I have a bunch of Amazon returns to drop off at Kohl’s this morning. I need to quit shopping and doing “ retail therapy” - another reason to take the long sub job! Keep me off the Amazon app....
So I drove the five miles to Algonquin Kohl’s and returned my eight Amazon items for refund. Good to get that done. Bitzi has been outside several times this morning and WILL NOT PEE. It IS super freezing cold. I’m going to go try again.
Okay we walked about a block and she peed but was shivering so I started to walk back but she wouldn’t move and just stood there shivering like she was freezing to death so I scooped her up and wrapped my arms around her and carried her back inside. Poor little thing.




Wednesday, February 3

The waiting is the hardest part

I have resolved to try my best and stay home and avoid crowds and wear my mask and keep my distance and wash my hands a lot more but I’m really sick of this. I feel bad I’m not working but I feel glad too. Is that weird?

I’ve been going to the pool at 6:30 and exercising everyday and I take Bitzi for at least two  walks every day. That’s helping me sleep at night and not get overrun with anxiety and worry. There’s just SO much stuff going on in the world and with family. It will all work itself out eventually. I’ve been stashing away flower seeds for months and dreaming of spring. 


Thursday, October 1

Won’t you take me to Funky Town?


6:59am Friday October 2
I’m chilly. We haven’t turned the heat on yet but I’m about ready. I’m sitting here with a hoodie over a cami, long pants, wool socks and Skechers on and I’m still chilly. I’m trying to drink my first cup of coffee. Mike came in to our bedroom an hour or more ago and woke me up saying Trump and Melania have tested positive for Covid-19 and how he’d been watching the news and it’s the story of the year. I thought he wanted / needed to talk about it so I got up and went in my bathroom and got dressed to find him buried down under the covers sound asleep and snoring. Okay.....so now I’m wide awake. Yes evidently POTUS and FLOTUS tested positive and they’re quarantining. Not much more to read. Is anyone surprised?  WhoopTfuckin doo 



I took Bitzi out for her morning walk and talked to Sue our neighbor with her little white Maltese Roxy. I came home and took a bunch of stuff out to the recycling bin in the garage and sorted laundry and made waffles and scrambled eggs. I defrosted some mixed berries for the waffles. It’s sunny damp and brisk out there. At 7am on the dot the landscapers came to mow and trim. There isn’t much to do now as everything’s going dormant. They were done and gone in ten minutes.
















This is not our kitchen. Ours is much smaller but this is the look I’m going for with the kitchen makeover.




Friday, September 11

Soggy Bottom Boys

9:40M.  I’ve been on the phone trying to use my leftover flex spending account money on a bill. I should have had the brains to pay it before my insurance terminated with the school district. Now I have to fight to get it. I called HR but of course got a voicemail. I hate this bullshit!

I took Bitzi outside this morning and the ground is SO wet and soggy and squishy. It must have rained all night.



I have to go get my drivers license renewed AND take a vision test so I’m nervous about that. I’m positive my left eye won’t pass but you only need ONE to pass. On a good day my right eye might pass. Once I do that successfully I’ll have a big feeling of relief.

I’m going to try on all my clothes and clean out my closets and drawers, bring out my fall& winter stuff, put away summer stuff, clean up my bathroom and take stuff to Goodwill.

I split and repotted my new cacti yesterday. 

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

2:42pm. I’ve taken Bitzi Lu on two big walks today in this overcast wet gloom. I went through all my drawers and the big master closet and put my spring summer stuff away and brought out the fall winter stuff and organized the monster closet. I took 2 trash bags of clothes to Goodwill earlier but now have two more bags of old bedding stuff that also needs to go. In our two bedroom house without a basement I need to keep up on things and continually purge and reorganize things. I’m sweating a cold pasty sweat from all that work and stepping up and down off the step stool and reaching and carrying.

Monday, August 17

Pandemic

I’m drinking my second cup of coffee for the morning. I’ve taken Bitzi out once. I’ve done a few household chores, ate some Raisin Bran, threatened to discipline Mike for his harsh smart-ass comments - a typical day. Now he’s back in his hole starting to work. He has Zoom meetings to attend today and all sorts of BS. I am way past sick of this whole pandemic business. I wish it were over. I wish it was safe. I wish it could go back to the way it was. It will never be the same again.






I’m signed up for Music & Moves class at 11 and light yoga at 12, both at the pavilion. I’m not feeling it this morning but intend to go. I’m sure it will get better as I get started. It’s a nice calm sunny day. I need to move my body as much as I can. I need to quit eating Klondike bars. I’ve had some reconsidering thoughts about the old friends. Maybe I’ll reach out but let them know how I feel. People aren’t mind readers and I will say that over the years I’ve always had a crazy amount of super busy and drama going on in my life. I can’t deny that fact. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to reach out. AGAIN......

We have tentatively decided to have a neighborhood block party in late September or early October. Not as hot or as many bugs out then.  People usually bring their own lawn chairs and drinks and set up on peoples’ driveways in Sun City. I’ll have beverages and snacks on hand.

My grandsons start in-person school in Lewistown today. My granddaughters in Canton start e-learning school Wednesday. It’s kind of weird to not be going back but I am not regretful at all. I believe my former colleagues have a whole week this week of e-learning training in preparation for the 8/24 student start. I thank my lucky stars I am not in that mess.

Once again I’m typing on my janky keyboard with the little piece of nano tape stuck to the back of my iPad to keep it from slipping off the holder that doesn’t fit. I’m more used to the key action now at least. It works . No sense in buying a new one. I’ve pretty much stopped looking for jobs. I’m gong to wait until after my retirement checks and lump sum payment and new insurance and all the jazz is done to see how things actually shake out. I may not need or want a job. I have plenty to do. Also whenever Sun City really opens up there are lots of clubs, activities, classes and trips to take advantage of that I couldn’t do when I was working. I have a friend who works from home doing medical coding but I’d have to have training to do that. Or transcription work but that mostly takes training classes too.

I’d like a job petting animals or tending plants and flowers. I don’t have any people beating my door down to hire me for those things. I’m just going to be me and freestyle it for a while.












The lady who came to look at our kitchen cabinets about painting them still hasn’t gotten back to us with an estimate. I like to just get shit done. I hate the dicking around waiting bullshit. With anything anytime. I hate it. If she doesn’t get back with us this week screw her we’ll get somebody else. There are a whole lot of things I want to get done and Mike always wants to be late and drag his feet and take forever on everything anyway. I need my cabinets painted, new hardware and under cabinet lighting installed, the new pantry cabinet, new sink and countertop, the flooring, the tv mounted and hardware installed in the old pantry. I need shit to start moving. I am not always a patient person. I agreed to this house that Mike wanted and loved with the stipulation we would redo the kitchen. The kitchen is old and dated and depressing to me. I hate it. It embarrasses me. I want it frickin fixed and I’m tired of waiting. I hate the cabinets, I hate the flooring, I hate the counters and the sink, the dim lighting.BUT IT IS FUNCTIONAL.  I’ll just make do until I can do better. I am grateful and have more than I deserve. I don’t mean to sound like a greedy ungrateful bitch. I forget myself sometimes. I do have my dreams though..........

I still haven’t done my digging and transplanting. I’ll have to look at the weather forecast and see if there’s a cooler day after it rains. That would be ideal, otherwise I’ll just do it. I have a couple bushes to dig up and move and a bunch of perennials to move, fertilize and water the hell out of. I guess there’s no time like the present . I’ll get it done this week, I promise. I also have to rip out all the garden stuff and throw in the compost barrel to clean it up so they can till it under this fall. I’ll have to make a list so I don’t leave anything off. That should keep me moving and out of trouble.

I’m trying not to read the news as much -too disturbing with all the rising Covid-19 numbers and all the racial and political furor. I am going to watch some of the Democratic convention tonight. I believe next week is the Republican convention. Gotta watch some of both of those.

I’m continuing to have some diverticulitis swelling, warmth and mild pain in my lower left abdomen. It has never been acute, just annoying and bothersome. I know if I eat popcorn and junk food it’s worse and I’ve eaten that this past week. My left knee is still not right but not acute. I haven’t been wearing my knee brace for a few weeks now but it still reminds me every day to be careful. I have some lower back funk and my left wrist has something wrong. All signs of aging. All signs of the high miles that are on this old jalopy. I’ll just keep doing the best I can with what I have. 

Bitzi is staring a hole through me from her kitchen pen so that must mean she needs to go out. 


2:14 I’m home again. At the first exercise/dance class this morning I got overheated and started feeling pukey and my knee was hurting bad and snapping so I left and came home. I’m aggravated with myself. Such a puss to whimp out on a dumb class. I skipped the yoga class too. I like the pool exercise better and I can do my own stretches at home.I just took a typing test for an online transcription job for the hell of it. It was not good. This keyboard doesn’t help, but to be honest I’m just not that good even if it was a great keyboard. I am rusty. Oh well. I suck.......

I cooked a few chicken breast pieces that were in the freezer with garlic, pepper, red pepper flakes and sesame oil. I’ll dice that up and add it to the pho noodles for dinner.Use it up. I spent so much money on groceries and eating out when the kids were here and trying to use things up that we have at home.

It looks a bit overcast but I don’t think it’s supposed to rain. I think my best bet weather-wise for the digging and transplanting is Wednesday. It’s supposed to be cooler. I’ll water extra good tomorrow night to make the digging easier. 



Little Arlo who is three started going to preschool today so he feels like a big boy like his brothers. They’re all three so cute. 
Mike was just out here in the kitchen. He has a zoom meeting now and went back to his office hole. I’m taking Bitzi out again and also to get the mail.

Bitzi still doesn’t get freedom to roam the entire house. I let her have “free time” in the house several times a day but we watch her. She is not allowed to go in the bedrooms by herself and isn’t supposed to be on the living room carpet although that’s where she heads every time we look the other way. She is still a mischievous puppy who is looking for stuff to attack and chew up.

3:28 I just gave Bitzi a bath in the utility sink and now she’s zooming through the house like a jackrabbit.

Wednesday, August 12

Reconfiguration

Yesterday I went for my annual physical and bloodwork ( free with my teacher insurance that’s changing August 31 to my retirement insurance so figured I’d get it done).

9:03 Now I’m trying to use my old janky iPad keyboard case that doesn’t fit the iPad right and the keyboard keys feel all junky and hollow plastic like a toy. This has been sitting around unused for a couple years -unused as I had my much nicer keyboard on my work iPad but I turned that in in May so haven’t really bothered it with it much until now. But now I feel like I ought to at least give it another try. So here goes. The part of the keyboard case that actually holds the iPad is too wide so it slides down a little bit but it rests on a track on the keyboard part so that’s not that big of a deal. The key action feels awkward and junky but then I haven’t even been typing for quite a while so that’s not going to matter in the long run. I had a nice new work laptop too that I barely used (preferring the iPad) but that got turned in too. As of yet I can not justify buying a new one. I’m kind of in use it up, recycle, repurpose mode. 

I’ve been searching -kinda- for a new job. I’m not really sure I even want or need a job but have been looking and applying on Indeed and Snagajob apps. I’ve had a couple phone interviews but just kind of fizzled out in the middle and told them no thank you. Maybe I don’t really want another job. Maybe the universe wants me to live a simple, humble, poor Amish life. Maybe the universe will bring me the new job when it’s time. Maybe the universe doesn’t want me working while the pandemic is still going on. I believe in a higher power and things all happen when and as they’re supposed to.

Now I’m getting a little more used to this janky keyboard. 
Mike’s typing skills are phenomenal. I have never seen anyone else type with such ferocious speed and accuracy. I sure don’t like him watching me try to type. I used to like typing and considered myself pretty good back in the day when there were actual typewriters.

I’m taking Bitzi to the groomer at 10 and going to buy a new toilet seat for my bathroom. My seat has a big crack in the side and I’m not getting any more thigh pinches! I’m pretty sure everything in the house is the original from 21 years ago. I deserve a new toilet seat.

Today is garbage day. I’m sitting at the kitchen table typing with the sliding screen door open. I can hear the garbage truck booming and whooshing as it goes along our street stopping at each house. 

We had a lady who does cabinet painting come over and check out our kitchen cabinets and she will give us an estimate on painting them. I’m also buying an additional pantry cabinet to add to the side of the existing (small, inadequate) set up. We’re going to paint, install new hardware, sink, quartz counters and bright under cabinet lighting. The new pantry cabinet I want is at Menards and is ClearVue brand and has a ton of space and nice pull-out drawers.. The existing pantry cabinet is gong to house some of the TV media stuff when we mount  the TV on the living room wall behind it. I also want to install an inset electric fireplace beneath the TV. And we’re getting luxury plank vinyl flooring in the kitchen, living room, front room and entryway. That will also snowball in to painting all the doors and trim..........Not sure how soon this will start but I’m gong to keep typing on my janky keyboard for the time being. I have thought about work from home online jobs, perhaps transcription but that would require me to type faster and more accurately. Medical transcription jobs require a training course and certificate I believe. My efforts at blogging so far have just been personally therapeutic and not gained any other value at all to be honest. I guess I’ll just have to keep investigating.

My oldest sister Vicki is doing better now. She had a very bad bowel blockage but that’s been resolved. She’s feeling better and perkier and more like her old self again. My oldest daughter took my youngest granddaughter, Hennessy, and went back to Muncie  Indiana with her husband for his construction job. She went with him last week while I kept both her girls and my youngest daughter Sarah’s boys. Having them all together was a mistake but now I know and won’t do it again. We survived.









2:25 pm

Bitzi got a great cut at the groomer. Everybody loves her and she loves going and seeing all the different dogs. I got my new toilet seat at Walmart and Mike put it on during his lunch break, although he said it was a giant pain in the butt squeezing back in that dinky toilet closet inside the much bigger master bathroom. One of the bolts (surely had been on there for 21 years) was rusted and broken off while he was trying to get them off so he had to go out to the garage and find a wrench. But he got it done then I scrubbed and cleaned and disinfected the whole bathroom. It needed to be done.

My lab tests results all came back fine and normal. I am very grateful and feel blessed considering everyone our age on blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, etc.... meds. I feel blessed.  I made an appointment for my mammogram for next Tuesday morning. It’s been two years. Since my sister Vicki had breast cancer I’m considered higher risk and have to get them more often I guess. 

We’re redecorating the spare bedroom and gave away the full bed that was in there. We also have a foam mattress topper and some old pillows to get rid of but we forgot to put them out for the trash. We going to paint in there and fill the nail holes and get a new futon and a little desk table for me. I like to just get shit done and Mike moves at a cautious glacial pace with everything.





The more I think about it the more picky I feel about taking another different job. I don’t want to drive more than a few miles. If it requires much driving at all, screw it. I don’t want anything with stress or drama. If it has that then screw it. It has to pay a decent rate. If it doesn’t, screw it. It cannot contain much germ exposure at all. If it does, then I’m out. That pretty much narrows down the field. The older I get, the faster I know right away if I like someone or something. I just get a vibe or a gut feeling. I am superficially pleasant and social with most people but my guard is always up for users, emotional vampires, freaks, weirdos, controllers, assholes...... For me to let my guard down and be genuinely comfortable and sincerely honest takes a lot. And once in a very great while I meet someone and know right away but those are few and far between. Only a couple times in your life do you earn a true blue heart to heart risk your life friend. Those people are the roots of your tree, your soul, your existence. Those people are the ones who you know will always be there for you in spirit even if you don’t hear from them for years. The other people are the limbs, the branches, the leaves.....and if those happen to blow away or fall off on their own your tree roots will still survive and maybe grow stronger because of it.

We had some much leftover food in the fridge from when the kids were here. The last couple days we’ve been trying to use it up and clean out the fridge. Neither one of us needs to be eating much and especially not kid junk food.  

This afternoon I’ve been doing laundry and outside watering my flowers. I’m going to dig up and move a bunch of flowers in the next few days to the new bare spot in front where we had the tree and bushes removed. I’d really like to get a couple knockout roses and plant in there too but don’t know if any stores have them now. They’re more early spring or summer plants in the stores usually. It would be nice to try to plant them and get a bit established before winter though. Maybe tomorrow I’ll go look at Lowes.

Next week on Friday is a small family wedding for Mike’s nephew (godson) and they are keeping it to 50 people. Originally before the pandemic it was going to be a big fancy event at a country club. And it’s be postponed and rescheduled a couple times so now it’s for a much smaller group in the bride’s parents’ back yard. Semi-formal attire requested. In a back yard. I’ll have to be covered in deep woods OFF or dip myself in pure DEET . I really dread his family functions. Everyone is so loud and talks at the same time about themselves.


Saturday, July 4

Independence Day

5:30am Saturday, July 4

Mike just left to play an early golf game with a couple friends. They went last week and are trying to make this a weekly early morning thing.I woke up soon after he got out of bed. This morning I’m going to take the dog out for a walk, go out to the garden to water and come home and watch Hamilton on my iPad on Disney +. Mike doesn’t care for musicals so it’s better for me to watch it without him. He mostly likes to watch cop, detective shows, the food network and Shark Tank. We both like Jeopardy and Real Time with Bill Maher and Anderson Cooper 360.Ive been doing a lot of gardening and my flower beds we created last summer are starting to fill in and look more mature. It takes a lot of watering, weeding, fertilizing, deadheading and transplanting but I get such joy and satisfaction from it. I love picking bouquets from my own garden to give as gifts. 
I’m drinking my first coffee now. Bitzi is still sleeping in her crate and the blinds are drawn. All is quiet aside from gentle bird noises outside. I love the stillness and soft glow of mornings. The news reports are saying the COVID-19 virus numbers are rapidly rising again. It’s seems that this awful plague will never end. 

I have volunteered to be one of three reps from my Sun City neighborhood (#3). I’ve talked to the two outgoing lady reps about it. Mostly my rep slot would include setting up two yearly parties / get together events. It doesn’t seem that it would be difficult, so I said I’d do it. I thought it would be a good way to get more involved in my neighborhood and meet more people.it wouldn’t officially start until October. 

I’m trying to protect myself from getting too overwhelmed and freaked out by life these days. I’m watching less news and unfollowing unfriending people and groups on social media. I don’t want to hear / see / read a bunch of negative ridiculous conservative pro- trump swill. I’m just so tired of it. I’m now living in this 55+ community and there are lots of older ignorant brainless conservative pro-Trump stick up their asses types around here. I have to tread lightly and be good at changing the subject quickly. The zombies walk among us! 

Friday, June 26

Phase Four

7:23am. It’s overcast and lightly, gently raining. I can hear the marsh birds twittering away through the back screen door and the puppy gnawing away at her chew bone and squeaking her pink ball. The landscapers just now arrived and I can hear their mowers whirring in the back yard. The other day we gave  them the full size bed, headboard & sheets and comforter set from our spare room. It’s a small room because I’m redecorating the room in to a more usable space with a small desk. I’ll have inflatable beds for when the kids come.  I found an extra sheet for that bed after they left the other day so just took it out to them with a couple Gatorades. 
Yesterday I went through all the old pictures that were in the spare room and took all the pictures out of all the frames. I’m giving all the frames to Goodwill and sealing all the pictures in a huge ziplock bag. I always start crying when I go through old pictures so I tend to avoid it and put it off. I have a while bunch more pictures in frames in two drawers in my bedroom to go through today. We only have so much wall space in this house. 
Mike is at physical therapy. The landscapers are gone already. It doesn’t take them long for our small yard.
We just found out that Mikes son Casey and his wife Jackie are expecting a baby. That will be number nine for us!



8:41 Mike is home from PT. He has two more weeks to go. I’m going to go start taking the pictures out of frames from the bedroom drawers. I hope I don’t start crying again.  It’s a pretty gloomy day with more rain and storms coming. 

9:27 I’m done with the pictures and took the empty frames to the garage to load in the back of the Tahoe and take to Goodwill. I didn’t look at the pictures too much because I didn’t want to get into that funk about the past. I just took them out of the frames and put them in the big bag with the others. It’s really dark and pouring rain now. Today starts Phase Four of reopening ILlinois so more things will be open. There will be modified indoor seating at restaurants.

11:36 I’m back from Aldi and Goodwill. I got a new thermal zip tote bag at Aldi. I have a tote bag addiction! It was pouring monsoon-like rain when I left Aldi. Fortunately I had my umbrella. I donated over forty picture frames to Goodwill, some of them new or like new. It feels so good to clear things out!

2:40 I’ve been out and taken a couple good walks with Bitzi this afternoon. Now she’s passed out on the rug. It’s starting to rain hard and thunder again. 




Monday, May 18

The Last Dance

11:13am Monday 
  We watched the last episodes of the Michael Jordan documentary The Last Dance last night. It was really well done. I watched a lot of those games during their double three-pear era. My oldest son was crazy about basketball and Jordan was his idol. The program was very enjoyable to watch.

I just got home from Aldi. The store here in Huntley is only about a mile from our house. I wore my mask and gloves and used hand sanitizer when I got back in the car and took my gloves off. Everything in the stores is about as safe as they can make it. I do take precautions but I’m not going to stay hidden in my house 24/7 every day in terror. This is bullshit. I’m being careful I’m just not going to go completely out of my gourd off the deep end like a lot of these freaks. Suck it up buttercup. Darwin had the answers. 

I have my last Zoom lessons this week starting in a little while. I’ll be SO GLAD to be done! 

2:34 time gap between lessons. The first girl for the noon lesson ( whose mother just requested this lesson a few days ago) didn't show up so at 12:14 I ended the meeting. Then in the middle of my 2:00 lesson the girl emails me and tells me she's waiting. I'm not sure if she and her mother thought she could just log on anytime and I'd be sitting there waiting or what. I have two more lessons to go today. Both good studious advanced sixth grade girls, a trumpet and an oboe. I wish they could all be as conscientious and polite as these girls. 

5:43om.     As usual, Mike is still back in the office working. I went ahead and ate. I cooked some hot Italian sausage that needed to be cooked. I charred it all crusty in the iron skillet. I ate some leftover tortellini that was in the fridge.( I’m usually the one who eats the leftovers) but then Mike said he thought it looked good so I made a little more tortellini for him to have with his sausage. I have another loaf of bread rising. Wednesday I have to drive to downtown Elgin to my school district central office to turn in my laptop, charger, school IPad and keyboard case, my door key fob and a French Horn. Someone will come out and escort me into the building. After that I have to drive to South Elgin to an elementary school and bag up a few of my remaining possessions and leave my room key. I have to wear a mask and gloves to both places of course. Next week on the 27th my school email will be deactivated along with my school blog, Google Classroom, YouTube channel and everything else associated with my school email account. Today I reset my school Ipad clean of all my stuff. I’m ready. This is really happening. It feels good and exciting but a little scary and sad. It’s like I’m losing part of my identity and don’t know yet what I’m going to put in it’s place. I have a lot of thoughts and emotions brewing around in there. I’m just going to have to become fabulous in a different way. I have my ruby slippers. 

Sunday, May 3

Sunday ( I think)

10:35. It’s another beautiful sunny day. I was just outside looking at my plants. I put some oranges on a wire and hooked it in a tree for birds. There are lots of birds around here.
I put some pot roast and beef juice, potatoes and carrots on a plate and wrapped it up with foil. I put some of my pasta salad in a container. I cut three big slices of my home made bread and put them in a ziplock bag. I put all this stuff in a plastic Walmart bag plus three halo oranges to take over to Mike’s mom. We’re going over there to her house in St. Charles and bringing her patio furniture up out of her basement. Mikes brother Steven is helping. 









Tuesday, April 7

Paranoia

5:44am

I woke up a couple hours ago wheezing and coughing. I got up and got a drink and tried to cough it out and tried to go back to sleep but every time I did I keep dreaming I had the virus and was being put in isolation on a ventilator. I kept dismissing it, trying to go back to sleep, trying to prop myself up higher on my wedge pillow to help me breathe but the wheezing was worse than normal so I just put a sweater over my pajamas and came out to the front sitting room so I wouldn’t wake Michael. I think I’ve just been reacting to the trees and bushes  budding lately causing my increased wheezing the past couple days. It’s just that there’s nonstop TV coverage of all the rising death numbers with this pandemic. In our county so far 234 now positive and 14 deaths. 

Yes I need to slap myself and snap the fuck out of it. Don’t be a sissy girl.


6:13 Now I made my second cup of coffee, tidied up the kitchen a bit, opened all the window blinds and used my Symbicort inhaler. I haven’t used it in a long time. I have 3 Zoom instrument sectional meetings with my sixth graders today. I did three private lessons yesterday. I have attended a few Zoom meetings and am becoming somewhat more comfortable with them although not at all at ease or fluent. Thursday I have sectionals with my fifth graders - higher numbers in the groups but I’m sure a lot of them won’t show up. We are just doing our best given the circumstances.
Mike has a Zoom work meeting to attend today, he is pretty damned grouchy and not at all technology friendly. He missed his company’s Zoom training when he took me to Loyola for my oncologist’s check up two weeks ago. I tried to help him learn Zoom last night but he was grouchy and snappy. One of his feet are sore crusty and cracked. He has diabetes and doesn’t take care of himself, watch his diet or check his blood sugar. Foot care is important for diabetics. Last night before I went to bed I got out this foot soak tub I have and had him put his feet in it and I poured peroxide over his foot cracks that are getting infected and are hurting him so much. He is on edge these days about a lot of things: his mother’s cancer and care and treatment, the economy, his job status ( they just cut everyone’s salary by 15% across the board and I’m retiring....), the epidemic and our future. He doesn’t want me going in stores at all now even with a mask and gloves. HE goes in the stores with no mask or gloves and just uses hand sanitizer. There are now twelve reported cases of the virus in our town ( Huntley). I’m not sure if there have been any deaths here but the neighboring towns have rapidly rising numbers of deaths from the virus.


As if those things weren’t enough, the whole politically divided atmosphere in our culture is nearly unbearable. I cannot imagine how so many people have been sucked up into the Trump cult. Seriously. All the white supremacists and KKK and dumb-ass big- mouthed violent nut jobs with their idiotic red MAGA  hats. It’s a growing cult.

Okay gotta get off this psycho rant and go for a walk! 


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