Patience is a virtue

The situation in our home is strained due to my mother-in-law’s illness, hospice care, Mike being gone much more than normal, people constantly calling and texting him. This has been going on for many months and snowballing bigger and bigger. I’m trying to be helpful and supportive but staying out of the way. There’s a huge stream of people going to visit her the last several days. It’s too much for her weakened condition but it’s not my deal. 

Waiting

Mike’s mom is being released from the hospital this afternoon and will be going home to a hospital bed, hospice care and a full-time caregiver. She’s 85 has stage 4 lung cancer and a brain tumor bleed that is inoperable. Mike has been at the hospital with her about 14 hours a day the last several days. It’s just a matter of time with her and the goal is to keep her as comfortable as possible. They have a very large family so Mike has a constant stream of calls and texts since he is the power of attorney. This has been going on for months but it’s ramped way up the last couple weeks since his mom has gotten so bad. 

Tuesday

It’s early afternoon. I had a neighbor ladies’ group breakfast this morning at a nearby cafe. It was a nice time. It’s chillier out today, overcast and starting to rain. Being February I can’t really complain. I sill am feeling symptoms of the cold I’ve had for two weeks.

Better

I’m feeling somewhat better today. I’ve even exercised a few times and used my nebulizer twice. I’m feeling a bit more energetic and perkier. Mike made me a PB& J+ banana sandwich for lunch. It was good!

We watched the state of the union speech the other night. I thought it was very good. Some of those nut job republicans shouldn’t even be allowed in there! Crazy, trashy people. 

I’ve been reading some poetry. Good for the soul. I’m going to take the dog out for a good walk. 

Saturday at sunrise

Good morning. I’ve been awake for around an hour. I’ve read the morning papers, emails and social media feeds. I’ve saved a couple goji berry recipes to try and I’m finishing my coffee. Last night was a really good long sleep. I went to bed early. Yesterday I worked out in the pool and then in the evening used my exercise ball for a long time. This morning my muscles are reminding me they weren’t used to working like that. 

This morning later I’m meeting a retired teacher friend for breakfast. We haven’t met to talk since November so there’ll be some good catching up. After that I have to walk my dog then go to the gym to work out. I have a new book I’ve started and I have music practice to do. Tomorrow we’re going to Aiden’s second birthday party in the afternoon so that should be nice. 

I need to get going and tidy up around here, get dressed and take Bitzi out to pee. She’s curled up next to me on the couch keeping me warm and seems content for now. I love the snowy views out the windows. I love when things get magically coated with white, especially the trees. There is something noble about winer to me. 

Yesterday in the pool I briefly floated on my back looking up at the skylights and it was wonderful and spiritual and I felt blessed to be alive. I had the tingly spiritual experience and a warm light washed over me. I hadn’t been to the pool in many weeks. I need to go more frequently. Obviously it has some intense recharging effect on me. Just keep swimming…

Last night I went to bed early because I was mad at Mike and thought he was being a mean grouch ass. It does me no good to try to challenge him or reason with him. He is always right. He always ping pongs my words back at me. The best strategy is always just to go silent and remove myself from the situation. I know he’s dealing with a lot with his mothers cancer now being untreatable. I get it. But I will not be talked to like that by anyone for any reason. What you allow will continue. Silence is often the best response. Silence says so much more than words most times. 

Fair weather Friends

It’s Saturday morning. I had a great night’s sleep and made a couple waffles with the end of the mix in the Bisquick box. When they were done I sprinkled the three waffles with a little powdered sugar. On my small waffle I put peanut butter, some mixed berries and a drizzle of syrup. It was perfect with my coffee. I tidied up the house a bit and then took Bitzi on a 1.7 mile brisk walk. Being January in northern Illinois, it’s pretty cold out. I wore a heavier coat with a separate hat, my gloves and my fuzzy hood up most of the time but started sweating after about 20 minutes and took my hood off for a while but then put it back on at the end. Bitzi is so small but she does okay on our walks. She has lots of energy!  She of course wants to stop and sniff and do her mini pees a million times. She has really helped get me walking more though. Dog walking, the heart attack and cardiac rehab have really got me much more physically active. 

I have four more sessions  to go and then I “graduate” from cardiac rehab. It’s been a very good experience. It’s a bit embarrassing that it took a friggin heart attack to wake me up and get me moving toward a healthier lifestyle but now I’m very grateful to be doing better and feeling better. The daily vigorous ( aka panting hard and sweating)  exercise is really improving my life.  I don’t know it for a fact but I feel like my immune system is getting stronger too. I’m amazed that Mike just got over covid and I didn’t get it being right here in the house with him. Normally I catch everything.

This is the time of year I like the least due to the prolonged days of dreary, overcast skies. I think of it as the “bucket of suck” season from mid January until the end of March. YUCK. I don’t really mind the cold or snow, just the gloomy skies. I still try to spend time outside in the fresh air every day. I have a lot of houseplants to tend, that gives me some sense of nature and growing. 

I just lost a lot of my text. This stupid keyboard is driving me crazy with it's jumping all over. Gaaaaaaah! 

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Is 4:22. I’ve been awake since about 3 and couldn’t get back to sleep. For some reason I’m ache-y all over. Yesterday I left home early with Hennessy and drove her down to Norris, picked up Argo, Oscar and Milo and drove back home. As soon as we got here we got our stuff and headed to the pool for 45 minutes until the end of family swim time. I sent the boys to bed around 10 and I went to bed after 11:30. I don’t know what the deal is with me waking up at 3am out of the blue. I haven’t been to cardiac rehab since last Thursday due to the Christmas closing. I couldn’t go yesterday because I was driving. I’ll go today and tomorrow from 8-9 and then Friday I’m driving again. Mike was very helpful with the boys yesterday once I got home. This afternoon I’m taking the boys to this cool retro arcade in West Dundee that has all these old video games from the 1980s plus skeeball, air hockey and pinball. You get unlimited play on all games for hours for one set price. I took them once last summer and they loved it. 

I’m having a cup of coffee. It doesn’t taste that good somehow. 

I’m trying to decide on my goals for the new year. The list has to be short, important and achievable. 

Typing

I am trying to get used to typing on my new IPad’s new keyboard case. I gave my old one that still worked to my daughter. I’m sure that sure or the kids will find it useful enough. My hands feel awkward and unused to typing, especially on a smaller keyboard. I’m sure it will get better with practice and repetition. Right now it feel janky and my left inner wrist hurts. Oh well. Such is life.

I don’t have cardiac rehab today. I took the dog for a brisk walk around the lodge and lagoon. I’m going to the gym to use the resistance machines in a little while then go to the store and then come home and practice my choral music for rehearsal tonight. For the most part I’m enjoying the experience of singing in a choir again. Some things I don’t like. There are some bossy cranky nitpicks old ladies who think they can boss people around. Also there are some aging ladies with dreadful mile-wide forced vibrato that gags me. Also the director is about 80 and never warms the group up nor every touches on anything close to vocal pedagogy or sound production……. SO there are some things that bug me. I have never gone to the separate Monday night alto section practices. #1 I’m not supposed to drive at night, #2 I don’t need a bunch of old biddies trying to nitpick me to death about things I don’t agree with and #3 I don’t like enclosed spaces anyway. Going to full chorus rehearsal one evening a week is enough for me. And yes, I do sometimes even go over the music and practice at home. My biggest problem is my low vision and reading the actual music but I will admit I’m amazed that I’m able to as well as I am. 

Sunday night we went overt to Casey and Jacki’s house and watched Aiden and the baby for them for 6 hours. The baby is 4 months old now and very sweet. She doesn’t like to stay asleep though once you put her down. We tried twice and 30 minutes afterward she was screaming bloody murder so I just held her until they got home. Then she was out like a light they successfully put her in bed and she slept the I rest of the night. Aiden is going on 2 and very busy. 

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Later-

I went to our lodge here in Sun City and used several of the resistance machines. The cardio machines were all busy so I just came home. I already had my walk. I haven’t used the weight machines for a week so I know I’ll be sore tomorrow. Mike and I are running out to do errands. I’m loving my new car. It’s super cool. It’s a Honda passport built on a truck frame. It has loads of cargo space I the back and many safety features and sits up higher. I loved my Sorrento but I really love this one. I am so freakin blessed.