Sunshine and lolipops

 It’s a bright clear morning. I’m taking Bitzi for a walk. This afternoon she’s going to the groomer. She’s gotten very shaggy the past several months.

Peaceful

 It’s early morning and I’m up alone having coffee and reading the newspapers, checking emails, doing crossword puzzles. It’s so still and cozy in the house. We moved in here to this house about a year ago. If money was unlimited there are a few things I’d change but overall I’m happy with how cozy it is and the amount of windows and light. It’s very comfortable and practical for our needs. 

Today is supposed to be chillier than yesterday. We’re rolling back to winter for a couple days then several pre-spring days after that. I have been buying flower seeds now and then all winter. I’m ready for spring to arrive. Tomorrow is March 1 so we’re making progress. I need to make out my to do lists for today, tomorrow, next week, next month, this spring, this summer, this year. I need to mentally see what’s coming up ahead. I need goals to move toward. Being retired can sometimes feel like a deep abyss. I do better with some structure. Yesterday I managed to at least accomplish a few things so the whole day wasn’t a waste of time.

It’s later in the afternoon now. I’m now tying on my little iPad keyboard that I rarely use so it’s a little rough until I get used to it again. I bought a new portable thermal ink less printer so took an hour or so trying to get it working. I think I have it now. We shall see how it serves us. I just got so sick of that stupid old one that seemed to always be out of ink. Gash

We’re going over to Walmart shortly. After the printer stuff I was sitting in the sunroom crocheting, using up the rest of my green yarn. 

Tuesday morning

 I finished my big crazy crocheted blanket yesterday. It’s actually a bit too long and too narrow but whatever. Until the weather warms up and I can wash it and hang it outside on the patio to dry I won’t get a real idea of how it lays. I did stick it in the drier a bit yesterday which helped the yarn stitches even out a bit. Besides sitting around crocheting yesterday, reading the newspapers, doing my crossword puzzle and a short dog walk I did nothing but sleep yesterday. I did wake up several times in the night signaling I’d finally gotten enough sleep. I just ate a half toasted peanut butter and banana sandwich and had a cup of coffee and washed off really well, used deodorant, put on fresh clothes and brushed my hair back into a bun. I am returning to human again after being a slug for a couple days. 

I need to remember to wear a mask more often out in public and carry my hand sanitizer. My immune system is obviously not going to improve. Suck it up buttercup. I’m lucky to be here at all. Shit happens. Get a helmet or give up. 

 Mabel and new bunny Petunia

                                                          Me 2015-16

Oliver

Recovery

 Saturday night I started feeling sick at my stomach. By morning I was throwing up awful bitter sour stuff with painful stomach cramps and running to the bathroom a lot. By afternoon that stuff had pretty much stopped but my stomach was still hurting. I slept most all of the day and did nothing else but get up and walk to the bathroom. About 1 am this morning I woke up and was super thirsty. I’m doing better now and took the dog for a short walk. It’s bitterly cold outside so that was unpleasant. Today I’ll take it easy and crochet. 

Black coffee

 I’m drinking black coffee out of the cute little heart-shaped mug I got at the December Christkindle Market at Daley Plaza in Chicago. When I use this mug it makes me smile. I’m going to go throw my clothes and hiking boots on and take Bitzi for a walk. We walked nearly four miles yesterday. Today won’t be as long of a walk. After that I’m going to the garden club meeting and rejoining the club. I’ve been out a couple years and now I feel like going again. 

SBS

 I like the peace and stillness of early morning when I’m up alone and Mike is still in bed. I like how I can hear every little noise- the tick of the wall clock, the gentle wind against the house siding, a bird chirp. I like the peace of sipping my coffee, opening the blinds, reading my social media, Apple News stories, my mostly all spam emails. In general I’ve always been a morning person. It probably comes from years of farm chores and hard work. I see that as a good thing. 

I’m still not done with the big bright multicolored crocheted blanket I’m making. I have part of a colored yarn skein and another whole one to use then I’m going to edge and fill with my plain base army green. I hope it doesn’t end up looking like a crazy nightmare. I like sitting in the comfie chair in the sunroom crocheting with Bitzi on my lap watching all the squirrels and birds at the feeder on the edge of the patio. I have a feeder tray with seeds and nuts on a hanging chain with extension hooks that puts it fairly low to the ground. The squirrels easily jump in, swing a few times, gather up food and jump out and return in a couple minutes to repeat. 

The weather has been warmer the last few days so all of the snow has melted. The walking trails back by the forest preserve wetlands are now safe and free from ice. Bitzi and I dearly love our walking trails. 

My brother-in-law Pete had his kidney transplant last week and is doing well. He had been waiting and preparing for years to get it. My sister is scheduled to have surgery to install a pacemaker in a few weeks. They have had so much medical stuff the last few years! 

Today I’m going to walk, clean up the front porch and back patio, go to Aldi for supplies, scrub my bathroom and crochet. 

My Echo heart test last week turned out okay (for me). It was a low normal and unchanged from a couple years ago. I had a heart attack three years ago, so need to check on things every year or so. 

Heart

I have an echocardiogram this morning in a little while. I’m hoping it comes out okay.

I just took Bitzi for a little walk. It’s a bit warmer today. I slept pretty well. Mike got up before I did but has been slumped on the couch snoring away to the morning news blaring on the TV. I need to start getting up earlier. I like my nice calm silent mornings alone in peace. Now that we’re both retired we’re together most of the time. Alone time is good too. My blanket I’m crocheting is turning into a big colorful freestyle creature. I just like crocheting along and deciding what it will be.

Good day

 Today has been a cold, windy, overcast day. I took Bitzi for another walk around the lake this morning but today was unpleasantly harsh. I picked Bitzi up and carried her part of the way because the wind was so uncomfortable.

I’m going to finish crocheting, watch some Winter Olympics and watch some Super Bowl. In a few minutes Mike and I are going to the grocery store to get some needed items and some Super Bowl snacks. 

I just finished the audiobook We Are Water  by Wally Lamb 

Beginning a long journey

 So it’s Friday.This is my second day of 18:6 Intermittent fasting. I can’t eat anything until noon. I have not eaten since 6 last night. It just takes a few days for your system to adjust to it. I took Bitzi for a 2-mile walk earlier which is a lot for us these days since winter came. The air was fresh and I felt good. February only has 22 more days I told myself as I was walking. The last couple years I’ve been eating too much, not exercising enough and have let myself gain a bunch of weight. I have an under active metabolism and weak immune system. With this horrible war my adult kids have been in the last couple years since their dad died and left the messed up I feel like I have been stuck in the middle of the shitstorm and have had a lot of heartache and stress and worry over it all. And I’ve been neglecting my health and “comfort’ eating way too much and now I am stuck and have to fix it. I considered trying GLP-1 drugs but because of all my various health issues I was afraid. The drugs have lots of unpleasant side effects and you still have to watch your diet and exercise more so I’m determined to give it a really hard try to lose it on my own. It’s going to take many months, just like it did to pack it all on. Steady and consistent does it. SO today I created a google spreadsheet to track all my efforts and progress. I am trying to set myself up for success. The reward at the end will be better health, better clothes and perhaps I’ll reward myself with a cruise but NOT UNTIL I REACH MY GOAL. 

My brother-in-law Pete goes in Monday to have his kidney transplant. He’s been waiting years for it. I will be praying a lot.

Yesterday Mike and I drove over to the newly-open H-Mart in Schaumburg. It was their grand opening and it was pretty busy. I was the one who wanted to go and I should have known better because Mike had started complaining and bitching on the drive over there. So we parked and decided to go in and have a look. The place was HUGE and filled with all sorts of stuff-housewares, groceries, a huge deli and a food court. It was pretty busy and most of the groceries are Korean and so in a foreign language for us. Not everything was Korean but most of the stuff. I just thought it was cook and interesting but Mike started bitching and griping and cussing in his big boomy voice. If I could hear so could the other people. I just eventually got so mad and pissed off I told him we were leaving so I walked out and didn’t talk to him for a couple hours. What an asshole. I told myself from now on I should just go places ALONE and not put up with his grouchy rude bullshit. Unless it has to do with HIS family or something he wants to do he grumbles and pisses and moans. Life is too short to live like that. I’m happier going places alone. I’ve been going on the community bus trips alone the last couple months and really enjoyed them. I do NOT want to get old and pissy and curmudgeony like that. YU CK

AND NOW I’m going to go crochet for a bit and count my blessings. 

Hookin’

 Bitzi is on my lap in the sunroom. I hurt my back yesterday yanking Vicki’s heavy wheelchair in and out of my car. That long drive takes more out of me the older I get, so today I’m crocheting and resting up a bit. ( Hookin’ - crochet hook that is.)

I kind of feel like crying a bit but I really don’t want to get in to it why. Sometimes things are just because. 

Cozy comfort

 Good morning. I’m drinking my coffee.

Later- I took Bitzi out for a little walk so she could do her morning pee. I put a cotton T-shirt on her and then her orange insulated harness jacket. She will NOT wear any kind of boots or paw wraps at all and just stands stiff like a statue if I put them on her. I had my hoodie, undershirt, leggings, wood socks, ankle boots and zip up heavy coat with another hood on and two pair of stretchy gloves. It was snowing lightly but the snowflakes had ice in them. My eyebrows got so cold they hurt. We weren’t out there too long. She sniffed around and peed a couple times but kept holding her front right paw up like it was going to fall off. 

I’m going to crochet some today, fill the car up with gas for my long drive tomorrow, go to the lodge and work out and gather my stuff to take tomorrow. I have to load two chairs in the back of my SUV to take to Sarah. 

Thursday

It’s a beautiful bright sunny winter day. It’s still really cold out there but the bright sunshine definitely helps my mental outlook. I slept pretty well last night and got up a little after 7. I had my coffee and a toasted peanut butter jelly and banana sandwich and took the dog out for a walk up by the main lodge. We were out there about 20 minutes or so. I’ve been reading and doing crossword puzzles this morning. I opened a bedroom window and a sunroom sliding door and aired the house out a bit. It’s good to get some fresh air circulating in the house.  I’m leaning toward going to the lodge shortly to use the fitness equipment, pool and sauna.

Yesterday I went on a bus trip to the Chicago Art Institute.

It was really splendid and I got 3.5 miles in walking around enjoying myself.

I still haven’t heard a peep from my oldest daughter in many months. She is going “no contact” with the family again. She has done this many times to us over the years. Like she is somehow better and superior…….whatever. I feel sorry for her mental state but I am helpless. I’ve reached out countless times and this has been going on (off and on) for years and years. She pops back up whenever she needs something. Whatever. Everybody has their stuff. Some people just have more stuff than others,

I’m waiting on a school district to call me back to resolve a matter. Last August I received a deposit for $420 from the local school district. I have not substituted for them in over 2 entire school years. When I called them they were unaware of the mistake and thanked me and asked that I write them a check to refund the automatic transfer saying they were unable to withdraw it from my account. So I sent them a check and didn’t think another thing about it until last week when I got a W-2 form in the mail for that payment. WTF? So this morning I called two separate numbers for their school district and left messages. So far no one has called back. 

Someone obviously has screwed up. I get really impatient with bullshit like this. I probably had too much coffee this morning…..

Since I’m waiting for the call back I’ll just keep typing and blithering on (lucky you,eh?)

I have started mentally planning for spring and summer. I have ordered some flower seeds for spring planting and have been looking for travel possibilities, looking up locations and accomodations. I always need to have a carrot at the end of the stick to look forward to, especially during February which seems to be the worst time of the year for me. 

Right now I’m leaning toward driving down to see my family this weekend, maybe leaving tomorrow or Saturday. I’ve postponed it a couple times due to my health and the weather. My granddaughter’s birthday present is late (although I sent a couple other things via Amazon when I couldn’t drive down there). I need to see my sisters too. It’s important to me that I show up. My vision isn’t the best so my trips have been getting fewer and far between. You do what you can do and that’s all you can do.

#justkeepswimming

Every day I count my blessings. Every. Single. Day.

I’m getting used to this new iPad keyboard. I also got wrist cushioned riser thingy to put the IPad on toe bring it up a little higher on the kitchen table when I’m typing so that helps. I actually like typing and really haven’t done much at all in years. It’s time to get back in the saddle. I also decided the other day that I’m going to get out my clarinet, flute and baritone once spring hits and start playing again. I haven’t played at all in over a year since we moved last year in January and moved all our crap over here in the dead of winter and then sold our other house and then had a bunch of stuff done to this house and finding places for everything. But I need to start playing again. That’s part of my DNA. I gave my electric piano to my granddaughter Hennessy who I never hear from anymore because her mother is no contacting me…….whatever……I’ve been sending Hennessy things and writing her letters. Evidently her mother is keeping them from her or has brainwashed her so badly she can’t respond. It’s such a sin to have her doing this. I’ve had so much tremendous heartache over this but I just have to resign myself  that you do all you can do. 

Okay I’m tired of waiting around for the school district to call me back regarding their screw up. I’m gathering my stuff and going to the lodge. Working out will help my anxieties over thinking about the “no contact” bullshit situation. Onward and upward!

3:43. Okay so Mike and I went to the lodge a while ago. I went to the fitness center and worked out a bit and used some machines until I started getting bad muscle cramps so then I went to the locker room and then into the pool area and found Mike in the huge hot tub so I joined him for a while. Then we went to the sauna cabinet and then I got in the pool to refresh then we both went to separate locker rooms to shower and change and come home. I’m sore but it felt good to go. I should be going every day. 

I’m going to end this and go sit in the sunroom and crochet a bit until the light gets too dim for me. I’ve been working with a cool green yarn but just got three more skeins of bright multicolored yarn to add to my blanket.